At the beginning of the month, James and I celebrated our 13th anniversary (by going to see the Super Mario Galaxy movie).
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| Top: Mexico City, 2026; bottom: Austin, 2013 |
You might be aware that this is my third marriage.
My first marriage lasted about 5 years and some change. The second one, we got to 13 years but I remember knowing it was over even as my mom posted "congratulations" to us on Facebook on our anniversary (I called her and asked her to take it down, which she did; I think that offended my husband at the time, but he knew; everyone knew).
All of this to say that when we celebrate our anniversary next year, it will be my first 14th.
Just today, someone disparaged someone who was on their third marriage. I have some extended family (by marriage) who spread my wedding video shortly after we got married and who said, "I thought these people were supposed to be Christians, but this is how unseriously they take marriage??!"
What's kind of interesting is that I take marriage a lot less seriously now than I did then, but that's a whole other digression.*
However, I didn't get divorced twice because I didn't take marriage seriously. I got divorced twice because I got tired of being neglected, ignored, bullied, and diminished. And I tried especially hard to hold out during the second marriage because 1) I'd already been divorced once, and 2) we had a kid.
A lot has changed since James and I got married. And THAT is its own digression, as well. But what I will say is that I think we stand a pretty good chance of going the distance, for several reasons. The first and most important is that we genuinely like and enjoy each other's company and that we want to stay together enough to actually work through issues, annoyances, and problems in good faith instead of just bickering and arguing to assert dominance or control or to be "right."
Plus, I figure that we made it through that 7th year and then nearly two years of unemployment intact. We'll figure the rest of it out okay, right?
*book rec: Stepping Off of the Relationship Escalator