Cozumel, May 3

This morning, we woke up already docked. I went down to the Promenade Cafe for soda and some breakfast snacks, then after everyone got up and dressed, James went to Windjammer for actual breakfast, and Mal and I went to the arcade.

We got off of the ship around 9:00 AM, heading toward the Discover Mexico park. On the way, we stopped in a shop (naturally) and Mal found some wooden knock-off (not even close) Cars for $2 each, so we bought three and then took a brief taxi ride to the park.

Mal had already been crying that he didn’t want to go off the ship, and did not change his tune the WHOLE time we were there. In the traditional Mexican art museum, he did find several things that were interesting to him, namely a “treasure” trunk, and a sand art life-size mural of the Virgin Marie. I loved the papier mache alebreja (sp) best. 

After the museum we got to meet a sweet donkey named Sofi (Mal was too shy to pet it, but wanted me to; man, I want a donkey). James and I got a margarita sample, and they were SMART to give away a taste. It was fabulous!

Outside, there were miniature renditions of Mayan pyramids and other important Mexican historical sites, from ancient history to the present day. Mal was still insisting that we go back to the ship, and would be distracted very briefly by the miniatures. But in the end, we walked through without listening to the guide. We got to observe the pole dancers, which was pretty incredible, and picked up a shirt for D in the gift shop. 

James stayed back for the taco buffet. I think he’s more irritated at Mal than I am. I guess I spend enough time with Mal to kind of expect the unexpected that way; he’s a work in process and, yessss, sometimes I reach the near-end of my rope. But after we took a taxi back to port, ran through the driving rain back to the ship, ate a bit of late breakfast at the Windjammer, and relaxed a little and Mal was ready to face the world again, I was good to go. James had made it back by then and said he wasn’t inclined to do anything Mal wanted to do.

I get the compulsion. But here’s where there’s a difference: I have parented a little kid before. Granted, D was easier in MANY ways. However, I do remember distinctly the times I was inconvenienced or my wants/needs dismissed and absolutely knew it was for no reason than my child’s obstinance. And it pissed me off. So when D would act “normal” (happy), I felt like it was a reflection of complete indifference to my own disappointment and frustration (honestly, it probably was and is). And I’d try to make D feel my bad feelings. Like, I’d try to push them off onto my child until my child adequately felt my disappointment and then felt really bad and would never act that way again.

You know what? I never satisfactorily accomplished that. You know what else? It just ended up with both of us feeling lousy, and I wish I hadn’t done it.

So when Mal wanted to go to the arcade, we did. Then when we saw the kids’ pool was all repainted and open, we went there. We played for about an hour or so, took an ice cream break, and played a little more. I called it a day when I started feeling heat on my healing sunburn, so we came back to the room and now I’m half way ready for formal night. 

I’m going to experiment with my hair and see what happens. I got some really cool earrings I want to try, and I need my hair pulled back.

(later) Got my hair done, did make-up, got dressed. Tonight is the second and last formal night of the cruise. It’s 4:00 PM and we go to dinner at 5:30. Just as I have almost every other night of this trip (except one, I believe), I just went to Sorrento’s to get Mal a couple of slices of cheese pizza. This means he’s typically not super hungry at dinner, but like last night, we brought his chicken “nuggets” back to the room and he ate them later last night, and finished up the fries this afternoon.

I’m hoping to eat lunch at Sorrento’s proper tomorrow. We’ve gotten slices there a couple of times, but I’d like to eat in the cute restaurant. They have some of the neatest salads. I really loved the Promenade Cafe on Voyager, both for their sandwiches and for the chocolate-chip cookies. On Liberty, though, they’ve typically had only the sugar-free cookies (yuck; although just now, I did see the regular ones) AND yesterday afternoon when I was on my solo lunch, I got the salmon wrap… it was so good, but also TINY. And for some reason, the people who work there are all much less happy-seeming than any other crew we’ve encountered on the ship. Every single one. “Here’s your stupid Diet Coke. I hope you choke on it.” I mean, not verbally, but you can tell. It’s what they’re thinking.

I also got Mal a cupcake from the Cupcake Cupboard. I’m basically a “we’re paying for an all-inclusive cruise, and food is part of it, so why would I pay extra for something?” kind of passenger, but those cupcakes looked amazing and were only $3.25. I say “only” because they’re huge and would be $5 at a cupcake store on land, and maybe $8.50 at Disney World. Plus, they’re 1/3 icing. As they should be.

(later later)

Mal was in such a hurry to get his surprise, we left for dinner about half an hour early. Since it only takes maybe 8 minutes to get to that end of the ship, even if we milk it, we dragged things out by walking the corridor looking at art, then going down to the actual art gallery, and popping out onto the promenade deck to see the setting sun.

Our meal went quickly this evening, and James took advantage of the formal night lobster tail after his roasted tomato soup. Then for dessert, he had a chocolate lava cake. I had the chilled strawberry soup, gnocchi with beef ragout, and baked Alaska. 

We continued to chase the sunset after dinner, revisiting the promenade deck then hanging out in the 8th deck landing while our room attendant did our turn-down service (he’d not been able to get in to tidy this morning, as Mal’s quick turn-around in Cozumel didn’t give him time). We could still see the Mexican peninsula as we headed north. A Carnival ship is pacing us; we seem to have been on the same itinerary this whole time.

I’m going to be really honest with you here: I’ve realized that one of the things I’ve liked best about my previous cruises (and, honestly, trips to Disney World) was how cute I looked in all of the outfits I selected for the trip. A combination of age and of my body returning to its natural state (i.e. not manipulated by restriction and punishing workouts) means that I’m taking a lot more pride in the pictures I take of other things than of the snaps of me.

It’s humbling, but I’m seeing how vain I was when I was smaller. I don’t know; it’s hard. On the one hand, I look at pictures of me from then and I think, “It’d be nice to look like that again.” But I also know I don’t want to spend the equivalent of 7 or more work weeks per year on maintaining a body shape that didn’t make me any happier, and that didn’t guarantee me any more (or less) love from anyone in my life who truly cared about me. Recovery from disordered eating and exercise is a pain in the ass; I don’t recommend needing it. Internalized fatphobia is  so hard to totally shake. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be free from it.

Just a li’l deep thought from a fun day in the Caribbean. Let’s hang in there together, shall we?