Hormones are stupid (mine, anyway)

There is a lot going on right now.

The surveyor who is helping us repeat our lots for the house we're building found some discrepancy in the property line between us and our next door neighbor. The neighbor believe that the boundary is our fence when he bought his house, but he's wanting to figure out how much land he might be standing to "give away" if he signs off on our agreement that the fence IS the boundary. We have no idea how much it is going to cost or how long it is going to take to fix this.

D went off on me today, which hasn't happened in a while but is also not an irregular occurrence. Many hurtful things were said (which I have no doubt were sincere on their part; I mostly stayed quiet).

We've had a number of sort of surprise expenses lately, just as we were already having to pull money out of savings to meet our mostly-normal expenses. I'm shocked at how it can still be challenging to squirrel any money away when your household income is above the national median income. And we do not have a lavish lifestyle. We are comfortable; we're fortunate. But it is really close every payday, and has been for almost a year.

If you ask me how I feel, though, the truth is that I feel upbeat and pretty positive. That's kind of my default.

Four weeks ago, though? After I put everything on the cabinet into the sink so I could use it to stage the clean dishes from the dishwasher and James said, "I was using that fork and spoon," I burst into hysterical tears. For the second time in two days. And the first time was an equally stupid trigger."

I think I'm in pre-menopause. As we speak, my current cycle is 39 days (which I only know thanks to Apple Health), and I've had a 60-day cycle in the past year. I'm kind of scared, though, because when that 60-day one ended, the next cycle hit with a vengeance of pain, sensitivity, nausea, and chills. 

And the hormones.

There are maybe 3 days per cycle where I'm emotionally out of control. I spent one weekend listening to the Encanto soundtrack and weeping uncontrollably. I get overwhelmed by my responsibilities, and I resent the people around me for not making my life easier. Then I'm back to "normal" again.

I really hate how unpredictable it is. I feel badly for my family, even though I try to warn James, at least, when I can feel the cloud coming on.

I'm hesitant to take "drugs" for it, because most mood-altering meds have to build up in your system... and I'm only off-balance a few days per month, if that. 

So, I get it. You need hormones to metabolize food and have babies and sleep and stuff. But I'm wondering if they're worth it right now.

Not that I'm complaining about being in a sort of serene place right now. Just good grief. The lack of control. Yeesh.

This lady is closing in on 50, baby!