Really Knowing Each Other

I don't remember where I ran across this idea. Laura recently pointed out that we've been together for nearly 10 years now. That boggles my mind. How could anyone who I truly like and respect be willing to put up with me for that long?! Conversely, how did I manage to stay invested for this long in someone who truly and deeply cares about me? I shouldn't examine it too much. We love each other, and we both care enough to keep it working. That may be the key to our magic. When she pointed out how close we're getting to that particular milestone, I remembered something I read many years ago. The author claimed that you never really get to know someone else until you've been married for 10 years. I mentioned this to Laura. I asked if she thought we were starting to get to know each other yet. She thought that it was about deception. She doesn't think you can keep up pretenses for that long. Certainly not if you have a dog, much less a kid. I feel like we're talking about different things. We're starting to complete each others' sentences and stumble over each other when we tell the dog to do something. We're both telling him to do the same thing at the same time. I've read that married couples store their memories in the other person's brain, and I can totally believe that. There are a lot of times when we reconstruct past events by building on the bits and pieces of what the other person remembers. Or she doubts my memories and goes to the internet to establish that I really did do something with her that was really important to me but that she's totally forgotten. All things considered, I'm glad that she doubted my memories rather than being worried that I was gaslighting her. And I completely and totally support her in continuing to do this. I would much rather be wrong than misleading. Shortly after we had this conversation, Mal asked about the difference between buddies and friends. Laura told him that they're basically the same thing. I shoved my foot in my mouth and told him that I feel like "buddies" are fairly shallow. They're the people who you like and are willing to hang out with, but "friends" are close to your inner circle. We haven't ever talked about the concept of relationship circles. Laura asked whether I were undermining her. I tried to edge around it. But the truth is that I was. Does he need to learn about the distinction between "buddies" and "friends"? When he asks about things, I try to explain them in a way that's appropriate to his age. I've had friends who deliberately lied to their kids about really important things, and I do not want to make that mistake. But I also want to make sure that I am delivering the same message as my beloved wife. The distinction between "buddy" and "friend" is a minor one. She's told me that the really important talks are my responsibility. I need to make sure we still agree about that.