See's Candies North Hills pre-grand-opening Blogger Event

Dallas has 'em; San Antonio has 'em; Houston has 'em... Heck, even Killeen has one! But Austin's first See's Candies officially opens tomorrow, April 4, 2014 at 10710 Research Boulevard, or 4815 W. Braker Lane, depending on which source you trust (it's the same place, regardless). Should you try to get there in the morning at 9:30 for the grand opening? Yes, of course! If you don't, should you go any time tomorrow and spin a prize wheel and enjoy a free sample? If you know me at all, you know the answer to that. If you don't make it tomorrow, should you go sometime, anyway? Just keep reading and decide for yourself.

The shiny new storefront, located conveniently next door to H-E-B, which would be dangerous if that were my regular grocery store.

Although the grand opening is tomorrow, See's had a soft open today, and then after closing hosted some bloggers (many of us either with babies or expecting!) to introduce us (or reacquaint us) with their product.

Having lived in Las Vegas, I came into contact with See's quite a bit. There are nearly a dozen stores in the area, conveniently located in malls as well as casinos. In Dallas, I only remember seeing the one at Stonebriar, but there are several others. I was excited to learn that a See's was coming to Austin!

Not just because the first thing that happened was that they shoved a square of dark chocolate chocolate chip candy into my hand, although that certainly helped. But, listen, this is not special treatment. Each time you visit See's, you can get one free sample of your choice. Don't be shy! And don't always try the same one. Live a little, folks.

If I might be frank (speaking now in a male register), I was a little disappointed with the Austin chocolate scene, especially because I found some really cool stores in Dallas and expected more here. Sure, you can buy Dallas-based Dude, Sweet chocolates at Whole Foods, and that's cool. We do have local artisan chocolates like The Chocolate-Makers Studio and Delysia available in my very neighborhood at Breed and Company. You can also get local chocolates at some coffee shops, and in cafes... but I was expecting at least a couple of good walk-in chocolate shops when I moved here.

For the record: Yes, I know about Big Top and Lammes. I like Big Top for what it is -- which is a fun, funky candy store and soda fountain -- but they don't have *great* chocolate. And Lammes, honestly, smells like my great-aunt's house and their stuff is overpriced and tastes generic to me. Sorry, Austin natives: eat some Crack in the Box and drink some One Night Stand Potion, and then try to tell me that anything in either of those stores compares to it.

But I digress.

All of that angst is abated for now, because...

Walls of chocolate. Not fast chocolate, mind you. Good, actual, no-added-preservative chocolate.

They have a huge variety of product, and we purchased a box of the Molasses Chips. I didn't try any of the things on this wall, but their sugar free products have consistently high ratings on their website. Personally, sugar alcohols do a number on this lady's digestive system (probably because I don't tend to see 1 as a serving, but as an appetizer), but if you're diabetic and have an insatiable hankering for dark almonds, it's good to know you can get some.  

James and I both drooled over the Toffee-ettes, but we decided to save those for later.

James, enjoying the constant samples and eyeing the product.

I really should stock up for the fall. According to Chantal Coady, owner of Rococo Chocolates in London, in her book "Real Chocolate": "Chocolate is... used as a homeopathic remedy, indicated for feelings of hostility, especially when mothers feel anger and frustration toward their offspring. The effect is to restore the nurturing mother side and to promote a general sense of well-being." So, basically, a box or two from this wall is my post-partum prescription, right?

Fun treats for teachers.

We were invited to try whatever we wanted, but I never got around to this one. That'll be my sample next time!

Similar to jelly beans, but with non-pareil coating instead of a hard sugar exterior. They were gummy. Very tempting.

Besty, a delightful woman apart from the fact that she kept insisting we try another piece.

Soft, buttery walnut squares.

I thought this was particularly lovely, and we learned later that the icing on the Easter eggs is hand-piped. Also, for this particular egg, the Rocky Road filling is hand packed into the mold. My guess is that it's too thick and unwieldy for a depositor. 

This. This was my favorite chocolate of the night. I didn't know what "firm brown sugar" meant, but now my mouth does. The filling is creamy, but the sugar is also softly (and pleasantly) granular. For maximum enjoyment, I recommend halving the piece, positioning it with the chocolate on the roof of your mouth, and then tongue the filling. That sounds weirdly sensual, I know, but a true Candyfreak will appreciate the effect garnered by this maneuver.

If you go to the grand opening tomorrow, you will receive one of these with your purchase. What struck me about this collection was the ingredients list on the back. You'll notice that there are five different items in this box.

Notice how few ingredients! And except for soy lecithin, you probably have every one of these things in your kitchen right now! Okay, you might not have cocoa butter in your kitchen, but it's possible that you have it in your bathroom or make-up bag.

There were regional and district managers in the house, as well as marketing and store management. We learned several things, many of which you can read on the See's website. However, I think it's incredible that the company goes through twelve million pounds of chocolate per year (a description of the Guittard tankers delivering chocolate two trucks at a time with a third waiting in the parking lot across the street is included in the delightful See's Famous Old Time Candies book each attendee received).

Natalie, discussing the history of the company.

After we'd gotten caught up on the See's Candies company, which will be 100 years old in seven years, we were given a fun and maddening challenge. In 1952, an "I Love Lucy" producer contacted a See's facility in Los Angeles to get some help with an upcoming Lucy episode. Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance spent time there, learning how things were done, and the result ended up being the most popular episode of the show's entire run.



Our challenge? After a brief tutorial, see how quickly we could box a 12-piece assortment. We didn't have to wrap, but used the chocolate "cups" typical of candy assortments, picking up the chocolates with wax paper. We competed four at a time.

Coordination and manual dexterity is not my strong suit.

I started strong but finished with a pppft. One of the other ladies bested us.

Still, we all won. We got to take our box home.

While I definitely did not win the speed prize, I did do my box "right": 12 pieces, 3 of each of four varieties. James, on the other hand, just kept cramming candies into his box until everyone else had their boxes sealed and it was the next group's turn. See if you can tell which box is mine and which is James'.

After our contest, we were invited to request samples of whatever we wanted. Also, we were able to purchase candy, and indeed we did.

So many choices.

I tried this Apple Pie truffle, and it was good... but the white chocolate is so sweet without the bitter cocoa to balance it out, that it, believe it or not, pushed me over the limit and I was done with candy for the night. It was delicious, to be sure. The filling reminded me of the interior of a cake ball, as though it were a crumbled up apple pie piece with the crust and all. I will stick with the legit chocolate from now on, though.

We had a very fun, very tasty, very original night, and I can't recommend See's Candies highly enough. There's a funny bit in the book about how Godiva tries to capitalize on its European heritage (likely to justify the $3.85ish per truffle they charge), but points out that Godiva USA is actually owned by the Campbell Soup Company and that the chocolates are manufactured in Reading, Pennsylvania, by its bakery division, Pepperidge Farms*. See's was born and raised in California (via Canada, and it's really a providential story about how the Sees ended up migrating to the United States), and their candy is every bit as good as Godiva's, and is less than half the price.

A pound of Godiva assorted chocolates will run you approximately $55, whereas the same amount of See's Candies is $22.50 (up from $.50 during the Depression). So go get some! Enjoy a sample first. And if you want to swing by the Nuthaus to pick me up, I'll be glad to go, too.

Swag!

*The book was published in 2005. In 2007, a Turkish company, Yildiz Holding, bought Godiva Chocolates. They're still made in good old Reading, PA.

Following up, now that everybody knows

For those of you not connected with me on Facebook, Tuesday, we let our friends know that we're expecting a baby. Since that time, I've been asked a few of the same questions, so will answer them here. If you have any others, feel free to chime in. :) Mostly, I feel very blessed by the well-wishes of so many people, and sort of surprised at my friends' restraint, for the most part, with the whole "not making fun of me because it really was a toss-up about whether this was menopause or a baby" thing.

1) We didn't tell people earlier because our ages are a risk factor, and we did just have a miscarriage last year. Until we were past the first trimester, we didn't want it widely known. We did have some pretty awesome people praying for us fairly early on, though, and for that, I'm extremely grateful.

2) Daphne is an only child and has always relished that role. Last spring when I was briefly pregnant, she had a very difficult time accepting it, but eventually grudgingly did. She started off there this time, so we were already ahead of the game. I have no doubt that in the years to come, she will grow to love her sibling. It's okay with me that she's not over-the-moon excited; all she knows of babies is that they're noisy and they keep weird hours. I get it. I know this first hand and chose to have another one. She didn't. Within Team Dave's, we have the freedom to have various feels, as long as we keep it respectful and remember that we *are* a family, whether we always like it or not. :) The other day, she told me, "If you guys have a third kid, I'm leaving." I asked her where she was going to go. She said, "I didn't say I had a plan. I just said I was going." I love that kid. And, if that happens, I might join her.

3) 41. 42 when it's born. 60 when it's legally an adult (I know this because, despite my theater major, I can do some elementary maths). Yes, many of my contemporaries are becoming or are somewhat experienced grandparents. Yes, this makes me think we might be a bit crazy.

4) We have the anatomy scan next Wednesday, but James doesn't want to know the gender so we probably won't find out. But please pray for a normal scan; this is the one big reveal after which I'll feel so much more relaxed, enough to start buying things we're going to need. We have heard the heartbeat at the last three prenatal visits, and we did see the heartbeat and what was allegedly the baby (but I'm no radiologist, and it didn't look like much to me) at an early ultrasound. You can read all about the action so far by going back in the blog to January or by clicking on the "pregnancy" tag so it will pull out all of those entries. Also, I've kept a periodic vlog, the playlist for which is right here on YouTube

So, there you go.

Now back to our normally-scheduled blog.

As I mentioned last time, although I *wasn't* showing, everything has started happening pretty quickly. In fact, I took a picture of myself on St. Patrick's Day (one I put up on Facebook on April Fool's Day, as "proof" that I was expecting... although it truly could have been a low-slung pizza overeat at that point) because I'd gotten an email that morning that included the information: "Your baby will double in size over the next four weeks."

Monday, I had worn "normal" clothes, but my skirt was hiked up about 4 inches above my natural waist, because there wasn't any "give" there... and I still had band marks. So that night, I switched my closet out. I'd bought a whole summer wardrobe worth of maternity clothes on Zulily and it was time. Oh, man, I never want to go back! I've been *so* comfortable the past few days! Today I'm wearing a dress with an empire waist and it doesn't pull anywhere. Yesterday, I wore denim shorts that look for all the world like nice jean shorts where it shows, but are like sweatpants where it counts. Plus, the longer lines of maternity shirts suit my short-waisted frame, so after the pregnancy, I might become a permanent leggings-and-flowy-long-shirt lady.

The only thing I still need is... Well, first, here's a warning: If you're a dude, you might want to go create your own comic here. For those of us still here...

Saturday, we went to the Sherwood Forest Faire. I was wearing a dress and, at some point, because I left my purse in the car, had both hands laden with purchases and food and my camera, etc. James and I were walking back to where we'd left Daphne and TJ to eat their turkey legs when I realized that I was losing my drawers. They were succumbing to gravity, what without a waistline above protruding hips to hold them securely in place.

I told James what was going on and swore, "If they fall off, I'm just going to kick them over there, so keep walking."

That's when I decided that I needed to purchase some over-the-belly maternity drawers. Well, I went online to shop and, can you believe it, all of the underpants on Motherhood are under-belly or fold-down bikinis? Um... no. I found six pair I liked on Amazon.com... then realized my cart total was $118. I'm only going to wear them for a few months! What the heck?! So I don't have a Plan B yet, but I'm working on it. For now, you'll have to excuse me if I'm wearing a skirt or dress and do a lot of "hiking."

Yep, that's the exciting status of the pregnancy at the moment. Today, I'm working (with my feet propped up to avoid edema) and getting ready for a super hot date I have this evening! The See's Candy Blogger pre-grand-opening event is tonight, so be watching for my other blog's post on that tomorrow!

Blue Note Bakery's 10th Anniversary Party

Last night, Daphne and I got to go to Mercury Hall to celebrate the tenth anniversary of Austin's Blue Note Bakery. Blue Note Bakery is located on South Congress, just south of Ben White, in the light industrial park where my church used to meet.

For Valentine's Day 2013, I got James their "I Love You Very Much" cake, and Daphne their incredible, sophisticated s'mores.

We were excited to get to celebrate with Angela Jiles (who was very busy) and her family. In the entryway, she had a timeline and pictures chronicling a brief history of the bakery. She was working from her home when she got her "DBA" on April 1, 2004. She hired her first employee in 2007 and moved into the location on Congress the next year.

I love the story of a small business built on hard work and quality product! Here are some pictures of the evening.

The grounds are gorgeous at Mercury Hall. We were even greeted by a black cat('s butt) on our way in.

Daphne in the mostly-empty hall. The balloon sculpture was under a vent and appeared to be dancing.

Timeline, a greeting card, and delicious chocolate swag bags.

Crema Bakery and Cafe had a "real food" table and this delightful sweets setup. Their chicken salad was creamy and red-onion-y, so I loved it muchly. On Facebook, they post pictures often of their cafe features, and the soups look amazing. This is further south in Austin, really near where my sister lives. It's probably good that we don't live quite as conveniently close. 

As far as my favorite thing from this table? The salted caramel cake balls (the white ones). They were soooo salty and the cake was moist and not too sweet. Daphne liked the double chocolate cake pops best.

After a while, Angela put out a couple of cake bars, so I snatched a slice of that, too.

The perfect icing-to-fondant ratio. :)

Mercury Hall itself is a lovely venue, and the decorations were fun. For this party, there was a DJ and a photo booth. Unfortunately, when the DJ started playing a dance mix of "Let It Go," my date decided that it was time to leave. 

Happy birthday, Blue Note Bakery!

Okay, maybe she was right...

My clothes *are* getting less forgiving in the whole what-used-to-be-my-waist section. So maybe my BSF leader was right. Maybe I am showing... just a li'l bit. :) I noticed it for the first time with the two dresses I wore this weekend. I'll be able to wear them throughout my pregnancy, but they fit differently now.

Monthly Check-Up

James got to go with me to the midwife's today, for the first time since the miscarriage last year. We got to hear the heartbeat, 152 beats per minute. I got a referral for the anatomy exam (which could also be used to determine gender, except that James doesn't want to know).

Out of the first trimester, I am continuing to be sleepy but am not sickly anymore. My general chest vicinity is tender, but there's really nothing to complain about. This weekend, I rode my bike 10.5 miles in one stretch, and except for being a little saddle-sore, it went swimmingly. I feel less sleepy when I'm up and moving (energy inertia, I suppose) the same way I felt less nauseous when in motion earlier on.

Because I was wondering when I first felt Daphne move, I looked through my old pregnancy journal the other day. First of all, I felt her move at 18 weeks, 6 days. Right now, I'm at 16 weeks, 6 days. I can feel where the baby is now, like there is a rock in my lower abdomen. No movement yet, though, and no feeling like things are being shoved out of the way.

I had lost some weight and am back up to what I weighed the first time I weighed at the office. That means, according to their records, I have gained 6 pounds this pregnancy, but I really just guessed when I told them what I weighed at the outset. The last time I'd weighed was when I was being seen by the Volunteer Healthcare Clinic last year with my back issues.

In reading my old Diaryland journal, I found three entries that were especially poignant. If you care to check them out, they're here:

1) September 11, 2001 (I was still expecting; Daphne was born on November 2).
2) The day I stopped breast-feeding.
3) The day I decided that the Ezzos aren't actually experts on anything and I wasn't going to live under the tyranny of their stupid sleep/wake/eat/play schedule anymore, because it was ruining my life (very literally).

From reading back through all of it, it's amazing how different this pregnancy is. Old-lady and prior-miscarriage concerns aside, I have so much less stress in so many areas. For one, working from home is about 4000 times better than working in an office. There's almost always a bathroom available, I can catch a nap if I need to, I can go on a walk and shake stuff off, and I don't have to deal with people except over the phone.

Our anatomy scan is in a couple of weeks, and after that, I'll feel comfortable buying high-dollar stuff like a hammock and rocker and other items that we'll need to move James out of his office and turn it into a nursery.

Now (not) showing!

As happened with Daphne, I am down from my initial pre-pregnancy weight. Just a few pounds, not the fifteen I lost with her, but still not showing. I noticed yesterday that the flesh below my natural waist doesn't have as much "give" as it used to (meaning fun imprints from some trouser hooks and snaps), but the avocado-sized baby and its luggage just isn't enough to be pooching me out in any noticeable way yet.

Last night, I walked into my BSF discussion group a little bit late (it was fellowship night, which starts at 6:15, but the kids' classes aren't available until 6:40, so...) and my discussion leader said, "Wow! Look at you!" I looked at her questioningly, and she continued, "All of this time, nothing, and now... baby!"

Um. Memo to me: as soon as the pregnancy is over, throw out this empire-waist shirt. Seriously. It's all clothes and posture right now, because I still don't "look" pregnant. Except, of course, that my natural glow is amplified.

But, yeah, the shirt, post-maternity, is garbage.

Toddlers are more time-consuming, but at least it's pretty black and white...

You know how sometimes you just get hammered with the same message over and over again, like someone upstairs knows just what you're needing to hear?

Mine started with coming across this excerpt from an article in "People" magazine that Ellen Degeneres wrote.

Now, I realize that she probably had a more traumatic childhood than a lot of kids, but it struck me because I know there have been times when I've been annoyed with Daphne for her not being cheerful. Which isn't a big deal, unless I let myself love her less when she's not a constant ray of sunshine.

When I was Daphne's age, I was a lot like her. I remember going shopping with my mom, trying on an article of clothing and having it work, and wanting to *go home*. My mom wanted to look around. Every time. I did not. And apparently, according to her, I'd be miserable and spread the misery around, until she'd finally get fed up and we'd leave. I remember several times her getting on to me for "ruining" an outing because I was done.

What I don't remember is feeling particularly bad, penitent, or guilty about "ruining" her time. I was probably just relieved to get home.

I was a selfish kid. Most kids are. And they need to be trained to recognize selfishness and combat it, but not to "act" a certain way necessarily because I find that preferable.

Today, The Libertarian Homeschooler posted this:

There have been times that I have "mom-sensed" an "attitude" rolling off of Daphne, and have snapped at her to get over herself, only to have her cry, not understanding what "attitude" I mean.

One day, when she sat down to do school, I was insisting that she focus on a certain thing, and a couple of minutes later, she had tears in her eyes. I was torn between being baffled about what had just happened, and being frustrated that Daphne was so lazy that my forcing her to get to work made her shed enraged tears. Instead of talking to her about it in that moment, I let it go and we went on with school. Later that night, I approached her and said, "Whatever I said or did when you were starting school, I'm sorry that I made you cry." She thought about it for a moment and said, "Oh! I almost didn't know what you were talking about... but I had just listened to a sad song, and I was picturing a video for it with some characters, so it kind of made me cry."

This was a wake-up call to me not to assume that I know what is going on in my child's head because of her outward appearance.

Daphne is a good kid, and while I can't say I "enjoy" her all of the time, I'm proud of her and I'm glad she's mine. I'm fairly certain that she'd tell you she doesn't "enjoy" me all of the time, either. She doesn't like it when I sing with a song she's trying to listen to on the radio. I don't like it when I'm talking and she turns up the radio because a song she likes is on. There are things about everyone we know that we don't adore, but typically, we don't exert direct pressure to change those things in anyone but our kids (or maybe our spouses, if we're being especially dense). I think one of the most difficult tasks of parenting an older child is determining what is a character flaw that needs attention and what is a behavior that isn't necessarily my favorite, but might just be an indication of where they "are" at the time?

Actually, this *does* happen with smaller kids, but, again, the stakes don't "feel" as high. When your kid is tiny and they've been humming the same three notes all day, you still do need to check yourself before angrily sending them to their room just because you're annoyed. You can always say, "Sweetie, you've been humming that tune a long time, and I'm kind of tired of it, so can you please give my ears a rest?" Then if they keep doing it, you have to decide if it's a habit and they're just a forgetful kid or if it's purposefully to spite you and to go from there.

It feels like a whole other thing when you have a near-teenager at a restaurant with a bunch of people and the kid lays her head down on the table as though sleeping, which you then interpret at being rude because 1) eww, head oil on the table and 2) passive-aggressive "I wish we were anywhere else but here!" much? and 3) OMG, what are these people thinking about me because of what my kid's doing?---

Ouch.

There is where I have to check myself.

There are a lot of things that "irritate" me that I realize have everything to do with me, and little to do with my child. For instance, a year ago, Daphne would hold hands with me or lean on my shoulder during church. Would she now? Heck, no! She'd be mortified! But my "attitude" when she flinches away from my rubbing her back is more about my wanting to feel affirmed and accepted than it has to do with her necessarily being "rude." Thoughtless? Possibly. But I'm the adult, and I can't get offended and therefore mad and therefore act out just because my little baby doesn't want to kiss mommy goodnight like she used to.

I wish Daphne were more excited about hanging out with me. When I ask her if she wants to go to the grocery store with me, I wish she still jumped at the chance. And, yes, sometimes I don't give her a choice, and I expect her to be respectful and helpful, even if she's not skipping down the aisles... But I do miss the times when she was eager to go wherever I was. Sort of. I think I've forgotten how tiring it was never ever having a moment alone.

I wish Daphne weren't so enthusiastic about giving James and me a "date night," because, come on, who wouldn't want to go out and have dinner with us when we're so awesome?!

Would I tweak Daphne's outlook/behavior if I would? Ehh... I don't know. Would she still be "Daphne" if I could control her behavior? Because the fact is that I love Daphne, and I even love the stuff about her that gets on my nerves (which is probably all stuff that I do/have done coming back to bite me in the butt).

I can't control her and, ultimately, wouldn't want do. I do want to help her become her best self. But her best self may be so different from what I'd have have sculpted if I'd fashioned her out of my own brain that it might include pieces that I don't understand or fully appreciate. That is one of the wonders of her being her own person.

Maybe I err sometimes on the side of letting her be, but I know there are also times when I err on the side of being unreasonably terse and demanding.

There are difficult moments, but we have breakthroughs and grace. I'm working on more grace. I hope my daughter has some for me, too.

One night toward the end of SXSW, the three of us walked down to 6th Street for dinner. Daphne insisted that she wasn't hungry, she wasn't feeling well, and she wished we hadn't made her go. On the walk down, I felt like she was being a downer, asking how long the walk was, how long we'd be at dinner, etc. It's my nature to snap at that, because, good grief, buck up and enjoy your life, man.

Instead, after a while of listening to her, I explained to her that I understood that she didn't feel good. I wasn't telling her to feel better. I wasn't insisting that she feel better, or even lie about how great she felt. But I told her that the issues she was experiencing were common both to me and to most women. I mentally calculated one week every month for a potential fertility period of thirty years and realized that a "typical" woman will spend seven years of her life in a situation she can use to excuse bad behavior if she wants, but do you really want to waste that much of your life being put-upon by everything? I told her that even in feeling less-than-100%, she can choose her attitude, and then choose what words come out of her mouth and how she helps the environment around herself and others. (And let's all pray that I remember these words of wisdom.)

Later, sitting at dinner (we shared a steak and she didn't eat 1/2 of her 1/2, so she wasn't kidding about not being hungry, because usually that girl is all about the meat), Daphne said, "I'm sorry for being such a douchebag--" Yes, that's what she said. I'm sorry if that's offensive to anyone. I, for one, really appreciated it. She then explained that she wasn't feeling awesome but that she was trying to have a better attitude.

It would have been just as easy for me to explode in the frustration I felt and even make her cry a little bit, which I know I can do when I'm forceful enough... but that's pretty much bullying, and I desperately want to avoid it.

It's taken me a lot of time to start noticing things and to learn to be okay with them. For instance, I don't want Daphne to be rude, but I have accepted that she just doesn't do well in group conversations. It used to frustrate me when she'd try to have a sidebar with me if we were at dinner with a bunch of other people, because I felt like it looked rude to the other people at the table... until I started to realize that she doesn't command a room. If she's alone with me, she might talk to me for forty-five minutes straight about a topic she's interested in. But she doesn't hang out and chat with half a dozen people. That's just not how she works. 

It's a process, but I'm praying that time and persistence for us to work through the next few years with respect and our relationship intact. I genuinely don't wan to force Daphne to put a face forward that is not hers. I do love her for the alien being she is. She is of me, but she's not me, and that's a great thing. So I walk that razor's edge between expecting her to act like a decent human being, and giving her the space to become someone I wouldn't choose to become... because she's not me.

Then today in church, Jacob was teaching from Colossians 3, specifically the whole "provoke not your children to wrath" part (my mom used to accuse me of doing this when Daphne was little, but I used the excuse that she didn't have siblings to teach her to share, or to lord it over her when she lost a game, so someone had to expose her to these life realities). He said, "Nothing will exasperate a child faster than forcing them to be something they are not."

Just as I was writing that down as a reminder to myself, he paraphrased Bruce Wesley, who said something to the extent of: "Know the difference between rebellion and a kid just trying to figure out who they are."

Wow.

Let that sink in.

So, before I unleash the righteous indignation at the unmitigated gall of my child to do a certain thing, I need to look at it more closely. I don't want her to shut down who she is to be complaint. Actually, this probably isn't a risk for Daphne. She's more likely to hide that part of herself than to change it, and I want to know her fully, so I need to choose my battles wisely.

I remember as a young person being criticized variously for my speech patterns (this was during the Valley Girl days, and while I don't think we were doing that, we were doing something weird), for the clothes I wore to church, for not wanting to participate in certain events, and for wanting to participate in certain things, for chewing on my fingers, for my posture, and for a whole lot of things that, ultimately, don't matter. It was exhausting to try to manage people's expectations while still trying to grow up and address genuine areas of concern. I hope that I can discern the things worth working toward, and the things worth letting go... just like I used to take an Aleve and let her bang on a pot with a spoon long after it had ceased to be "fun."