Nine-Eleven, and looking back

Someone on the "Ask Old People" subreddit asked this morning: "What was the internet like during 9/11?" They were wondering whether people were on chat boards talking about it or looking for news. One response said that except for universities, people didn't use the internet much at that time. I had to divest them of that notion by pointing out that by September 11, 2001, I had been "blogging" for half a year. 

This made me curious about what I'd written regarding the event (which I downplayed a lot; I guess because I wasn't trying to be a news blogger but just talk about my own personal experiences). I looked, and here's some of it:

"I left work in a snit...

"Ken was already gone when I got home and I promptly managed to over-turn a McDonald's sack, spilling my half of the French fries (which Kaley was more than happy to clean up). After eating a no-longer-on-sale cheeseburger, I went out back to trim some severely over-grown and most likely dead shrubs.

"Having just talked to my sister about our husbands trying to work our part-time employment into the immediate post-delivery future, I was already starting to get defensive. Ken hasn't played the 'you have to; we can't afford this' card yet, but I could clearly envision the future conversation. Mowing down vast quantities of deer grass, I practiced my eventual breakdown: 'You agreed to this before we ever decided to have a baby!' Then I wondered if I was talking to Ken or to God. We involved God in our plans to have a child. So I started wondering where God was and why He wasn't just fixing this situation for us.

"Back and forth... I thought about my cousin who lost a baby earlier this week. I'm sure she'd gladly eat dirt if it meant she could hold her child. But that didn't make me feel much more fortunate. I've been healthy all of my life and through this pregnancy. I realize I take it for granted. I probably am being a brat. But I want Ken and me to be able to be COMPLETELY happy about the nearing delivery of our child instead of having to harp on how we're going to provide for her. And I was mad that all of our efforts seemed for naught and that God couldn't just intervene in the way I wanted him to so we could enjoy the rest of this pregnancy...

"You may remember a few months ago, I wrote that something had happened that I felt completely redefined our relationship... I wasn't sure if it was the hormones or if it really was a huge shift. Now I realize it was the latter. And, though it took some getting used to, it has completely changed my married life for the better.

"I decided to go finish the front yard, a considerably smaller task, then take a cool bath, and write... in my journal briefly before settling in to watch some TV before bed...

"Instead of indulging in a long bath, I took a quick, cool shower and headed into the computer room to relay the events of the evening. Mid-way through doing that, though, I happened to run across something that made me really mad at Ken. I mean furious. So I couldn't even finish what I was writing...

"I waited up for Ken. He got home a bit after 11:30, at which time I found out that the whole rampage-causing irritant was just a misunderstanding. We talked until a bit after midnight and then went to sleep.

"So, even though I did get up a couple of times during the night, I pretty much slept when I was in the bed.

"And after all of my histrionics yesterday, we get up this morning and see on the news that the Pentagon had been attacked by a hijacked airplane, then it cut back to coverage of the World Trade Towers... Suddenly makes my not-yet-serious concerns seem really petty.

"A special church service has been called for tonight; I'd imagine it's going to be a prayer session. So this evening, I really AM going to be thankful for my blessings while asking God to be with these peoples' families and the rescue workers."

Meh.

I went back and read through quite a bit of my first year (and then the 7th year) blogging. A couple of things:

1) My marriage was hard from basically the get-go. Ken floated the idea of separation or divorce when D was 1, but I rejected it because I didn't want to have to put D in daycare so I could work again, and because I'd already been divorced once. The stigma toward divorce was still very strong then, especially within the church.

2) I was a much more uptight and judgmental person two decades ago. I make myself tired. I can't read too much because it's so cringe-y and terrible. I'm sorry to anyone who read my original online journal.