Acupuncture Roller Coaster

This morning, I had a check-up/check-in at the birthing center. Again, we listened to the baby's heart rate, and as the baby moves, the heart speeds up, just like it's supposed to. They don't even care about me anymore, as we didn't take my blood pressure or pulse, and I didn't weigh or do the urinalysis. I guess it's obvious that I'm fine, although Stephanie did tell me my "energy" is different than it was two weeks ago. Jayme had told me the same kind of thing last week, only she had said, the day after we returned from Schlitterbahn, "Yeah, I don't think you look like a mom who's going to call us in labor tomorrow. Your face doesn't look like it." And Friday, she told me that my face looked ready. I didn't ask for too many details. I don't want to be self-conscious.

Tonight, after bringing Daphne home from her 4-H classes, I had a second appointment with the acupuncturist. She didn't make me do stairs first this time (oh, but I had to do them!). First, we did the needles in kind of the same position as before, except more this time, and lower on the back.

When she put the ones in my left forearm and hand, they hurt quite a bit, especially the one in the hand. I mentioned to her that this weekend, I stopped feeling the little tags they gave me except for the one on my left hand. I told her it had really bothered me when I pressed on it, so I spent a lot of time over the weekend concentrating on that, figuring that if it hurt, it needed attention.

She said, "That's interesting. We associate the left side with emotions, and it reminds us of movement. Both physically and that things are always changing. But since you're overdue, and you have a daughter who's trying to process the baby changes, and your mother-in-law is about to visit... it would make sense that that side would be disturbed."

When she left, I started thinking about it... about how our dinner tonight is likely to be the last dinner that's just the three of us. Things are going to change forever, and although I know that's good, it's a HUGE change, and it's okay to kind of mourn that. Even if I don't go into labor tomorrow (and I'm going to spend most of the day at the birthing center doing "natural" stuff to try to get it going), James' mom will be here (we're totally looking forward to that, by the way; she's never seen where he lives in his adult life!), and at some point during the week she's here, we will have the baby, and then more family and guest and noise and... change. And the fact is, the status quo is pretty awesome.

Pondering this made me cry, and I wondered if my resistance to usher in a change of this magnitude (as opposed to, "Well, it's happening whether we're ready or not!" which is what I wish would happen) is keeping hormones bound up that would otherwise release and start the process. So I tried to surrender any latent/subconscious control or barriers... And, yes, I KNOW how this sounds, but it's very difficult not to get all esoteric when you've spent as much time around alternative providers as I have lately.

After ten minutes, I was mercifully interrupted by the assistant who, I had been told, was going to shock me. Literally.

She put the electrodes at the base of my spine and then this little iPod-looking thing cycled through a series of "stimulations" that started with what felt like a quick knocking and ended up feeling like I had a strongly-vibrating phone stuck in my waistband. Right when it would get to the, "Ick, this is a little too intense" level, the cycle would cut out and restart.

After several repetitions of the cycle, the baby started moving more, and I asked if Rooby liked it or thought it was ridiculous. I think I thought it was ridiculous, because I started laughing about how silly the picture was of my sitting there, back exposed, needles sticking out of my arms, legs, and torso, electrodes iPodding my spine with low-level electricity... Just goofy.

Ten minutes later, I got dressed leaving the Palm Massager in place, and did the stairs again. This was enough movement that it distracted me from the current, which was starting to get irritating, just sitting there.

When I left, I got 4 more mini-acupuncture tabs and we didn't schedule anything else since I'm going to spend Tuesday at the birthing center, doing all sorts of things that can hopefully "naturally" induce labor. I've done all of the stuff I can do at home, so they're going to help me and monitor me all day. I did draw the line at consuming castor oil because 1) I have a hair-trigger digestive system (hello, spinach gives me regrets) and do not wish to be in pain that is not specifically baby-related and 2) everything I've read says it really doesn't seem to work, anyway.

However, I was thinking about it last night, and even though stuff like breast-pumping and consuming certain herbs might qualify as "old wives' tales," that's sort of the whole point of having a midwife. They perform the "services" of helping, assisting, and supporting expectant mothers the way that older, more experienced family and neighborhood women used to do when our society was set up like that. They were literally old wives, and their input and presence was invaluable.

So, while I'm not hugely excited about spending today up the hill hooked up to a milking machine, I'm pretty much willing to do anything (except drinking a "stimulant laxative") short of drug/surgical intervention to see if it will work as a jump-start. 

Here's where I'll be hanging out today, if you need me:

Could be a lot worse. :)

I'm taking my computer (I'm more than half way through "Ugly Betty") and library book, but I could use some lunch! *hint hint* 

The Last Month (hopefully!)

Now we've reached the part of the pregnancy where I'll be walking up the hill to the midwife's every week for a quick check-in. It's kind of fun that all of my information is online and I can access it very easily. Check this out:

The two weeks that my pulse is the highest? The first time, June 11, was during my glucose test. I was processing sugar. The second time, this week, was after I'd gotten up and ridden my bike 9.66 miles then got home with exactly enough time to take a shower and cram a Nutella/fig preserves sandwich down my gullet. So... processing sugar. :) I'm nothing if not consistent.

I was reminded yesterday that I'm super competitive about some things, too. Like ridiculously. First of all, James had his blood pressure taken at the urologist's yesterday. When she read it off, my reaction was, "Suck it! I WIN!" when, actually, his blood pressure is probably a bit too high. What a jerk! Then, when the nurse practitioner realized that James hadn't had a prostate exam in twenty years and therefore palpated it just to make sure we weren't dealing with anything risky, my initial thought was, "This lady just got further with James than I've ever been." Never mind the grimace of pain on his face, or his clenched... well, everything. I might have some issues.

We are both very excited and happy about this particular baby, but we obviously have a plan in the works to avoid further baby-making. While James and I have agreed on this (with his agreement taking a much more drastic commitment than mine does), I don't know that we've discussed the nitty-gritty reasons for pursuing such a permanent solution.

It's all about age; though, for me, it has less to do with "I don't want to be 60 and still have a kid in the house" (I probably will) than it does, "Every day that passes increases the risk of genetic mutations, birth defects, miscarriages, etc." While this pregnancy has been mostly easy and actually enjoyable, there has been a low-level anxiety throughout, if I've allowed myself to think about it much. First, we had an unsuccessful pregnancy already. It was obvious that that one was not going to be viable, and even if I'd carried it longer than 10 weeks, it still would not have made it.

So at first, I had some nerves with this one. Even after the 8-week ultrasound revealed a heartbeat, later on I had some bleeding and went straight to, "Okay, not this time, either." Obviously, it wasn't a big deal and here we are months later. But there's still a thing. The 18-ish week ultrasound was fine. All of the pertinent areas of development were present and accounted for with no anomalies. And in the Doppler since then, I've seen the brain, and it's intact, which probably means that the baby will take after its dad.

Now, I don't live in a place of nervousness. But I also don't try to imagine too much what it will be like after the baby is born, like I did with Daphne. It's all too real to me that the baby might have an issue we haven't been able to pinpoint in the womb. I think the obsession with "ten fingers, ten toes" is ridiculous because I don't actually care whether this kid has a stump or eight digits on one side. But I desperately (and probably selfishly) wish for it to be developmentally and medically unremarkable. I want James to walk through the exhausting yet mundane spectrum of parenting that goes along with the "typical" experience.

Struggling with those realities, and then the second-guessing of my character for wanting it to be as easy as parenting possibly can be, and all of the associated mind games is why I'm ready for this to be the last baby I will ever have. I adore James, and I'd love to have five kids with him. But I feel like our biological clocks have now become time bombs, and that it's probably best for everyone if we pack it up after this one.

And that's the thing; it *will* be after this one. First of all, it is for expediency's sake, as James and I will both be in recovery simultaneously (though mine will bookend his a couple of weeks on both sides). Secondly, if something happened like a stillbirth (I know, God forbid, but it happens), who knows but that we're not foolishly in love enough to want to try just one more time? Thirdly, if I have to have some emergency procedure instead of the low-key no-intervention birth I am idealizing, then we can go ahead and take care of the birth control on my end.

This weekend, I plan to buy and prepare about 20 meals to have in the freezer. I'll need to supplement with fresh veggies and fruits, but at least our main dishes will be handled for a while. My sister and I might get together to chop and chat, and I think we're riding our bikes Sunday morning, if anyone else wants to meet us and check out the new Town Lake Boardwalk. I'm pretty excited about that!

Because I only have 2 adjustments left in my chiropractic package, I didn't go this week. I've felt it! I need to adjust myself more often, and find my back popping when I turn in a way that it doesn't when I've been "set." I go in on Monday, then will wait another two weeks and that'll be it. I'll actually probably pay for one home visit. Laine said her favorite thing is newborn home visits. She'll adjust me and do a light baby adjustment. At some point, I want to get D into her office, since she spends so much time hunkered over drawing.

Tonight, I have a mystery shop dinner and it's time to start getting ready for that. Trying to hold off on the snacking this afternoon so I'll be ready... but it's *whine* so hard! I probably need to start depriving myself even when I "feel" hungry just to get into the habit. The baby's fine and I'm fine and I don't need to feel sated to stuffed every second of the day. It has been fun while it's lasted, though! I'm super good at indulging.

The Top Ten Things (for me) About Being Pregnant

Yes, it's summer. Yes, it's warm. I don't feel like it's "more" warm because I'm ripening with child (poetic, right?). I was miserable last summer, too. It's Austin, and it's just hot and humid and disgusting.

As I've mentioned, people often ask me about "feeling" this pregnancy more than I did when I was expecting Daphne, but, honestly, I'm probably in better physical shape now, and I've had a blessed lack of ambient stress for the most part, so it's all pretty good.

In fact, I'm feeling so great, I think I might have missed my calling as a surrogate mother, helping couples' dreams come true... And now I'm too old.

So, lest I retain a stone of water in a couple of weeks like I did with D and forget how awesome this whole thing has been, I will count down for you my ten favorite things about being pregnant. These are not in any kind of order. Just ten things.

10) An excuse to indulge in chiropractic. Man, I love getting adjustments. In a world where I'm not too cheap to do it, I'd go to the chiropractor regularly. As it is, I only go when there's a "problem" or something to be treated. Pregnancy is the best "nothing's wrong, but this makes it even better" excuse for that!

9) An excuse to indulge. We know I love the junk food and fancy foodie-type stuff. I typically eat fairly healthily, anyway, but when I'm pregnant, I'm SUPER mindful of getting the vitamins and minerals and balance that I need, so I feel extra entitled to indulge in stuff I might otherwise avoid, including "liquid calories" like shakes and Slurpees and chocolate almond milk and even some fruit juices. And I don't feel guilty later. Just really happy.

8) Confidence in my appearance. I don't obsess over my looks much; I'm pretty low maintenance. I can be in bed, turn off the alarm, and be ready to leave the house in 15 minutes But of course, I like to look nice, and sometimes I'm taken aback when I catch a surprise glimpse of myself in the mirror or a picture of me taken from an angle I don't view on a regular basis (and since we only have a face-height, face-sized mirror in the house, that's a lot of territory). But right now, seeing pictures of myself shockingly huge is just all kinds of precious. Every day after I wave James down the street when he leaves for work, I catch my profile in the window on the porch, and it makes me smile. I don't try to suck it in at all! I can't!

7) My sebaceous glands take it easy for a few months. Ever since I've been an adult, I've had a difficult time growing out my hair. James and I saw a girl filling up her car at 7-11 the other day, and she had this beautiful, healthy, past-booty-length blonde hair. When I commented on it, James tried to make me feel better by saying, "I'll bet it's a pain to maintain." Well. I'd gladly do it if that were an option for me. But it's not.

I know that not washing your hair and therefore not stripping it of its natural oils is supposed to be really good for its health, but my hair does not cooperate with this kind of thing. Normally, I wash my hair every other day. I don't wash it every day because I don't want to, but very often, by the middle of Day Two, it's annoying me like crazy as it looks like I slept in a hot oil treatment. My roots get all sticky and stringy, and I feel very self-conscious about how "dirty" it looks.

When I'm pregnant, though, that doesn't happen. In fact, I'll confess something to you: It's Wednesday evening right now and the last time I washed my hair was Sunday morning. I did put some dry shampoo in it last night before I went to bed because I thought I might go swimming today and didn't want to waste a wash when I'd just need to wash it again after. I ended up not swimming, so I won't be washing my hair until tomorrow morning. Check it out:

Um... I probably need to get to my roots, but that's a whole other thing. Also, I curled my hair with hot rollers on Monday morning, and it still has some cool wave to it. This I chalk up to having avoided the humidity most of the week.

Anyway, my hair grew out a LOT when I was expecting Daphne. A lot of people think that's because of the prenatal vitamins, but I don't take those because they're disgusting. My hair has grown out a bit during this pregnancy, but I recently got a really good hair cut (read: Not the $12 SuperCuts one) and it's certainly more healthy than usual. So I'll take the break in the "every other day mandatory wash" regimen!

6) My husband is especially attracted to pregnant women. He tells the story of trying to chat up and getting shot down by a lady in a bar once, and his friends all ragging on him for hitting on a pregnant lady. He hadn't realized she was pregnant until they pointed it out to him; he just thought she was beautiful.

James is always good about letting me know he appreciates my unique set of aesthetics, but he's particularly mesmerized by me right now. You know, because of "the glow." (Daphne rolled her eyes at that last night and said, "That's exactly what my friend said." She's not quite as taken in by the whole thing.) Sometimes he'll just be staring vacantly at me, and it's sweet and mildly creepy but I suppose he owes me for all of the times I do that to him, anyway.

5) I feel great! Sure, I've had some nausea and some heartburn, and have slept a lot, but overall, pregnancy hormones make me feel amazing. My bike rides are getting more difficult because of the excess weight, but that's a good thing! It's increasing resistance and forcing me to work harder, which is also good for me. I do have some meralgia parasthetica in my left leg, but that just means I have to sit down between "things," and you know what? That's probably good for me, too. It's easy for me to get caught up in the momentum of "doing" until I'm exhausted. Right now, my body is forcing me to empty the dishwasher, then sit down. Make dinner, then sit down. Vacuum, then sit down. And it still all gets done.

Bike riding is still my favorite because 1) it's hot; with biking, there's at least a breeze, and it doesn't take as long to get places and 2) the nerve pressure and stomach stress (and subsequent need for the belly belt) don't happen when I'm sitting on a bike. I am told that my center of gravity has changed, but I haven't found biking to feel weird. I'm hoping this activity is improving my postnatal health, too!

4) People are super gracious. When I'm pregnant, people who'd normally just look at me and look away will look at me and smile. They strike up conversations. In some cases, they might cross physical boundaries, but I apparently put out a strong enough "don't touch" vibe that I don't get that. Oh, they give me extra samples at the grocery store! They seem more cheerful about holding the door.

Also, being pregnant is about a 5-month pass from tons of things (it lasts all 9 months at home, but only as long as people "out there" know about the pregnancy). Group outing to clean up the park on a hot summer day? Oh, no! Not you, Laura! You don't need to be bending over and straining yourself in this heat. Heavy lifting, strenuous activity, no one wants to let me do it (and, honestly, I am perfectly able)!

James never lets me clean litter boxes, anyway, because he says the cats are his and Daphne's. But if it were a shared chore, I'd get nine months off of that.

Whereas someone might get annoyed if I flaked out or forgot something, during this time, they laugh and chalk it up to "pregnancy brain." Whether I neglect to pay a bill or miss an event to which I'd committed... People are more than willing to excuse me. It might help that I have some goodwill in the bank because I rarely do flake out in "real" life, but it's refreshing not to be made to feel guilty when I accidentally goof something up.

3) Buying stuff. I'm not a huge "hobby" shopper, but it's been a lot of fun finding cool baby stuff, then stalking it until the price drops, and using coupons and sales and codes and that kind of thing. Also, I bought a bunch of maternity stuff because I did start showing/feeling pregnant earlier than I did with Daphne, and I didn't have a lot of forgiving clothes to wear. With everything, I do research first, then position myself to be ready to buy when it's most advantageous. I do this with vacation plans, groceries, and pretty much anything. I'm kind of a geek that way. But it's nice to have an excuse to be able to "play." Plus, there is some uber-cool baby clothing and amazing products that have come out in the past decade!

One difference this time around is that we're going to try cloth diapering, so that was a lot of research before investment. Should save us more than a thousand dollars, though, in the long run. Also, James' mom made us diaper wipes out of felt, so we won't have to buy a bunch of wipes, either. I've gotten tons of samples and "free" (shipping only) items intended to seduce me into purchasing more... but I can milk a loss leader with absolutely no shame.

2) All the sleeps. I know some women have difficulty sleeping when they're expecting. Not this girl! Although I was absolutely wiped at first, by now, I tend to take a short nap during the day and sleep a good solid 8 hours at night. When I'm not pregnant, I am a light sleeper. I can't go to sleep because Taco Cabana's outdoor music is too loud. I get waken up by cats chasing each other through the house. Not right now! In fact, I've slept through James' alarm a couple of times, and I'm the one who is supposed to be up to wake James up because HE routinely sleeps through his alarm.

1) Mystery and weird body stuff. It's a little scary, but mostly exciting. The "scary" part is mostly, this time around, from having experienced a previous loss. With Daphne, I sort of expected that the pregnancy would lead to having a baby; I didn't make that assumption for a long time this time around. But still, there's that element of the unknown. What will the baby be like? How will the baby decide to make its appearance? What's going to happen next?

Also, my body is a source of amusement as it often operates independently of my brain. I'll be sitting here on my laptop, and it will try to pitch itself into the floor because of a well-placed kick. Or suddenly a restaurant where we've eaten several times has to sit us at a table instead of a booth because I can no longer fit into the confines.

I was having very obnoxious edema for a while, then I started chiropractic treatments and realized after a few adjustments that I wasn't swelling anymore. Why is that? What was going on that the alignments fixed? I probably never would have worked that out if I weren't pregnant. (And I did sometimes experience swelling, anyway; I assumed this was left over from my ruptured disc.)

Also, if not for the heartburn, I might never have tried and realized that I like very much almond milk. Or have found all of the protein-added products it'd probably do me good to incorporate into my normal diet because I don't gravitate toward natural protein sources, for some reason.

Finally, this isn't a general benefit of being pregnant, but this time around, I know a BUNCH of couples who are expecting. It's been a lot of fun to feel like I'm going through it with friends and family, some of whom are quite far-flung. But it's a nice sense of connection.

July 4th and Seven Month Check-Up

It's been a great week for Team Dave's!

Last week, James got off work early on Thursday, and we drove up to McKinney. Actually, the driving part from Austin through Waco pretty much blew sewage, but my dad's tip to take the Dallas North Tollway instead of going through downtown to get to 75 was like magic.

We got to have dinner with my parents and socialize briefly before we dragged our exhausted booties to bed lamely early (except for Daphne, whom I reminded at some point when I woke up during the night to go to sleep).

Friday morning, we got up, had a leisurely breakfast, got D up, and headed north again. We got into Gore at about 1:00 PM, and got to spend all afternoon and evening with James' dad's family. It was the third year for James and me to go, and Daphne's second year.

After last year, James wanted to save up to take a haul of fireworks, so we did... and Daphne had a lot more fun this time. She really got along with James' cousin's daughter Gabby, and later D told me, "I'm 40% less scared of fire than I was before."

James has a very cool family, and I love that we already have a tradition to look forward to every year (even though driving that distance isn't anyone's favorite).





Good grief... next summer is our 25-year high school reunion! It'd be neat if we could double up on that. Gore is only about 40 miles from Fort Smith.

Our trip home Saturday was less traumatic, traffic-wise than the trip up. Also, we stopped in Sherman and got to have a great lunch with friends. One of Daphne's best friends, Kylie, and her parents, brother, and sister met us. So did Moses, Lisa, for whom I used to work, and their daughter. My theater sister, Sherri, my theater horrible in-law (but real-life pretty amazing person), Marty, and my theater "Jewish" sister-in-law, Susan, all showed up. Church friends Jill (and one of her three sweet girls) and Heather (and her daughter, Caroline, who was in gym with Daphne) rounded out our group, and I think Italian Affair should have given us a group discount. It was very cool to see everyone!

My family is the best, and traveling with them is awesome, even if the trip is long and tedious. I really want a private helicopter than I can fly from our back yard.

James hit the ground running with work, I have been domestically pretty busy this week, but Daphne has been able to ease back into school (yeah, we do school year-round, because I can't take endless days of leisure).

This morning, I had two mystery shops early, so I got a free dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a free Jiffy Lube oil change, then got home just in time to get to my midwife appointment. James got to go with me, even though he left about halfway through to be at a meeting at his office. He got to hear the heartbeat, and we talked over some stuff we were wondering about with the midwife.

She and the intern both tried to tell, just by touch, how the baby is lying, but they couldn't get a handle on it. So, we did a sonogram and found out Rooby is head-down, so that's a relief. I'm glad to use up the 10-pack of chiropractic adjustments I bought, though! Glad I don't have to double up to do the Webster thing.

Oh! Last night, or really early this morning, probably, James woke up and had put his arm across my "waist" (or where it used to be). After a few minutes, I'd gone back to sleep but was awakened when James said, "I don't know how you can sleep through that!" Yeah, I guess the baby is pretty active. But I'm used to it. I'm sleeping VERY well, thankyouverymuch. But apparently it's keeping James awake.

Anyway, the rest of the midwife's appointment was fine. I'd gained about 10 pounds my first trimester, and then I gained 10 pounds in something like 3 weeks! But in since May 24, I've only gained 2 pounds. I guess my blood volume increased A LOT there for a while, and I was having problems with swelling, too. It was really creepy. That's a lot better now. BUT I put on like 15 pounds the last 3 weeks I was pregnant with Daphne (and lost them within several days of giving birth, so it was all fluid... and it was uncomfortable as heck)... I'm hoping to avoid that this time! Still no stretch marks or anything (another thing I avoided until that last couple of weeks with D). I'm feeling great. My blood pressure was 90/68! I just need to get to the pool again soon!

I'm trying to talk Daphne into going with me to the 4th Annual 6th Street and Trinity Splash Mob, but she doesn't seem convinced. Well, I might just ride my bike down there by myself and do it, anyway! Yes, James would totally be into it... but his work is crazy right now, so he doesn't have much down time, even on the weekends. That's one reason I loved this weekend so much. Hanging out with that guy is one of my favorite things.

That's all of the news that's fit to print for now. 32 weeks as of tomorrow. In no hurry. I'm loving my sleep. :)

The Gender Issue

It seems like 2/3 of the women I know are pregnant, and of course one of the things that is super exciting to all of us is whether we're having a girl or a boy.

The funny part is, we can all have an opinion or a preference, but once we find out, we're all equally in love. Thank God the US doesn't have official policies that make this a matter of life and death (literally). But, even so, there are still norms and expectations that can put pressure on either of the sexes to do or be certain things.

Our nursery is gender-neutral. Thing is, Daphne's was, too, and I knew she was a girl. It was all space and astronauts and fun stuff.

There are several things I've come across recently that have really struck me. Before I link to them, I'll say this: Yes, I get that girls and boys are different. But one isn't better or worse, and there are definitely some things we as a society enforce that are illogical and unjust.

Here are a couple of videos:



I put that one first because it might have made you tear up, whereas this next one might make some of you say, "Yeah, but..." But stay in the spirit of the first video, okay? Stay with me here.



When I was in high school, one of my best girlfriends did not wear make-up. Like ever. Well, except in her senior picture, which didn't look like her *at all*. But I think it was expected that she should do that since she was a girl. And it was very jarring, because that wasn't her.

So, basically, if you ask, "What do you want to have?" the answer is that I want to have a kid who is comfortable in his or her own skin, who knows who he or she is, and who is given the freedom to explore and become whomever God made them. Even if I don't always understand it. Even if he faces difficulty because he is obsessed with baking and cake decorating (then again, this might just be wishful thinking on my part). Even if she is more comfortable writing fantasy worlds than hanging out giggling with a bunch of other pre-teens. Maybe he'll turn out to be the most awesome stay-home dad ever. Maybe she'll never marry and will live a quiet life raising animals in the country by herself.

As long as my kids are well and good, I'm not going to mar it by arbitrary expectations. I look forward to seeing how both of them turn out.