Cooler heads, prevail!

Friday, I had a lot of friends who were jubilant and a lot of friends who were miserable. Saturday, I had a lot of friends who were jubilant and a lot of friends who were irritated and perplexed. As for me, I have a lot of hope. I have a lot of opinions, but I have even more hope.

I, too, have been a bit disenfranchised, as I'm sure most of us have been, over the past, really, year's social climate. In just the past week, I've seen people I care about and admire called names on social media and by "news" outlets... and I just really want us to do better.

Believe me, I get that knee-jerk stomach punch feeling that comes when someone says something that goes against what I know to be right or true. And while I'm not willing to say that there's no such thing as absolute truth, I will say that there are many things we want to insist are inarguably one way or another when that just isn't the case.

Or, in their words, "There's room for everyone in this world, so everyone make some room."

I can't do anything about the news outlets, except recommending that you just stay away from the more biased sources, whether they oppose your viewpoint and piss you off or affirm your beliefs and make you smug and unwilling to keep an open mind.

Maybe use this nifty graphic from this website as a guide, committing to reading/consuming the publications toward the middle and top of this picture.

Now, I'm going to make a commitment to you, and I hope you can extend the same courtesy to me, and, really to everyone else who might not agree with you:

1) I will not assume that the beliefs you hold are because you are *something*: ignorant, racist, sheep, liberal crybaby, baby murderer, misogynistic, not a patriot, (and, if you're a Christian: watering down the gospel to make it palatable, trapped in legalism, weak faith, not really a believer), etc. unless you do something I can point to and tell you to your face. I've seen so many people talk about how "the other side" doesn't value freedom or how they're just mindless drones doing what actors tell them, or how they're hell-bent on keeping women pregnant and in the kitchen. I don't think these caricatures are broadly applicable, and gross generalizations and insults weaken a person's argument (stance, not necessarily "fight").

Even if I disagree with you, I'm going to assume that you came to your conclusions based on a mix of your experience, research, and thought. If you want me to explain what I think or believe, I'm glad to talk about it, and I'm glad to hear your side. I do not assume that, given enough of *my* special information that you'll change your mind and see your way to the "correct" side, and I hope you don't think that about the information you give me.

However, I will say that one of my best friends over the past 20 years is someone who has been, at various times, on the polar opposite side of most political issues from me (although, over time, we've both moved more center and have, in fact, reversed sides on some things), and through our relationship and talking, I've seen a different side of things than what I believed, and I've changed my thoughts on a lot of things. That's not always comfortable, but I think we have to be open to that.

Otherwise, you're just one person talking at someone else, and that conversation's not going to last very long, because it's not fun to be yelled at and not heard.

2) If I disagree with you enough that I feel I need to bring it up, I will have actual facts to back up any arguments, however impassioned. However, know that I probably won't bring it up. Honestly, I have enough on my plate to pick a tiff with anyone else.

3) I will not presume to understand the way that "all" Democrats, Libertarians, Republicans, Independents, anarchists, Christians, atheists, black people, poor people, teenagers, Muslims, pro-choicers, 2nd Amendment activists, etc. must think. I will not assign to you a morality or ethic that you do not personally hold. I will respect you as an individual.

4) I will seek information and listen to people outside of my "echo chamber." I will seek to be empathetic. I will try to see it from someone else's point of view. I am currently in a personal struggle with where to land on a certain political stance, and I'm not going into it here because it would become "the" thing, and it's not what this post is about, but let's just say that I spent about 21/22 of my life "knowing" the right answer, but people I really admire have helped me see another side. I still think that what I believed is *mostly* right, but not "zero tolerance" right anymore. I want to be willing to examine with honesty and openness any issue that is important to the human race. I might not change my mind, but I might. I will fight my own bent to stay soft here.

I think I just ran out of steam. Plus, I have to empty the litter boxes to get the trash out this afternoon, because my life is glamorous. Anyway, can we be nice to each other? Can we remember that he IS your President, if you're a citizen of the US? Can we remember that protests aren't the same thing as riots, and that a LOT of really positive change has happened in our country's history because of people marching for things they believe in? Can we all hold these impassioned beliefs and not let it rip us apart?

Peace out. Scoop time.

I Ain't Even Mad (and I'm tired of people who are trying to sustain anger)

So, guys, whew. That election, amirite?! SNL was funny this weekend. Russell Brand had an interestingly insightful video about the whole thing. I'm not posting links, because I'm lazy and I'm sure we're all tired.

Now, first, if you want to know the truth, I did not vote for our President-elect. Second, I was surprised watcing the results unfold (again, you should really watch that one SNL skit about people "like me" on eleciton night. Good good stuff). But very quickly, I saw something so hopeful happening: I saw folks mobilizing to make sure marginalized people weren't going to slip through the cracks, be bullied, or have their rights trampled on.

I'm a member of several groups that have recently sprung up on Facebook to facilitate interracial understanding, to reach out to political leaders to make sure the will of the people is known, and to step out of comfort zones to make a real difference in the lives of people whose civil rights are important to "us" (meaning those with any kind of privilege, almost all of which I have: white, fully-"abled," Christian, straight... pretty much all of it except "male."

Seeing these random acts of kindness, seeing how taking a look at ourselves has made us more empathetic and more motivated to reach out... that's been affirming and beautiful. I want more of it! I want to be a part of it. I want to be part of a revolution that has as its goal to love actively. This is awesome.

But.

OMG, people.

The "but"s.

I get it: some of us were surprised and disappointed and scared for ourselves, or friends, or family members, or society at large. Some of us were happy and aren't thrilled with the way the "others" are looking at us right now and we don't understand their outrage and find their morality high horse consescending. I get those things.

But I'm tired of...

You know what? I'm not tired of the angry. I get the angry. I have felt the angry.

I'm tired of the vitriol. I'm tired of the darkness and the cursing and the wishing ill. I'm tired of the all caps and the yelling and the aspersions.

Examples: People calling Trump voters (who might not necessarily be "supporters," in the strictest sense of the word) racists and hillbillies and misogynists, etc. Conservatives telling "whiny liberals" to stop crying, etc. Big sigh.

I've seen families literally have to spend time apart because they are antagonizing each other. Oh my goodness, peoples, why?! You do not need to make that family member "see the light." I promise. We all have our viewpoints, and if you actually act in an uncivil manner toward someone or do something illegal or shady or whatever, I might call you on it, but otherwise, I'm going to assume you have well-thought-out reasons for voting the way you do... and it's supposed to be secret, anyway.

So maybe a little 1990s "don't ask/don't tell" is in order, if only to keep the family and/or neighborhood and/or reading club peace.

Now. There are a few things that have made me unfollow those groups I purposefully joined recently.

I was going to justify what I'm about to say by explaining my political position, but I decided not to. I don't need to justify this. It's true regardless of my opinions about the election. But let's just say that the criticisms I'm going to voice are of stances coming from what could conceivably be "my" side this election.

First, there's this whole safety pin thing, where allies (or "safe" people) wear a safety pin to indicate that they're willing to stand up for people of color, the LGBT community, refugees, immigrants, etc. Well, now there are people mad about THAT because they say white people don't get to "assuage guilt" by something dumb like wearing a pin. Um. That's not why I was doing it. I don't feel guilty.

Second, someone suggested not buying Christmas presents this year to hit the economy so "the stores" would take notice. "The stores" didn't vote for anyone. If you want to rachet down the commercialism of the holiday, great. Make stuff, do a gift swap with friends and used toys, etc. But to purposefully tank the economy just to prove a point? Hey, guess what? I live in this economy. So does everyone else, including people making minimum wage working at big box stores. And those people have families. The "notice" the stores might take if not performing up to expectations is likely to bear itself out in cutting hours or positions.

I am all for political statements, but I'm not participating in any "scorched earth" scenario, so no thanks.

Third, and probably last, because I really don't want to be vitriolic. I don't. But the #notmypresident thing? Well, it's been done, so it's already tired. However, not to put on a Captain Obvious cape or anything, but unless you defect to another country or you die between now and the new year, Donald Trump will, in actual fact, be your President. You don't have to love him. You are welcome to your embarrassment and horror that he has been elected. But as long as you're a US citizen, he'll be every bit as much your President as Barack Obama has been all of the denial declaimers' from 2008 and 2012.

That might just be semantics to you, but we've just spent weeks and weeks arguing that words are important. Do we mean it? Or do we just mean it for "them"?

Especially if you voted. If you voted, you cast an implied vote of confidence in the system that got Donald Trump elected. (If you didn't vote, you have more of a "right" to say "None of 'em are my President; I ain't part of that system," though you'd still be factually in error.) You would have accepted the outcome happily (more or less) if "your" candidate had won... So you can unhappily accept this outcome, but you really have no choice (except, again, expatriating yourself) but to accept it, since it's reality.

The absolute final thing I don't understand, anger-wise, is most of the people I know who are just ticked off about the past eight years and can't wait for a change in administration. Now, I do know that there are people who are genuinely struggling, financially or otherwise... but most of the people I know are firmly entrenched in the middle (even if lower middle) class, and their lives are not in peril or constant jeopardy, so I don't get the utter relief that this Presidency is closing out.

Also, many of the same ones calling "liberals" "whiny" or "sore losers" or whatever are the same people who have "charming" nicknames for our current President, which I will not repeat here because I don't want to give any of them credibility, nor call anyone out specifically for being rude.

But if you're a little affronted because you've done any of the above things? I'm not trying to hurt anyone's pride or feelings. I just want the ugliness to stop. We're all on the same side. We all want our country to be its best. I think most of us want that not to be at anyone else's expense, too.

So I appreciate the friends I've seen who are channeling their very strong feelings into action. Thank you for being such great examples of how to proactively combat feelings in order to stave off resentment and complacency. I want to be just like you guys when I grow up.