Soooo.... #Covid19

Dear Diary,

I am not good at waiting.

Scratch that: I'm okay at waiting. As long as I know what is coming. And I'm in control of it.

I am very sad about the people who have gotten ill from the novel coronavirus that started making the rounds at the end of last year. I hope Tom Hanks and Katie Couric and all of the basketball players will get better, but I hope everyone will get better. I'm sure the effect in China is like 9/11 was here, only in slow motion: If you weren't affected, you know someone who was affected; it touches everyone.

Here in our house, we're mostly social distancing. James is working from home, which is his preference, anyway. D is typically home, except for banjo lessons. And this is spring break, so Monday would be a stay day, anyway. Our church has gone online for the time being. I'm still taking Mal to the park, and to Urban Air and the movies and other outings... but we're never around too many people.

Except for two weeks ago today, when we went to a birthday party and then to a community park and restaurant in Belton and THEN to the Round Rock Outlet Mall, where I'm guessing there were 7000 people... but the incubation period for that is over with, and we all seem a-ok.

I'm not worried or even concerned that we'll get Covid-19. I'm not worried about my family. I'm hopeful that the medical systems won't be overwhelmed and that the ill can get the help that they need. I understand why people are slowing down and backing out. I get it.

I don't get why people are hoarding toilet paper, but, let's face it. People are weird. And so far, there haven't been any documented cases in Travis/Williamson counties. Then again, there haven't been any tests available, so it's possible we ALL have it.

But here's the deal: We were supposed to go on vacation in a couple of weeks. I know, boo hoo. A lot of people have had vacation disruptions. Heck... I hadn't told anyone about this except my travel agent, but I'd booked us a Disney Merrytime Bahamain cruise for Christmas (oh, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to get that pun), leaving from Galveston and stopping at the ACTUAL Happiest Place on Earth: Castaway Cay. But we've lost more than the price of the cruise in the stock market in the past two weeks, so I canceled that. It's entirely possible we could rebound a rebook, but it doesn't make sense at the moment.

LIES. ALL LIES.

No, the hard part is the not knowing. Two of the places we'd planned to go on our immediately-upcoming vacation are closed through the end of the month. It seems unlikely they'll be open at the beginning of April, or even during the week we're to be in California. But will they refund us our money? I've reached out via email, but I'm trying to be patient since I know there are people already there who are scrambling to get out before the doors lock.

And even if THEY refund us what we've spent, will AA refund our airfare? Not allow us to rebook with no charge, but refund the tickets with no $200 per ticket fee? If they won't, there is somewhere we can go that will be great... assuming that places to eat are open. But who can tell what to expect so many yet so few weeks from now?

I'm trying to pretend that my brain is smoking pot and chilling out. But I need answers.

I realize this is a grade-A pain-in-the-ass problem. Like, people are dying. I'm a jerk. I get that. I wish I were different. I'm working on it.

In other news, 365 by Whole Foods was cleaned out when I went today. I did not panic buy anything, and we're not hoarding. It's funny that I subscribed to Charmin's Never-Ending Roll a few months ago. It's really been easy and mindless and great! Toilet paper is on the way! WHY ARE PEOPLE HOARDING IT?!

Anyway, my refusal to panic-buy meant that today, when I realized we were low on eggs and almost out of lactose-free milk for D, that there was none to be found. We bought about $100 worth of snack stuff to supplement our eMeals (I have ingredients for 3 or 4 more meals on our menu). But then I used the last of the eggs on lunch. So...

I decided to check out H-Mart. It's a bit of a drive, and I thought I'd hit the gas station first. I mean, their eggs might taste like cigarettes, but if they have them, they have them, right? THEN I thought of Dollar General. Guess what?

YAY!

So we're set on cereal, milk, eggs, and toilet paper has been shipped from the giant TP factory in the sky.

And NOW, at about 9:00 PM, we're getting ready to have our Papa Murphy's Pi Day special pizza for dinner. Our days just get later and later. But that's cool, man. Real cool. (See? I'm trying to be chill.)

*twiddling thumbs*

Sooooo... What's going on?

It's pretty hot here. Yesterday was milder, and Sarah and I got out at 6:00 AM to ride the Town Lake Boardwalk trail I'd ridden Sunday morning by myself. Because of the weather and the early hour, it was actually mildly chilly when we first left. It felt good. But it was DARK until we got to the Town Lake Dam, about half way through the 9.7 mile route.

In the space of 1 week, overlapping Wednesdays, I rode my bike about 35 miles and some change. Not too shabby for an 8-month pregnant lady, right?

What else?

Ehh. Nothing, actually.

Last weekend, I bought a bunch of bulk stuff to chop and marginally prepare and freeze so that making dinners will be easier later. That took a lot of time.

But other than that, I feel like we're kind of coasting.

Yesterday, I washed all of our sheets and blankets; I took everything out of the kitchen and bathroom and really swept and mopped; I swept the whole house thoroughly... in addition to a midwife visit and bike riding. The day before that, I deep cleaned the bathroom, hand-washed all of the dishes (our dishwasher sucks right now), did several loads of laundry, and prepared lunch and breakfast for yesterday so I could ride bikes and still have everything done. I also broke into the quilling supplies that Patsy sent Daphne and made a name plate thing for her door (which the cats managed to partially destroy, of course). Monday, I cut and froze a bunch of vegetables and some meat and that took several hours; I also took all of the stuff off of the shelves in the bathroom so I could clean them and wipe down the shelving unit. Then I made our dinner as usual. Sunday, I'd made our other two meals for the day because I knew I wanted to get bulk stuff ready on Monday. For some reason, the waffle recipe for Monday morning made a TON of almond butter waffles, so we have about three dozen waffles in the freezer.

So I suppose I'm not coating coasting. I'm staying busy enough. But I do feel a lot like I'm killing time. I don't want to overfill my schedule, committing to things I'll have to drop. I don't want to start any big projects or take on any responsibilities I can't fulfill.

Today, I was trying to get in a quick nap before a couple of ladies came over, but I have a problem napping during the day because I start to snore, which wakes me up. If I snore at night, apparently I'm dead zonked enough that it doesn't rouse me. I asked James if I snore, and he said, unbelievably, "Nope! Not at all." When I called him on it, he amended his answer to say that it was adorable, which is an outright lie. But he's a nice guy.

As I was resting, though, I got a nervous feeling in my stomach as I considered the fact that I haven't really thought about bringing this baby home. Maybe it's because I learned my lesson with Daphne: You can't imagine it, anyway. It will never look how you expect it to look. But I haven't considered what this kid will be like, or how the sleeping stuff will work, or feeding, or any of it. I had read so many books before I had Daphne that I had fooled myself into thinking that I knew what I was doing. Of course, that was a load of hoo-ha, and perhaps it's better that this time, I'm prepared to fly by the seat of my proverbial pants.

I suppose I should enjoy this calm before the storm, instead of feeling mildly guilty for not "doing more." It's good to put some energy and sleep deposits into my storage because I know that soon, I'll be making some massive withdrawals.

But that's why there's really not much to report. We're just sort of in a holding pattern until stuff starts happening. You guys will be the first to know. Or second. Or like 12th, at the very least.

Happy Austinversary!

(I have to give credit for coining "Happy Austinversary" to my husband, who wished me this as he left for work this morning.)

Today is the anniversary of my first full day in Austin, Texas. On August 13 of last year, Daphne and I woke up, make sure everything was packed in the car, including the cats, retracted the RV slides, and caravanned from Sherman to Austin with the guy I'd found on uShip.

Several people told me at the time that I was "brave" for heading out on my own, but I certainly didn't feel very brave.

Truth is, back in May, when I first set my mind to leave Sherman, I was very certainly running away.

I overheard the stalker telling someone that I was moving away because of him. That was untrue (although it has been nice not to have to worry about his showing up on my doorstep when something hits him the wrong way). I was running away from situations I couldn't right and that were continuing to cause pain for myself and for people who cared about me. I was running from the pain of seeing relationships I'd had dissolve around me, and things I never dreamed I'd lose fading away. I was running, mostly, because I knew that if I stayed in that place, I would keep banging my head against the same walls and nothing would ever change. I'd believed, early on in the process, that time would fix things. It turned out that time was actually amplifying many of the problems, and the only resort seemed to be to go.

However, something happened between May and August. I had to stay in Sherman because I'd committed to a summer play. And during that "lame duck" time, I happened to go up to Tulsa to visit James. Obviously, we ended up dating, and over those two months, I began to hope again. I began to see the move not only as escaping an unbearable set of circumstances (don't get me wrong: several of those were direct results of poor choices that I made), but as running toward... a new day, a fresh start, a life that would be free of the baggage that surrounded me in the small town where it had all happened.

By the time Daphne and I pulled into the Royal Palms RV Park, I didn't feel like we'd finally gotten far enough away... I felt like we'd finally come home. That very weekend, we started attending the church where we have begun to make a family. (Also that very weekend, I fell in the laundry room, which probably exacerbated my spinal injury, but life happens no matter where you are.)

Over the past year, I have made way too many trips to Dallas, handled the stress of a long-distance relationship very poorly (actually, handled the stress of a close-distance relationship equally badly), visited the Texas coast with my favorite people in the world, gotten married, moved into the city center, gotten reacquainted with baking, visited another country and met some incredible people, and have had so many amazing "new life" experiences that I am overwhelmed by the blessings of it.

It has become very clear that Austin is my town. There are so many opportunities here to meet people, have amazing experiences, not to mention that my sister and her family are here. I am grateful for my new start, and I am looking forward to seeing what the next year brings...

TMI

This is going to be too much information for most, so feel free to skip it. I'm documenting it for my midwife and myself.

Sunday, June 2 - Spotting in the morning, stopped at noon. Very light brown.
Monday, June 3 - Clear, odorless discharge and then light red spotting, mostly in the morning.
Tuesday, June 4 - Light brown spotting.
Wednesday, June 5 - Heavier red spotting. Small clot.

Guhh

Tomorrow afternoon, I have an appointment with a midwife whose birthing center is literally around the corner from us. She's going to check my hCG levels; she wants to take them once, then take them again 5 days later, but since I'm going out of the country on Saturday, that's not going to work. But she should be able to tell me from one visit that they're at an expected level or if they're low.

She said that she doesn't think I'm old (I had opened with saying I was old, and she said, "Or so the doctors will tell you," which is one reason I love midwifery), but that in her older moms, she sees my symptoms fairly regularly, and as long as I'm not cramping, she doesn't see any reason to be worried.

So I guess that's something.

If I end up having this kid, and he or she reads this, then I'm super sorry I counted you out early. Managing expectations when you don't know what you're doing is not easy.