Guess where I am.

Did you guess? If so, congratulations! You just won an all-expenses-paid trip to the next paragraph!

I am at the mall on this very rainy Saturday.

But I'm not shopping because I'd rather stick a toothpick in my ear.

Rather, I'm sitting in the food court whilst these two kiddos do their kiddo thing.

I believe it's both of their first time to be let loose without family to window- and birthday shop on their own.

I'm fortunate in that Mal is a pretty mature kid, and he has some mature friends. I wouldn't trust every tween in this way, but these young 'uns got it.

It brings back memories for me of walking around Central Mall in Fort Smith, Arkansas, as a teen. I loved Coach House Cards and Gifts. They had such beautiful trinkets that I could never afford; but I still enjoyed staring at the figurines with the crystals and dragons and mermaids. Also, I LOVED humorous gift cards. There was also a big "pool" in the center of the mall with four separate fountains. It added some ambient noise to quiet the hubbub of the masses, and it made the whole place smell vaguely of chlorine.

Before that, when my mom would go shopping at Walmart, she'd give me a couple of quarters and I'd play the PacMan arcade game in the entry vestibule for half an hour or so.

We're at that stage where it's time to give Mal some slack to play with. One of his friends recently moved into our neighborhood, and he's walked to their house to hang out a couple of times already. That was after his solo excursions during the icy few days we had last month. He'd walk around for half an hour, check in, and go back out. He's showing himself to be pretty responsible in that respect.

By this time next year, I'm really hoping that his youth group (all kids roughly the same age, +/- a year) will be pretty fully autonomous. I enjoy the parents in that group (as opposed to all of the parents I ignore at most of the other places we go; not because there's anything wrong with any of those moms, but because I've already seen that when a homeschooled kid grows up, I'm not likely to be friends with many of those other parents), but I think giving the kids the opportunity to make their own decisions, take some risks, and even make bad decisions in a pretty safe environment is definitely the move.

Favorite --------> Most Hated!

D was a hard kid to buy clothes for. Mal is a hard kid to buy clothes for.

They both have sensory issues -- no bands, tags, or anything very fitted -- and have had STRONG opinions about what they want to wear from a very young age. 

I was so sad three summers ago when Mal said he wasn't going to wear tank tops anymore. I tried calling them "muscle shirts," but he wasn't buying it. He also swore off of v-neck Ts about the same time.  He will not wear denim of any shape, form, or fashion. And anything shorter than basketball shorts is "too small" for him, regardless of fit.

D was also a fan of the "long short." It was hard find them shorts that fit well, were the right length, and were comfortable enough to pass muster.

In mid-2011, I found what I thought was the answer to everything for D! At a Goodwill in Sherman, TX, they had a pair of corduroy shorts in both blue and green! D tried one of them on, they fit, and it was a go! I looked back on the rack and -- gasp! -- they also had orange, brown, and pink! We bought FIVE pair of identical shorts that I knew D would wear! YAY!

It was so easy; D wore a different pair of those shorts every day. 

Every. Day.

Every day until they started wearing out.. TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER. 

I had loved them and been so happy to have found them, but by the end of those two years, I hated them with a passion.

 

Now, I did learn something from that ordeal, though, and I typically order Mal the same pair of shorts or "fancy" joggers (that hopefully don't look like sweatpants) every season. He can usually wear them for two seasons before he outgrows them, but he's getting to be the age D was when their growth took a break for a couple of years.

But it's okay, because I already have an article of clothing that I bought Mal last year and ADORED that I literally never want to see again because it's almost all he wears.

 

This is a sentimental one for me, because it's the only wearable souvenir we got on our trip to California: a T-shirt from the awesome Museum of Making Music in Carlsbad. Maybe I just notice it because it's such a bright color. But he LOVES it and puts it on the minute it's gone through the washing machine.

Objectively, all of these articles of clothing are fine, cute even! 

I wonder what I wear over and over again that ticks off the people around me. I think I'll ask... I'll report back later!

Morning Person in a House of Night Owls

Mal has been sleeping a little later than usual, which is great because we're about to head out of Daylight Saving Time.

Since his school starts at 10 AM, I actually had to wake him up at 9:00. He goes to be at 11 PM so probably got at least 9.5 hours of sleep. I think he's about to have a growth spurt because he's been sleeping more than usual, and has been very hungry.

By the time I woke Mal up, I'd walked 2.5 miles, cleaned up and gotten dressed, made myself breakfast, and even went to pick up a grocery order.

I am a morning person.

No one else in my family is (as you can tell, with Mal consistently going to sleep around 11). 

D used to be. Until we moved into the RV, D's bedtime was 7 PM, with a lights-out time of 8 PM. Was this a challenge during the summer? You bet. But D was mostly fine with it, and would wake up bright and early. D never got out of bed before 7 AM, but just like at night, could read or entertain themself until they could wake me up at 7.

Once D went through adolescence, though, they became nocturnal. Some of that was just a shift based on puberty. But also, that's about the time Mal was born, and some of it was wanting to be awake and doing things when it was peaceful.

James would totally live the 3 AM bedtime/noonish wake-up/afternoon nap life if it were possible while still taking care of a family. He sometimes forces himself to go to bed when I do, but it feels very weird to come home from my walk and have him awake and being productive. That's just not usually his scene.

One of the joys of early walks is various iterations of the sunrise.

Update: Daylight Saving just ended this morning, and I'm already in bed trying my best to stay awake until 9 PM so I don't wake up at 3:30 AM tomorrow!

Pumpkin Patch, 'tis the season

Last weekend, we visited a dog-friendly pumpkin patch in Temple I'd read about. Because my niece told me we needed to be there RIGHT when it opened (she was right), we stayed in a hotel the night before. D even went with us! It was a nice little 24-hour getaway.

Luke and Mal both settled into the hotel pretty quickly. We realized that Luke's crate wouldn't fit in our car, and I don't think it hurt his feelings at all.

Our plan had been to all (but D) go to the park together, but Mal was having fun at the hotel and wasn't interested in getting out. So I took Luke to a dog park, and my parents met me for about half an hour or so.

The kids had McD's for dinner, and James and I got sandwiches from Krazy Waffle. He had a breakfast sandwich, and I had the Monte Cristo. It was tasty, especially because I'd forgotten to eat lunch.

The night went off without a hitch, and the next morning, we drove ten minutes out to the farm. There is about a mile stretch where the road is one-way, and that's why you don't want to get there after it's open and there is a line. It's like those construction areas where one side of the road is closed. Glad we only had to do that on the way out!

There were tons of photo opportunities, and lots of neat things to do included in the entry price. We also brought home a couple of ornamental and a couple of pie pumpkins.

2 of D's 3 archery attempts. The last was close to the middle, too!

We came back home Saturday night, and Mal had his first Halloween party on Sunday. There were some crafts and he got to play with one of his good friends, so that was nice.

On both Saturday and Sunday, Mal got to play with another friend whose grandparents live around the corner. They made plans to see each other this weekend at the trunk-or-treat and outdoor movie our town is having. We also have a homeschool trunk-or-treat Friday, and one the town over on actual Halloween. Yesterday, my friend from Las Vegas said, "So you'll have candy for a year." I don't think she knows me and my family as well as I had thought... :) 

Turn Up the Heat

This week, I've spent an inordinate time (to me) at indoor playgrounds. Wednesday, Mal spent just under 5 hours at Indigo Play. 

Yesterday, it was just under 4 hours at Urban Air. This morning, I told him I was ready to spend the day at home... but guess where we are now? Urban Air. Again. James was going to bring him when he got some outdoors work done, but then I remembered that it's Friday, and big kids come to Urban Air on Friday night. Mal likes to dawdle in the "ultimate warrior" course, and so I figured it'd be better to let him have his fun earlier.

We have a monthly membership at Urban Air, and I highly recommend it. It's about $12 per month, which is cheaper than a single visit. Lately, we've been visiting at least once a week, and often twice or more. I'm trying to prepare Mal that we'll have two weeks after we get the puppy when I need to stay around the house fairly constantly, and I figure it's a good time now to get some of this out of his system!

It rained for weeks, but that stopped and now it's extremely warm. It's hotter now than it was last week, but much of the moisture has evaporated out of the soil, so it doesn't actually feel as nasty as last week did.

Our adjuster came out this week, so we finally have ServPro scheduled to come Monday to give us an estimate for fixing the bathroom ceiling.

Our lawn mower finally got back from vacation and he's coming out tomorrow. I ended up mowing our front yard because it was getting so bad, and in the process found out that our mower battery has degraded significantly in the past two years. It's mostly my fault, for leaving it in the storage shed. I vowed to take better care of the next battery... before I realized that the battery is no longer available. I knew the mower had been discontinued, but good grief. We've had it just over four years! It still works well; why make me buy a new one?

A cool thing about Mal that shows me he's growing up: You might have noticed that in every picture I took of him during the "lockdown" this time last year, he was just wearing underpants. In the past few months, he's gotten more modest, wanting to have clothes on when we have people over, and even when he's spending the day at Nana and Pappy's. Then when D is around (like not asleep, but walking around the house). Now, he gets up every morning, picks out his own clothes (they're hanging up and he's figured out how to get them down), and dresses himself. Today's the first day he's put two things together that just don't "go," but I'm not saying anything. I'm proud of him, and grateful! 

Our dog was born early this week, and we should get to select it on Sunday. It looks like someone who was on the waitlist above us backed out, so we've moved up and are 6th on the list, for a litter of 9 pups.

That's about it for now; I decided to bring my computer to Urban Air today, and I've gotten a few things done... but Mal still wants me to come play with him a lot. The one thing about being away from the house for half of the day is that when I get home, it feels like I have to pack hours worth of work into the couple of hours before I'm ready to start relaxing for the evening. I think, hopefully, than I got everything done I need to get done today before we left, even though it was a last-minute decision to come. 

Have a good weekend!

Seeing a Specialist

Last night was not a great night.

Mal has been on Miralax (between 2 and 4 servings a day) since we went to the doctor back in May. It was hopeful at first, as he was going pretty regularly for about a week. Then it dwindled down and by early last week, we were down to maybe once a week. I tried reducing the Miralax when things got too runny, and it would stop. But we weren't loving the frequent seepage. And his belly is still bloated.

I sent Mal's doctor an email asking what we should do. He said to keep with the Miralax and if he hadn't gone in a week AND was uncomfortable, to try a suppository or enema. He also referred us to a pediatric gastroenterologist.

If you know Mal at all, you know that an enema is just not going to happen unless he's medically sedated, so instead I purchased a pediatric saline laxative (no stimulant). He took three doses Sunday, spaced about an hour apart, because I was giving it time to work. Very late in the day, he did go an impressive amount. But then it was back to nothing substantial, just lots of dribbles and cleaning of underpants.

Last night... last night was as bad as it's been. Mal went through 20 pair of underwear yesterday. He doesn't own that many underpants, so I did laundry. Twice. I also had to clean both toilets, mop the master bathroom floor, and wash several towels (we had him carry around to sit on) and his bedspread. I was exhausted, and I felt so bad for him. He'd want to play with me, but I'd notice that his pants were dirty and we'd have to go clean him up. Over and over. Every 10-15 minutes toward the end of the day.

I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't had the appointment today. We'd initially scheduled it for July 12, but got on a waiting list and had today's slot open up. I was ready to do it, but also had some anxiety. We know Mal's GP. He's a neat guy, very respectful of both of my kids, and really listens and tries to intervene in the least invasive way, with nary a hint of parent-shaming (like the "how did we get here?" kind of thing that makes you feel like, deep down, anything wrong with your kid is ultimately something you've let happen). But this is a new person, and... it's always a crapshoot with new providers.

Mal wasn't excited about getting up early this morning. "I'm having such a good time being asleep!" Same, little dude. We drove about half an hour to Round Rock, and when we arrived at the Baylor Scott and White complex, I realized that I wasn't sure which building was our target and... I'd left my phone at home.

We pulled in at one building and asked the gentleman wh was doing the COVID screening. He said we were in the wrong building, and pointed the right building out to us. We drove a short way and got there in plenty of time. We headed to the 3rd floor (something I remembered from the phone call where we set an appointment) and... it was also the wrong building. The building we were supposed to be in was actually across the street, separate from the hospital complex.

Eventually, we got there, only a few minutes late. One of the benefits of typically being chronically early. We were called right in. The nurse who did the intake was great. When Mal balked at having his blood pressure taken, she just waved it off and said, "Skip it! It's fine."

While we waited, Mal admired a photo of a bunny on the wall, and he wanted me to get a picture of him with it.

Then the doctor came in. He was much younger than he looks in his official photo online. He asked Mal, "Do you know what kind of doctor I am? I am a poop doctor. Hey, someone has to be a poop doctor. There's a pee doctor. There's an ear doctor. And I'm an expert on poop."

He talked about Mal's shirt and asked if he'd been to the beach. When I told him we'd been to the Gulf shore like Galveston and Port Aransas, which some people say isn't actually the beach, he said, "It can't all be Hawaii, right?" Then Mal said, "I did go to a beach once at Disney World!" Disney's Polynesian Resort has a beautiful sand beach. It might not be natural, but it's probably the prettiest beach he's ever visited.

The doctor also mentioned having a son a couple of years older than Mal, who had hair just about as long as his until he was 6 or so. He said his son was often complimented with, "What a beautiful girl" and that he got good at just pronouncing that he was a boy.

This is a lot of chit-chat to be allowed by a busy specialist. It helped Malcolm calm down significantly.

We looked again at the x-ray Mal had taken last month, and one thing this doctor pointed out was that Mal's colon has actually lengthened to compensate for the fullness. Then the doctor wanted Mal to get up on the exam table so he could feel Mal's belly. Malcolm did NOT want to do this, and started to whimper and insist that wasn't happening.

The doctor came and squatted in front of Mal's chair and asked, "Right now, what is it that you're afraid of?"

When Mal couldn't/wouldn't answer, the doctor said, "I just need to feel your belly to see if you've eaten any tigers or monkeys. Have you eaten a monkey?"

Mal said, "I don't eat monkeys!" As Mal laughed, the doctor felt around pretty deeply into Mal's gut. The doctor kept saying silly stuff, Mal giggled, and then at one point, tried to say "stop it; that hurts," but it wasn't completely intelligible. So the doctor said, "A turkey? There's a turkey in there?" Mal corrected him, "No, I don't eat turkeys! Just chickens!" And by then, the exam was over.

So guess what? Mal's still full of poo.

The doctor explained to him that the next thing we do is dependent on him, because no one is in charge of Mal's body but himself. I can ask him to go to the bathroom but I can't MAKE him. So, if this is going to work, Mal has to buy in. He looked at me and said, "Frankly, this can work or not. He's only 5. I have 8 and 9 year olds in here crying, begging me to help them, willing to do ANYTHING to fix the problem." He explained that this is very common, and mores with boys than girls, because boys are just busy and don't want to go. Then they get constipated and it hurts, so that is an encouragement NEVER to do that again, and it leads to what we have now. He told Mal it wasn't his fault, and that it made perfect sense that if he'd decided when he was younger to hold it instead of getting hurt, that was a logical decision for a little kid. But now...

So the doctor told me to get magnesium citrate and have Mal drink a third of the bottle every day for three days. Then he told Mal that, since his rectum was stretched out and the nerves are basically "turned off" and can't tell him when he NEEDS to go (if it always feels like you need to, that becomes your baseline, and your body stops "telling" you), that after each meal, he needs to sit on the toilet for five minutes and push, whether he feels like it or not.

The doctor also recommended maybe some kind of point system, like one star for sitting and two stars if he actually goes. We decided that we'd put a sticker on a calendar every time he does this, sitting and pushing for 5 minutes after each meal, and as long as he has 3 stickers for every day between now and his follow-up next month, that on the way home, I'll stop at Best Buy and get him Super Mario Maker 2, a game he has wanted for months and that I think he'll find very frustrating so have so far avoided purchasing.

Mal was down.

It took a couple of hours to get the liquid cold enough for Mal to drink, so we didn't start it today. We'll start in the morning, and if not earlier than Monday, by then Mal should start emptying out. THEN we go back to Miralax just to keep it soft so he will be encouraged to go. Apparently Miralax draws water into the colon, and it softens new stool but doesn't do anything about the rocks Mal already has built up in there. So we have to blow him out and start over.

Hopefully this works; if not, he'll give me some other things to do next month.

One thing he said we should absolutely do is eliminate dairy. He said it is way too constipating to be worth it, and that Mal definitely does not need cow's milk. This is going to be a chore, because that's like 1/4 of his diet: milk, yogurt, ice cream, string cheese. However, I did go right out and buy SO Delicious ice cream in vanilla and chocolate, and some SO Delicious ice cream sandwiches. Mal has eaten one of those so far and liked it. I am not going to try to give him the oat milk plain, but will try to use it tomorrow when we get our grocery delivery, which has his favorite cereal.

I was noticing as we came home how hopeful I felt. I did last month, though, too. I can't imagine the exhaustion of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and then disappointment over and over again that parents with children who have chronic health conditions must feel. I do hope that Mal will clear out and we can start over with some better toileting habits. He's never been 100% on this, and it's been a long three years!

On Gentle Parenting... and Poop

In a much quicker update than I was expecting to have when I mentioned the restroom issues Mal was having yesterday: I took him to the doctor today. He had an x-ray. I can't show you the image because I don't have access to it, but here is the official description: "There is a nonspecific nonobstructive bowel gas pattern. Prominent colonic stool burden with redundant air-filled sigmoid colon. No suspicious calcifications are seen. The osseous structures are unremarkable."

To put it in layman's terms: My son is full of shite. His entire large intestine is stuffed. There are other things the doctor showed me on the x-ray that I won't go into here, because I know TMI when I see it, believe it or not.

I'm a medical minimalist, and I'm not sure I would have thought to take him to the doctor yet, if it weren't for some very wise fellow unschoolers in the Austin area. I reached out and asked for advice, and explained that I was not interested in the advice I've heard from some parents, to the tune of: "Make them clean it up if they soil their pants," and "Clean their bottoms off in a cold shower. I did it to my daughter twice, and she started going in the toilet."

I don't like those ideas because they're punitive. Even the "experts" who say, "Don't get emotional, but do make them clean it up. It's a natural and logical consequence," it's still a punishment. There's almost no other area in Mal's life where I insist he clean up a mess he's made with zero help, and this is actually a lot more involved than putting up Legos. It also requires a certain manual dexterity in order to clean without making a bigger mess.

And the cold shower thing? I don't want to take a cold shower. Even if I do something totally dumb and get myself very dirty, I would prefer to be comfortable when cleaning up. Why would I subject my child to something I myself would find miserable?

Fortunately, there are many like-minded parents in this group from whom I sought collaborative advice. All were in agreement: He knows. He's already stressed. You don't have to talk about it or make it a big deal. Two or three recommended I take him to the doctor and ask for an ultrasound. A couple tagged a pediatrician who offered to help me if I didn't have a family pediatrician.

We do, and so I made an appointment. I told the doctor that when all of this started, months and months ago, I think it *was* a behavioral thing. Mal would hide in his room instead of going to the bathroom, and just work really hard to hold it in. He's never just pooped his pants. He just didn't want us to see him working so hard NOT to go to the bathroom. But over time, I think this built up to the point that it crossed over into a physical problem, based on everything I read and then other people's input.

And today, we verified it. He has a medical issue that we're going to tackle with... medicine. I already feel bad enough about any frustration I showed him over the cleaning and the monitoring that we've had to do. So on the way home, I told him that the doctor confirmed that this was a problem inside of his body, and we're going to take care of it. That I appreciated how hard he's been trying not to dirty his pants, but it's not his fault if it happens, and he's such a good boy, regardless.

Imagine how much worse I'd feel if I'd tried manipulating him into a behavior that his body currently renders impossible. I'm grateful to be old enough to "know better" and reject bad parenting advice when I see it. Even if Mal were just a little booger who was crapping his pants intentionally, the fact is that there's always a way to approach solutions like you're on the same team with your children. I wish I'd realized this sooner, when D was much younger.

Changing the subject slightly: It WAS every bit as exhausting taking Mal to the doctor, then downstairs for an x-ray, then back up to the doctor's office as you might think. He complained in the lobby that he wanted to go home. He complained in the patient room that he wanted to go home. He cried a LOT in the imaging lobby that he would just lie on the floor out there and they could bring the camera out to take a picture there. He took a death grip on the chair when the gentle and patient technician came out to call us back.

One good thing about having the mask (#COVID19) was that Mal pulled it up to cover his eyes, too, so he wouldn't have to see the x-ray. It was incredibly quiet and non-threatening. Still, Mal was upset the whole time and insisted later that it was awful and he'd never talk about it again. He vacillated over whether or not to see "the picture," then just didn't care when we got to look at it.

After the doctor's office, we went to Target to get a LEGO set I'd ordered him for pick-up and we had to wait in a very long line to get into the store, even just to go to customer service and get out. THEN, because I'd promised my family In N Out, we had to wait in a VERY long drive-through line for that. Both moved pretty quickly, but by the time we got home, I was TIRED.

Mal, though, seemed to get a rush of energy from the adrenaline of the day, and has been bouncing off the walls pretty much nonstop since. We've been home six hours and he's jumping on the couch. I don't usually feel like an "old mom," but I definitely do today. After care-taking for such an emotionally wrought child for a good hour at the pediatrician's, I was ready to crash. Not so with my kid. And now he wants me to go play LEGO Minecraft with him, so I suppose I should do that. I'm actually ready for bed right now, but... guess it's time to be Alex.

Social Distancing, Day (Photo Included)

How many ever days that is. That's how long the social distancing has been so far. I believe this is the 7th week, officially? I think this is James's 9th week working from home.

Being at home this long has brought up some interesting things for Mal, by way of toys he hasn't played with for months, years, and even ever. He asked me to get out his Super Wings last night, and I had to admit we didn't have them anymore (Goodwill donation). He was so upset, I did end up ordering a new set, smaller than he had before. He cried when I told him I'd gotten rid of the GIANT Jet we'd bought when Toys R Us was closing... and I didn't replace that.

Last night, he asked to play with his Florida 500 Cars track. I gave it away MONTHS ago. He had only played with it one time in a year, and it took me longer to put it together, take it apart, and put it back away than he spent with it that time.

Then today, he wanted to pretend to be the tired dragon from the Ruined Kingdom in Super Mario Odyssey, and asked me to help him find his "dragon mask." This was a mask we'd gotten with a Burger King meal back before he ever even played with toys (the movie was released in 2014, so the toy was OLD) and he'd literally never used it once.So when I did a clean-out of Happy-Meal-style toys a few months ago, that went. Sigh.

Another thing is clothes. We went to my parents' for a bit Saturday (I was checking on elderly folks, so that's totally covered in the stay-home orders that expire at the end of this week), and he took off his shorts the second we walked in. He said they were making him "sick" on the drive up. Then a couple of hours later, he complained that his shirt was too hot and lost that, too. After six full weeks at home, that kid cannot wear clothes.

We've been doing a kind of theme dinner every Friday during what feels kind of like lockdown. I had found a 12-pack of Baja Blue Mountain Dew Zero at Dollar General a week into "quarantine" and am drinking one can of the soda each Friday with my meal. I've been hoping the restrictions would be lifted before I run out. I think we're 5 down now. Let's count.

The first week, we dressed up fancy and had a nice meal. Well, James and I dressed up fancy. Mal just dressed up.

D did not participate in the dressing up (I was hoping for a cosplay, but alas...) but did enjoy the steak dinner from Longhorn Steakhouse.

The following week, in order to draw Mal into the festivities a little more, we had Minecraft night. We used items only found in-game, including pork chops, potatoes, mushroom soup, apples, and cookies.

Mal kept walking around saying, "I feel like I'm IN Minecraft!" He also dressed for the occasion, and I did my best impression of an ocelot (from the game).

Continuing in the "Mal's gonna love this" game, we had Mario's Italian Extravaganza the following Friday.

The next week, we visited the Krusty Krab, where James and I had Krabby Patties and Mal had a Krusty Krab pizza.

Then last week, I just came up with "fake foods." Our actual dinner was meatloaf and potatoes, but it looked like cupcakes. And dessert was basically a cupcake, but looked like spaghetti and meatballs.

James asked me what the cucumbers were supposed to be and, I don't know. Make something up. I was tired and we needed a green vegetable. But lest you think I'm not serious about this stuff, here's how I made the "sprinkles" on the meatloaf cupcakes:

Yes, I used a mandolin on the carrot, then I went back with a hole-punch to make them a consistent size.

Mal has been watching a lot of YouTube and playing a lot of video games, but has also been pretending a whole bunch. Here are some pictures of that, and sorry that he doesn't wear clothes anymore.