Flags of the World! (a thing about unschooling... but maybe not what you're thinking)

I posted several weeks ago about Mal's obsession with flags.

Since then, he's stayed pretty consistently interested. He's constantly saying things like, "Did you know that Chad and Romania have the EXACT SAME FLAG?" And the answer is always that no, I did not know that. 

I've actually learned a lot from Mal's interest in flags, as well. I've always loved maps and globes, and since he's into that now. In fact, after having bought Mal a beach ball globe a couple of years ago because we didn't want to shell out $50+ on a passing interest, I did buckle down and buy him one that will arrive tomorrow.

But I digress... One thing I've learned is that South Africa has three capitols because its executive, legislative, and judicial branches are in separate cities. That's pretty cool.

One thing we did get him recently was a foam map puzzle with a bunch of flags. He knew a lot of the flags, anyway, but since having put it together a couple of times, he knows all of them flawlessly. It's kind of a bummer because they didn't include any of the Central American or Caribbean countries (save Cuba), so we'll have to pick those up somewhere else. I did show him the Haiti flag immediately upon seeing it was snubbed.

Anyhoo, all of this exciting stuff to get around to my main point here.

One of my friends mentioned recently that unschooling never worked with her kids because they didn't take to "academic" stuff like what Mal is doing right now.

Now that I think about that statement, I see how a big idea in body liberation melds perfectly with the unschooling philosophy vis-à-vis the moral neutrality of most stuff in life. I believe it is Ragen Chastain who says something to the extent of "Running a marathon and having a Netflix marathon on your couch are moral equivalents." The world at large might celebrate running a marathon as the summit to a virtuous endeavor, but why? Vegging out, being lazy, and listening to your body when it says that you need a break is awesome. Running, if you like it, is awesome. Choosing to do one of those things over the other doesn't make you a better/worse person. It's just different people doing different things.

Getting back to unschooling and Mal: He has always taken a deep dive in the things he's interested in. His earliest obsession was probably the Disney Cars franchise. After we'd watched the movies once or twice, he could listen to the score and tell you what scene a piece of music was played. He knew the names of ALL of the characters, even background ones that might be shows once for three seconds in one of the three films. He collected hundreds of cars, he played with them almost every day, talked about it all of the time, found Cars shorts on the Disney Channel app on his own, noticed that some music was featured both in the movies and in the cartoons. It was two years of that.

He's also fixated on Unspeakable (which he still watches but not like when he was 5 or 6), Henry Stickman, NumberBlocks, Super Mario... and last year, Encanto. We actually have the play sets out on the kitchen table right now. He does bring them out to play and make scenes with occasionally. When the movie came out, though, he literally studied the songs until he knew all of the lyrics. In fact, his friend filmed him for almost half an hour once (she's a better audience than I am!)

When Mal finds something he likes, he has the space to take the time he wants to pursue it. With NumberBlocks, he learned a lot about how numbers work together. Since he got over that obsession, he's lost some of the multiplication tables, but I know that since he learned those things at 5 and 6 years old, he can remember and/or relearn them again in the future. He's learning a lot of geography and kind of civics with flags. Many times he'll act out a superficial version of relations between, say, Russia and Ukraine or North and South Korea using their flags as almost action figures. He'll probably forget a lot of this when he moves on to his next big interest.

The question is: Are those subjects superior to the strong relationships he formed with Cars and Encanto or a YouTube channel or a video game? Or all they all valuable pursuits for the pursuits' sake? Is the only reason I or others see unschooling as justified because Mal is learning something that some educational decision-makers out there who have never met him have decided is "important"?

I would argue that this cycle of finding something enjoyable and then wanting to know more and delve into it more is worthy in and of itself. It's what makes life worth living. My sister likes plants. My dad likes trains. My mom likes to read. Some day James and I will have time to figure out what we like again, I'm sure of it.

But my point is that, as adults, we get the option of pursuing interests without the baggage of "but what use is it in life?" My dad can watch Virtual RailFan and plan vacations around trains without people accusing him of "playing" and suggesting that he reads more books, like my mom does. We get to like what we like.

I'm enjoying this geographical path we're on right now, but I loved Cars and Encanto, too (he was on his own with Unspeakable). Mal is who he is and he's becoming the person he will be. Without anyone telling him what is really important and what he SHOULD be spending all of his time on. I love that for him.

Summer School

Mal will be nine years old soon, and would be going into third grade if he were in school (his birthday is late in September, so he'd be one of the oldest amongst his grade cohorts). He loves homeschooling and unschooling specifically, and has so far resisted any suggestion I've made about taking ANY kind of class, even something fun like dance or martial arts. In his brain, "classes" equals "school" and he wouldn't then be a homeschooler. He has little idea that his homeschool friends have at-home curricula and structured enrichment programs.

I am fully confident that he knows that he needs to know at his age, and he's obviously happy and opinionated about his educational path. But recently D has expressed quite a bit of resentment about how they feel I just threw my hands up and "Jesus, take the wheel"ed their later school years (which isn't how it went on my end, but I know that intent isn't the same as impact, and I am very sorry and regretful that I didn't, I guess, push more forcefully... which was my bent as a mostly "authoritarian" parent at the time, and which seemed to be making our relationship worse... but I digress. I should also add that I'm fully confident that D can succeed in anything they want to do; but they are on very insecure footing because of how I conducted things). 

Also, I've been thinking a lot about how Mal is just quickly dismissive of trying things that he thinks sound "too involved" or of sticking with certain things. So James and I decided it would be a good idea for him to take something, anything, just A class next fall. Once a week is fine. And he freaked out when we told him. I brought up dance again, and he said, "I know how to dance!" I told him, "Sure, but there's something neat about learning specific steps, practicing them with friends, and then getting to perform a whole dance together." He was unconvinced. 

He's since told me that he'd cry every single day of his life once he was enrolled in a class, which sounds exhausting. He's said that he doesn't want to take any classes until driving school (which is ironic since D just practiced with James and me and otherwise was self-taught). He has asked me why I want to ruin his life.

However, recently he's taken an interest in, of all things, flags of the world.

I think it all started when he'd seen a YouTuber "rating" various countries' Emergency Management System alarms. That got him to look up the countries and see their respective flags. Now he has so many countries' flags memorized.

When we were Montreal, we saw flag shops everywhere.

We dropped into a little pizza shop on the McGill University campus, and it had a bunch of international flags hanging from the ceiling. Mal was able to name just about 70-75% of them. Then yesterday, we went to visit Nana and Pappy; they pulled up a video on YouTube where you try to guess what country a flag is from, and he was able to peg 37 of the 50!

So he has said that if I can find him a geography class, he's interested in that. He's very into continents, where countries are in relationship to each other and their continents, which countries are allies and which are enemies, and other things like that. Please keep your fingers crossed that we can find a robust elementary-aged geography class in the fall!

Also, just because I was curious, I bought a Brain Quest 2nd/3rd grade summer bridge activity book. D used to love Brain Quest books, and we did a lot of them (pretty much every one through 6th grade). Mal's completed the first section so far and he's actually enjoying it. I just call it his "activity book," and he has some of the same hang-ups D did ("Why can't I do it this way instead?" Doodling all over the place so it's hard to see what he actually did. Kid stuff), but he's able to do everything easily. Even things like commas and apostrophes, which, again, we've NEVER "studied" because we don't, he understands how to use them. We'll finish the book because he's having fun, and so am I. I did get to spend quite a bit more hands-on time with D as a kid because of our "doing school" a couple of hours a day.

All of that to say: The kid is all right. It's fine. I actually got him to go to an "open gym" by basically making him (I've asked all semester and he always said no, so I just did it), which he liked a lot. This week is the last session until fall, but that's another thing he can look forward to. 

Our summer is getting busy, already. Lots of activities, movies coming out, musicals, fun stuff. Hopefully it all involved a lot of a/c or a lot of water to get into, though!

"Not a Normal Mom"

Mal came to me last week and said, "I'm glad you're not a normal mom."

Since I'm sure this is true on many levels, I wanted some specification. "What do you mean 'normal'?"

He said, "Like most moms are mean to their kids."

Okay, I got it. It's taken him six and a half years, but he realizes that we don't punish him.

I said, "Most moms aren't being mean to their kids; moms might punish their kids because they think it will help them be better people. Like, if they feel like their kid is using the computer too much, or used it without permission, they might take it away for a while so their kid will think about it more next time."

He said, "Yeah. I'm glad you're not like that."

Now TOTALLY changing the subject... on the Hidden Brain podcast this week, a guess was talking about the "comedy cliff," wherein at about the age of 23, people stop engaging in humor as frequently as they did when they were kids. One way this was determined was by asking survey respondents: "Did you laugh yesterday?" Almost all children answer yes (and most young kids laugh something like 400 times a day, and adults less than 20). Many adults answer no, until the age of 70, when I guess we start loosening up again.

I told James that those adults must not have kids like Mal.

He makes us laugh literally every single day, many times over.

One of the things I miss about our house in Sherman was the giant dining room we didn't use because there was just plenty of room at the bar in the kitchen... I mean, we have room at our bar here, too, but in Sherman, the seats faced each other because of how the bar was shaped. Here, we'd just be awkwardly facing the kitchen, like we did in the apartment.

Anyway, since we don't have a dedicated "homeschool desk," one of our repeated challenges is that Mal likes to get out his blocks and LEGO bricks and play sets on the kitchen table, and he wants to leave them out to play with "tomorrow." And the next day. And the next. And after a while, I just want to sit down to eat without having to shuffle small bits of plastic.

Yesterday was Day Three of Minecraft LEGOs on the table, and I'd told Mal I wanted to move the sets over to the coffee table. When I started, Mal followed me around, bringing the sets back to the table.

Later in the day, James was eating lunch while Mal was in our bedroom closet watching videos. As James and I chatted, I quietly moved things over to the coffee table. I figured that if I could get everything moved over, then Mal would be too overwhelmed to move it back. I was successful, and James and I continued our conversation. About five minutes later, Mal came into the room to show us something, and just said in a dead pan, "You monster."

He cracks me up every day. That's good, because he is also by turns demanding and emotionally exhausting. And his humor and mostly good nature goes a long way in injecting much-needed energy into the environment. 

Treading the Pandemic

For posterity's sake, I'm going to note that two different vaccines have been announced within the past week as having been 90-95% effective, and that it's entirely possible that, by this time next year, we'll be back to "normal." Then again, an asteroid that's hiding behind the sun could also hit Earth, so who really knows.

Mal's stomach stuff continues to be a thing we have to stay on top of. It's looking like about 1 generous tablespoon of Miralax is a good dose for him, and we still have to wrangle him to the restroom or he just... doesn't go. Hopefully the maturity/behavioral part of this will be on his plate soon enough. Between the hour a day James and/or I spend with him camped out in the bathroom, the twice a day we have to cajole him to let us brush his teeth (actually, he does okay at night; it's the early daytime brushing that he resists, for some reason), and keeping track of time to remind him to get a snack around 9 PM so that we're not dealing with making macaroni and cheese at 10:15 at night... it's a lot. But he's happy and pretty healthy, so that's a good thing.

We've been spending a lot of time outside lately. It's one of the two really beautiful times of the year in Austin, so we're trying to take advantage of it.

Construction on the houses in our immediate area is finally wrapping up, and I think we'll get a break in the heavy machinery and its assorted noise pollution soon. We can't actually see any of the building from the house right now, but there's one house going up behind our back lot that seemed to have a lot of trouble breaking up rock to put in the septic tank last week.

I've been really thinking about environmental waste and harm a lot lately. I'd decided somewhat recently to only buy sustainable/natural clothing, but then realized we were talking $70 for a casual shirt and $175 for a pair of shoes. So I instead committed to buying second-hand clothes whenever possible, then finding more environmentally-friendly alternatives where it's not possible. In fact, except for the Sonic underpants in that top picture, everything Mal has on in the photos above is either from Kid 2 Kid or a hand-me-down from one of his friends. And we'll pass them along when we're done. 

As countries move to zero-net carbon policies, I'm hoping our own nation will soon follow suit. Along with that, I hope builders (like the ones I mentioned above) will find better options than cement slabs. It's bad for drainage (even though our town has a maximum 40% impervious cover ordinance) and making it is bad for the environment. Plus, it traps heat.

James has been looking at building a work shed and found an alternative based on French drains and gravel fill, I believe. I'm on an alternative housing committee for our town and am hoping that eventually, we can move the whole city to zoning ordinances that would favor more environmentally-friendly alternatives in house-building. 

Speaking of which, the meeting has just started (still waiting for everyone to join the Zoom), so I'm out. Have a good week!

Fall Festivities and Unschooling... Kindergarten? I guess.

Mal has been on his iPad all morning. He's in Minecraft making a copy of our home. He just finished the house part and is working on the back yard. He put up a chicken coop and even spawned some chickens in it. While he's been busy with that, I wrote some funny and untrue things on his MagnaDoodle, which he either read successfully or which I helped him sound out. He doesn't like breaking words down to sound them out. He wants to guess. He guessed "pancakes" as "princess" because he doesn't like to slow down. So we're working on that. It's a process.

Yesterday was pretty warm and humid but today is cooling off. The 70 degrees to which I woke up was the day's high. I have the windows open but won't for long. Once the temperature in the house drops to 70, I'll close up for a while.

We actually ate at a restaurant yesterday; outside, of course. We went to Lucy's and Mal played on the playground with some kids while we enjoyed our first meal out, on-site, since Memorial Day weekend. Oh, I guess we did eat at the food truck court in Marble Falls earlier this month. Anyway, it was nice. We were way off in a corner alone, too, so it felt pretty safe.

For us. A guy who was eating with a few families had some kind of medical episode. I don't know what it was, but he was having trouble staying upright. Several people finally called 911 before his friend managed to get him into a truck and on his way to the hospital. It looked how I feel when I can't get blood to my head and have to sit or lie down for a while, but then it started to look almost like a seizure. Scary stuff. Hope he's okay.

Friday night, our city hosted a drive-in viewing of Casper the Friendly Ghost. I'd never seen it; I guess I was too old to be the target audience when it came out in 1995. It was cute. However, I missed a bit of it. One of the kind of neat things was that the movie would be played on the radio, and we'd taken our little CD player/radio (after I'd procured 6 C batteries for the occasion) so we wouldn't have to run down our car's batteries. Both of the vehicles on either side of us just left their engines running. FOR THE WHOLE MOVIE. Heh. Sorry about that, Earth. Good gravy.

Anyhow, the blow-up screen also had a sound system that was entirely adequate. It was so adequate that Mal eventually had us close the hatchback to filter the sound. I took that as my cue to come up to the house to get his headphones. I walked as fast as I could and then biked back down the hill (conclusion: the bike we bought D last year is garbage and probably unsafe for taller people or those with big feet, due to the position of the pedals), and after that, we all enjoyed the movie and the experience thoroughly.

Oh, there were snacks. Always a crowd-pleaser.

I'm sure I have more to write, but I'm hungry so it's lunchtime. Today is totchos: tater tots, vegetarian chili, quest, tomatoes, sour cream, and green onions. Can't wait!

Further (Non)Adventures in Dentistry, and also Homeschooling

In case you're wondering, Mal has not lost his tooth yet. Nor has he gone to the dentist. It got loose enough that I canceled a tentative appointment I had scheduled for yesterday.

I have a friend who'd highly recommended her kids' dentist, saying that her older child is a lot like Mal, and that they managed to fill his cavities without his really even noticing. I looked them up, though, and they had a lot of 5-star reviews, and a fair number (maybe a third) of 1-star reviews. A couple of the 1-star reviews said things like, "The technician was taking x-rays and wanted my child to get her tongue out of the way, but wasn't explaining it in a way that a 6-year-old could understand. Instead, she got impatient and shoved her tongue out of the way. My daughter didn't say anything, but had silent tears pouring down her cheeks." Uh, hard pass for that one.

I found a closer dentist with all 5-star reviews, save one who was charged by his insurance more than he expected for an extraction, and I'll deal with surprise billings all day long over having my kid's trauma at the dentist's office magnified by personnel who don't deal well with children. The receptionist was extremely kind, and I'll take Mal in eventually. If I didn't think his tooth would fall out on its own, I would do it now. But the COVID waiver we had to sign, specifically noting how dentistry uses spray that creates more water droplets and therefore increases the risks, gave me pause about visiting for a non-emergent situation.

In other news, we've visited Lakewood Park a few times since we went to the grand opening. Mal told me yesterday that it's "my new favorite park!" We met a homeschool family there one of the days, and... Maybe it's just having been home for so long with just a simpatico family, but, man, people are a lot.

Since we've been social distancing (which has now been in excess of 6 months, for those of you reading this in the future who do not have the context that all of the present-day pandemic-weary readers have), there have been two times that I've just thought, "WHY. Why do I need to know people?" And the real reason for now is that I want Mal to have friends, and without my driving and organizing, that won't happen.

But in one case, a child's adult caregiver said something to me that was SUPER racist. I, of course, immediately pushed back on the idea, and in time this person acknowledged the mistake. But good grief! I know this person and cannot believe that's truly how they think. Or thought? Hopefully it's in the past now.

Then another time, it was with a newish friend Mal was making, and Mal was playing well with both the younger daughter and the son. At one point, he wanted to go into the girl's room, and she didn't want him to. He complained to me, and I said, "That's fine. Just play in his room." And the parent said, "You wouldn't want to play in there, anyway. It's just a bunch of girl toys." I noticed that the girl had a Peppa Pig camper van, which also has. 

Later, I overheard Mal say something like, "That makes you sound like a girl!" I remarked to the parent, "He will say things like that, and I'm always on him with, 'What does a girl "sound like"?'" Then the parent said, "Oh, I always show them girl and boy stuff because I don't want them to be... you know..." Now, I know what I thought might be coming, and it was not this: "Gay." I almost exploded laughing. I wanted to say, "That's not how it works!" or "You don't get to choose that!" But then I was immediately saddened because I realized that it would be very hard to have our children grow up together with such divergent views on gender roles and child autonomy.

Or maybe I'm just too emotionally spent to put out any further energy on dealing with people I don't have to deal with.

Which brings us back to the family we met with last week. 

They were very focused on academic achievement. VERY. The things that their objectively adorable and bright child said made it clear that excelling in this area is a badge of honor in their household. Also, the child mentioned to me that the parents do not allow one of Mal's favorite shows to be viewed in their home. Wheee. Fun.

Fortunately, these kids AND their moms get along just fine.

I definitely want to have a variety of friends who don't necessarily think exactly like I do or believe the same things I believe. But here are some things I have problems with: First off, excluding anyone out-of-hand isn't okay. And I don't want to talk negatively about others, especially in front of kids. Like, cool that the way you're doing things works for you and your child is thriving. We can talk about that. But I don't want to talk about how miserably the public schools are failing everyone, because they're a great choice for a lot of parents and kids. Public schools can be good, and private schools can be good, and homeschooling can be good. It's not a zero-sum game. 

Secondly, the way you school, and the way you eat, and the amount of hands-on/hands-off parenting you do, etc. is all great. I'm glad it's working for you! But I also don't want to judge other people or feel judged because I'd be nervous if my kid climbed up an open-air 40-foot structure that was not intended to be climbed, or because I brought soda instead of water, or because I do not care at all that my son just misspelled "egg" aloud. Whatever. I'm not going to look down on anyone because of what they're wearing, or what their hair looks like, or the fact that their elementary-aged child still doesn't know how to tie a shoe.

I don't assume that I have the parenting thing cornered, or the schooling thing cornered. But I know myself, and I know my kids, and I know what works best for us. It's true that I breastfed longer than "normal" and that my friend who decided that once her kids turned 4 that she was out of the butt-wiping game would be horrified to know how much help Mal still needs in the restroom. He also has, as you well know, some "issues." But he also refuses to "learn" how to brush his teeth. And it's not like we can just say, "Fine, then; we just won't do it." Because I'm concerned enough about dental decay and neglect that I'll brush his teeth until he's 8, if I have to. That's my choice because of our circumstances, and maybe that seems repellant to others (it would have to me 10 years ago, too!), but... we're all on our own journey, and I'm not going to look upon with disdain parents who are choosing to send their kids to school where they have to wear masks all day and be exposed to "noxious chemicals." We're all trying our best!

That's it. I just don't have patience to deal with creating arbitrary hierarchies where the choices I or a group of which I am a part are making happen to be at the top of that structure, with everyone else well below. And sometimes it takes several times of meeting and conversing for that to pop up, but sometimes it's just right there on the surface. Those are a lot easier.

To end on a positive note, I'm super grateful for two friends I have, one a parent and one not, who like to talk about ideas and about getting better and about being humane and gentle with each other.

Now I have to go because Mal wants to flip over me because the phrase "almost 50" means nothing to him. 

Seeing a Specialist

Last night was not a great night.

Mal has been on Miralax (between 2 and 4 servings a day) since we went to the doctor back in May. It was hopeful at first, as he was going pretty regularly for about a week. Then it dwindled down and by early last week, we were down to maybe once a week. I tried reducing the Miralax when things got too runny, and it would stop. But we weren't loving the frequent seepage. And his belly is still bloated.

I sent Mal's doctor an email asking what we should do. He said to keep with the Miralax and if he hadn't gone in a week AND was uncomfortable, to try a suppository or enema. He also referred us to a pediatric gastroenterologist.

If you know Mal at all, you know that an enema is just not going to happen unless he's medically sedated, so instead I purchased a pediatric saline laxative (no stimulant). He took three doses Sunday, spaced about an hour apart, because I was giving it time to work. Very late in the day, he did go an impressive amount. But then it was back to nothing substantial, just lots of dribbles and cleaning of underpants.

Last night... last night was as bad as it's been. Mal went through 20 pair of underwear yesterday. He doesn't own that many underpants, so I did laundry. Twice. I also had to clean both toilets, mop the master bathroom floor, and wash several towels (we had him carry around to sit on) and his bedspread. I was exhausted, and I felt so bad for him. He'd want to play with me, but I'd notice that his pants were dirty and we'd have to go clean him up. Over and over. Every 10-15 minutes toward the end of the day.

I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't had the appointment today. We'd initially scheduled it for July 12, but got on a waiting list and had today's slot open up. I was ready to do it, but also had some anxiety. We know Mal's GP. He's a neat guy, very respectful of both of my kids, and really listens and tries to intervene in the least invasive way, with nary a hint of parent-shaming (like the "how did we get here?" kind of thing that makes you feel like, deep down, anything wrong with your kid is ultimately something you've let happen). But this is a new person, and... it's always a crapshoot with new providers.

Mal wasn't excited about getting up early this morning. "I'm having such a good time being asleep!" Same, little dude. We drove about half an hour to Round Rock, and when we arrived at the Baylor Scott and White complex, I realized that I wasn't sure which building was our target and... I'd left my phone at home.

We pulled in at one building and asked the gentleman wh was doing the COVID screening. He said we were in the wrong building, and pointed the right building out to us. We drove a short way and got there in plenty of time. We headed to the 3rd floor (something I remembered from the phone call where we set an appointment) and... it was also the wrong building. The building we were supposed to be in was actually across the street, separate from the hospital complex.

Eventually, we got there, only a few minutes late. One of the benefits of typically being chronically early. We were called right in. The nurse who did the intake was great. When Mal balked at having his blood pressure taken, she just waved it off and said, "Skip it! It's fine."

While we waited, Mal admired a photo of a bunny on the wall, and he wanted me to get a picture of him with it.

Then the doctor came in. He was much younger than he looks in his official photo online. He asked Mal, "Do you know what kind of doctor I am? I am a poop doctor. Hey, someone has to be a poop doctor. There's a pee doctor. There's an ear doctor. And I'm an expert on poop."

He talked about Mal's shirt and asked if he'd been to the beach. When I told him we'd been to the Gulf shore like Galveston and Port Aransas, which some people say isn't actually the beach, he said, "It can't all be Hawaii, right?" Then Mal said, "I did go to a beach once at Disney World!" Disney's Polynesian Resort has a beautiful sand beach. It might not be natural, but it's probably the prettiest beach he's ever visited.

The doctor also mentioned having a son a couple of years older than Mal, who had hair just about as long as his until he was 6 or so. He said his son was often complimented with, "What a beautiful girl" and that he got good at just pronouncing that he was a boy.

This is a lot of chit-chat to be allowed by a busy specialist. It helped Malcolm calm down significantly.

We looked again at the x-ray Mal had taken last month, and one thing this doctor pointed out was that Mal's colon has actually lengthened to compensate for the fullness. Then the doctor wanted Mal to get up on the exam table so he could feel Mal's belly. Malcolm did NOT want to do this, and started to whimper and insist that wasn't happening.

The doctor came and squatted in front of Mal's chair and asked, "Right now, what is it that you're afraid of?"

When Mal couldn't/wouldn't answer, the doctor said, "I just need to feel your belly to see if you've eaten any tigers or monkeys. Have you eaten a monkey?"

Mal said, "I don't eat monkeys!" As Mal laughed, the doctor felt around pretty deeply into Mal's gut. The doctor kept saying silly stuff, Mal giggled, and then at one point, tried to say "stop it; that hurts," but it wasn't completely intelligible. So the doctor said, "A turkey? There's a turkey in there?" Mal corrected him, "No, I don't eat turkeys! Just chickens!" And by then, the exam was over.

So guess what? Mal's still full of poo.

The doctor explained to him that the next thing we do is dependent on him, because no one is in charge of Mal's body but himself. I can ask him to go to the bathroom but I can't MAKE him. So, if this is going to work, Mal has to buy in. He looked at me and said, "Frankly, this can work or not. He's only 5. I have 8 and 9 year olds in here crying, begging me to help them, willing to do ANYTHING to fix the problem." He explained that this is very common, and mores with boys than girls, because boys are just busy and don't want to go. Then they get constipated and it hurts, so that is an encouragement NEVER to do that again, and it leads to what we have now. He told Mal it wasn't his fault, and that it made perfect sense that if he'd decided when he was younger to hold it instead of getting hurt, that was a logical decision for a little kid. But now...

So the doctor told me to get magnesium citrate and have Mal drink a third of the bottle every day for three days. Then he told Mal that, since his rectum was stretched out and the nerves are basically "turned off" and can't tell him when he NEEDS to go (if it always feels like you need to, that becomes your baseline, and your body stops "telling" you), that after each meal, he needs to sit on the toilet for five minutes and push, whether he feels like it or not.

The doctor also recommended maybe some kind of point system, like one star for sitting and two stars if he actually goes. We decided that we'd put a sticker on a calendar every time he does this, sitting and pushing for 5 minutes after each meal, and as long as he has 3 stickers for every day between now and his follow-up next month, that on the way home, I'll stop at Best Buy and get him Super Mario Maker 2, a game he has wanted for months and that I think he'll find very frustrating so have so far avoided purchasing.

Mal was down.

It took a couple of hours to get the liquid cold enough for Mal to drink, so we didn't start it today. We'll start in the morning, and if not earlier than Monday, by then Mal should start emptying out. THEN we go back to Miralax just to keep it soft so he will be encouraged to go. Apparently Miralax draws water into the colon, and it softens new stool but doesn't do anything about the rocks Mal already has built up in there. So we have to blow him out and start over.

Hopefully this works; if not, he'll give me some other things to do next month.

One thing he said we should absolutely do is eliminate dairy. He said it is way too constipating to be worth it, and that Mal definitely does not need cow's milk. This is going to be a chore, because that's like 1/4 of his diet: milk, yogurt, ice cream, string cheese. However, I did go right out and buy SO Delicious ice cream in vanilla and chocolate, and some SO Delicious ice cream sandwiches. Mal has eaten one of those so far and liked it. I am not going to try to give him the oat milk plain, but will try to use it tomorrow when we get our grocery delivery, which has his favorite cereal.

I was noticing as we came home how hopeful I felt. I did last month, though, too. I can't imagine the exhaustion of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and then disappointment over and over again that parents with children who have chronic health conditions must feel. I do hope that Mal will clear out and we can start over with some better toileting habits. He's never been 100% on this, and it's been a long three years!

If there were a PhD in picking up Play-Doh and LEGOs, I'd be a doctor

This post has nothing to do with the title, but it's a true statement and I'm not on social media and do occasionally miss posting the pithy little insight. So there's a freebie for you.

There is an article in Texas Monthly (a great publication to which I highly recommend that you subscribe if you live in Texas or like Texas or even want to hate-follow Texas). It's entitled "Texas Has Shifted to an 'It's Your Responsibility' Pandemic Plan." Which is another true statement. This is my favorite piece: "Responsibility may be personal—but risk is communal. Everyone can both get sick with the virus and pass it on to someone else. A person who gets infected while packed into an overcrowded bar can pass the disease to a supermarket cashier who is otherwise steadfastly avoiding high-risk situations..." I hope everyone remembers this.

We're getting out and about more, but we're also still wearing masks where applicable (inside when we can't keep a distance, or if I have to talk to someone who isn't behind plexiglass, anywhere that there are signs "strongly suggesting" masks, etc.) and keeping our distance.

During the past week, we've been able to enjoy:

1) Zilker Botanical Garden's free admission day.

They were only admitting 100 people every fifteen minutes, but we only saw two groups the whole time we were roaming the 36 acres. And there were cute little signs everywhere, reminding people to keep their distance (not that it was necessary on this day).

2) Jumpstreet, which we had all to ourselves.

I did wear a mask when checking in, and again when I went to buy Mal some apple juice. But we were literally the only patrons there.

Interestingly (to me), we were also at Jumpstreet exactly two years ago to the date.

3) The new swing set at Jones Brothers Park.

It was HOT! But what a gorgeous day!

They also just opened up the playground last weekend... However, Jones Brothers is going to be closing down every Friday-Sunday until further notice, because that place is PACKED to the gills on the weekends. I think it's because it was one of the only public places that stayed open during the Stay Home, Stay Safe orders. The police did announce at the time that they'd be patrolling it and would break up groups, but once the Governor started relaxing things, even more people showed up. And I'm sure the cops don't want to spend their weekends ticking people off, so the city just decided to shut it down. (They also closed it Memorial Day weekend, but this is going to be EVERY weekend until further notice.)

They're leaving the boat ramps open, so you can go and park if you're getting in a boat and spreading out into the lake. At $15 a pop, that makes our town a lot of money, so...

(I just drove by this spot and they now have a lighted sign instead of just this printed thing.)

Since we've been mostly home, I've started a new era in my own hair care. I saw a "Curly Girl Method" video and even though I have stick-straight hair, a couple of the procedures seemed beneficial to me. To that end, I have begun taking "Haiti showers."

In Haiti, in order not to waste water, we took showers as our host family, The Pauls, did: Turn the water on to get wet, collecting some of it in a small bucket that was also in the shower (to rinse out the wash cloth, etc.) and then turn the water off to do things like soap up, scrub down, shampoo, etc. The water is only on when you need it to actively do something. Now, our hosts were quite well-to-do (I couldn't host a team of 15-20 people in my house!) and had an on-demand water heater, which was nice... when the electricity was on, which was never a given.

Jean Alix Paul told us that when he visited the US, he still took "Haiti showers," because he couldn't stand to waste water anywhere. That stuck with me, though I obviously didn't implement it for another almost seven years.

So, combining the inappropriate Curly Girl Method and water-conserving showers, here's what I do the majority of the time when I wash my hair:

1) Turn on the water. Get a wash cloth and my hair very wet.

2) Dispense my shampoo into my hand and emulsify it between my hands in the water.

3) Put the shampoo all over my scalp.

4) Turn off the water as soon as the shampoo is off of my hands.

5) Use what is apparently a dog-scrubber (but you can get the human version everywhere) to make sure the shampoo gets all over my scalp, and use the scrubber to exfoliate my scalp.

6) Wash off my body while the shampoo is sitting there working.

7) Turn on the water to rinse my shampoo and soap.

8) Repeat the shampoo steps, usually.

9) After the second shampoo rinse, turn the water off.

10) Apply conditioner to the parts of my hair that would be in a ponytail (that is, not touching my scalp), then gently comb my hair to distribute the conditioner (if you do this and you're like me, you will lose A LOT of hair... but then it's out and doesn't fall into the food you're cooking or onto the floor to choke your vacuum's beater bar).

11) It's called "noodling," I think. Basically, run my fingers down small strands of hair to feel that it's all smooth and the conditioner has been fully distributed.

12) Shave or finish up washing or just meditate on life to kill a few minutes.

13) Turn the shower back on and rinse everything off (including the comb I used, and any product containers that have shaving cream or sticky fingerprints on the outside... I wouldn't have to do that if I had a bucket, but that is the one piece of the full experience that I have not implemented yet).

My hair has gotten SO much healthier since I started doing this. I've also been able to get one more day between washes. I was washing on every third day and now I do it ever fourth day. And I have what I would consider oily skin and an oily scalp.

But when you use a gentle cleanser (sulfate-free shampoo, or even just conditioner -- see co-wash), it doesn't strip the natural oils from your scalp. Sulfates and other harsh cleansers do, and so your scalp over-produces oil to make up for it.

Once you stop that practice, your scalp calms down and you don't get greasy after a day or two (and if you are edging toward it, dry shampoo is your friend).

Anyway, this has produced the results I really wanted to achieve when I tried using no shampoo a few years ago. By the way, James is still doing no-poo; it worked for his scalp and curls.

AND FINALLY, while we're on the subject of hygiene (yes, we were), I have to note that it's now been over a decade (it was 10 years in January) since I started using a menstrual cup. At the time, I thought it was changing my life... and it DID. I never worry about whether or not to swim or to jump on a trampoline, or to go on a vigorous walk, or whether I'm going to mess up the sheets overnight, or any of that stuff.

I AM READY for menopause. But until then, thank the lord for whomever invented the menstrual cup.

Fin.

A Whole New World

It's getting hot. Next week, we should hit the 100s for the first time this year; it's a couple of weeks later than last year, I should mention. As hot and yucky as it was last summer, it was a mild one, in terms of Austin weather. Even this year, our newish across-the-street neighbor has her windows open almost every day, but she's from Florida, which is even worse than Houston, which is apparently a lot worse than here. So I guess we should count our blessings on our sweaty little fingers.

We've been saving quite a bit of money staying home the past few months, but today we took our car in for $350 worth of stuff to have done, only to realize that our brakes are almost shot and whoever installed the rear tires stripped two of the bolts that hold the hub on, so they can't just sell us new tires... we need one new hub. So now we're looking at $1500 worth of stuff. That needs to be done, so we're sucking it up. But still. Saving money was fun while it lasted. (Losing more than that in our 401k wasn't fun, but that's not a "felt" loss the way that forking over money from the checking or savings accounts is. [That was a grammatically correct sentence, even though it sounds awkward.])

Yesterday, Mal mentioned that he wanted to go see the birds at the aquarium, because he was remembering one of them saying "Hello" to us and was convinced that the bird could full-on talk.

We looked it up today, and the Austin Aquarium just so happened to have reopened on Monday. I bought a Groupon (saved $11!) and we headed over, planning at first just to see how many people were there before making a decision about today.

Turns out there were only 2 other groups there; a largish family of maybe 6-8 folks, and a two-parent/one-kid family. We were never in the same room with another person the whole time we were at the aquarium. They've stopped the "interactive" things like feeding the lemurs and whatnot, but Mal doesn't like animals close-up in that way, anyway, so we've never tried that and didn't miss it. They also had the playground and the interactive floor game thing shut down, which we were expecting.

However.

Mal was freaked out the whole time and begged to leave on multiple occasions during our visit. We had a season pass last year, and while he never really enjoyed the tanks with the big old Texas river fish, he was pretty used to everything else. Today, he vacillated wildly between delight -- the birds! the new otters! the stingrays! -- and sheer terror -- the bearded dragon! the giant tortoise!

First, a few things have changed: The kangaroos are gone, and in their place are two other kinds of lemurs (the ones in the front are ring-tailed, and the new ones are black and white, and brown ruffed lemurs). They built a neat hollowed-out log slide and pond for the new otters, which cheeped at us but didn't feel like swimming when we were around.

There were a couple of added tanks of pretty colorful fish toward the end that I don't remember having been there before.

And they got a pair of toucans!

But back to Mal...

When we paid and walked into the first room, he saw the boat where the bearded dragon sits (and literally does nothing, because... lizard) and said, "I can't go in there!!" When I told him he could hold on to me and I'd stand between him and the display, he was equally chagrined because walking through on my other side would position him near the river fish. Fortunately, I was able to distract him with what I think is a pretty freaky eel, but which happens to look just like the eels from Super Mario Odyssey, so he was willing to look at the eel, and I subtly walked him around the displays he didn't want to see while he focused on that.

Mal did have fun in the stingray room, waving and saying "hi!" to the creatures who were used to having hordes of school children feeding them all day, and seemed energized by the company. But there was a fiberglass shark in this room, and Mal didn't want to walk over to see some coral because of it. He finally did, but I had to finesse that, too.

Posing. But also kind of freaked out by the pirate.

We went through the room with the koi and ducks, and Mal did pretty okay there until he noticed the giant tortoise. Granted, that thing weighs more than Malcolm does, but at least today he wasn't trying to climb the wall and escape like he was the last time we were there.

Mal did get to see the birds, and the one that usually says "hello" was not there. But one was very vocal, and would respond to us when we talked. Of course, it was LOUD. I explained to Mal that they have to be loud to communicate in a dense rainforest.

I also realized that I'd left the earphones in my car, and wasn't super pumped to remind him that those exist.

After he chatted with the birds for a few, he was ready to walk out... but then he saw the albino python. We've seen it MULTIPLE times, but this time, it was too much for him. He started yell crying and put his hand over his ears. I told him he could just walk quickly out of the room, and he said, "How about run?!"

He ran into the next and last room, then looked over to see a life-sized replica of a shark's jaw. He FREAKED OUT. It wad like in a horror movie when the protagonist just keeps running into things at every turn.

I had him look at the baby sharks before we left, because I never like for him to end an experience on a bad note. He said he was glad his younger cousin Chance likes "Baby Shark," and all seemed forgotten.

Until we got into the gift shop. He wanted to look around, then I pointed out to him a pretty big orangutan stuffy on the top shelf. He saw it, blanched, and announced, "We're getting out of here!"

So we did.

He's going to have to relearn how to interact with the world.

Wading Through Sludge

Last week, everything just felt hard.

Getting Mal to take his fiber gummies... hard. Getting Mal to brush his teeth in the morning... hard. Getting Mal to sit on the toilet a few times a day... hard. Getting Mal to go outside... hard. Keeping up with the cooking and cleaning while we're all in this space 24/7... hard. Keeping up with groceries and supplies and Amazon orders... hard. Remembering to put Miralax in everything Mal was drinking... hard.

It was just slow and heavy, and I was tired. I'm still a little tired, but I have changed things up just a tiny bit this week.

First, I ditched the fiber supplements and am looking for new ones. I ate them and they're not terrible; I'll probably finish them. They do have a "chicory root" aftertaste, but that's because... they're made out of chicory root.

Second, James has a 4-day weekend coming up, and just having something different to look forward to is helping.

Third, I am over the hump of trying to cut down on both caffeine and, mostly, caramel color (for my own reasons; you do you, love), so my personality has mostly returned, and I think I feel slightly more human than I did last week.

Now... has Mal made any progress on the gastro-internal health front? That would be a big old "not really." Somehow, even though we've had him on Miralax for a week and a half, I've given him Activia and sugar-free chocolate, he has seriously upped his fiber, and it's likely that everything in him is totally liquid now (we had a couple of eye-opening and nose-pinching incidents over the weekend that required much cleaning and erasing of memories), he WILL NOT POOP.

Today, I was trying to have him sit on the toilet every time his stomach growled. The second time, he just refused. I told him that he will never get better, never heal his muscle tone, never be able to feel when he actually needs to go, if we don't first get him empty so he can recover. He cried and told he he'd sit on the toilet tomorrow. I picked him up, as I often do, and carried him in there. But he's just over 50 pounds and my left thumb is messed up. When he struggles, it's like he weighs 150 pounds.

He was trying to run away from me, to get out of the bathroom. He was crying and complaining. I felt myself getting VERY angry, so I just sat him in the floor of the restroom and walked away. He ended up giving up, "Fine! I'll go!" and sat down. He did not go, though.

Everything I've read says not to make this kind of thing traumatizing for the child, not to get emotional, to make it fun. But it doesn't say what to do if your child is content never to go into the bathroom except to pee, and no amount of offering to read, let him play a game on his computer, chat, tell stories, play games, have a counting contest, etc. can convince him. He's already traumatized, and I'm worried that if we have to seek further, more invasive, medical intervention, it will be even worse. I'm trying to stay patient and stay the course, even as I see his distended belly and feel how rock-hard it is.

Anyway, here's Mal. He's precious. And he's a lot. I love him, and I wish I could say that I wouldn't change anything about him, but I do wish I could painlessly steamroll his abdomen and squeeze him empty like a toothpaste tube.

On Gentle Parenting... and Poop

In a much quicker update than I was expecting to have when I mentioned the restroom issues Mal was having yesterday: I took him to the doctor today. He had an x-ray. I can't show you the image because I don't have access to it, but here is the official description: "There is a nonspecific nonobstructive bowel gas pattern. Prominent colonic stool burden with redundant air-filled sigmoid colon. No suspicious calcifications are seen. The osseous structures are unremarkable."

To put it in layman's terms: My son is full of shite. His entire large intestine is stuffed. There are other things the doctor showed me on the x-ray that I won't go into here, because I know TMI when I see it, believe it or not.

I'm a medical minimalist, and I'm not sure I would have thought to take him to the doctor yet, if it weren't for some very wise fellow unschoolers in the Austin area. I reached out and asked for advice, and explained that I was not interested in the advice I've heard from some parents, to the tune of: "Make them clean it up if they soil their pants," and "Clean their bottoms off in a cold shower. I did it to my daughter twice, and she started going in the toilet."

I don't like those ideas because they're punitive. Even the "experts" who say, "Don't get emotional, but do make them clean it up. It's a natural and logical consequence," it's still a punishment. There's almost no other area in Mal's life where I insist he clean up a mess he's made with zero help, and this is actually a lot more involved than putting up Legos. It also requires a certain manual dexterity in order to clean without making a bigger mess.

And the cold shower thing? I don't want to take a cold shower. Even if I do something totally dumb and get myself very dirty, I would prefer to be comfortable when cleaning up. Why would I subject my child to something I myself would find miserable?

Fortunately, there are many like-minded parents in this group from whom I sought collaborative advice. All were in agreement: He knows. He's already stressed. You don't have to talk about it or make it a big deal. Two or three recommended I take him to the doctor and ask for an ultrasound. A couple tagged a pediatrician who offered to help me if I didn't have a family pediatrician.

We do, and so I made an appointment. I told the doctor that when all of this started, months and months ago, I think it *was* a behavioral thing. Mal would hide in his room instead of going to the bathroom, and just work really hard to hold it in. He's never just pooped his pants. He just didn't want us to see him working so hard NOT to go to the bathroom. But over time, I think this built up to the point that it crossed over into a physical problem, based on everything I read and then other people's input.

And today, we verified it. He has a medical issue that we're going to tackle with... medicine. I already feel bad enough about any frustration I showed him over the cleaning and the monitoring that we've had to do. So on the way home, I told him that the doctor confirmed that this was a problem inside of his body, and we're going to take care of it. That I appreciated how hard he's been trying not to dirty his pants, but it's not his fault if it happens, and he's such a good boy, regardless.

Imagine how much worse I'd feel if I'd tried manipulating him into a behavior that his body currently renders impossible. I'm grateful to be old enough to "know better" and reject bad parenting advice when I see it. Even if Mal were just a little booger who was crapping his pants intentionally, the fact is that there's always a way to approach solutions like you're on the same team with your children. I wish I'd realized this sooner, when D was much younger.

Changing the subject slightly: It WAS every bit as exhausting taking Mal to the doctor, then downstairs for an x-ray, then back up to the doctor's office as you might think. He complained in the lobby that he wanted to go home. He complained in the patient room that he wanted to go home. He cried a LOT in the imaging lobby that he would just lie on the floor out there and they could bring the camera out to take a picture there. He took a death grip on the chair when the gentle and patient technician came out to call us back.

One good thing about having the mask (#COVID19) was that Mal pulled it up to cover his eyes, too, so he wouldn't have to see the x-ray. It was incredibly quiet and non-threatening. Still, Mal was upset the whole time and insisted later that it was awful and he'd never talk about it again. He vacillated over whether or not to see "the picture," then just didn't care when we got to look at it.

After the doctor's office, we went to Target to get a LEGO set I'd ordered him for pick-up and we had to wait in a very long line to get into the store, even just to go to customer service and get out. THEN, because I'd promised my family In N Out, we had to wait in a VERY long drive-through line for that. Both moved pretty quickly, but by the time we got home, I was TIRED.

Mal, though, seemed to get a rush of energy from the adrenaline of the day, and has been bouncing off the walls pretty much nonstop since. We've been home six hours and he's jumping on the couch. I don't usually feel like an "old mom," but I definitely do today. After care-taking for such an emotionally wrought child for a good hour at the pediatrician's, I was ready to crash. Not so with my kid. And now he wants me to go play LEGO Minecraft with him, so I suppose I should do that. I'm actually ready for bed right now, but... guess it's time to be Alex.

Best Day Ever

(Any Spongebob fans singing that title to themselves? *virtual high five* -- It's the only safe way to do it, anyway, coughy.)

There was a span of a few weeks where Mal's constant refrain was, "I want to meet up with someone!" I hadn't really thought about it much, but if that had continued, it might have been very trying to keep him home and away from people for the weeks and likely months that we're going to have to do this.

But it didn't prevail. In fact, Malcolm has said, more than he's ever said in his life, "This is the best day ever!" It started the day we had to hole up in his room, then a couple of times after that. Tonight, he was sitting in front of the window waiting for his dad to get back from the gas station with dummies and remarked, "I love my life!"

That kid (feral as he is) is thriving under social distancing. He LOVES to be home (read the previous entry on our bluebonnets road trip). He LOVES that he has a near-constant audience with either James or me, as James is home taking breaks during the day and not commuting at night. (I actually love that, too!)

He's playing with his Mario toys, and his Sonic toys. He's running all over the front yard. He's making up games. He's playing his Switch and watching videos. This morning, the Sonic movie came out and he watched that before he even got out of bed. (Yay, an extra hour of sleep for me... except that he kept turning on the Prime X-Ray to ask me to read the names of actors.) He's mostly wearing just underwear, and I might forget to brush his hair every other day.

In the words of Sonic the Hedgehog, he's "living [his] best life on Earth."

And today he flew a kite himself for the first time!

Here are some pictures of Mal's play during social distancing. He's not complaining.

Some Observations from Social Distancing

Yeah, I know. We're all doing it. So let's compare notes, shall we? (Plus, when people view this blog in 20 years, it will all be very quaint and interesting to them, I'm sure.)

THINGS WE'RE DOING MORE OF

Laundry

Dishes

Losing money in the stock market

Talking to each other

Talking on the actual phone

Paying active attention to Mal*

Trying to find places to buy things we need

Staying up and sleeping later

Trying to find things for James to eat for breakfast/lunch

Going on walks

Eating on the front patio

Seeing neighbors walking by, driving by on golf carts, or and sitting or piddling in their front yards

THINGS WE'RE DOING LESS OF

Showering/bathing

Paying tolls

Travel planning

Much of ANY planning more than a couple of days into the future, actually

Spending money on leisure activities

Checking the stock market

Make-up (but only me; James is using the same amount of make-up as before)

THINGS THAT HAVEN'T REALLY CHANGED

Homeschooling

Cooking/baking

News consumption

Internet use/movie- and television-watching

Taking pictures

Also, everything kind of has a weird-feeling overlay, and the other day I used spray deodorant on my hair instead of dry shampoo. Could be worse.

I'm also doing some more intensive baking projects than I'm usually wont to do, like making homemade Oreos and gnocchi. That's been fun. There's nowhere we have to go in the middle of those things to interrupt the rhythm of the process.

As I've written this, I've seen three families walk by at 10:00 AM on a Wednesday. That's not "normal," but I really do like it! Hopefully this will lead to more families walking around the neighborhood and saying, "Hi."

*James pointed out that Mal is being a lot more affectionate with him since he's working from home.

Social Distancing, Day 8? I think?

It's been an interesting week, maybe the first in dozens... or even hundreds? Yikes. Let's take this one day at a time.

First of all, my family is largely introverted, and this social distancing thing isn't as horrible as it could be. Also, we mostly all like each other mostly all of the time, so that's definitely making things easier. Furthermore, we're not as stressed about finances as I know many people are (even though we've lost A LOT of our 401(k) equity) because James is able to work from home. 

Next up: We had an unpleasant surprise last week when I realized that the brand-spanking-new heat pump we had installed a month or so ago was leaking. I ascertained that from looking at the spreading rust-colored stain and dent in my kitchen ceiling. The company who installed it was so responsive. He came out and brought a bunch of fans and a dehumidifier (which pulled about 2 gallons of water from our ambiance every 24 hours) and is having a contractor replace the sheetrock.

Mal has, as you may know, has a weird hearing thing where certain sounds are "too loud" for him, even if they're not objectively LOUD. Like, he wants his headphones at Urban Air because of the fan that keeps one of the inflatable areas full. The fan isn't actually loud, and Mal can handle much louder noises if it's something like driving down the road with the window open, or blasting a song he likes. 

Anyway, he thought the fan and dehumidifier that were in the kitchen were "too loud," so we spent Friday shut into his room. He vacillated between watching TV, playing Sonic the Hedgehog and/or Lego Minecraft (like with toys), and playing Mario Odyssey on his Switch. Saturday, I shut down the fans to give us a little break. I love hanging out with Mal, but his kid-sized table and chairs weren't doing my back any favors, and I wanted to do some stuff in the common area of the house.

I left the trundle out but down, and Mal enjoyed the seat. We were eating breakfast at his mini-table.

Saturday afternoon, Mal asked, "Can we turn the fans back on? I want to go into my room and have another best day ever."

He is basically thriving right now. I don't have to change things up on him, and transitions are often hard. He doesn't want to leave the house, then once we go, he doesn't want to come back, etc. So this is probably very calming for him.

The fans are gone now, and today it was nice out for the first time in a couple of days. Mal and I are going on walks almost every day (we didn't Saturday or Sunday because of cold drizzle) and today saw three different neighbors we've never seen before. Two were out just sitting on their porches, watching the world go by. I'm sure it's because they're bored out of their skulls, but it was nice to meet them, anyway. The other was planting wild sunflowers in her yard, and she gave us three to plant for ourselves.

We also saw Mal's friend's grandma, and chatted with her from a healthy distance (minimum 6 feet), and Darrell, the neighbor who gave us our irises.

This is the second time he's walked as Mario. Whatever gets him out and moving, right?

We have decided to eat out on the front porch whenever the weather is amicable (and until the mosquitoes put the kibosh on our al fresco dining). Mal got to run around and we had a nice meal, so everybody wins!

#turquoisetable

D's banjo lessons are being held online, and so far that's not something D is comfortable with. I hope we can make it work since we don't know how long it will be before they can do in-person classes again.

We've been able to find almost everything we need at the stores, but that's only because we've taken probably 4 trips to the stores in the past 10 days, and because we have a subscription from Charmin Forever Roll. We haven't been able to find flour, but have about a pound left. A neighbor has offered us a 5 pound bag, so hopefully I can go get that from him soon.

The mayor announced, along with many other "urban" Texas mayors, a "shelter-in-place" order that goes into effect tomorrow. We've been mostly doing what it mandates, except maybe walking down to the lake. I think, as long as we kept moving, it could fall under the "outdoors exercise" category, but probably playing on the playground would be a no-no. Again, *so far* this is not being a huge issue for Mal. let's hope that trend holds fast.

Nothing very interesting is going on in our little neck of the woods, otherwise. So far, the family is thriving from this mandated down time. Hoping everyone else stays healthy and safe out there.