Day of Disappointments

This morning, I finally got the final paperwork for submitting the rebate request through our electric co-op for the new HVAC system we got in February. Once I got onto the site though, the application link was gone and, instead, I saw this:

I called the co-op and and she didn't have any information as to when it would go live again, but it's already been 3 months since we had it installed, and the deadline is 60 days. However, we had the heat pump put in on February 13. It was listed as "pending" in the city's building code inspection unit until... they were no longer allowed to do in-home inspections anymore because of COVID19. Then once they finally got out here, PEC has closed down the program.

Granted, it was only $300 on a substantially more expensive project, but still... we were certainly expecting it.

Then later this afternoon, I was brushing Mal's hair and he was mad about it, as usual. I was doing it while he was watching videos so he'd be distracted. He decided to play LEGO Star Wars instead, and instead of choosing "Load Game," he selected "New Game," and clicked on the game slot we have been playing for six months. We have 68% of the game completed. The warning popped up, "This will delete the data for the existing game. Do you wish to proceed?" Before I could stop him, he pressed, "Yes." And it wiped out every bit of progress in the game. We had to start all over. All of the levels were locked, all of the characters locked. No coins, no accomplishments. Nothing.

There was a lot more crying involved in that than in the $300 thing, I can assure you.

It's been a few hours, and we're both coping okay. We've played a lot of computer games today, as I promised to help Mal catch back up to where we were.

The Maker

Today, I realized that my younger child is like me in a way that my older child is not.

When D was little, we spent a lot of time at the library. For a small town, the Sherman library was not too shabby. At some point, D figured out that there were craft books at the library. Man, I hated when D picked out one of them. Although we had a lot of supplies, a specific craft inevitably meant a trip to Michael's or Hobby Lobby, and even though I've spent hours in many of them, I still don't understand how they're laid out.

D LOVED to make things. D still loves to make things. What all has D done? There was a beads phase.

It coincided with the Harry Potter phase.
I'm laughing about D asking the Easter face painter at my parents' church to try a snake.

There was a papier mache phase.

A Maya ceremonial plate. D also made a fish and a thunderbird, among other creatures.

And then there was the time that D became a self-taught balloon-animal maker.

When Mal was about 9 months old and D seemed securely out of craft mode, we donated 3 under-bed-storage boxes full of supplies to our local unschooling group for use at a retreat.

But then D moved on and learned (alone, no lessons; maybe some YouTube tutorials) how to sew. And how to sculpt clay, from forming to firing to painting. 

Throughout all of this time, D has also drawn. A lot. Thousands and thousands of pictures, and I haven't seen one of them in about four years. Ahh, teenagers.

Facilitating D's creative passions is what we do. Even when it's made me really tired, wandering clueless around a big box craft store for hours.

Mal... is a consumer more than a creator right now. I know that consuming gets a bad wrap (I just had to stop reading an interview with some author in Texas Monthly because she was bagging on that kind of thing), but it behooves creators to have consumers, doesn't it? Anyway. Mal is also right on brand with my lack of desire to complete crafting projects.

James's work is having a create-your-own Mario Kart contest. This should be right up Mal's alley because, Mario. I asked him if he wanted to do it, and for about a day and a half didn't get an answer. Then he said he did want to do it. We got a box, and I asked him how to design it. He said it needed to have a white circle with an "M" on it, like Mario's real car in the game (which we don't have).

Mal also said that the car needed to be red, like Mario's in the game. I asked, "How will we get it red? Paint? Or construction paper?" Faced with the extra work, Mal decided, "It doesn't need to be red." Later, we were talking about the wheels. I had a few plates to use for wheels, and asked Mal if he wanted to put some sticker letters on them or something. He said, "There aren't letters on the wheels in the game." I said, "That's okay. We can do whatever we want." "I'll just leave them plain." "But they're white. You just want white wheels?" "Never mind. We don't need wheels."

Needless to say, what we came up with was extremely minimalist, because Mal was just not interested in investing too much time into the project.

This is exactly how I've approached his Mario "kingdoms" that we've been making out of cardboard boxes. I've realized that he's at an age that even suggesting something poorly seems like magic to him, and he's pleased with whatever I do, even if it's messy. He's also willing to overlook inaccuracy, to a degree.

Anyway, here's what we came up with.

He did want the steering wheel to turn, so I made that happen.

How My Frugality Now Looks Different Than a Decade Ago

Right about the time our Instacart came up for renewal, Walmart Grocery started offering delivery to our address (which isn't exactly out in the boonies, but seems like it is to townies). I have no particular affection for the WM, which I partially blame for destroying my first marriage, but... their apps are so reliably functional and the product prices are so much less than Instacart's partner stores'. As what I'm certain is an intentional dig at the grocery delivering giant, Walmart also placed their annual delivery membership at exactly one dollar less than Instacart's.

All of this means that I have not gone to the store to buy ingredients for our cook-at-home meals (5 a week, more or less) in at least a year. It's probably even less, because I was doing Walmart Pickup or HEB Curbside and awful lot before that.

When D was little, I LOVED going grocery shopping. Whereas now, I pick meals from eMeals' offerings and get that stuff, supplementing with snacks and cereal, etc. back then, grocery shopping was a game that I played with great relish.

I clipped every coupon from the Sunday paper, even if I didn't think I'd use it. That was actually pretty cool, because if I were in line behind someone who was getting, say, a particular brand of cat food when I didn't have a cat, I could pass the savings on to them.  People knew I couponed (though I was never an "extreme couponer"), and often gave me extra inserts.

When the grocery sales papers came out on Tuesday, I'd look through and choose which store to visit. We had an Albertson's and a Kroger in Sherman, and I almost always chose Kroger. It was not as "nice," but it was a lot less expensive. Also, Kroger doubled coupons up to $.50 and tripled coupons up to $.35.

I'd look at what items were advertised as on sale that corresponded to my coupons. I'd make a list on the outside of an envelope, and stick the coupons that I definitely planned to use in there, taking the other coupons with me in case I found something in the store that wasn't advertised.

I headed to the store with an open mind, sure that if I found, say, hamburger on sale, I could find some cheap tomato sauce and pasta, and supplement that with a head of lettuce and some boiled eggs as a side salad.

Using this method, I went years without paying for toothbrushes, deodorant, salad dressing, or yogurt. For some reason, those were often both on sale and had coupons that meant I could stock up on several at a time.

I never shied away from perishable clearance items: meat, dairy, prepared produce. If it looked okay in the store, I knew we'd use it before it went south.

At the time, I had an "allowance" of about $400 a month for groceries. I'd try to spend $75 or less during any grocery run, and then have some left over in case we wanted to grab a soda or eat out sometime when I didn't have a mystery shopping job.

When I'd arrive home with a giant haul for just $75, I was proud. I wanted to tell everyone how I'd gotten 4 2-liters of soda for $.50. I know no one really cared, but it was exciting to me.

The main differences between then and now is that, first of all, stores (including my beloved Kroger) stopped bumping the value of coupons. That made the somewhat labor-intensive process of couponing -- some parents got absorbed in their phones when their kids were playing; I often used the down time to go through my accordion wallet of coupons, extracting the expired ones and fronting the ones that were about to run out -- less valuable.

Secondly, I started working, and really had to choose between couponing and mystery shopping. I still wanted to take my kiddo out to a restaurant on a single-parent budget, and got more mileage out of the shops than the coupons.

Thirdly, and most importantly now that I have nothing but leisure time anymore (have you noticed this is the fourth blog post this year??), going to the grocery store with Mal, with the intent of buying a lot of specific products off of a list, is just not fun. When he was little, he was just fussy. Now, he wants to look at toys... and, actually, he's at the age when I could just tell him to look at toys and I'd find him when I was done, which is what I did with D, but substitute "books" for "toys."

However, spending an entire hour in a store with a to-do list and that child is not the leisurely romp it was when I had a more compliant and self-entertaining child. Oh, memories are coming back. I distinctly remember listening to "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on my Walkman, using a splitter and two pair of headphones, when D was much too old to be sitting in the cart but was, anyway, and laughing so hard at Hermione sputtering through happy tears, "You boys... are so... STUPID!" What's funny about how memories work is that I know I was reaching into the freezer for veggies when that happened. (I was in the produce section solo, listening to "Forrest Gump" once, and blushed, grateful that other shoppers couldn't hear what I was hearing. The book is way grittier and more sexual than the movie!)

Mal and I went to Walmart last night, and all I needed to get was some make-up remover and a couple of frozen meals for D. We can handle that. We spend about 20 minutes looking at toys, and he's content to ride "like a trash man" on the cart so he can jump off when something catches his eye. Short trips without a strict agenda, we can do. Otherwise, I'm grateful for grocery delivery. I'm not engaging in hyperbole when I tell you that it's changed my life.

Mal's first games

Twice this week, Mal has initiated games of sort. He's participated in "peek a boo" (and enjoyed it) as well as rolling a ball or car back and forth, but he's never started the process. Until this week!

The first "game," if you will, just involved Mal forcing himself to laugh to get us to laugh. When we laughed back, he actually cracked up a lot. (And mostly without hiccups, thank God! FINALLY!) I got a video of his fake laughing... I had to keep feeding him, though. :)

When Mal was a newborn, after I'd change his diaper, I'd pick him up and lay on my back, then say, "Baby attack!" and have him come at me like he was tackling me. I'd lay on the floor and pretend to be knocked out, and say things like, "I never saw that coming! I can't believe it!" I've done it more recently as he's been fussing to get out of his "seat" toys like the piano and ExerSaucer... but not in the past month or two because he's way too heavy!

I don't know whether this was a throwback to those memories, or just something he made up, but today's game had more of an actual structure, simple as it was. Mal started off by standing beside me where I lay on the bed and then throwing his head into my torso. He would then giggle, stand back up, yell, and do it again. Of course, I acted very shocked and injured. He did this about a dozen times.

My husband saw it and went to pull out my camera, saying, "What do you bet he won't do it again?" (as per usual, when we get out the camera) However, he did catch it a couple of times as Mal was tiring out. Oh my goodness, it was the cutest thing!




He's feeling a bit better from the ear infection, but we're still fighting it! I think it spread to his other ear, too, so I'm even more determined to wrestle him twice a day to get as much of that medicine down as we can. If we can just get him well, he's being a lot of fun and happily busying himself on his own a bit nowadays. The good times are starting. Yea!

Weekend Butt-Kicking

This has been the first time this year that I have felt entirely worn out, sick, and totally over this whole pregnancy thing.

Yesterday, I woke up at about 7:30 and ate some breakfast, but was almost immediately ready to go back to sleep. I didn't, and needed to run a couple of errands, so went to the post office to mail Daphne's birthday present for her grandma (note: in the future, have her do stuff on paper that will roll up or on canvas; it was $17 to mail a flat box big enough for the thick card stock!) then went to Kohl's.

Now. I don't love shopping in stores, and for this reason had very specifically ordered online from Kohl's during a great sale they had. I was able to get Daphne a bathing suit (Zero Xposur, which is my favorite brand ever), swim shorts, and a winter jacket for $59.50, shipping included. We got the order in last week, then the next day, we got the same order again. Uh.

I called Kohl's and asked them about returning it, and they assured me I could take it into any of their stores for a refund, no questions asked. I explained that I order online because I don't have the time or energy to go to a store, and asked if they could send me a return authorization, but they said that even though their warehouse made the mistake, since the order was under $100, I needed to take it into a store for a refund.

Ugh. And because I know that now is not the time to procrastinate, I headed over there to return the duplicates. The customer service lady rang everything up and told me my refund would be $59.50, and she also informed me that I'd lose $10 in Kohl's Cash (basically free merchandise). I asked her, "About that... to make up for the fact that I had to drive down and take my time and gas to fix a mistake that your warehouse made, can I keep the extra $10 Kohl's Cash?" After speaking with her manager, they agreed to adjust whatever purchase I made in the store that day by $10.

I went to look around and found their ladies' socks on sale buy one/get one half off. I got a $14 set for me and a normally-$12 set for Daphne, so the total was exactly $20. When I took it back up to the front to check out, the lady rang everything up, took off the $10 I'd actually earned from ordering the merchandise in the first place, and informed me that I owed $10.81. I reminded her what they'd just told me, that they'd allow me to use the other $10 I'd appeared to earn from having the second order I did not place. It took a few minutes, but she finally realized what needed to happen, and I walked out of there with six pair of socks, my refund, and had spent no extra money.

When I got into the van, I was so hot and exhausted. I looked at the clock and wondered aloud, "How can it only be 10:08?!"

I got home and was both ravenously hungry and entirely drained. I laid down on the couch and noticed that I felt nauseated. I knew I needed to eat, but didn't feel like I would be able even to make a sandwich until I'd slept a while.

James approached me, asking about food and whether I wanted to walk to lunch with him. By the way, at this point, Daphne was still asleep. She'd stayed up until 2:00 AM the night before, every other Friday being the only time she can stay up as late as she wants... so I let her.

I was so hangry and tired that I wouldn't agree to do our usual, which was to walk up Guadalupe until we find something we like. I wanted to know exactly where we would stop. I did not have the energy to set off on an adventure, and I think James picked up on my desperation when I suggested a Mexican place near the house. I don't particularly love Mexican food (I know; I live in the wrong town), and he sensed that if I was willing to go there, I was in a hurry to get food nearby, so that's where we went.

After I'd gotten a couple of egg tacos (one potato and one cactus) into me, I felt much better. Then we came home and I slept for two hours.

When I woke up, James was ready to play a game so we got out the Scrabble. He beat me, having pulled ahead mid-game when he used all of his tiles and got a 50-point bonus. We're usually pretty closely-matched, so it's hard to come back from that kind of thing.

I was already feeling famished again at this point, and was seriously stalking Yelp reviews for Austin gelato joints because looking at the pictures and reading descriptions of the flavors was like porn for me at that point.

The whole day, once I felt hungry, I felt sick. Like too sick to get up and get any food for myself. I just wanted to sit on the couch and whine about how hungry I was, and sleep a lot. And it was SO HOT. I was sweating all day in addition to the exhaustion.

Finally, a bit after 5, I finally got up to make some dinner and found that the eMeals menu for the night was protein-heavy, so I was happy. My protein levels are still low, even though I'm trying very conscientiously to up my intake. Last night, we had chicken lettuce wraps with peanut sauce and a strawberry avocado salad that was interesting and refreshing. Eating definitely helped me feel better, but after dinner, all I was good for was sitting on the couch until about 8:30 PM, at which time I retired to bed.

The past week or so, as soon as I fall asleep, I start having vivid, detailed dreams. This happens when I sleep on the couch or at night in bed. Immediate stories. Lots of them are tiring. It's like I'm dragging my entire life through my sleeping mind at this point; it's a pageant of old friends, old business, old jobs, old pets, etc.

Last night, I got up three times to use the restroom... sort of. First of all, I was in bed for nearly 10 hours, so that average isn't really too bad. Second, the second time I got up, it wasn't really because of the call of nature.

I have had this weird thing where my left forearm itches like the Dickens during the summer. It feels like I have a rash, but there's no discoloration on my arm. I always assumed it was from driving and the sunlight only really hits that arm, because last summer when I wasn't driving at all, it didn't really bother me. This summer, though, it's back with a vengeance AND I'm even getting it in the right arm, though it's not as intense. Now that I Google it, it looks like Brachioradial Pruritus which might have a connection to the nervous system and spine issues, which might also explain why I didn't have it last summer, since my spine was busy trying to kill me.

Anyway, I woke up at around 2 this morning with my left arm itching so badly in 4 places that it hurt. I was determined not to scratch it because I know it's not a "real" thing... it's just a sensation. But not scratching it made it excruciatingly painful. By the way, except for last summer, the same thing has happened for the past 5 or 6 years which is that my continual scratching stimulates the hair follicles on my left arm, and my hair grows longer and faster on that arm so that it looks like it's covered in blonde fur.

I finally got out of bed to put lotion on my arms, but they were still bugging me so I went to the bathroom and got a different lotion while I was in there. Then I went back to bed and shoved my arm under a pillow I don't typically use that has a scratchy kind of cover, and that pressure helped distract me enough that I was able to go back to sleep.

This morning, I woke up and went to Kolache Factory to get us breakfast. Daphne and I had to be at church early because I was doing video, and it's easier to have portable food in case she's difficult to rouse at 7:30. I had a delicious spinach kolache (iron!) and a cream cheese one. We had a coupon for buy three/get three, so we all had a nice breakfast (James later, after we were gone) and the morning went by fairly uneventfully except that I was so sleepy during church.

We ran to the store on the way home, and I got some Gold Bond medicated lotion. It seems to be helping, but the medicine is attractive to Rudy, who wants to lick it off. Fortunately, it seems to soak in quickly so that he's not obsessed like he is with Icy Hot.

I also got an HEB pizza and some ice cream, because I was once again beyond hungry. While the pizza cooked, I vacuumed and mopped, then we had lunch and I sat down to relax.

James asked me if I wanted to go to an open house for a property that's super close to his work, and I did, so we headed over there. It turns out we have to wait until next year to look into buying, which is sort of a load off as I was feeling super stressed about packing and moving right now, or even in the next few months. We have a vacation planned for next winter, too, so I'd love to wait until we get that all paid for and out of the way. Regardless, it was a nice drive over and I love spending time with my husband.

When we got back, James was beat and laid down on the couch for a nap. His feet were filthy, so as he dozed off, I washed them and put lotion on them because I'd been ragging on him about getting our kitchen floor dirty and I wanted him to know that I was a woman of compassionate action, not just whining. Then he fell asleep for an hour or so, during which I realized what a hot, uncomfortable, giant baby I have become this week.

I sat in the leather recliner (which doesn't totally recline due to the size limitations of this room and the contents herein) for half an hour or so, but was just not comfortable. Then I sat at the kitchen table. Finally, I decided to take a shower because I could not stop sweating, and during the shower, I determined that I might just be a big enough baby to ask James to move a bit so I could sit in my spot on the couch, because apparently it is the only place where I can get comfortable these days.

So, yes, I'm pretty. But let's also remember that I sat up in a straight-backed chair at a table for more than three hours at church, and I don't usually do that. I *did* get a second chair for my feet, which I placed across the table from me. That worked okay, but I was close to the under-table support.

Another thing is that I felt myself being just on the verge of irritation most of the weekend, for absolutely no reason.

My point in this rambling missive is that this was the first weekend that I have felt out of sorts due to pregnancy, and just totally over it, and too tired to function, and too hungry to be pleasant, etc. So far today, I'm feeling a bit better; maybe it's good that I have nowhere to go and can just collect my energy.

When I was looking up pictures of slugs yesterday to illustrate how I was feeling, Daphne helpfully suggested this: the blobfish. That's pretty much spot-on as to how I felt all weekend. You're welcome.

Candy Crush Saga, an experiment

A few weeks ago, for the first time, I opened up Candy Crush Saga on Facebook, just to see what the deal was. I was careful to check the "only me" box that would guarantee that no one would see my progress in their (or my) feed, and, of course, I always blow past the "Invite Your Friends" box that keeps coming up.

The game is basically Bejeweled, except that you can only play five unsuccessful games when your log is "full." Otherwise, you have to wait 30 minutes to get one more game, or you can send games (or "lives") to friends and have them send lives back to you.

I'm finished now, and have some thoughts on the whole thing.

First of all, after playing for a bit, I realized something about me that I think is true in my life at large: I didn't care much how many "stars" I earned in a game. I just wanted to complete the level and move the heck on. You can earn between one and three stars per level, depending on how many points are scored. So, for me, I just want to complete the level. I don't care that 18 of my friends did better than I did.

If I'm passionate about something, I will excel at it. I'm apparently not passionate about Candy Crush Saga. I just wanted to best the level and go on to the next.

Secondly, I don't like bothering people. I'd send lives and moves and requests to people I knew played often, but I'd never have sent anything to someone who hadn't already interacted with me or with Candy Crush Saga within the past two weeks.

I certainly didn't want to brag on anyone's wall, especially when I passed a friend who is deceased.

Third, although the game gets "harder," you don't have necessarily to get better. About 85% of the game is your luck in the way that the candy pieces fall when others are removed. Once you get through the first couple of episodes or whatever the groups of levels are called, you rely on the combination of candies you get a lot more than your skill level.

In fact, that's why I stopped playing.

Level 86

Don't worry about what this means, if you're not familiar. With 35 moves, there is no way to clear this board without at least two of whatever the brown bombs with sprinkles are, ideally three of them. With so few candy pieces in place, lining up 5 of any kind is extremely rare. When you get down to about 15 moves and haven't broken any of the pieces you have to break twice (after clearing the licorice, so really three times), you *know* you aren't going to make it, and the rest of the round isn't fun or challenging; it's just moving stuff around until you can clear the screen for a new run at it.

One of my "things" was that I would not spend money on a Facebook game. Without buying more moves, or advantages, this level just took too long for them to decide to reward me with enough of the same-color combinations to be able to advance, so I stopped.

I did it on four or five other levels... Where I'd know it was impossible, given the number of moves, to make any progress clearing only three blocks at a time. But I could tell from playing a time or two that it was likely that, in fairly short order, the right combinations could happen. This one just wouldn't budge, and I don't need something frustrating to do over and over again on the computer as long as there's a thing called housework.

I think I got the highest score on a couple of levels at least, but the scores are also something that is seriously random, again based on what pieces the computer decides to throw at you. Often, I'd play and clear the board, but have a few moves left, and it just keeps playing things out, throwing your score higher and higher... And I had nothing to do with that.

In the final analysis, I am going to sign up for Luminosity, I think. If I want to play games, I'd like for them to have some purpose. Candy Crush Saga is okay for killing time when I'm on the phone, or just to blow off a little mental steam between thinking about ugly maths and stuff... But in the end, it wasn't ever really fun, except for a couple of levels that had a lot of movement due to wormholes. It was just something to conquer to move on to the next level to conquer to move on to the next level.

But that's just me. Nearly 47 million Facebook users can't be wrong.