AI isn't good at human stuff like storytelling, art, or... admitting it doesn't know

I avoid using AI, but for some reason there's now always an AI summary at the top of Google search results. If you want not to have that, you can add a curse word in your search, and AI will not deign to respond.

Although it wastes so much energy and water to process AI stuff, I did try something this morning that made me roll my eyes.

Someone posted a video of search queries that were nonsense, and how AI attempted to answer them. So I typed something and got this response:

Dude... just say, "I have literally no idea. I've never heard of this and I have access to all of the information in the world.

I'm not anti-AI. I think it's great in applications that help people have more access to things, like helping blind people figure out which can is peach slices and which can is cannellini beans; taking a first run at captions for Deaf and hard-of-hearing; looking at medical imaging in conjunction with an experienced radiologist, etc. 

What it can't do is tell an original story, or make a true comment about the human condition. It steals from creators and produces a less good version of anything that a person could do.

Mal had a good time for a while giving prompts to an AI-generator for images... I hated that because I knew how wasteful it was. But he was able to work through the fun of that and stop after the novelty wore off. He learned how bad AI is at understand what people are actually saying, and how poorly it repackages the stuff it steals from.

I guess you could say that my feelings about AI are like screaming into an onion.

The Maker

Today, I realized that my younger child is like me in a way that my older child is not.

When D was little, we spent a lot of time at the library. For a small town, the Sherman library was not too shabby. At some point, D figured out that there were craft books at the library. Man, I hated when D picked out one of them. Although we had a lot of supplies, a specific craft inevitably meant a trip to Michael's or Hobby Lobby, and even though I've spent hours in many of them, I still don't understand how they're laid out.

D LOVED to make things. D still loves to make things. What all has D done? There was a beads phase.

It coincided with the Harry Potter phase.
I'm laughing about D asking the Easter face painter at my parents' church to try a snake.

There was a papier mache phase.

A Maya ceremonial plate. D also made a fish and a thunderbird, among other creatures.

And then there was the time that D became a self-taught balloon-animal maker.

When Mal was about 9 months old and D seemed securely out of craft mode, we donated 3 under-bed-storage boxes full of supplies to our local unschooling group for use at a retreat.

But then D moved on and learned (alone, no lessons; maybe some YouTube tutorials) how to sew. And how to sculpt clay, from forming to firing to painting. 

Throughout all of this time, D has also drawn. A lot. Thousands and thousands of pictures, and I haven't seen one of them in about four years. Ahh, teenagers.

Facilitating D's creative passions is what we do. Even when it's made me really tired, wandering clueless around a big box craft store for hours.

Mal... is a consumer more than a creator right now. I know that consuming gets a bad wrap (I just had to stop reading an interview with some author in Texas Monthly because she was bagging on that kind of thing), but it behooves creators to have consumers, doesn't it? Anyway. Mal is also right on brand with my lack of desire to complete crafting projects.

James's work is having a create-your-own Mario Kart contest. This should be right up Mal's alley because, Mario. I asked him if he wanted to do it, and for about a day and a half didn't get an answer. Then he said he did want to do it. We got a box, and I asked him how to design it. He said it needed to have a white circle with an "M" on it, like Mario's real car in the game (which we don't have).

Mal also said that the car needed to be red, like Mario's in the game. I asked, "How will we get it red? Paint? Or construction paper?" Faced with the extra work, Mal decided, "It doesn't need to be red." Later, we were talking about the wheels. I had a few plates to use for wheels, and asked Mal if he wanted to put some sticker letters on them or something. He said, "There aren't letters on the wheels in the game." I said, "That's okay. We can do whatever we want." "I'll just leave them plain." "But they're white. You just want white wheels?" "Never mind. We don't need wheels."

Needless to say, what we came up with was extremely minimalist, because Mal was just not interested in investing too much time into the project.

This is exactly how I've approached his Mario "kingdoms" that we've been making out of cardboard boxes. I've realized that he's at an age that even suggesting something poorly seems like magic to him, and he's pleased with whatever I do, even if it's messy. He's also willing to overlook inaccuracy, to a degree.

Anyway, here's what we came up with.

He did want the steering wheel to turn, so I made that happen.

Please Make These! Pumpkin Gingersnap S'mores!

A few weeks ago, I came across a blog with which I'm marginally obsessed, if that's a thing. I mean, I don't have all day to spend reading up on past installments, but when I get some time, I like to scroll through. This lady has neat ideas, and I kind of want to be adopted into her family. I keep telling myself that we'll be able to do awesome crafty stuff like she does some day soon when Mal's needs aren't so pressing that they take all of my brain energy so that I'm left with no way to plan anything ever.

Anyhoo, the one post I could not get out of my head was Pumpkin Gingerbread S'mores. Hello. That sounds amazing. I wanted to make some, but came a little too late to the pumpkin spice marshmallow game, apparently. After seeing the exorbitant price sellers on Amazon were charging, I thought, "Duh. I can make them."

Making marshmallows is fun and easy and not much more expensive than buying them at the store... only they taste much, much better. Seriously, when I say "easy," I mean it. I've never had a batch of marshmallows *not* turn out good, which is something I cannot say for almost anything else I've ever made: cake, cookies, bread, candies, etc.

I found this pumpkin spice marshmallow recipe to use.

Beautiful pan of marshmallow. You can see the spices!

After they've been cut and dusted with corn starch.

My plan was to get Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snaps because they are perfectly spicy and amazing. But first, I forgot to get them when I was at TJ's. Then, I thought, "The marshmallows and the chocolate will be square-ish. Why not make a pan of ginger snaps myself and cut them like graham crackers?

Fortunately, I found a good and easy recipe for those, too.

One review made me laugh; he complains about how all he can taste is the baking soda and ginger. Well, 1) I'd be willing to bet someone put 2 Tbsp. of baking soda instead of 2 tsp., and 2) they're GINGER snaps. You're SUPPOSED to taste the ginger.

I thought they were perfect.

I decided to use Cadbury's milk chocolate bars for the chocolate, because, I'm sorry, I know Hershey's owns them now, but the chocolate is still a lot smoother and better-tasting than the traditional Hershey bar.

Took the individual ingredients to our Thanksgiving luncheon and put them together there.

Isn't it beautiful?!

I baked them at a temperature I have no idea what it was (the oven was already on from cooking a ham), but just watched until the chocolate was glossy and the marshmallows started to wilt and brown around the edges. (I thought about using the broiler but have a notoriously difficult time with those things and did NOT want to waste any of this!)

So, my gosh, I can't even begin to tell you how rich and delicious these were. They were like having a slice of autumn jump into my mouth. No treacle annoyance, though it was plenty sweet. Just... just look...

Yeah. Try it. You will be glad that you did!

Romance vs. Reality, Halloween Edition

Lots of people have been posting their pumpkin-carving pictures (at first I didn't hyphenate that, and the thought "pumpkin carving" pictures is interesting and marginally terrifying to me) on social media. James actually got a pumpkin from his office last Friday, but we've been waiting to carve it until tonight, the evening before his work Halloween party.

They're having a costume contest (adult and kid divisions), pumpkin carving contest, Halloween-themed treat contest, and a trivia game. There are prizes in each division, and I had a great idea for the treat contest, the prize for which is a cooking class at Whole Foods!

I had big plans for our entries and for our evening. Our first family Halloween activity! (Last year, we were too tired.)

My first idea was to make a Hello Kitty cake. It'd have white fondant, I'd pipe Hello Kitty on the top, and write, "Hello Kitty," then surround the cake with red frosting stars to match the kitty's bow. People would see it and think, "Well, okay. It's cute, but not really Halloween-themed." Then when it was time to eat, I'd cut the first piece and it would start "bleeding." I'd act like it wasn't supposed to do that, and try to staunch the "blood" with my hands, continually touching the cake so that the white fondant would end up covered in "bloody" fingerprints. Then after I'd cut the piece out, all that would be left of the writing would be "Hell Kitty."

GENIUS, right?! Well, except that when I moved the cake (it depanned fine), it cracked. I thought, hoping against hope, that if I used a thick enough coating of frosting, maybe I could make an escape-proof container for the blood. A lot of examples I saw online used plastic bags, but I really didn't want to put a plastic bag in my cake. Now I see why they did. Because it was fine... I poured the blood in and topped the cake. It held. But when I plopped the frosting down on the top, I guess that did it. The crack separated and... Well, the effect was pretty awesome.

So I immediately decided for Plan B, I'd make the cute "candy corn" fruit cups I'd put together a few weeks ago for Rework.

Probably wouldn't win a prize, but would be a cute entry. I didn't have time to go to the store, so I ordered from Instacart. Then I missed the shopper's call and got her voice mail when I called back. The store didn't have any ghost Peeps. Whatever. But she said she needed to replace the pineapple tidbits with crushed pineapple. I told her that wouldn't work and I would rather have chunks than crushed (I used chunks in the above example), but I guess she didn't get the message in time. We were in the middle of carving the pumpkin when the delivery guy came, and I realized then that I had 8 (8!!!) tiny cans of crushed pineapple. They made it right before I caught it, refunding the money for all of them. However... they also didn't get clear cups like I asked. They got those cheap plastic translucent cups. I will use all of it because I don't have the time to go to the store to get what I need (or I would have done that in the first place) and I hate to throw bad money after good. So, grr on that. Whatever.

As for our super fun family activity, we converged on the patio. Once James had taken the top off of the pumpkin, the two of us dug in. Daphne would only reach in wearing foodservice gloves, and Mal was having none of it. When D was his age, she at least went for it a couple of times.

Slimy...

...Yet Satisfying.

Good grief, that was more than 13 years ago. Anyhoo... Not Mal. He stood on the goo and slipped around. He tried to stir our pumpkin seed cache with his sand box tools. But no hand go in.

Yeah... no.

While we were doing this, I realized that Mal had a dirty diaper. Like, it-has-to-be-changed-now-or-else dirty, so I carried him in... carefully. I didn't hold him to me or put any pressure on his backside because, eww. I realized as I was lying him on his changing pad that my left hand was still covered with pumpkin guts. Oh well. I cleaned him up as best I could while he cried, miffed that I'd taken him away from the fun, and he ran back outside before I could get the diaper on. Daphne was not amused, making it a point to look away.

She drew the eyes and mouth for us, then James decided to get his drill out to make removing the face holes a little easier.

Daphne went inside at this point to do something, and Mal retreated to the other side of the patio. He does that when I vacuum or use the blender sometimes, too, so I wasn't concerned... Until a few moments later, he kind of approached me and I could see that his bottom lip was quivering and he was terrified. I put my arms around him and held him, and he started crying for real. The drill was traumatic for him. I put his head against my shoulder to cover one ear, and covered the other with my hand. I assured him that it was okay, but he was so so sad. I decided to bring him in for a quick bath while James finished up with the power tools.

D asked if she could stay inside until we went back out, but I asked her to see if James needed any help. Mal was distracted during his bath. I tried to keep the water on pretty full blast, but he could still hear the drill and was torn between being scared and wanting to climb out of the tub, I suppose to help save his dad.

After Mal's bath, we went out to finish decorating the pumpkin. My idea had been to use candy corn for teeth, and I was hoping to find these gummy eyeballs that Daphne got one year for Halloween.

Two days before this sweetie turned 5.

But, no. We couldn't find those. So, once again, we had a Plan B. But we hadn't counted on the dang candy corn being so picky and splitting when we tried to impale them on the toothpicks. And our idea to use drill holes for the Red Vines hair didn't really pan out, either. Daphne had a headache or something, so I eventually cut her loose. And Mal wanted to eat a lot of candy corn, but I cut him off after two pieces, not just because he seemed to think it was fun to chew but then just spit it out on the patio. I told James that, in hindsight, the pumpkin carving might have been something to do after Mal was in bed. Except for the drill part. That will likely give him nightmares as it is.

So, anyway, we ended up with a janky Rastafarian pumpkin. I know someone's going to have like a 3D rendering of Ron Burgandy or something, and we don't have a chance of winning either of the contests now, but whatever. All of you people with Pinterest-worthy posts... good for you. I guess that's just not how we roll here at Team Dave's. Even if we wanted to.

Terrifying on so many levels.

Best Burger EVER

I want to show you something. It's the best burger I have had in Austin, and maybe ever.

I've eaten quite a few burgers here in the ATX: Hopdoddy, Freddie's (yeah, the Fredelvis AND some of my daughter's Stuffed Frederonie), Twisted Root (the first one, before it closed, on West Campus), In N Out, Elevation Burger, P. Terry's, Phil's Ice House, etc. Although I haven't tried the burgers at Spec's at South Town Square (290 and Brodie), which a friend says has the best he'd eaten here in town. That one's on the list for "next time we're down there," fo sho.

However, this one right here... I made it! And if I'd had any idea how awesome it was going to be, I'd have made it a point to do the "food blog" thing and photograph the process. But I didn't. So you'll just have to read text absent food porn, for which I would apologize, but if you do this thing, you will be *so* happy, you'll just totally forget about the lack of snaps.

First of all, I had a bag of the pretty incredible "Traditional Italian Style" pizza dough that they sell at the Randall's deli (there's a review of it here, though the price has gone up from 2011 to $1.25 now). I took it out of the bag and separated it into 4 pieces, which I rolled somewhat imprecisely and put on a sprayed pan, baking at 350 for 17 minutes (we turned the rolls after 15 minutes, just to kind of brown the other side).

I had gotten a pound of ground turkey on closeout last week (actually, my mom bought my groceries... Thanks, Mom and Dad!), and was planning to make burgers. My husband, who, incidentally, used to work the grill at a family-owned burger and ice cream joint back in Van Buren, Arkansas, said, "I don't know why I just had this vision, but it's something about trying to cook turkey burgers. When I get hamburger, I always get the leanest possible, but with turkey, for some reason, I'm picturing it falling apart or sticking to the pan or something because it's too lean."

With that in mind, I grabbed one of the avocados we had, mushed up the whole thing, and mixed that in with the pound of ground turkey. I added garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, Kosher salt, and pepper... I would say "to taste," but I don't recommend sampling it. I guess "to your taste or preference" would be appropriate. And that was it.

As the buns were finishing up, I heated our cast-iron skillet. Then I poured about a tablespoon full of hazelnut oil (which, incidentally, I purchased on clearance at that exact same Spec's more than a year ago) on the skillet, gave it a minute to heat up, and placed the 4 patties.

We cooked the patties covered for about 5 minutes per side. Then, for good measure, I flipped them again and did 5 more minutes on the first side. When I flipped them the final time, I topped them with Colby Jack cheese slices and turned the heat off about 2 minutes in. But always keep them covered! It helps the cheese melt perfectly, too.

We prepared our buns to our liking (I had ketchup and mustard, as you can see in the picture above; James had mustard and mayo, and my daughter had ketchup and mayo), and dressed it only with spinach. Oh, and, of course, some of the caramelized cheese that had melted off of the patties. Crunchy and salty and, as my nephew says, "behdicious."

James said he really liked the pizza crust bun. It was denser than the typical hamburger bun, which stood up well to the patty. With the turkey, although it won't shrink like hamburger when you cook it, it will swell up and not be quite as wide -- as long as you don't "smash" it with a spatula/turner. And PLEASE, don't smash it! You *want* that juice inside the patty! That's the rule with all burgers always. Don't squash them!

Adding the avocado seemed to eliminate everything that makes a turkey burger less desirable - dryness, crumbling, difficulty cooking, lack of flavor - and added good fat, folic acid, and more! Try it and let me know what you think!

How a lazy person alters furniture (down-cycling?)

A couple of years ago, I bought a white three-drawer dresser from a friend. It had see-through panels in the drawer fronts, so in theory would have worked a lot like this:

The only problem is that I don't have neatly-folded linens in my dresser. I have haphazardly-folded baby blankets in one drawer, paper items that should be in a filing cabinet if we had one in another, and I have no idea what is in the bottom drawer.

My thought originally was that I might paint the inside of the panels so that they weren't entirely see-through. Then one of my cats (I'm assuming) cracked a bit of the top panel, and it looked weird.

So then I had this other idea, which I did today. This is how people like me, which is to say someone who has no technical building or redecorating skills, gets things done:

Yep, with Duct Tape. Trust me, it looks better from afar.

Fortunately, I'm not bothered by the bends and air bubbles in the tape. I just don't care. And even though I did these this afternoon, it's true that I still have no idea what's in the bottom drawer. Now that I can't see, I might never know!

I think it looks very room-appropriate with the quilt James' mom made. And, no, sorry, my services are not available to the public. It's quite the miracle I got this done my own self. I know you're all disappointed, but please try not to feel too awful about it. I'm almost certain that you, too, are capable of renovation on this level.

An alternate (morally superior) recipe for Justin's homemade chocolate peanut butter eggs

Okay, now, I want you to know I'm not typically curmudgeonly about most things. But today. Oh, man, today there was a straw and it broke this camel's back, baby.

First, it started with this:

A few weeks ago, Alton Brown posted a recipe for a chocolate cake made with tofu instead of milk (cleverly called "Moo-Less Chocolate Pie"). It looks delicious! I'd love to make one soon, and I have no aversion to dairy; I just like stuff like this. However, from some of the comments, you'd think he murdered a person's grandma.

"I almost ended up in the hospital because someone tried to “trick” be with black bean brownies. I have a host of odd allergies including most leagues (sic), black beans and soy included." He's so allergic to "legumes" that he can't even spell them!

A lot of the comments were like that. And I'm not trying to minimize food allergies; I get that some are fatal. But here's the deal: I do not believe for one moment that AB is out on the street surreptitiously handing out pie to unsuspecting by-passers. My guess is that he knows who he's feeding. Besides, if I had a soy allergy, I'd be SUPER careful about everything I put in my maw, because I think more stuff has soy than gluten, and when it's everywhere, you have to be very careful.

So, if AB has a dinner party, I'm almost certain that he asks if there are any allergies or aversions and honors those. If no one says they're allergic to soy, then they probably get the pie.

Oh, and if you *do* have a food allergy and I ask about it, you might need to elaborate. For instance, a few years ago, if I'd asked about this and you'd said you had a latex allergy, I would only have made sure I didn't wear gloves when preparing the meal (who knew there even *was* such a thing as cross-reactive food?!).

Then a friend posted this, and it's very funny (and perhaps offensive to you if you're humor-challenged about this kind of thing).




But today.

Today, this one got me.

Three days ago, Justin's made this post on Facebook:

Well hello, Spring! Has anyone ever succeeded in balancing an egg on the equinox? Today, I'm attempting it with this PB egg. Most delicious experiment ever. #peanutbutter #spring #equinox

Homemade Peanut Butter Eggs:

Melt 1/2 Cup Honey Peanut Butter in the microwave for 30 seconds. Whisk in 1/2 C. Powdered Sugar and stir until fully combined. Form PB mixture into egg shapes and freeze for 20 minutes. Dip PB eggs into melted dark, milk or white chocolate and refrigerate 15 minutes or until chocolate has set. Enjoy!

Well, fun, right? No. Awwww, heck, naw.

"microwave... are you kidding me...makes me wonder about your products quality that I have been buying for years. NO nuke the food!" "Oh Justins's. That "all natural" goes to shit the moment you mention a microwave."

Um... and, wow. There was another one. But it's been deleted. I think it was deleted because, well, I'm not proud of this, but I trolled a little bit. The comment said, "Can you please post a version of this recipe that does not use the microwave?" Now, some very nice/helpful person (mentally healthy) gave instructions about using a double-boiler and melting it the way you'd melt chocolate, then the original poster thanked her. I might. not. have. been very Christlike in my follow-up. I *might* have said something like, "Seriously? Then use the stove. You could leave it out on the porch if you live in the south."

Now, before we judge me too harshly (like I judged that person), realize where I'm coming from: If you've committed your life to avoiding the very microwaves that 90% of people who can afford to have a microwave oven use every day, then I expect YOU to be the expert on how to get around using it. I mean, it's not like you just stopped using the "nuker" (that's not how it works) yesterday and haven't figured out what else to do. You don't use one, right? So YOU should have the tips and tricks, man.

Regardless, that's deleted now.

And I feel bad.

Sort of.

Mostly because it was ridiculous, and if she genuinely didn't know and wanted to know, she should have left it up instead of cowering beneath my virtual glare.

But I am ready to do penance! How? By making a more friendly, natural PB egg recipe. Here it is, anonymous user who deleted your condescending question:

Homemade Peanut Butter Eggs:

Harvest 3 Tablespoons honey from your beehive. Thank the bees by doing a gratefulness dance that mimics their "here's pollen" dance, but not so closely that it tricks them because that would be mean. Process peanuts into butter either at the store or at home. Put it into a Mason jar that has already been used once and will be used again after this time. If you are male, place the mason jar just below the waist of your drawers, and if you're a lady, put it between your girls. Do this long enough that the peanut butter is soft and stirable. You might want to wear an 8 x 11.5 inch sign on your front and back that says "packing peanuts" so that people with allergies can avoid you. They might think you're referring to the environmentally devastating styrofoam, so add "like Snickers" underneath, and maybe that will help avoid a lecture. Take 1/2 cup sugar in the raw and process it in your solar-powered blender until it is powdery. Add 1 Tablespoon cream of tartar left over from your wine-making to the sugar, then whisk it in with the peanut butter and honey stir until fully combined. Form PB mixture into egg shapes and store it overnight in one of the passive cooling systems described here (which you have already built; you're really supposed to read the WHOLE recipe first, you know). While you're waiting, pick some chocolate that is Fair Trade. All kidding aside, ripping poor people off so you can get your chocolate fix isn't cool. Dip PB eggs into melted dark, milk or white chocolate and refrigerate overnight or until the chocolate has set.

Okay. So hopefully we're square now.

Do you feel better? I feel better. If you don't then watch this, and afterwards we'll ALL feel much happier. And, maybe. Maybe I might be crying. How can we be mad when there's this?

Procrastination of the most romantic sort

In August 2013, I came up with some lyrics to a love song I thought it'd be neat to produce for James for our first anniversary. Well, guess what? I never did it. BUT I found the lyrics when I was looking for something else, and I thought I'd share them with you, because, trust me, you need this kind of thing in your life. Get some tissues ready.

Bee tee dubs, this was in response to the phrase, "I love you to the moon and back," which I have since learned is from a book, and I read that book, and in context, it's touching enough, but come on with the competitiveness, mom! (If I'm remembering correctly.)

And now, the song:

VERSE 1
Some people love to the moon and back
But that's not good enough
A lunar love will never do
Our love has the right stuff

To boldly go where none has gone
To strange new worlds and such
So when I tell you of my love
You need to know how much

CHORUS
I love you to Uranus
And we're never coming back
We'll hold our love together
Even if it starts to crack

A black hole's pull is not enough
To stop us or contain us
We're both in this together
And I love you to Uranus

VERSE 2
Our love is no mere gas giant
As anyone can see
I'll hold you 'till forever
They can't take the sky from me

And Milky Ways are tasty
But they're here and then they're gone
Well, even after supernova
You and I go on

CHORUS
Yes, I love you to Uranus
And we're never coming back
We'll hold our love together
Even if it starts to crack

A black hole's pull is not enough
To stop us or contain us
We're both in this together
And I love you to Uranus

BRIDGE
We're closer that Luke and Leia
We're closer than Leia and Han
We're closer than Han and Chewy
Our love goes on and on
(19.2 Atronomical Units, to be precise)

CHORUS 2
I love you to Uranus
Uranus is the place for me
We'll orbit side-by-side
'Cause that's the way that it should be

I'll never leave you blue
I'll not revoke your planethood
I love you to Uranus
Where our love is always good

Review: Austin's Baked by Amy's birthday party experience

Yesterday afternoon was cold and rainy, but my nieces, nephews, kids, sister, mom, and I had a fun time decorating at Baked by Amy's. Amy's Ice Creams is a long-time Austin staple, and last year, they opened up their first bakery on 183 in the iFly building (Anderson Mills exit at 183 North). It is conveniently located next to an ice cream shop and Phil's Ice House, which will be awfully handy if you consume as much sugar as we did, but we'll get to that part in a bit...

First of all, the nitty-gritty: Birthday parties at Baked by Amy's start at $200 and can accommodate up to 8 kids (or participants, as they were completely gracious to us adults, so I'm sure they wouldn't balk if you and your best friends showed up ready for some creative, tasty fun). Beyond that, it's $25 per person, and it includes invitations! We had booked last minute, and it wasn't anyone's birthday, so we didn't get the invitations, but you'll see why I feel like this was a great deal...

When we arrived, everything was set up. I'd told her there would be 6-8 of us, and there were 9 places set up, plus the one for the baker.

Oh, and it's in a bakery, so in addition to it looking awesome, it smelled AMAZING.

So, yes, we were set up in the lobby, in front of this deliciousness. We had participants from 5-15... or to 69, if you count the three adults. The youngest two made personalized "chef's" hats (they are really more like food-service or soda jerk hats, but I'm not splitting hairs about that). I'm sure the bigger kids could have done this, too, but the girl who hosted our party didn't pander to them.

Each setting had two cookies (one round and one with a flat end and arced end, both shortbread), two cupcakes (one chocolate and one vanilla), some gummy bears, a few Oreos, and a couple of spoons. There were different-colored icings in cups around the table, as well as some white icing, and a bunch of parchment paper piping bags.

When everyone was ready, the hostess got things started by showing everyone how to make a sunflower decoration on a cupcake.

Put some icing into a piping bag.

Um, mine looks vaguely like a flower, right?

Her leaves were much more precise.

Travis might have sneaked some icing into his mouth. Just maybe.

Some embellishments.

The hostess was so helpful, willing to show extra tricks and give us tips.

The next cupcake, she said to decorate however we wanted. A word of caution, though: tell your kids not to use up the Oreos (like I did!) because you'll need them later!

Next, she showed us how to decorate one of the cookies to look like an owl. Here is the pro's:

I'd used my Oreos (well, I used two and accidentally ate the other one), so...

Another...

Then we decorated the other cookie however we wanted to.

After we had all decorated our stuff, we got to head into the kitchen to see the professional do her thing!

She put together a Neapolitan cake for the kids' enjoyment (and ours). 

They even got to help plane the frosting.

She explained that sprinkles or cake crumbs or nuts can hide errors in the icing. Nice tip!

Next, it was time to write the Happy Birthday message, but since we weren't celebrating anything special, the kids had her write "lasagna."

This cake was HUGE. I guess it's a 10-inch cake, but it looks like a monster. Now, I've bought 6-inch cakes from bakeries before that were $80 (it did have a custom design, though), so when you think about the price of this party, and that it includes not only this cake but all of the stuff we made (which is boxed up and you get to take with you), then this is a very reasonable party, price-wise!

All of the kids loved it, from the 5-year-old to the 15-year-old. Each kid can decorate to their own ability, and have as much or as little assistance as they want.

My daughter has had birthday parties at a skating rink and at a gym, and I paid about this much for those facilities, still having to provide the cake and any gift bags we wanted to hand out.

But, as every parent knows, one of the best parts of having a party, especially a crafty party like this, anywhere other than in your own home, is that when it's over, you can just walk away from this:

The aftermath!

You can book your party via email or by calling the bakery (info listed on the website linked to above). A 50% deposit is necessary to hold your reservation.

To review: invitations; 1.5 hour party with dedicated host; chef's hat, 2 cookies, and 2 cupcakes per child; all necessary decorations; 10-inch cake;(the website says "lemonade," but they must have forgotten it in our case); and CLEAN-UP included at $200 for up to 8 kids, and $25 per person beyond that.