An Open Letter

Hey, you. 

You randomly popped up in a dream last night (specifically, I was picking you up from jail after you'd completed your sentence??)... well, the you from more than 15 years ago. Would I recognize you now? Would you recognize me?

I can't even begin to detail how much I've changed in the years since I moved to Austin. 

When I first got here, everything was mostly the same. I tried to build a life that was familiar, like the lives we had in north Texas. But pretty quickly, that manner of living started to crumble and without knowing it, I was building a totally different way of life.

Superficially... I have wavy hair now. Can you believe it? All of that time and effort I spent trying to curl my hair. I know you liked it better straight; I guess we always want what we can't have. Anyway, my morning routine was never cumbersome, but it's so much faster now: spray hair to reset waves. Get out. It's pretty great.

Also, I'm not trying to be skinny anymore. You'd probably "still love [me] in spite of it," but, with all due respect, eff that noise, friend-o. I'm happy with myself, and my body has never been healthier. I've seen the future and know what I need to do to maintain maximum ambulation for as long as I can, as far as it is in my power to maintain. I move more and with more joy than I ever have before. And I also unapologetically enjoy the food I've always loved. No shame. No one watching me or my body change. It's amazing.

I have more tattoos (with another in the planning stages), and got my nose pierced a couple of years ago. I believe you would have hated this. It's probably good that things ended up the way that they did.

In fact, there are bigger things that make me grateful that we're not still in each other's lives. Much bigger.

You'd likely hate me now. I don't think the same way or believe the same things that I did back then. You'd think I had back-slidden or been influenced by something dark... but, man, when I read my blogs from 15-24 years ago, I do not like that person. I was a closed-off, judgy, occasionally humorous know-it-all.

I no longer vote the way I voted before. I remember when I first moved, and a mutual friend called me a loyalist to a particular political party as an insult. It worked. I was upset that she would say that. Now? Guilty as charged. What changed? A lot. So much.

You know what has pushed me to change the absolute most? My kids. They have been a blessing, and they have been challenging... and even that has ultimately made me a better person, and hopefully a better parent. If they ask me a question today, I probably have an opinion, but I don't feel like I have to give a pat answer with absolute certainty that it is and I am right. 

I will err every day on the side of throwing the doors wide open and embracing people, and life, and happiness. I wanted this before, but was so limited by unnecessarily strict boundaries that someone else convinced me needed to be in place.

I made so many mistakes, and I hurt so many people. Heck, I've even done that in the past 15 years, despite my best efforts not to. But at least when I do so now, it's because I'm messed up and not because I think I know the only right way and insist that other people do certain things because of what I believe.

All that time I spent trying everything I could think of to make us work, and you absolutely refused to budge. It was that realization -- that you cared more about your own self-preservation than you did trusting me enough to step out on a ledge and try to fly -- that made me leave. And now I see that you were correct. We were NOT right for each other. We would not have worked. We would have gotten to a point just a few years later where things would have come up that would have caused us to implode, anyway. 

So I guess I'm saying thank you for making me so miserable that I couldn't stay in the same place for another day. Thank you for pushing me away so hard that I ended up never seeing you again for the rest of my life. It was a protection to me, and to my kids (one for obvious reasons as he wouldn't exist). 

And try not to get arrested, because I can't come pick you up.

Laura

Our HURRICANE cruise!

We made it in one piece! Or 4 pieces.

Anyhoo, you get it: We didn't die.

We cruised on Royal Caribbean out of Galveston, with the itinerary supposedly taking us to Coco Cay, Nassau, and Cozumel. We knew this was a gamble because it was hurricane season, which is why we got such a great deal. 

Turns out, there were 2 storms hovering over the Bahamas, so instead we ported several familiar places: Costa Maya (home of the best excursion I've ever taken), Roatan (sigh), and Cozumel (thanks for the drugs!). 

It was a great trip, we had good food that I didn't have to make and came back to our room that I didn't have to tidy so I have no notes (other than that everything was too loud, including the notes).

A few highlights:

D came with us! It's their first cruise in 15 years, and their first weeklong vacation in 10. It's also their first vacation since having a job, so it probably means more. Actually, D has 2 jobs now, so it was a double.

Nana and Pappy went, separately from us but we got to see them here and there throughout the day. 

D, Mal, and I swam (waded?) in the pool at Puerta Costa Maya whilst James walked around. We saw wild tropical birds and a huge iguana just chilling out. We saw the Danza de Los Voladores. We caught a peep of the Star of the Seas, which made Mal super happy. We bought some local chocolate and were back on board by lunch. We didn't plan any excursions because we hadn't planned to go there, and I don't like to book with the cruise lines (plus the line on the ship was LONG after people realized our itinerary was changing).

Mal and I swam in the pool at the new (to us) Roatan port. When Mal and I were on Roatan in February 2024, it was at the Carnival dock on the east side of the island. This time, we ported where I've stopped every other time I've cruised there. We were last at Coxen Hole in 2019, and they were just about to expand the port. That included a pool area, which is smart and we enjoyed a great deal. We bought some semi-local chocolate (Honduran, but produced on the mainland), and were back on the ship by lunch time.

I'm the only one who went ashore at Cozumel. James's achilles tendonitis was acting up, and I was able to pop out of the port for steroids, which worked very quickly and for which James will worship me until the day he loses his mind or dies. Maybe longer. We did have a good time watching the storms that were rolling across Cozumel, back a ways from the ship. 

Mal tied with another young boy at Flags of the World trivia. Mal and I both sang Weird Al songs ("Eat It" and "Amish Paradise" respectively) at karaoke. I did the zip line over the boardwalk. Mal and I did an all-ages silent disco, which James joined about a half hour in. That paired with taking the stairs might have been what aggravated his tendon. 

We had a great house sitter who took care of the cats and who fully cleaned our house the day before we got home! 

I remember whether I mentioned this or not, but the transmission in our HHR is jacked up. To fix or replace it would be more than I paid for it two years ago. So we're trying to limp along with it (it runs, but rough, but only sometimes??!) but we did NOT want to take it to Galveston. So we rented a car each way, and since we didn't have to pay for port parking, we broke even on that. AND we had a lot more trunk room! I think we were all more comfortable, as well.

We rented a 2 bedroom townhouse in Galveston for the price of one hotel room where we stayed a week in 2023 (and we needed 2 rooms). I actually washed clothes three times the night we were there, so was glad to have that option!

I realized something when I walked outside the first full morning of our cruise: Every other time I've cruised, it's been during the winter. It only makes a difference of a few degrees and a bit of humidity... but I think I'll probably stick to the winter if I'm doing anything near the equator in the future. 

Theater show: cute and enjoyable, talented cast. Aqua show: unbelievable stunts and very cool and avant garde. Ice show: beautiful, incredible athletes, and the dude with the big hoop must be made of solid muscle.

Now we're home and Mal managed to bring some Influenza B with him, so we've spent the week hanging out whilst he convalesces. I think he'll be fine by the weekend, which is good because I think he's getting stir crazy. He wanted to go to open gym today, but we tested him again and there was still the faintest line. 

And I'm on to planning our Mexico trip in the spring... then we're cutting off travel until we figure out what to do with our finances if James doesn't have a job by then.

He had a series of interviews and successful tests with a company right before they left, but they ended up going with someone else, I guess. Sigh. Onward and upward!

Getting into the Veterans Administration health system, Part II

He did it! James walked into the VA clinic last week and pretty quickly managed to make an appointment for labs (which he did yesterday) and another one to establish care with a primary care physician next week.

When he went in for the labs yesterday, he was very brusquely asked to present his eligibility card, which he does not have and about which this is the first tine we are hearing. The sparkling gentleman who checked James in stated that he did not care whether or not James was aware of the card; he absolutely has to have it. 

James asked what he needed to do, and the man told him that he'd have to go into Austin or up to Temple to request a card, but they did let him do his blood draw. Also, James verified that he could still see the doctor next week.

He mentioned that when he went back for the blood draw, it was done very quickly and with an absence of any kind of chit-chat. When I do lab work at Quest, they are super quick about it because they're good at it from doing it all day, but they do at least attempt to be pleasant. 

Oh well! We don't need coddling; just healthcare, so James will soldier on. (Get it? It's the VA.)

I did a bit of internet sleuthing and it seemed like we could request a card online, and my only guess as to why James wasn't told that was maybe because many of the vets using the VA health system are old farts who'd rather drive an hour and a half and wait in a waiting room than put their passport online?

Turns out that was a bit of a whole deal, anyway.

First, James had to set up an account with ID.me, and it didn't like our driver's license capture. The same thing happened to my dad recently when we were trying to verify his identity for something with Social Security. I believe this to be because of how the Texas driver's licenses, which are now the Real ID version, print the pictures. They're pixelated black and white snaps, and both tines I've tried to do this to verify an identity, the system has complained that the picture is "blurry." I've retaken photos in full light, all 4 corners showing, text crisp as can be... and it's just that the pictures are grainy. *shrug*

So. We uploaded his driver's license AND his passport, and then had to do a quick video call, for which we waited in/online about 25 minutes. That "call" lasted approximately 4 seconds, and that was that.

Except THEN we had to take a picture for his VA medical eligibility card. This one is on me: I kept not reading the full instructions, so we had to keep taking new ones. They are pretty funny, honestly.

1) Great pic! Oh, but it needs to have a neutral background.
2) Cute! I see, neutral LIGHT background. And neutral expression, mouth closed.
3) Okay, But it's kind of dark in here. Let's try a flash.
4) NO NO NO NO NO. Worse than a mug shot.

We finally got that done and the website said it should be a couple of weeks. Fingers crossed, people!

Wholesome vacation planning with Google Maps

I've had our trip to CDMX planned for some time, but I do check back in with our notes and my personalized Google Map from time to time. 

Most recently, I had to go back in and find a new place to stay in the middle of our trip (we're staying in 3 different locations so we can see the most without wasting too much time traveling to sites we're interested in; also, we'll get to try different restaurants when we're anchored in different neighborhoods).

Last week, sitting at my desk (the dining table), I got a charge for over $800 on my Apple Card. I didn't recognize the name but went to look in my vacation emails because the name sounded vaguely Spanish. Still nothing matched, so I did a fraud notice with the card.

A few days later, I got this email: "Good afternoon, cordial greeting we currently receive a fraud alert with the payment for this accommodation. Our machine learning system provides a real-time transaction score at the time of payment, but in some cases, as is the case here, we obtain more information about the risk level of a payment, we will cancel this payment and we will send a new link where you can process the payment again in a more secure way." It was the middle place we're staying.

I thought about it, but before they sent me the email, I asked them to cancel the reservation. I had made the reservation on May 27. The trip isn't until next spring. Why would they try to charge me 3 months post-reservation and 7-months pre-stay? There was nothing about that when I booked the room. And why not reach out before you make that charge? I just didn't feel good about it.

I was a little worried because the places seemed to fall into three categories: 1) Too expensive for us, 2) Fine but lots of complaints about nighttime noise or thin walls, 3) Perfect but only allow double occupancy.

FINALLY, though, I found a place that will work for us! Yay!

So I was looking around, moving some site-seeing, when I came upon something that just filled my ice cold heart with warmth.

It is a 360 view of the park where el Fuente de los Coyotes is. I was looking around because I think it's near a pretty church I'd like to look at.

Google blurs faces a lot, but they couldn't blur these guys' good time.

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.

We have three young guys, friends, just chilling and enjoying the park at dusk. They seem to be sharing a joke or are teasing each other. It makes me happy to see them being kids together. The capture is from 2019 and they're probably fully adults now. Wonder what they're up to. I hope they're still friends. Does middle guy still color the top of his hair? 

Anyway, I don't know why they really captured my maternal feels, but they did. 

There are tons of people on Street View, but I don't think I've ever seen such an emotional slice of life (never mind the naked guy climbing out of a window or whatever; it's hard to enjoy that drama). 

Thanks, young men, for being cool and hanging out. I'll sit on this bench in your honor next time the jacaranda trees are in bloom!

Welcome to the VA!

It's been a year since we lost our insurance, and James hasn't had a physical in much longer than that.

The other day, I decided to do him a solid and apply to the Veteran's Administration for healthcare. It wasn't a difficult process, and we received a communication today that assured James that the VA was diligently trying to set up his initial appointment.

There was a phone number for him to call, which was listed as: 1-800-4231-2111.

So.

We were able to Google it and there was just an extra "1" in what should have been the three-digit middle number. James called using my phone because that's where the clickable Google phone number was.

An hour into the call, James came in to me panicked because someone had answered the phone but couldn't hear James. We fixed that, James left again, and then came back a few minutes later.

Apparently the guy had told James that his chart was empty and they needed to fill out some more information so we could make an appointment. Then he put James on a hold that seemed to be the same queue James had been in before.

I was doing something mindless and told James to just leave the phone by me. About 15 minutes later, someone finally answered. I explained what was happening, and they said they needed to transfer me to the person who could set the appointment.

James came back in as the person was answering (that was only a few seconds, so huzzah!) and said he needed to make an appointment. Guess what?

The local clinic had closed at 4:00 PM (it was 4:02 PM at this moment) so we'd need to call back tomorrow. WE HAD CALLED AT 2:41 PM.

I asked for a direct number, and she said that they don't have one; you have to call the main number. She said you can also just walk in and make an appointment on site, which might be easier? That seems bonkers to me.

James tried to explain about the wrongly-rendered phone number but she didn't seem to understand what he was trying to say, as she explained something about how recently the extensions had changed. She was fine. She was trying. But this process was ridiculous.

Wish us luck for tomorrow.

UPDATE: I got them on the phone the next day, and they told us that James has to walk into the clinic to make an appointment because they just don't answer the phone. We're off to a great start!

Remember when I used to do reviews and stuff?

Back in the day when I was on social media and had a pretty expansive blog readership, I would post reviews of stuff: specific (usually limited-time-only) offerings from fast food restaurants, hair color, chocolate, energy drinks, recipes, etc. 

That might seem like "duh, of course; that's what social media is for" but at the time, I had a lot of audacity to think that people would want to read my opinion about the steak bagel at McDonald's (still my most viewed blog post of all time; it continues to get hits even though it's more than 12 years old and no one reads blogs anymore). 

That's not how I started out, and it's not what I do now... BUT I did want to weigh in on something:

Recently, I got a 3-month free trial of Apple+ TV. James got caught up on Foundation and is finishing The Expanse.

First, I binged the entire run of Ted Lasso, very late to the game. Everyone was right: It was a delight, start to finish. Built up my emotional investment and had a very enjoyable payoff at the end (no, I'm not going to try to watch the upcoming 4th season because why?). 

After that, though, I noticed a little recommendation for Acapulco, another three-season (third season still in progress) show that looked cheerfully-colored and interesting. 

I'm caught up and looking forward to the Wednesday releases of the rest of this season, and here's my take: This show is every bit as hopeful and surprisingly emotionally-engaging as Ted Lasso. It's set in the mid-1980s, so that's probably hitting right in my nostalgia. About 1/3 to 1/2 of each episode is in Spanish, so I'm learning a bunch of conversational touches I wouldn't have known otherwise (of course, it might just be 1980s slang and using it will make me sound dated, but I don't care; I like the sound of "que padre!" and I still say, "How cool!" to this day). 

Speaking of nostalgia, one of my favorite touches is that every episode, they have the resort singers perform one (or two) 80s hits in Spanish with choreography. Delightful.

Anyhoo. It seems like this show has had high ratings, so maybe I'm the last one on board here but I just wanted to throw my two cents in and highly recommend it if you have Apple+ TV or if you were looking for something to round out your free trial!

Year-later endocrinologist follow-up, with bonus gynecology content!

I met with my endocrinologist today for the first time since my surgery. She told me that I needed to get a neck ultrasound ASAP, as I really should have gotten one pretty soon after the surgery. I wish I'd known because I had insurance until the end of August 2024! Now I'm applying for the Travis County Medical Access Program.

Also, the doctor mentioned that the medication I'm taking is actually lower than my weight would dictate I need, so she's wondering if that means part of my thyroid was left. I definitely hope not, because that would mean another surgery. I know there was a lot of inflammation, and I know guts look a lot alike so I suppose that anything is possible.

This wasn't a lot of fun when I had insurance, but I wasn't worried about the finances at all. If I have to do it again, it's going to suck, but it will suck a lot more than it did when I didn't have to stress over every penny (or tens of thousands of dollars).

To review, here's what I had done: Neck ultrasounds (one in an imaging place, two at my endocrinologist's office, and one in the surgeon's office), two sets of biopsies, a DEXA scan for bone loss, multiple labs measuring PTH and Vitamin D, a 24-hour urine test (the worst part of the experience by a wide margin), a nuclear scan (two+ hour procedure), a pre-op visit with the surgeon, the surgery and overnight in a surgical hospital, post-op with surgeon, more labs, and now prescription forever.  

Also, my regular doctor wants me to see a gynecologist because of some menopause stuff that isn't like "I feel weird" but like "that shouldn't happen and you need to get it looked at." And actually, I feel fine. It's hard to worry much when you don't feel off, but that's how it was with my hyperparathyroidism and Hashimoto's, so I know my body likes to hide dysfunction from my feelers.

I'm hoping if we get approved for the MAP, then I can stop obsessing over find the cheapest care for each specialty.

I hate healthcare being tied to a job.

My friend Adrienne told me that she doesn't care if I have to go into medical debt to take care of myself, so if that happens I'm just putting all of my medical providers on notice that Adrienne in Las Vegas (kind of) assured me it would be JUST FINE. You'll get $200 a month for the rest of my life, so I guess you'd better do a good job to make sure that I'm going to be around to pay it for a long time.

When you see it visualized like this, it seems like it wouldn't be any big deal to get the thyroid out! But also... that she removed the thyroid but kept 3 of my parathyroid glands in there is pretty unbelievable.