Speaking of Competition

*ahem* Someone in this house and I had a conversation last night about "like me" versus "like I."

For my non-Facebook friends, I'd posted this picture of a camera case I'd seen at Claire's:

It seems that this person in my house had done some internet research and felt that either is appropriate. I will agree that either is used, and I have found a lot of support for "like me" today, mostly arguing that, like "ain't," native speakers say it, and it sounds awkward to make an, and I quote, "awkward hypercorrection." In this case, I would argue that "correction" implies that one is incorrect, so even if the alternative is awkward, it's still RIGHT.

Another support I just read says this: "As a former teacher kids would often come up with statements like 'Him and me went to the mall last night.' From what that kids said it is obvious what was meant, so I wouldn't correct a kid for making those errors." Really, former teacher? "As a former teacher kids..."? That's actually an exercise in finding an improperly-used modifying clause. I know that this former teacher meant, but she's still incorrect. "As a former teacher, I wouldn't correct kids for saying, 'Him and me...'" That's how you do it, person formerly of the educational system.

BUT, MY POINT IS: This morning, as I was showering, I was mentally diagramming the sentence "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" and realized: 1) that they also leave out "that," which I do all of the time because it's largely understood, even though I do know that it's wrong. (I fix it for professional letters, though; but Darlene can tell you she caught this one a lot when I was working for her). 2) I was mentally diagramming sentences in the shower, for the love of Pete, and seriously considering making a vlog (video + blog for some of you) so that I could parse this out and discuss both accusative and nominative forms, as well as the hypothetical "were" versus "was," and, of course, once I realized it, the invisible "that."

To summarize, I understand that the song says "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" but the case was taking that stupid, vapid anti-girl-power anthem and changing it to something still somewhat insulting, but at least it's a value to be prized: smarts. So if they really wanted to do it "smartly," the sentence should have read, "Don't you wish that your girlfriend were smart like I (am)?"

In this specific case, I prefer awkward and right than casual and... less right, even if it's accepted.

But my bigger point is: What kind of a pathetic loser diagrams sentences on the weekend, first thing in the morning, and then gets excited about making an educational video about it?

And so, I got out of the shower and ate a cookie. And then wrote this blog update. I think it's still kind of sad. But I feel better.

P.S. Before you message me about the grammatical errors in this blog, let me assure you that I included all of them as irony and just to bother you.

The Dark Side of Cake

This morning, as James and I were eating cake for breakfast (it's pound cake but we had lots of unsweetened strawberries and blueberries on it, so it's healthy!), we had a conversation about angel food cake.

James said that he remembered his grandmother being so proud of her Angel Food Cake, then horrified when James would cut a slice and crumple it up into a ball to eat it, destroying her hard work. (I used to do the same thing with Wonder Bread!)

He also remembered a pastor saying that he LOVED Devil's Food Cake, but that he had to hide in his closet when he ate it, because he couldn't bear the thought of his congregation knowing that he'd eat something called "Devil's Food."

This led me to ponder how to rename the cake into something less offensive. James' idea was "chocolate cake," but I think I might have eaten something else known commonly as "chocolate cake" before.

My ideas were:

1. The Supremely Misguided Angel's Food Cake
2. The Angel Formerly Known as Prince of Light Cake
3. Beelze-Yum
4. Hell-o Cake! (With a nod to Hey Cupcake!)

What about you? Any other ideas? Leave your renamed cake titles in the comments!

Competition, Frustration, and Keeping an Eye on the Enemy

There are some things about which I don't care at all and can easily let go. But in some areas of life, I'm sad to admit that I am a very competitive person. Just last night, I was talking about Haiti and how frustrated that I was called off of hauling duty while Jerry Espinosa continued because I wanted to keep going as long as he did... and even one haul longer.

It's the important things, right?

Things at James' work have gotten quite heated lately. There are times when he comes home with his head still in the coding, and he has to continue work from the house. There are also times that he has personal to-do list things that he'd like to accomplish. Add to that the fact that he has a whole new family, and down time for this introvert is not always plentiful.

Last week, when I mentioned to him that I was missing him, he thought about it and said that it might be an interesting experiment for me to spend one day working without checking Facebook or blogging or watching a video or checking personal e-mail even once, just to see what it was like to reach the end of the day and still have not connected to the world in any way like he does every day.

At first, I told him that my world is very small, and I probably wouldn't miss any of that too much. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted very much to tell him that I know he thinks I spend my day wiling away the hours in social media and ease, when the reality is that I cook and clean and run errands and parent and actually *do* a lot.

Then it hit me: why does that matter? I mean, I do want James to appreciate and value what I do for our family, and he does. He tells me this. So why is it important to me to let him know that I have must-dos also? It's not! Unless I am trying to compete with who has a harder day, it matters not at all. It's not a competition.

But if it were, you know what? James wins. I fold. His day is a lot more stressful and busy than mine. This isn't good sportsmanship or my being a gracious person. It's reality, and I am woman enough to admit this. James' days are a lot more packed, mentally draining, and exhausting than mine.

What do I do during the week? I work about 20 hours doing insurance stuff. I work from home. I don't have to get dressed, if I don't want to. Daphne does school, but she's largely self-sufficient and we largely unschool. I do clean. A lot. Daily. Between the cats and our wooden floors and us and being home all of the time, and life, etc. I sweep at least once a day. I vacuum at least once a day. I do laundry every two or three days. I cook dinner at least 6 days a week and make lunches at least 5 days a week. I keep the cars clean. I  buy groceries. I check mail and pay bills and largely keep track of planning and scheduling. I do some mystery shopping.

But I do this all on my own time, for the most part. If I'm exhausted, I can usually lie down for 15 minutes (or an hour). Additionally, I LOVE what I do. I get energy from it. I spent most of the afternoon Sunday cooking. But even though I was tired by the evening, it was a good tired. I was filled. So making dinner and preparing stuff for lunches throughout the week and putting dishes away and all of the things that I was doing... it's not a drain. It's a pleasure.

James has to drive between 30 minutes and 50 minutes each way to and from work. He has to be in that building for at least 9 hours, 5 days a week, and it's often more. Our entire way of life rests on his shoulders. I have a work ethic and commitment to excellence that internally dictates that I do my work well, but if I happened to lose my job, it'd be a blip on our budget. I don't even make enough per month to pay half of our rent. James bears the full brunt of this on his shoulders.

James eats dinner with us, as a family, every night. He usually has about half an hour of down time before that, and then whatever he can get after dinner, plus time to connect with Daphne and/or me. And he does have his own interests to pursue. God, please let me never resent this.

Also, this might come as a huge surprise to you, but I have a lot of emotional needs. One of my wedding vows was that I would not hold James responsible to my scars. I can't do that. It's not fair. But it's tempting.

This morning, I mentioned to him that I *do* get it, at least a bit. When I come home from a trip and know there is stuff that needs to be done - like starting laundry, cleaning out the cat boxes, looking around for accidents/hairballs, etc. - it's very difficult for me to sit down and relax. I want to finish the re-entry stuff first, and THEN I can enjoy a nice glass of, well, hypothetical wine and conversation. I need to bear this in mind when he's far away, his brain still engaged in the business of the day.

The thing I'm not going to do is to go to that place where, in an effort to have my needs met, I forget James' needs. I don't want to see him as the enemy, or get into a situation where I view his dealing with stress and decompression as robbing me of anything.We are on the same side. We are Team Dave's. We are for us. Forever.

Independence Day

Last week, we drove over 800 miles in 36 hours. When James got off of work on Wednesday, we drove up to McKinney and spent the night with my parents, then Thursday morning, we headed further north toward Lake Tenkiller for the Gates family annual 4th of July celebration.

This was special for a few reasons.

First of all, it's the first tradition for Team Dave's. James and I went there together last year - when he was living in Tulsa and I was living in Sherman - so this is the inaugural family tradition.

Secondly, it was even better than last year because Daphne got to come with us. She was shy most of the day, but around dusk when the sparklers came out, she started to get more involved. I know it's difficult to be the new kid in a family full of cousins who have grown up together. It's just one small path to navigate in the entire roadmap of blended-familyhood (yep, I just made that up). Next year, I think it'll be easier.

It actually makes me shiver a little bit, thinking about "next year." And the year after that. And of being part of a whole other awesome family. With my James. It's incredible.

We have a plan to start saving for awesome fireworks next January, so by this time next year, we'll have some serious cash and can orchestrate some serious pyrotechnics! Also, I want to take stuff for the kids to make their own black snakes. We did that in Enrichment Classes when I taught "Science in the Kitchen."

Oh, and thirdly, Daphne got to see an important landmark so now we're all on the same page.

Also, randomly, we saw some cool stuff and listened to "Peter and the Starcatchers" and laughed a lot, and just had a great time, considering how much we were driving around.

Also, there were these two places. If you want to see the rest of the pictures, go here.

An amazing girl and a tired way of thinking...

Last week, my parents told James and me about a spectacular young woman named Victoria, who decided to go one year without wearing shoes in order to raise awareness about the need for shoes in Haiti and money to purchase 365 pair of Crocs to send over.

This girl's heart humbles me. I wish I'd been as aware of the whole wide world as she is at her age. I covet her spirit to do something, and to sacrifice herself to draw attention to a need. She is absolutely ahead of the game when it comes to loving others and wanting to serve humanity. I admire her, and I can't wait to see what she will accomplish with her life.

There is a side to this story, however, that is a little disheartening. First, watch this video so you can just totally fall in love with Victoria. Especially, I adore and identify with what she says at the very end. I'm sure that almost everyone who has been to Haiti can say the same thing, if not with such simple eloquence.



Haiti Follow-Up Shoot from Alex Jeffries on Vimeo.

To recap: Between the Jeff Probst show, this sweet girl, and Crocs, they sent and distributed 730 pair of shoes. This is great for the 730 recipients of the shoes; it's great for the economies in which these Crocs are manufactured; it's great for whatever shipping service was used to move all of those shoes; and, of course, it's great Crocs and the Jeff Probst show (PR-wise)...

But what about the Haitian economy? Are there no shoe-makers in Haiti? Although it would take more time and effort to partner with local artisans in order to perform a large-scale give-away like this, ultimately, it would be better for the country this girl wants to much to help.

We get so caught up in the "we rich Americans are going to send some cool stuff to those impoverished people" that we run the risk of doing a thing that looks great on television and makes us feel like we've done something, but if we could just slow down and try to involve the people we're trying to help in the decision-making and implementation processes, we could actually make a long term difference for a lot of people.

It's a little ridiculous, but sometimes I get the feeling that this is how we might come off to other people.

Why I Happen to LOVE Whole Foods Market

According to Google Maps, we live 1.2 miles from the Whole Foods Market flagship store here in Austin, Texas. Whole Foods, as you might know, is expensive. Like, REALLY expensive. Shopping there requires a complete paradigm shift from my days of couponing and bargain shopping. Our family priority now involves clean eating and knowing from where the stuff we put into our mouths comes. Well, that, plus...

But, seriously, that's not the only reason. It's a reason I'm drooling, sure, but... there are many more reasons I love Whole Foods. In no particular order:

1) Rubber bands. They put rubber bands around your egg cartons so they don't flop open and eject embryonic chickens all over your trunk, kitchen floor, etc. They will also do the same with berry cartons, but the cashier today was telling me that he doesn't like to do that because he is concerned that the rubber band could cut through the clear plastic and bruise the berries.

2) Ice packs. If you buy meat and aren't going to be heading to a refrigerator very soon, they will give you little bags of Sonic-esque ice to keep the stuff cold. Sweet.

3) Samples. Yes, on weekends, they have samples everywhere in the whole store. But also, the other day, my sister and I were hanging out looking curiously at the persimmons. The gentleman who was working in produce asked if we wanted to try one, then he went in the back to get a knife, came back, and cut into a persimmon, which he ate with us. The best way I can describe it is a sweet, citrus-y tomato kind of thing. It was yummy and while I didn't feel the need to spend three bucks on one of them, it was awesome that he just split one with us, and that he hung out chatting while we enjoyed it together.

4) It's biker-friendly!

5) The meat... well, the meat has some quality of life before it's slaughtered to feed me and my family. That might sounds dumb, but I really don't want to contribute to a system that has chickens hatched in cages and their leg muscles don't even work because they have no room to stand, and they poop on each other (which I have no doubt they do anyway, but at least it's their disgusting choice instead of a by-product of the fact that they're just stacked on top of each other. 

6) Homeopathy and other personal products. There are so many choices here. If you want a deodorant without aluminum, you can find several options instead of just one. Today, I got an herbal allergy symptom treatment. It worked very quickly!

7) James loved Whole Foods before he moved here because everyone he met who worked at a Whole Foods LOVED it and thought they had the best jobs in the world. All of the places here in Austin must be awesome because they're not quite as happy-happy around the flagship store. Personally, I'm fine with this. The butchers are AWESOME; I love to watch them.

8) The escalators. There are stair escalators up, for people who have legs. But when you're going down to the parking garage with your cart, what do you do? The escalators are brilliant. The carts magnetically "attach" to them so the carts will not roll down the escalator (de-escalator?) when you're heading to the garage.

9) So. many. choices. The flagship store is HUGE. It's awesome.

I'd articulate more, but Munchkin calls!

The Unsexy Truth About My Miscarriage

"And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians; she could not be healed by anyone." Luke 8:43

Four weeks. That's all it's been: four weeks. It's normal, and other women have done it, and I probably still have a good couple of weeks left.

The week we were in Haiti, I used my Diva Cup. I then went to pads for as long as I could handle (about two weeks) and got a new Diva Cup to start using this weekend... which was good because I am losing A LOT of blood.

We're still newlyweds, of course, and this makes it impossible to engage in spontaneous intimacy. Even if we were to carefully construct all circumstances, facilitating copulation in the situation we're in is just not attractive. It involves things like puppy training pads and full-out showers.

I might be exaggerating a little, but not much.

I feel like such a drag when James reaches out toward me and I say, "Hold on; I have to go take care of a few things." It feels like I'm killing the mood, and I feel responsible for it, even though James doesn't make me feel this way at all.

And I can't imagine going through this for twelve years. I can't imagine being considered "unclean" and never being able to go to church. And for the Jews, work-arounds were not okay. If the woman in the story were married, she'd just have had to abstain. She spent twelve of her child-bearing years barren. She did not have the Diva Cup.

So I suppose that I should be counting my blessings. Instead, I'm just counting the days...