A No-Longer-Foregone Conclusion

A friend of mine had posted something on social media about how expensive child care is, sharing an article about how it costs more than college tuition (not this article, but this one has a lot of information that's interesting and crazy). After several people commiserated about it, including that high child care costs are why they don't have a second child, someone else popped in with "That's why everyone should get a college degree" or something to that extent.

What I thought was, "Seriously?! That's elitist BS." What I said was something about how my husband who does not have a college degree has exponentially more earning power than I do, and she congratulated me but she wants her kids to go to college, blah blah life experience and mind expanding, goal, complete something big, yadda yadda.

Many of you know that my ideas about education, and specifically institutionalized education, are far from mainstream. Mike Rowe has actually done a lot to move this conversation into the forefront, with lots of practical information and research to back up what I've intuited for years. (By the way, bookmark that page. There's a ton of good stuff on there.)

I distinctly remember having the "life experience" conversation with another homeschool mom when D was very young, maybe even preschool-aged. Our family paradigm is not "school, college, career." I am sure some people genuinely have transformative experiences in college, but is that the only way to have those experiences? I'm almost certain that if you gave a 20-year-old as much money (or had them work to earn it, whatever you're planning to do for your kid's schooling) as a year in college would cost and told them to pick a foreign country and go live there, travel, meet people, learn the language, they'd grow even more than they would in classes at a university.

Kids coming out of their teens and into their young adult lives are like butterflies emerging from a chrysalis (note: I just realized a couple of weeks ago that "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" is not biologically correct, as it refers to a "cocoon," which is a moth home, not a butterfly one), so I don't think the college setting is magical. I think it's the age and the being away from home.

Here's the thing: I'm not anti-college! It's super important to get a degree if you're going to be a teacher or lawyer or doctor or any of those things that you have to study very specific coursework, especially as a foundation for more difficult coursework in graduate or law or medical school or whatever. For me, I have a theater degree, and, gosh, I had some good times, but I could have learned the exact same things volunteering with a robust community theater.

But here's where I bristle at a lot of the ideas about college, degrees, and "getting a better job": If you look up online, "Is a college degree worth it?" the main answers you're going to see are in terms of salaries. They compare salaries among the same jobs for people who have a college degree and who don't. Or jobs people without a college degree "can" get compared to ones that have the degree as a requirement. This whole system makes some assumptions that make me uncomfortable because they're limiting and, again, elitist.

There is this thought process that goes: school, pick a potential career/major, go to college, graduate, more school and/or get a job and start making a living. Like this is how life is meant to work. Like this is how life has always worked.

Do you know when I think my husband had the most fun and really enjoyed himself and freedom? When he was living in his car in the Seattle area. He'd do day labor when he wanted to and needed or wanted money, but if he didn't want to work, he didn't. He had a dog. He had friends. When we visited a couple of years ago, I saw some genuine nostalgia there.

According to articles and numbers, his story would be a sad one. Homeless (although his "homelessness" was not the same genre as the forced homelessness that's often fueled by mental illness or drug dependency; it was voluntary). Day labor. Not much money. Dang it. He should have gone to college.

This spin presumes that a high salary is the arbiter of happiness.

Now, let me say that I understand there is a difference between having tight margins and between the genuine struggle and inability to make ends meet. So I'm not trying to minimize the troubles some people have.

However, having "more money" versus "a little less money" might not matter to some people. Might not matter to a lot of people.

One of James' friends (maybe an old girlfriend?) told him that a college degree was important because it proved you can jump through the necessary hoops. Ugh. I can't even talk about that.

There are some thoughts I love in this summary of a survey of grown unschoolers. Namely this one: "The great majority of respondents were gainfully employed at the time of the survey.  Exceptions were some of the full-time students and some mothers with young children.  Of those who responded to the follow-up questionnaire, 78% said they were financially self-sufficient, though a number of these added that their income was modest and they were financially independent in part because of their frugal lifestyle.  Several of them described frugality as a value and said they would far rather do work they enjoyed and found meaningful than other work that would be more lucrative."

Is there room for discussing job/life satisfaction as we ponder the "necessity" of a college education?

I'm one of those "college educated" people who is considered a "short termer" in the job market, as I have mostly stayed home. I get paid nothing, and I absolutely love what I'm doing (though I would like it even more if it included more sleep).

I'm not even talking about education inflation or the high level of student loan debt from undergraduate degrees alone, the fact that a degree does NOT guarantee a job like it used to, or the reality that when it came time for me to be professionally credentialed (as a Real Estate Agent, and then later as an Insurance Agent), I had to learn everything I needed to know on my own. Nothing relevant to any job I've ever had was present in my college education.

I just wish people could break out of the kindergarten-to-job-track mindset. There are so many viable options today: military, Job/Peace Corps, starting a job as a teen and working your way up (seriously; in retail and food service, there is a lot of turn-over, and advancement opportunities for someone showing up and kicking butt are plentiful), creating your own job (teaching tennis or walking dogs or mobile auto detailing), opening an Etsy shop or a Patreon account or something like that (yeah, maybe not a living wage, but it also might be), trade school, apprenticeships, etc.

There's room for all sorts of opportunities.

Along with the "school, school, school, school, job" paradigm is a very "standard" life that includes having a fairly nice house where you can be proud to entertain and have plenty of room to spread out. That's cool if it's what you want because it's really what you want (not just your conditioning), but it's not necessary.

When I was a single parent, my daughter and I lived in an RV because doing that was both how I met some priorities I had, but also because it had always been a dream of mine. Except that it got very hot and very cold (lesson learned: get all-weather insulation if you're going to full-time it), I loved living there. It took 5 minutes to clean, we spent lots of time together, there was no yard work, and I'd live in an RV with my family right this moment if it weren't for the fact that a certain teenager and a certain introverted husband would lose their stuffin' from the lack of private space.

However, when D and I lived there, we never felt cramped. You know what else? I never once felt self-conscious. I had people over, we had dinners and game days and D had sleep-overs. Everyone (except for one person, and, whatever) thought it was so cool. D's dad was worried about the "stigma" associated with living in an RV, but I think her friends all left saying they wished they could live in a camper.

This is kind of along the lines of the unschooling survey: frugality (even to what most people would think is to the extreme) leads to not necessarily having to have the highest-paying jobs. It's all a matter of what makes a person happy, and if they can be happy working 37 hours a week at Sam's Club to facilitate not having to take work home, and being truly free on their off time, then good for them.

Feeling like the folks who "flip burgers" or clean the restrooms at the fair or dig ditches are somehow inferior or more pathetic or probably not as happy is what I meant by elitist BS.

A photographer I follow on Instagram really hated his M-F 8-7 life and wanted to be as happy as he was taking pictures on weekends. So he quit his job, lived in his Subaru, and visited state and National Parks. He recently bought a really nice camper van (one of those that looks like a van on the outside and can park in a regular parking space, similar to this, but not exactly like it... also: droool). He is not in the "high-paying job" category anymore, but he is happy. He is free.

I could go on with the anecdotes for a long time, but just wanted to dangle this out there, in case anyone cares. College is great when necessary, and there is tons that can be done to mitigate the cost. But just the idea of "you have to get a college education to get a good job" needs to go away. We need to ask the question, "What do I (or my kids) need to do to have a good life?"