MAL: Eww. Earwax.
MAL: No! Earwax is gross. Boogers are yummy!
Later, Mal handed me something that looked like a seed.
MAL: What's this?
ME: (realizing it wasn't hard-shelled) Um, did it come out of your butt?
ME: Then I think it's poop.
MAL: Not, it not.
MAL: Mommy, deedees!
ME: Sweetie, there's not any left.
MAL: I just need two deedees!
ME: We already did two.
MAL: I just need five deedees.
MAL: They're not tired! They're just closed! Right there!!
And here's a bonus conversation with that child's dad, many many hours later.
ME: Good morning! Are you hungry?
ME: What sounds good?
JAMES: You want to do that thing you mentioned? With the pies and the cheese and the video games?
ME: Um, no. You can't do Chuck E. Cheese on the weekend unless you get there right when it opens.
JAMES: Is it too late for that?
ME: What time do you think it is?
JAMES: About 8?
ME: It's 20 'til 1.
JAMES: Wow. Thank you.
I think we can all agree I'm the best wife. I don't think I've ever even made a honey-do list. :)
Have an entertaining weekend, people!