Lying Low and Being Weird

Yesterday was kind of... different.

It's starting to feel normal that James isn't working. He is constantly busy, between phone screens, job-specific "homework," and live interviews; and the class he's taking through Christmas. Incidentally, he's been told by a recruiter that the class is super on-point right now, that everyone wants people with this experience.

And without James's "office job" to tell us what day it is, everything sort of bleeds together. It's a strange "new normal" monotony. James and I take turns keeping Mal occupied, but with our both being here, he actually seems *more* needy than usual. If I'm busy, he just goes to find his dad. I try, then, to keep him doing stuff while James is working on stuff, and often, we get out and about just to be able to spread out a bit.

Thursday, James actually drove into town for an interview, and Mal didn't feel like going to storytime at the library. His buddy Alexei came over for about half an hour after storytime was finished, and when they left, Mal was ready to go somewhere.

We decided on Walmart because Mal wanted to look at toys and I needed to get the oil changed. When I dropped off the car, the man in the auto area told me "that door's closed, so you can either go wait in our waiting area, or if you want to go into the store, go around front."

That rang a little bell with me, because when I tried to put in a grocery pickup order earlier this week, it wasn't available here. I made it with the next closest store, then promptly forgot out of habit, and the lady had to tell me I was at the wrong store as their grocery pickup was closed "because of the burning." I was curious but didn't think too much about it.

As Mal and I walked around to the garden center, the associate in there told me, "You can't come in here." So we went to the front door and about 3/4 of the store is cordoned off with floor-to-ceiling tarp. The pharmacy, baby products, and grocery is open and that's it.

Why? Because apparently someone set two fires in the store early in the morning the day before Thanksgiving.

It made the part of the parking lot that was closed off make more sense, too. I had thought maybe it was for the portable storage they often have leading up to the holiday sales (and, gosh, this must really be hurting that they can't sell toys right now!), but that didn't explain the row of porta-potties. Disaster clean-up does.

That's a big clean-up team!

So we couldn't look at toys while they changed our oil, which had been the original plan. Instead, we walked around gawking at the store, and then visited an area about which I've always been curious.

There's this seemingly-random bank of picnic tables slightly below street level in what might be a drainage area. So we hung out there for a few minutes, decided to walk over to McDonald's to kill time, realized the road was too busy to cross without going up to the light, and blehh. So we went back and our car was already ready. I guess that's one benefit of the store being mostly closed. Thanks, arsonist!

(That was a joke. When we got home, Mal told his dad that someone set a fire and "they are a jerk!")

Mal wanted to go to somewhere with a swing, so we went to an area of Brushy Creek Lake I'd never visited before. Mal got to swing, and it was really pretty!

Then he wanted McDonald's, so we went by there on the way home. Whenever there's a BOGO Happy Meal coupon on the app, I get one meal with nuggets, apple juice, and yogurt (with a "boy" toy) and one with either more nuggets or (if I'm eating) a cheeseburger minus pickle and the chocolate milk (for D) and apple slices. So we spend around $3 and have a little something for most of us.

And then today was also kind of discombobulating-feeling. Mal has been unwell, coughing and having even more trouble sleeping than usual. He's also been needier and fussier than usual, and if you know us, you realize that's saying A LOT.

For instance, if James and I are chatting, he'll interrupt and demand, "Daddy, talk to me!" And every day he wants to go somewhere.

In the midst of all of this, I'm super over nursing and, frankly, losing faith in the idea that one day, Mal will simply wean himself, and most especially at night does this seem an impossibility. I've been talking with him about stopping, about how big he is, and about how we have to find other ways for him to fall asleep. One thing I assured him is that I can always hold him "like a baby." On Wednesday, he took me up on that offer almost all day, asking me to chauffer him around for hours.

Anyway, last night James didn't get a whole lot of sleep as he was up much of the night chatting with D. So he was pretty much as exhausted today as I was, and much less accustomed to it. Mal was being demanding and restless, asking to leave for our 4 o'clock movie at 11 o'clock this morning.

Finally, at about noon, I decided to get him out and about to kill time and because I felt like James was getting stressed out. We went to the Texas Museum of Science and Technology, which we have passed numerous times when it wasn't appropriate to stop. But at the Christmas parade a few weeks ago, a lady was handing out $2 off coupons, so we used that today (Mal is free).

At first, Mal was overwhelmed by the size. It's a big open building that looks like it used to be a soccer practice arena. However, we went to play in the kids' toy area first, and he got used to the size. The one exhibit we spent the most time on was Da Vinci's machines.

They've recreated many (maybe 2 dozen?) of Da Vinci's designs using material that would have been available 500 years ago. And you're encouraged to use them! Carefully, of course, because cogs and fingers and such. But I kept finding myself saying, "Brilliant!" Then, "Well, duh, of course; he was a genius!"

Mal patently refused to pose in front of the wall with Da Vinci's famous drawing of man, but he did enjoy turning things and being able to interact with the displays.

They also had some replicas of dinosaur fossil, with which Mal was simultaneously enthralled and of which he was leery.

I asked him if he'd stand in front of me so I could get his picture with this one, and he said, "No! He's going to eat me!" I mean, if he did, retrieval looks simple enough, right??

There is also a little planetarium, bur Mal was ready to go before the first show started. I'll time our next visit to start with that. There's also an exhibit about drugs and our culture, but we were warned that it might be too mature for Mal, so we didn't even go back there.

Next, Mal wanted to go to Chick-fil-A, where I needed to get, anyway, because I had a free order of fries waiting on my app. (I have a lot of apps, yeah, but free food is worth it!)

There were a couple of kids there he could play with, but after a while, I just went into the slide area and we played hide and seek for a while. That kid barely grasps the concept of hiding, man. But he likes the game!

Next, we walked over to the Dollar Tree. Apparently, Mal was pretty convinced that we were going to get a car here. Here's the thing: I'd spent money today, so another dollar wasn't going to break our budget.  But I need to get him out of the idea that EVERY trip out gets a toy, because he's asking CONSTANTLY and he has about 4.3 million toys, already.

He found one he wanted and I told him we weren't getting a toy today. He found a nicer-looking older lady and told her, "My mom says I'm not getting a toy today." She thought it was precious. Still, he carried the toy up to the front and was cutting in front of people to give it to the cashier. I reminded him we weren't buying anything, and he lost it. I carried him back so we could put the toy away, and he just wailed.

He said, "I want to go home!" I reminded him about the movie at 4, and he said, "I don't want to see the movie! I want to go home!"

Over the 10 minutes it took us to walk to the car, strap in, and drive across the shopping center to the theater, I asked him about 8 times, "Are you SURE you don't want to go see the movie?" By that point, he'd calmed down and he happily assured me that he did NOT want to go to the movie. I said I'd get refunds for our tickets (which I had to do at the theater, because on the app, it just cancels the whole purchase, and D and James were still going) and we'd take the other two tickets home to the rest of the fam.

Yes. Okay. This is a good plan, he agrees.

We got home, and Mal came in, happily asking his dad if he'd gotten a toy today. I guess maybe he thought the only way I would not get him a toy was if his dad already got him one? So we hashed that out while James ate a bite of lunch/dinner and he and D got ready to leave. Mal said he wanted to watch Cars 2 (he watches at least some of it every day), so I turned his Kindle on.

Then James and D started walking out the door, and suddenly Mal DID want to go to the movies. He wanted to go very much. I had to lie him on our bed and hug him tight and reassure him and all that stuff just to make sure he didn't follow them out the door. He had already gotten his shoes and was heading that way.

Finally, after much nursing (aye yi yi) and cooing, I got him calmed down. He spoke once again of watching Cars 2.

Then he said, "I want to go to church! Let's go!"

Sigh.

Facepalm.

Flerp.

I told him it wasn't open, and we weren't going anywhere, anyway, and it started over.

Fortunately, it didn't last as long this time. He ended up watching a video in his room, and after about half an hour said, "I want to get those cars." He has about 80% of the Cars from Cars 2 already, but apparently thinks he needs ALL of them. He turned off the computer and was ready to go. More reminding him that we weren't going anywhere tonight, more crying, then more "deedees"... and he fell asleep. At 4:30. So almost 2 hours ago.

We're either going to have a late night when he wakes up from this nap, or an early morning when he wakes up from this REALLY early bedtime.

But here's a picture I took of him earlier today to remind us all why we do this stuff even when we're pretty much already dead.

Now, a couple of other things:

I think one contributing factor to my feeling "off," besides James's not working, is that I haven't slept more than 3-4 hours a stretch in more than three years. James watched a video recently about cementing new neural pathways and it talked about how important sleep is and how unhealthy poor sleep is. So dang.

Also, we've been sleeping on this futon mattress in Mal's room for almost a year. When I tried to take the cover off to wash it once, I realized that the cover is all that's holding the fluff inside together. And that stuff is just getting more and more broken down every day, so that's likely not helping.

As soon as James starts working again, I think I'm going to get 2 twin mattresses for us to stack during the day. And a bit later, we'll get a daybed with a trundle. But that part isn't my priority right now. My priority is saving for a vacation. We haven't traveled in just over a year, and it's going to be some time before we can swing it again, but I want to be ready!

Additionally, Mal has been ill, coughing, falling asleep at weird times, waking up more often than usual, etc. So, poor baby, he can't really heal, either, if he's not getting rest. Again, I know they're allegedly supposed to start sleeping better eventually, but I just can't see any light at the end of that tunnel, either.

Finally, yesterday morning, I really got my feelings hurt by an interaction on Facebook and that hung over me much of the day. In the end, I deleted the app and will be taking a break, at least through the end of the year. I need to use what energy I have on being present for my family. So if you need to get in touch with me, comment here or send me a FB message because I *do* still have Messenger. Anything you see posted by me on FB will be automatic cross-posting, and I won't see any comments over there until 2018 or so.

Facebook apparently discontinued their Groups app in August, so I have no way to access the groups I'm in, but maybe that's a good thing, too. I find myself getting tired of the same questions, the same kind of posts, etc.

However, as mildly off-kilter as things feel right now, we're actually having a good time. James is trying to enjoy any free time he has right now, and is definitely taking up a bunch of slack, ushering me out or taking Mal places when he can tell I'm getting overwhelmed.

And if you look at our November photo album, you can see that things are pretty amazing, weirdness and all!