More conversations with Mal

Me: You need to poop.
Mal: I just did.
Me: Did you? I'll see it when you get up.
Mal: (sitting on the toiled, closing his legs so I can't see inside the pot) It's invisible poop.
Me: What?! I didn't hear it, either!
Mal: Because invisible poop is very quiet. It goes like this: (silently mouths a "bloop")

++++++

Mal: My uncles have inchy pliers. They're awful, so no one wants them.
Me: Then why do your uncles have them?
Mal: Because they have gloves.
Me: What exactly is an "inchy plier"?
Mal: It hurts unless you have gloves.
Me: Okay, what do they look like?
(Lots of discussion I didn't understand.)
Mal: It's like a bear trap.

++++++

Me: Where did Pappy and Nana's Christmas present go?
Mal: I don't know. Someone must have stolen it.
Me: Does it happen to be under the blanket on your bed?
Mal: No. I didn't steal it.
Me: Really? Then who did?
Mal: A raccoon.

++++++

Me: I love you.
Mal: I stopped loving you two weeks ago.

++++++

Mal: You took a piece off my creation!
Me: I'm sorry; you wanted me to build you a monkey and I need it.
Mal: (punching his fist into the box of Legos) Dammit!

++++++

Mal was in full meltdown mode as I was trying to get him dressed to go on a fun Christmas outing one night. I had asked him to come to me so I could put on his shoes, but was in his room, refusing. I walked in to pick him up and make him get ready, but as soon as I bore him aloft, he put his head on my shoulder and cooed, "Oh, this is nice."

++++++

Me: Daddy will be home soon!
Mal: I don't love Daddy anymore.
Me: That's too bad. Daddy loves you.
Mal: No, he doesn't. He doesn't want me.
Me: He absolutely wants you!
Mal: No, he doesn't. He wants Harrison.

++++++

Mal: (in a fast food play place) Mommy, come up here with me!
Me: I can't. There are too many kids here.
Mal: (sing-songy) If you come up here, I'll buy you a pony!

++++++

Mal: I want to go to Walmart and get a flip toy!

Me: We're not buying any more toys. You just got a bunch of toys for Christmas and it's too much.

Mal: Mommy, I just need ONE more toy. That's it. Then I'll be happy.

++++++

If James or I says something to Mal in the car and he's not into it: Please! I just need a little piece of quiet!

If we are wanting to go somewhere and Mal is not interested: I just wanted to have a quiet day!