We fly home tomorrow and I'm having a lot of mixed feelings!
At two weeks, this is the longest vacation I've ever taken. There have been some moments of stress, but every day was unfailingly fun and we saw so many awesome things.
We started in Carlsbad, visiting LEGOLAND and the Museum of Making Music. We stayed three nights at the LEGOLAND Hotel, and it was terrific: price comparable to other hotels in the area, great theming, good pools, and a full breakfast buffet included.
Next, we took a Lyft up to Anaheim to visit Disneyland, Disney's California Adventure, and, of course, Downtown Disney. This is also where we celebrated Mal's birthday. We stayed four nights at the Howard Johnson Anaheim and it could not have been better. Great staff, clean room, super close to everywhere you want to be, great garden pool. It also has a small water park, but Mal couldn't have cared less about that. He was in the pool every day.
We rented a car to move up to Burbank, but that ended up being not hugely necessary. We did go to Bob's Big Boy, but our plans to visit the Griffith Observatory were scrapped because there were just too many people. Even visiting a small park to see the Hollywood sign, we had to park down the road. So many IGers! We did get an Amazon gift card from Avis and so that likely made the cost of the car about the same as if we'd taken another Lyft.
In North Hollywood, we stayed two nights at The Garland, a hotel built by Amanda King's mom herself, Beverly Garland. Her sons run it now. It was classy and retro, and I wish we could stay there a week. Loved it so much. Mal also loved the pool! We visited Universal and concentrated mostly on Super Mario World. I HIGHLY recommend paying $30 extra to get into that area before the park opens. Between that and single rider and hitting other rides within the first hour the park was open, we would have been finished by noon if we hadn't had reservations at... this place. It took me a while after I saw my charge today to remember what it was. Can you guess?
Ha ha. That's right: Toadstool Cafe.
We rented a car through AARP from Enterprise and drove from Los Angeles to Solvang. We stopped at Santa Barbara on the way, got our feet in the sand (and tar on our soles), then stayed one night at The M Solvang. We really enjoyed the Danish atmosphere, and the Danish pancakes, Danish sausage, and aebleskiver.
The drive from Solvang to Yosemite was just over 5 hours, but it passed quickly. We finished up "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" (disclaiming Jo Rowling, shame she's sullied her legacy by being a bully). We stopped for lunch at Huckleberry's, which was billed as "Southern Cooking with a California Twist." We had to see what was up. It was kind of like Cracker Barrel meets Mark Twain in New Orleans.
At Yosemite, we stayed at the Yosemite Valley Lodge, the most expensive night of the trip! It was pretty rustic and no air conditioning (which normally would be no biggie, but they're experiencing a record-breaking heat wave right now!) but they had several fans we were able to use to keep the air circulating, and we were quite comfy!
It was great walking around in nature before people woke up because at places like Tunnel View and the Mariposa Grove of giant sequoias, there were just to many people. I know! We were some of those people. But first thing in the morning, it was cool, quiet, and lovely! Even when we went to breakfast and it was pretty packed, it was somehow more laid back than everyone trying to get the perfect selfie in front of El Capitan (which was GORGEOUS, even with literally 80 other people).
Next, we made our way to San Francisco, where we stayed at the Music City Hotel and Rehearsal. It is technically a hostel, but we had a private room. We did have to use community bathrooms, and it was no big deal. This was the cheapest night of the trip: About $135, plus $28 parking. Not bad at all. Also no air conditioner but fortunately we were there the day before the record heat.
We definitely did the tourist thing and saw the Golden Gate Bridge, then went to Fisherman's Wharf, where we ate fresh seafood. We also visited Trader Joe's for snacks.
The next morning, we drove over the Golden Gate Bridge to Fairfield, where we went to the Jelly Belly Factory. We also watched a movie, "The Wild Robot," while we were in town. Then we finished our last leg, arriving in Sacramento yesterday afternoon.
Last night and this, we are staying at The Delta King, a de- and re-commissioned paddle wheel river boat. Like the Music City hotel, this place has tons of personality.
I had returned the rental car last night, so this morning (before it got into the 100s), we walked to the Capitol building, and explored Old Sacramento. Later, we went to the California Railway Museum.
Now we're just winding down and getting ready to head back. I'll be glad to see D, and Mal is excited to get back together with his friends. But also, it's been amazing not having to do the day-to-day minutiae of real life. And we've had such a great time together.
I wish we could take a year, slow down, and really see as much of the country as we were able. I wish we could all 4 go, and find a way to make it work in an oversized RV, maybe with two floors. But James needs to find work again, and we need to get back to a less expensive routine. We're heading into fall, so pretty soon I will be deliriously happy about the weather.
We've officially been on vacation for a week, during which time we have visited 4 theme parks: LEGOLAND California, Disneyland, Disney's California Adventure, and Universal Studios Hollywood.
Those are all of the parks we'll be visiting on this trip (theme, anyway; we're going to a National Park soon!). We definitely had good experiences in all, and some less good. I'm going to start with the less good.
For each of these parks, we got there for rope drop (Mal was very worried that "rope drop" was an extremely scary ride he did not want to join; had to fill him in on the lingo). The first hour or two we were in each of the parks, we got to do a lot of rides (well, most days; Mal didn't feel great the day we went to Disneyland, and we wasted some time doing the monorail instead of riding rides that would be too busy to ride later, but he REALLY wanted to ride the monorail and we were trying to keep him happy). After a couple of hours, lines got longer.
However, there was a HUGE difference in what this looked like at LEGOLAND and Universal vs. what it looked like at the two Disney parks.
This is the first time I've ever been to Disneyland. When we planned the trip, the days we were going were predicted to be fairly middling. Disneyland Resort was forecasted to have medium crows, with 4/10 at Disneyland and 6/10 at California Adventure. I just looked and the crowd calendars were just way off. Our day at Disneyland, crowds were at a 7. DCA day, 8. And we felt it. After noon, there were just wall-to-wall people. We couldn't have a chat as we walked around; we just let one person lead with the others following behind, bobbing and weaving and trying not to hit or cut off people. It was overwhelming and unenjoyable at points in a way I've never felt (even with pretty significant crowds) at Disney World.
We DID enjoy the things we did and saw. But I don't think I'll be in any hurry to return to Disneyland. It's just too compact and too packed. I think what's happening is that Halloween is just so popular, the crowd forecasters need to understand that people are just going to pack the parks regardless. Also, it looks like Sundays are less busy that weekdays, which feels counterintuitive. In case anyone else is planning a trip.
LEGOLAND was the perfect speed for Mal. We got to go in half an hour early because we were staying on property, and we did the dino coaster first... whoops. Mal was excited, but it was WAY too wild for him. We learned that he just can't do any rides where you feel pressure from changing/redirecting inertia. But we followed that up with a tame boat ride he loved so much, we ended up riding it three times.
We were able to walk around most of the park in about 5 hours, and saw the rest that we missed the next night. It was pretty cool: I hadn't planned a second day at LEGOLAND, but when I bought my ticket, they were having a buy one/get one sale and since their Brick-or-Treat Monster Party isn't a separately-ticketed event, we went over for that. It was super chill, we rode a couple of things we hadn't seen or ridden before, and then Mal finished it up with the dino boat ride. We got so much candy, we'll probably take some home next week. We've been snacking up on it in the room.
Today, we went to Universal. We'd paid $30 to be able to go into Super Nintendo World an hour before the park opened. That was a super choice. After an hour, James was able to ride the three rides in the lower lot before the other visitors got down there. Mal and I rode "The Secret Life of Pets" a couple of times with no wait between. The early-entry ticket also gets you onto the studio back lot tour with no wait, but there wasn't much of a line when we got to that, anyway. There was when we left!
We'd made reservations at the Toadstool Cafe and had our first and last (so only!) sit-down meal in a theme park. Then James and I both got to ride Harry Potter very quickly through the single rider line. Mal rode "SLOP" (what he calls The Secret Life of Pets ride) with James once, then he and I went shopping while James rode HP. We left the park a bit before 3 PM and had done everything we wanted to do, except maybe the Simpson's ride. I didn't want to double our ticket price to pay for the Express Pass, and it wouldn't have been worth it.
LEGOLAND and Universal were busy enough, but we had comparatively chill days at both of those.
I do want to talk for a moment about the Single Rider lanes... What an amazing time-saver! Between Lightning Lane at Disney (where you pay $30 extra to be able to skip the main line one time for each ride) and single rider, we didn't wait more than about 15 minutes for any ride, except Rise of the Resistance, where a lot of the "line" is an immersive experience, anyway. If your party doesn't mind splitting up, it's so much faster than the standby line, especially if you don't have Lightning Lane. In fact, Radiator Springs Racers doesn't have a normal Lightning Lane: You have to pay about $25 PER PERSON for just that ONE ride if you want to skip the line. But we got to do it super fast (it was under 5 minutes from the time I got in line until I was sitting in a car) because of Single Rider.
All of this to say: I know how to strategize avoiding crowds and lines. But, holy cow, that did not work at the Disney parks. We had fun doing what we did, but the experiences left us worn out and threadbare. We did not feel as chewed up and spit out after our days at the other two parks.
Just a brief FYI.
We've done other stuff on the trip, too. We went to the very informative and fun Museum of Making Music, we watched the sun set over the ocean, we have spent HOURS by different pools (today is the last day Mal can swim on this trip; our next places don't have pools), and have enjoyed each other.
Tomorrow, we head north. We'll get to a beach, then to a little Danish village, a National Park, and eventually the capital of the state! I think we'll be ready for a day of driving instead of walking miles and miles!
If you want to see vacation pictures, they're here.
"I was 50 years old when I finally got my nose pierced."
That's it. That's how the novel opens.
I don't actually know what happens after that, but the mind reels at the possibilities.
No cap, though, before James's and Mal's plane had landed in Seattle, I'd gotten a new tattoo (small rainbow on my neck; first one with color!) and my nose pierced. They're my birthday present to me.
See? It's super subtle!
I said "No cap" so you'll think I'm hip. I did the nose piercing because I freaking wanted to; they're so pretty and I've wanted one for a while. I'm a wimp, though, so it's not a septum piercing. I don't see how my Sapphic sisters do that. Also, cool thing about the hormonal whirlwind that might just be "the change," I am getting acne now. Good times. The day after my piercing, I developed a zit right above the site. Trying to manage that whilst also not really touching my nose in order to prevent an infection has been a lot of fun.
My birthday's in a couple of weeks, and James and Mal are on a short trip to see James's brother's family, including Luke the whippet. Seems like they're keeping busy and will probably both just crash out when they get home Monday night. Fortunately, James took Tuesday off to recover, and Mal's a kid so he doesn't really have much to do but catch up on rest when he gets here.
Since they've been gone, I've had lunch with my sister (her treat!), cleaned and organized James's office, done the permanent body modifications, had dinner with my friend Elana (her treat!) and our older kids, streamed a lot of television content while I was doing other stuff, swept and mopped all of the house where that's possible, cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms, had dinner with D (my treat!), and am planning to enjoy a morning all alone tomorrow when D starts their new job. Oh, and I've kept up with my DuoLingo Spanish lessons.
James was remarking the other day that I don't just sit down and chill a lot. I've really not been doing too much of that since he and Mal have been gone, but I've been doing more of it than usual.
Another fun possibly-perimenopausal-hormone-related thing, I'm getting so much less sleep than I have for most of my life. I typically need a GOOD 8 hours to function, and I'm getting more like 6.5-7.25 hours per night. I think I'm doing okay, but just have to get used to the fact that I need less sleep. So far, I haven't been plagued by the insomnia that is often present in women of a certain age. Guess we'll see how that goes.
It's Sunday now, so it's D's work orientation. It might not be necessary, because D might have a short day, but I'm planning to pack a sack lunch just in case they need food.
Then I'm going to try to roll out the dough I made yesterday for some hopefully fun sugar cookies I'm putting together for our LGBT-friendly homeschool meet-up group we started exactly one year ago! We have a great little den of friends from that. They're awesome kids, and I feel like they would be the antidote to folks who want to avoid their own children knowing about queer folks to "protect their innocence." Our awesome kids are about as starry-eyed and wholesome as you'd want kids to be. There's not a bully or mean girl among them. They're not perfect, but they're all great people who care about and enjoy each other so much. I'm super lucky I've gotten to watch them grow together, work out issues between themselves, and really develop deep connections with each other.
One other kind of cool thing... When I had dinner with my friend the other day, she asked me to take a look at a memoir she's been helping a guy write for the past five years. She's asked me to read/edit some work before, but until now I haven't felt that Mal was mature enough for me to be able to try. I'm going to give it a go now, though. They should be finished in the next few months, and I'll see what I can do.
It's almost light enough to go walk this morning, so I'm signing off for now!
For those of you keeping score, you'll know that Mal is turning 9 next month! I took this picture of him yesterday, wearing his 8th birthday shirt and we're going to have to retire the shirt soon!
A couple of weeks ago, Mal said that for his tenth birthday (yes, in 2024; he has had party themes lined up for almost a decade since he was 5), he wants to go to California. The things he specifically requested were: Super Nintendo World, Disneyland, and Hollywood.
I really had to think for a while about what he wants with "Hollywood," because I'm not sure what that means to him. When we lived in Las Vegas, we went to LA at least once a year, and during those times, we toured the NBC studios, where we saw sets from some of the shows we usually watched. We went to live tapings of "Home Improvement" twice (thanks, Dad!). We drove past the houses where they shot exteriors for Beverly Hills 90210 and Brady Bunch. We went to a small, quaint amusement park called Universal Studios Hollywood (which was only 30 years old at the time... and when we go with Mal, it will be 60 years old... which means that I AM OLD) where we got to see props and set pieces from familiar movies.
The thing is, Mal watches YouTube, cartoons, and a few live-action shows that James and I choose (oh, and every Star Wars show, which we all agree on). He doesn't have the "everyone has seen this" experience that I did when television was three channels plus PBS, and most of the movies we see now have sets courtesy of CGI rather than huge, sprawling creations like the Psycho hotel (which apparently is STILL there, even though we're probably two generations removed from being able to assume that anyone has viewed that particular pelicula).
However, after some time, I had worked out a perfectly-crafted trip incorporating things I felt Mal would consider iconic, as well as moving into some more of that nature that California is famous for so that James and I would feel equally catered to.
Then a couple of days ago, Mal decided that we HAVE to go to LEGOland. HAVE to. Before he turns 13. Because you can only drive the little cars where you get a LEGOland driver's license if you're under 13.
We'd planned to hit LEGOland first thing for our planned (and paid for ) April 2020 trip. In case you don't remember what happened in that far-away time, I'll refresh your memory: Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus-2. Remember that thing?
Mal would have been 5 for that trip, and even then, I thought we were reaching the end of the part of his childhood when he would find LEGOland interesting. One thing might be that he does NOT like thrill rides, so everything here will be his speed. But also, LEGOs. Or, more correctly, LEGO bricks. I know that's the proper way to say it, but it's so awkward. "Yay! Let's play with LEGO bricks!" Sorry, LEGO. It's just "LEGOs."
Anyhoo, I explained to him that I'd already planned a perfect trip that did not go that far south, and that trying to get that far south would mess everything else up. You might be thinking, as he did, "Why not just take one day and do it?" Well, if you're thinking that, then you're not the kind of trip planner that I am, and I'm not sure that I can make you understand.
But I'll try.
1) Have you ever heard of "crowd planner" websites? They're great. They let you know how busy theme parks will be on any given day, in general, your mileage may vary. I use them because I enjoy being able to have the most fun while avoiding the busiest days, thus making my big bucks that I spend on a trip go further. Because of those sites (my favorite is TouringPlans.com, and I'll join up just as soon as we're within a year of the trip so that I can get my personalized plan!), I know that in September, Disneyland has its Halloween party several times a week. On those days, if you don't have a ticket to the party, you have to leave the park at 5 PM. We did the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party at Disney World in 2018 and it was fun, but I don't think we're interested in this one. SO that means that we need to hit either Magic Kingdom or California Adventure on either Monday or Wednesday. Those are the only two days of the week that we will want to be in a Disneyland park in September.
2) We don't want to go to ANY theme park on a weekend.
3) We don't want to take any flights on Friday-Monday.
4) We don't want to visit a state or national park on the weekend.
5) Some hotels in high-demand places have 2-night minimums during weekends or certain times of the year (like if it's a college town and you happen to want to stay there on parents' weekend, which I've only learned because I PLAN EARLY).
6) Since we're going to be bopping around so much, we will need to wash our clothes a couple of times on the trip (wash AND dry, because we'll have to pack them every or every other day), so I need to know that we'll have access to a guest laundry or nearby laundromat.
7. We're planning one night in a very popular national park that opens up reservations 366 days in advance, and they often sell out. Once I lock that reservation in, my ability to move things will be extremely restricted.
SO.
I happened to wake up at 4:30 Saturday morning, and my brain was telling me to get up and figure out how to squeeze LEGOland in. I worked out first, and then got to work. Two hours later, I had added, cut, and rearranged until I had another beautiful (if more road-heavy) trip worked out.
The night before, Mal had literally been sobbing about not being able to drive those cars before he turned 13. I try to treat my son as a fully-formed human with feelings that are worth of care, because he is and they are. But his crying about a still-pretty-hypothetical trip a year away (our last CA trip was canceled within 4 weeks of when we were supposed to go*) was a little much for me to absorb.
However, I felt he'd be so relieved to know that his good old mom made a way! So when I told him the next morning, he said, "Oh, okay." I was like, "WHAT? You were IN TEARS last night!" He said, "Huh? I don't remember that."
And that is why I'm not having any more kids.
Also, as aforementioned, I am old.
But also, he DID remember; he just thought I was saying that he cried in his sleep, and he didn't remember that.
But but also also, my early morning strategy session was greatly under-appreciated so I'm telling you in order to have my glorious accomplishment in writing forever, or at least as long as the internet lasts.
*Something interesting: James's brother's family had a trip to California, and LEGOland specifically, planned earlier this year. They got to the airport and soon after, Delta canceled their flight. They were able to find a flight 2 days later, but then Delta was unwilling to change their return flight without charging them, so they just got full refunds and bummed around their home state for a week. We decided that this might mean that California doesn't want anyone in our family there -- and specifically LEGOland, which wouldn't be in play if my original plan still stood. Are we cursed? Will we actually get to California? Set your reminders to check back in 15 months and we'll see!
We usually have a party for him at a place where I don't have to do anything but pay people to host his birthday party, but, you know. This year. I mean, Chuck E. Cheese and Urban Air and all of those places actually ARE hosting birthday parties, but everyone has to wear masks unless they're actively eating, so... meh. (Again, I'm pro-mask but hate wearing them.)
SO... for my niece's son's birthday, his dad rented a bounce house from Austin Bounce Rentals, where they have a 4-days-for-4-hour rental rate. This seemed like a cool idea, and we decided to do it for Mal, and then invite one friend over every day that we had it. I mean, it was a cool idea. But we're just really tired and ready to stay home and be potatoes for the next week!
Anyway, they brought the bounce house Wednesday, the day before Mal's actual birthday. His friend Alexei came that day, and brought his little sisters Anya and Adelina. It was our first chance to see baby Adelina, and she's super precious! The kids had lots of fun; we haven't seen each other since February. They've all grown up so much!
They brought Mal a cool foam ball slingshot and a bunch of Mario magnets. Mal has had a blast creating "scenes" for us on the refrigerator.
Thursday, on the actual birthday, Fox came over with his big brother, John Paul, and his little brother, Rex. The bounce house wasn't wanting to stay up, and after a while we just shut it off. The boys found plenty to do, and had fun running around half-naked and then spraying each other with the garden hose.
Fox brought Mal a BUNCH of Hershey bars (which is what I'd told his mom Mal liked when she asked) and also a Star Wars LEGO set and a couple of Star Wars books. One of them is kind of a who's who and the other is an Eye-Spy-type book where you find Chewbacca and a bunch of bounty hunters on every page.
Friday was family day. Ken, Travis, Tian, Hannah and Chance, and Pappy and Nana came out. The bounce house place had brought us a second blower, so we were going strong again.
The Brownies got Mal four Super-Mario-themed Hot Wheels, and Nana and Pappy brought him some Sonic LEGOs (which they're building in the picture above). We'd actually given Mal a set of Super Mario LEGOs, so he really has an embarrassment of riches, building-bricks-wise.
Today was the last party day, and it went so well. I was basically exhausted this morning, and not terribly excited to have more company. But Mal and Harrison played together beautifully, and it was the first day that it was hot enough to turn the water on in the bounce house and have it feel REALLY good.
It was a great week, catching up with friends we haven't seen in a while, and playing outside SO much. It was fun celebrating with Mal!
In the midst of all of this, we had another episode of needing Mal to take magnesium citrate, and he's gotten to be such a dang trooper about it. Also, no, his tooth hasn't fallen out yet.
The bounce house goes away tomorrow, and when I reminded Mal of this, he cried. A lot. He thought I'd bought it. I tried to calm him down by saying we could certainly look for a bounce house (although a toddler-sized one I looked at earlier this year was $700; the one we rented would be about $1200 used and more than $2000 new) later, and I think Mal's onto my stalling tactics. He said, "Mom, I'm afraid you're not going to do what you are saying." He's not wrong. I don't lie to him, but I do sometimes say things to calm him down like this, even though I know there's no way we're buying a bounce house. Sigh. He's getting so big. And cynical. Just like everyone else in the household. I'm both proud and concerned because now I have to think of something different to do.
My birthday was Sunday, and it sent me down memory lane, thinking about past birthdays:
The one in Las Vegas where my parents took us (and my sister's family and my dear friend Adrienne) out to dinner at P.F. Chang's (remember when you could eat at a restaurant with a bunch of people and no masks?!). On the way to the restaurant, we got a flat tire on I-15, and so I changed it on the side of a busy highway in August while the sun was still up. It was terrifying and sweaty, but somehow I still look fine in the pictures so... ah, youth, I guess?
Then I remembered the year I turned 5 and got Donny and Marie dolls for my birthday. It was in Arkansas, but still late August, so pretty hot, and we had my party outside at a park. It was fun, but when I opened my gifts, the first thing I saw was Donny. And I was MAD. Why the heck would my parents just give me a Donny doll? He didn't even have any hair to brush! I realized as I opened it that Marie was in there, too, just underneath the Donny package. But my mom caught a picture of it, and captioned it as though I were puzzled. I wasn't. I was trying not to cry.
Whoo, remembering this helps me have grace for my own (and others') children who might not have a polished gratitude game.
Then there was the birthday 8 years ago when my sister threw me a party and had collected a bunch of letters and cards from far-flung family and friends, and had a party with an intentional Cake Wreck for me.
After the party, I was to drive to Dallas and take D to see Ken, while I spent the weekend with James. But first, Ken had car trouble and couldn't get to Dallas. D was happy to spend a couple of days with the Brownies. So I made my way north, and the 3.5-hour drive ended up taking 6 hours because a motorcycle had driven off of the Adams/Central overpass to 35 in Temple. While I was extremely sad for the loss of the person who was killed, I was also stressed about driving alone and getting into Dallas that late. I did manage to pull into the parking space at James's apartment at about 11:40 PM, so we got to see each other on my birthday.
It's kind of funny, though... going back in time in my mind made my emotions really raw and I spend a couple of days remembering every time I've said or done something that might have embarrassed or hurt someone, and each time I do that, I contemplate writing apology letters as blog posts. It would take me MONTHS to do all of them. And, I know from experience when I didn't have any more words to write for a novel I was working on during NaNoWriMo 2012 that writing for catharsis is EXHAUSTING. So if I've ever wronged you, please reach out to me and I'll own up to it privately. That way I don't have to worry about the people who don't remember the slights that still weigh heavily on me.
Oh, one final picture and it's from my birthday this year. When I look at it, I think, "If my hair grows this much in one year (and a few months; I stopped coloring it last June), then I feel like it should be A LOT LONGER. I'm not getting it trimmed anymore, and not just because of COVID. I bought the Split-Ender and have used it twice. I'm trying to keep my hair in some shape without getting 2-3 inches chopped off every time I go in for a haircut (which is maybe every 6-9 months). I know it probably makes it healthier, but I want it to be VERY long, then I'll cut off the crap at the bottoms and still have plenty long hair.
P.S. The people in the Split-Ender ad have had their hair razor-cut. It does not make that even a trim, because your hair grows unevenly and it trims off the bottom 1/4 inch, which means it is going to stay uneven and get MORE uneven as your hair grows out. I don't care about that. I rarely have a uniform cut more than a week or two after I get my hair professionally cropped, anyway.
Last year, Mal and I went to visit James's mom a couple of weeks before Christmas. This year we went back, and James was able to go with us (he'd just started a new job this time in 2018). We were there for his birthday, and we had a good time visiting. Here are some highlights and non sequiturs from the past few days.
1) The $85 5-year TSA Pre-Check has been a freaking travel game-changer. Thus far, we've only used it to fly to Florida, and then Phoenix twice (and James might have flown a time or two on business)... but, man. James gets stopped for "random" extra scrutiny every dang time we are at the airport, which isn't a great relaxing start (or finish) to what is supposed to be a fun trip. In addition to how easy it is to go through security and move along when you don't have to put your shoes back on and your laptop back in your bag, the fact that there's never a line means that there's no standing in a snaking security line stressing that you might not get to your gate before they give your seat to someone on standby. Five stars. Highly recommend.
2) Technology is great. We parked at The Parking Spot, which allows you to scan your custom QR code to enter and exit, and even to call a shuttle (though we haven't needed that yet, because they've been right there every time so far). We used Avis to rent our car, and though we still did have to pop into the garage-based rental office to swipe a credit card for some reason, we were able to view the reservation, make changes, immediately see the gas fill charge upon return, and we'd even have been able to check the car in ourselves if there hadn't been any attendants in the vicinity. We flew Southwest, and were able to use digital boarding passes; I was able to add all three to my Apple Wallet for easy scanning. We could monitor the flight status, and even watch movies in-flight for free, if we'd wanted. Of course, we used GPS (Waze, typically) for directions.
In the past, I'd print out physical maps, as well as all pertinent reservations emails and numbers and combine them into an exciting (to me, no one else) vacation binder that accompanied me on all trips. I'd fold over a page once it was irrelevant, so I was ready for the next thing. Having it all on a smart phone is another game-changer. I know everyone else has done this for a decade, but I have not. I'm still in the honeymoon phase.
3) Mal didn't want to do anything to pass the time on either flight. He cried when we took off from Austin; he was so scared. He did fine after about ten minutes, but spent the first part of the flight crying that he wanted to go back home (and of course he cried our last night that he wanted to stay in Wickenburg). Other than that, he wouldn't play Lego Star Wars on his iPad. He wouldn't play with any of the activities we'd packed to keep him busy. At one point I asked, "So you want to do nothing but just sit here and complain about how long the flight is and ask how much longer it is?" He affirmed, "Right."
He DID seem to get a kick out of making up stories about what the folks in the safety brochure are doing, saying, and thinking, though.
Really, those pictures are ridiculous.
4) "The Rise of Skywalker" has a lot of similarities to "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2" (the movie, not the book; though some of it is in the book, too). If you don't want any spoilers, move on to the next item. I'll try to be as vague as possible, but wanted to list the things that made me go, "OMG, it always goes back to Harry Potter!"
a) A main character and a conversation with a deceased person: Basically both deadies said, "Just because it's in your mind doesn't mean it's not real."
b) Death of a baddie: Hero refuses to actively murder the bad guy, who ends up killing self by rebound... including disintegrating into ash or something! (Which I HATED in HP but was okay with here, because I didn't have a book to compare it to.)
c) Randoms show up to turn the tide; even those who didn't want to get involved originally. "That's not an army; that's just people."
d) Hero has formerly unknown close physical connection to baddie that meant the hero could choose the same path to "ultimate" power.
e)
Also: Thanks, Star Wars franchise, for keeping the important aspect of family members smooching each other alive. Was really afraid that died in "A New Hope." But no. Nice bookend. /s
5) Here are some pictures from our trip that you can scroll through and make the above references disappear from your browser window!
Happy birthday, James! It's number forty-eight!
Our house from the air! It took two hours to get there from the time I took this picture.
6) Our last night in the hotel, I packed up what I could and set the carry-on in the floor, opened until we finished adding stuff the next morning. Moments later, I freaking ran into one of the wheels with the SAME TOE I injured on our cruise. It was just finished healing after nearly nine months! Now it's purple again, and super tender. I really do have spatial issues with my feet and protruding wheels. Darn.
But, I was pretty excited that we fit all of our gear for a 4-night trip in one carry-on and backpacks for us all (my backpack is my purse, and I only put my laptop in in addition to my normal stuff). Mal didn't use his backpack much at all, so I probably won't worry about lugging that around on our next trip.
7) Mal woke up with a sinus infection/ish the last night, as well. He was coughing something terrible, and couldn't breathe when he laid down. He didn't have a fever, so I wasn't too worried (although someone with measles traveled through our airport on December 17, two days before we did! So if we'd had an accompanying fever, I would have been more concerned... even though it was technically too early for symptoms to present); but I hated his being so uncomfortable. I guess he's going to be like D, who gets sick every time we travel somewhere dry. I knew he'd have a hard time last night, too, but expected it to be more of the same, with the coughing. Instead, he just woke up weeping two or three times. It is so sad! I just gave him some water and hugged him and kept asking if he could tell me what was wrong. He could only say, "I love you so much." Hopefully tonight will be easier on everyone.
8) This is not a separate thought, but it's not connected to 7 so I wanted to differentiate it. We had a nice time and I'm glad James got to visit with his mom this time. They even had a special night out to go see Star Wars... Mal and I ended up seeing it, but we weren't sure that would be the case as the local theater didn't indicate that they'd be showing the movie at all until a week or so out, and even then, they don't presell tickets. I think we spent more time indoors as it was a bit cooler this visit, but we still visited three parks, including one we didn't get to last year. We spent significantly less time at the labyrinth that Mal loves. He also stayed with Ronnie and Patsy one evening while James and I went out to dinner, so that was cool.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
PS Yesterday was the 9-year "gotcha" anniversary for Rudy and Carol!
Last week, I told James that I felt bad for D that Mal has so much better a mom. The immediate case in point was that Mal had wanted to go to McDonald's, and I took him. After two hours, we needed to leave because my phone had died, it was getting dark, I wasn't certain James was home yet, and I had no way to know for sure that someone would shut the chickens in for the night.
Mal cried and cried; he was so upset to leave. He wailed and complained about not wanting to take off. I started thinking out loud about when we could go back. In planning that, I realized: If D had done the same thing 13 years earlier, my response would have been very different. Something to the tune of, "You know, when you get so upset after I've done something you want, it makes me not super motivated to do anything you want, since you're just going to be sad instead of grateful." Ugh.
This past month has felt very fraught with "big feeling" days for Mal. It might be because his birthday is coming up and he's historically not wanted to get older? In the past three months or so, he's stopped insisting (after a whole year or so of no uncertain terms) that he will only ever be 5, and never get older than that. And now he actually seems pretty jazzed about everything. So who knows.
Tonight is Mal's birthday party. Here's a preview of the cake. I still have to add the "5" and "Happy Birthday" candles, but this is the general idea.
He requested the theme. I'm kind of surprised because he's seemed to be less interested in Cars and more into Minecraft and Star Wars recently. This was kind of a cool throw-back.
Mal's actual birthday is Tuesday; I'm taking him to Dallas for a couple of days, but he doesn't know it yet. I *did* tell him we were going to stay at a hotel, because he was so sad... actually, I think it was the McDonald's day. I was just trying to cheer him up on the drive home and told him we'd be staying at a hotel for his birthday. It'll actually be two nights. He's going to love it. It'll be a nice little treat for him; he would probably live in a hotel if we could take all of his toys and the pets.
Oh, speaking of pets: D wants a snake again. And one of our chickens disappeared. Like, no feathers. No shock on the part of the other five birds. Just... gone. A few days later, another one ended with a head covered in blood, and since we've seen that she probably got hung up on a cactus or some garbage out in the back property. But it looked TERRIBLE. I read that chicken's skin is thin and tears easily, and this is the all-white bird, so it was all very red and horrible. She seems to be healing up fine, though. If we had lost two birds in one week, I'd be seriously wondering about our ability to keep them safe and might consider finding a better home for them.
I'm glad we didn't have to think about that. And we found out something kind of fun when James and I spent several hours out in the forest behind the house, searching unsuccessfully for Halfy: There's a little natural bowl at the top of the grotto where rainwater pools, and the chickens are drinking out of that during the day. I'd wondered how they were making it through these hot, disgusting summer days without returning to the coop to stay hydrated. Now we know!
Mal wants me to play with him, so it's time go to!
It me! About mid-way through my birthday yesterday. It was a good day, but, man, it was busy, too!
James worked from home yesterday morning, so we got to chat just a bit before Mal woke up. Mal greeted me with, "Happy birsday, Mom!"
We realized that Aish wasn't feeling well, so I took her to the vet's (for the second time in two weeks) while Mal amused himself at home.
Mal and I went to Rounder's Pizza to meet one of my friends for lunch. I hadn't told her it was my birthday, because she would have done something, and I didn't want her to feel obligated... but she brought Mal a really neat "present." She'd found a very sparkly rock, put it in a square of cloth, and tied it with a ribbon. Mal dug it!
While we were there, the vet called twice, left two incomprehensible voice mails, and then proceeded to prattle on in excess of nine minutes before I hung up on her because I'd only called back during lunch in case there was an emergency. Short version: There isn't, but she had some ideas of things we could do to help Aish be less anxious/more comfortable.
When we got home, I went out to visit the chickens and take snacks, which is when I took the above picture. James was gone because his team at work had scheduled a half-day river "cruise" party boat thing. So I went to pick up Aish after they'd taken some samples for blood work.
After James got home, he, Mal, and I went out for frozen yogurt. It was neat; I had a birthday bonus of a free quart of yogurt, in addition to buy-one/get-one-free.
D had put the chickens up since we were out a bit past sunset. By the time we returned home, D was midway through giving the bedroom a thorough clean, which was an AMAZING gift for me! However, about 2/3 of the way through, D hit a wall. I get it. I finished up while D showered, and then I vacuumed and cleaned the carpets. D did two loads of laundry.
So. Full day!
Then this morning, I got up, fed the cats, and was getting ready to go do the every-other-weekly major cleaning of the chicken coop when Mal woke up about an hour and a half early, with a nosebleed and needing to use the restroom. I almost cried, but fortunately, James was up a lot earlier than usual for a weekend, so he just went and laid down in Mal's room while I did my stuff. They both fell back to sleep.
I had time to shower and dry off a few minutes before Mal woke up for good. James went back to bed, and Mal and I played together for a few hours. I did a load of dishes and finished up a load of laundry.
This afternoon, James took Mal to Little Land. They were gone about three hours, so I had some time to myself. I did refill the hummingbird feeders, and took snacks to the chickens. But otherwise, I just sat on my behind, watched YouTube videos and ate cereal. It was a nice, relaxing break from the busyness of the previous day and a half!
My parents had left me a couple of minis from Nothing Bundt Cake, so we broke into those today. Very tasty! Mal kept telling me "Happy birthday!" before each bite he took. He takes this very seriously.
James has Monday off work, but D still has banjo lessons, so after class, we're going to go out for sushi since James can stay with Mal. It'll be an awesome way to tie up my birthday weekend!
Mal's birthday rolls around next month, and this morning, I was thinking about how, this time last year, I was starting to get a little concerned (I'd passed "annoyed" about a year and a half before) about how we were going to wean him. I knew I didn't want to make it a traumatic break, but my son is easily traumatized, so even saying, "When you turn 4, you'll be too big!" would have broken his heart.
Then, lo and behold, right after his 4th birthday, he just... stopped.
Same thing with overnight pull-ups. We did use them when we went to Disney World just before his birthday, but that was because it wasn't our bed, and they don't have waterproof mattress covers, and... he was just suddenly dry all night without much of a transition.
Now there's just one developmental thing we're still working on. For some reason, when he needs to #2, Mal's first instinct is still to come kind of hide out in his room instead of heading straight for the restroom. He does then go, but the "brewing" time in his room beforehand baffles me.
Beyond that, Mal can read a bit, mostly small words that follow very strict rules about letter sounds. And he's picking up SO much math with Numberblocks. He watches several episodes a day, and watches them over and over... basically rote math facts, but sung with colorful animation and fun music. It's his choice. I've asked him if he wants me to find him something else to watch, and he'll say, "No, Mom, I need to learn my maths."
Speaking of that... he asks us math problems all of the time. Usually, it's because he wants us to "learn" (i.e. answer incorrectly so that he can teach us the right way). Occasionally, he actually doesn't know and wants to hear the truth. Anyway, last night, I was super tired of math and had kind of zoned him out when he asked me something. I said, "Sweetie, I don't know." He said, "Yes, you do. What is it?" I said, "No, I'm serious. Ask Dad. I was not good at math in school." Mal looked at me and said dismissively, "Oh, Mom, you don't need school!" Guess we've already indoctrinated him?
Mal doesn't know, but he and I are going on a tiny trip for his birthday. He has been begging to go to a hotel recently, especially after we visited my parents when they were overnighting near the airport for their 50th anniversary trip. On his actual birthday (the party is the weekend before), we're going to drive up to Dallas for a couple of days. I'm really looking forward to that.
Right now, Mal's favorite toys are the Micro Machines Millennium Falcon we got about a month ago, his "Numberblocks" (but not really) magnetic blocks we lucked into, and his Sonic the Hedgehog figures. He still plays with his Cars some, but not as much as he did this time last year. He went through a big Teen Titans Go! phase earlier this year, but that seems to be waning. He also went through a Mario stage, and we even got him a Nintendo Switch with Mario Party. I think James and I are going to get games we want to play (like Scribblenauts for moi!) since Mal doesn't seem super interested in it at the moment. He likes to watch Numberblocks and Gumball on YouTube; he watched and re-watched a ton of Clarence before his Kindle cleared the cache so YouTube can't remember what he tends to enjoy.
Oh, speaking of that, we had a second Kindle charge port crap out, so I found a relatively inexpensive iPad 3 on eBay that he's been using the past couple of days. He loves to play Woody Puzzle and Happy Glass.
Now he's saying he wants some Skittles, and since it's 10:00 PM, that sounds about par for the course. Night, all.
I won't say the trite things like "I can't believe you're 17" or "It all happened so fast," mostly because I CAN believe it, and it happened in exactly 17 years. I've been uploading pictures to the cloud from old back-up thumb drives, and have relived so much of your life through visual memories in the past few days. And I have some thoughts. (surprise, surprise)
Man, I've loved being your mom. Most of my best memories involve you, even if you don't remember them yourself. The pictures bear out those times. But they also testify quietly to some things you CAN'T see in the pictures. Every parent, every person, has things in their life that they would like to go back and tweak. I don't spend too much time worrying about those things. But there are several overreaching aspects of your childhood, and of being your mom, that I regret significantly and wish I had not done/could undo/had done better. They are:
1) Authoritarian parenting. I didn't ever think about whether there was another way when you were a kid. It was all I'd been exposed to, and so it was easy to fall into that. And when telling you what to do didn't work, I would tell you what to do again... either LOUDER or just with more words. Over and over again. And I hate that. I desperately wish that when you'd been born, I'd seen our relationship as more of a partnership than a top-down enterprise. I always tried to respect your opinion and personhood, but it was always with the idea that I was in charge. I am sorry. I'm sorry it took me until you were a teenager to realize that there was another way.
2) Lack of empathy when you were genuinely in need. There have been times in your life when I've been incredibly impatient with you when you expressed exhaustion and frustration at times that were inconvenient to me. When I look back on them, I can think of only a few reasons I reacted in such an ugly manner.
The first is that, when I've recognized that you absolutely COULD do something (like math when you were 6, or riding a bike a few miles when you were 11), I thought pushing you to complete it using whatever means necessary would eventually help you see that you were capable, too. How stupid. That doesn't work for me; why would I think it would work for someone else?
The second is that, in some situations when you were ready just to give up, I didn't have an out or know what else to do. So I reacted in my own stress and inability to your stress and inability.
The final one is that, in times when I've been extremely needy and requiring the most support, I have found that same need in others to be ugly. So maybe I was kind of mad that you needed emotional support when I didn't feel like I had any to spare?
Regardless, I'm so sorry. I wish I'd stopped everything every time and sat with you to figure out a way we could work it out together. The "reasons" I've thought of aren't an excuse, and I regret it deeply.
3) Related to the above, but encompassing a lot more: I wish that the day I filed for divorce, I'd started the habit of waking up every morning and looking at myself in the mirror and reminding myself, "You're the adult. You're doing what you need to do. Your feelings will save for later; take care of D's." I was so focused on my own hurt for a good year and a half after the divorce that I was not at all as attentive to your moods and needs as I should have been. I wish I'd left the church after the first meeting with the elders; that failed reconciliation process sucked so much energy and joy that I could have focused on you. I wish I'd not tried to maintain any extra-familial relationships that required energy and were draining. In general, I'd never want to live any of my life over, but if I could go back to that time and do it over, knowing what I know now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I failed you on so many occasions.
Those things said, I hope you know or someday will realize that I have always wanted you to be happy and have made conscious decisions at the time that I believed would be to your benefit. Even when I was wrong.
There was one time when you were about 5, and it was a gorgeous fall day, and you'd dressed up like you were going to a party, but we weren't going anywhere special. Instead, we went outside, and you were crunching around in the leaves and chasing butterflies. I sat down on the driveway because it was warm, having been in the sun all day. I thought, "This is a magical moment." Everything slowed down. I didn't have a camera, and knew I'd have to carefully remember everything exactly as it was. You were happy and free and I absolutely relished those moments of your childhood.
Another favorite was driving all over Texoma with you, doing mystery shops, listening to audio books and eating French fries and trying on clothes. You were such a great companion; I never could have done those things if you hadn't been game. (I'll never forget coming back to the car after a revealed shop at the Burger King near Love Field when you told me, "Dumbledore is dead." I felt like a different person the whole drive home.)
Also, all of those day trips into Dallas to visit the art museum, or the zoos, or Sharkarosa Ranch. I hope you are glad we homeschooled. I feel like I had a chance to live another childhood of wonder and exploration because of it.
I have always loved spending time with you. As you've matured and come into your own, I don't wistfully wish for those times back; I'm just extremely grateful to have had them. It's been a blessing to watch you grow up. I will miss you in a few years when you set off into your own solo adventure.
The couple of days leading up to Mal's 4th birthday were... interesting.
He expressed a great deal of opposition to having a birthday. He didn't want a party. He wanted to stay 3. He also spent Sunday and Monday having ideas of things he wanted to do, then just getting inconsolably upset about things I didn't understand, and telling me that I had ruined his day or ruined his birthday.
Monday he woke up and said, "I just want you to go pick up my cake for me." Of all the reasons I booked a party at Chuck E. Cheese, the grocery-store cake was not among the most important.
He agreed to go, and was ready to leave the house by 9 AM. We were supposed to be there at 10:45 to set up for the 11 o'clock party. Finally, at about 9:45, we went ahead and took off. I drove slowly (don't laugh; I actually set my cruise control for 5 under the speed limit), got gas, and we stopped by the Salvation Army store to kill 15 minutes or so.
The party ended up being a lot of fun. Mal loved it, loved having his friends there, and, of course, loved the cake. And pizza. Between birthday extras and people just handing their tickets over to him, Mal ended up with something like 2700 tickets, easily a record for us. However, he seemed unimpressed with the bigger offerings newly-available to him. He ended up walking out with 4 gummy Ring Pops and a bunch of points for later.
Just so I'll remember (because I have pictures of D's 5th birthday that include a little girl of whom I have zero recollection), Harrison, Alexei and his sister Anya, Blake and her brother Canyon, and Loki and his brother Zephyr came to Mal's party, plus Nana and Pappy and everyone's designated adult.
We finally gave Mal the LandSpeeder we bought him at 75 percent off when Toys R Us was closing. It took two days, but Mal finally sat in it and pressed buttons. He still won't drive it. He's waiting for Harrison to come over and drive it, and he says he'll sit beside Harrison.
The first thing Mal said to me on Tuesday was, "See? I woke up and I didn't turn 4." I had to break it to him that he was fully four on that day, though he'd gotten a reprieve during his actual party because he'd been born 19 minutes after his party officially ended.
The rest of the day and most of today has been much easier, emotionally-speaking. Mal wanted to go back to Chuck E. Cheese today, and because of a card we got for booking online and some left-over plays Pappy gave us, we were able to play for an hour with nothing out of pocket.
So... this time last year, Mal was finally ready to start using a toilet. Six weeks before his 3rd birthday, I thought we were still months and months away from it, but he was out of diapers during the day at his party. Since May of this year, we've had some regressions with his willingness to go when he needs to defecate, and I'd blame the switch from the training toilets to the big ones, but it wasn't a direct correlation.
However, a couple of times this week, he's just gone without my knowing (rather than my reading his face and ordering him to go NOW) and has called me in to help him finish.
Another cool thing is that he's been mostly dry overnight for a few months. I wasn't super committed to getting rid of the nighttime Pull-Ups just because I don't love taking the bedding off in the middle of the night, and I knew we definitely wanted to do Pull-Ups on vacation, using a bed that doesn't have waterproof covering. He was only wet twice during that 9-night stay, and has only been wet once in the 9 nights since we returned. The night before last, I let him go to sleep without a diaper on, but chickened out in the middle of the night. Last night, no Pull-Up and he was dry.
The cool thing is that, during the past week or so, he's been receptive to my encouragement to use the restroom before we go somewhere and, especially, before we go to bed. That's a huge change, and I'm loving it.
So he's growing up a lot, but also resisting growing up. He's a super fun kid, and spending time with him is an unmitigated blessing. Here's to Year Five!
All right, fine. If you're keeping track, it's still more than two months until my birthday.
But James already got my present for me, even though I still have to wait a few weeks for it.
Something hit me the other day: I cannot remember the last time I went to bed feeling cruddy and thinking, "Well, I ate like a garbage person today. I'll do better tomorrow."
If you've never done this, then I don't know how to explain the feelings of shame, failure fatigue, and physical illness that accompany that little bit of self-demoralizing.
There have been many times in my life when I've tried, with varying levels of success, to appreciate my body in its natural form (i.e. when not being manipulated by food restriction and exercise for the sole purpose of body-taming), with varying success.
I remember when I was training for the LVMPD entry test, I was able to run 5 miles and felt like a total bad ass. When I was weighed as part of the physical, I was surprised to see 195. That was up significantly from my lowest weight, due to a years-long eating disorder, when I spent some time at about 148 pounds.
Incidentally, the GNC scale still told me I was 7 pounds overweight here, so while I felt pretty okay about how I looked, the numbers taunted me.
However, a few years later, I was nearly 50 pounds heavier and significantly more healthy. And I didn't feel much self-consciousness about how I looked.
Still, what I didn't realize was that Diet Culture was pervasive in my thought processes and self-esteem.
I had so many "rules" about how I ate, even while giving myself permission, kind of, to eat as I pleased. I still saw foods as "naughty" indulgences or "healthy" choices. If I did too much of the former, I felt really bad.
Even after James and I got married and I was looking in the rear-view mirror of those miserable forced workouts (even while loving riding my bike challenging places, walking all over, dancing, etc.), I would still often look back on my day with a sense of backward-facing dread, and feel ill at the thought of the "bad" food I'd put in my body.
Or I'd remember that I'd forgotten I'd had a snack and then still eaten as much as dinner as I would have if I'd not eaten a snack. And I'd be frustrated with myself.
So, that's a long way of saying: I don't do that anymore. At some point in this work I'm doing to listen to my body, to move as I please, and to eat as I will without any of this becoming an energy-draining focus from my very full life, I've managed to throw off the go-to guilt that has gone hand-in-hand with food choices for as long as I can remember.
I no longer linger over glances at myself in mirrors or storefront windows as I walk past. I don't feel self-conscious about what other people looking at me might think. I buy and wear clothes that I enjoy, that allow me to move, and that I don't have to think about, regardless of the "rules" of what might or might not be "flattering."
There is, however, one area in which I still struggle: Pictures.
I LOVE pictures. I often hand my camera to James (and cringe, because, frankly, for as brilliant as that man is, he cannot take a dang photograph... and now that I think about it, it might have to do with how overstimulated he gets in loud/busy situations in that he cannot filter out superfluous information, and that's exactly what his pictures look like) or someone else and ask them to get a picture of me doing whatever we're doing, because I tend to be the recorder of memories.
However, my tendency still is to be hyper-critical of snaps of me, because... I guess I'm seeing myself from someone else's angle, and I'm not used to it, so it reveals things about me I don't see in the mirror, even though my son has fully mirrored closet doors, and we're in his floor about 10 hours a day, so I've likely glanced at myself at almost every possible angle in the past year and a half.
I'll give you an example from a couple of years ago. My friend Jana, of Jana Gross Photography, had brought her girls to our apartment to swim. She snapped this candid shot of Mal and me.
This picture is pure joy. But at first blush, my reaction to it was, "Holy crap, that arm! Those bulges! Ugh!" I had to look away from myself because I couldn't take it (it was a couple of months after this that I did my last-ditch effort to drop a few pounds, and after calorie-restricting for two months, decided I'd rather try to be happy than thinner). In the past, I'd delete pictures of myself that I did not like but knew, absolutely, that some day I would adore this picture and the moment in time that it captures with such buoyant energy.
(Incidentally, this kind of "documentary photography" is Jana's milieu, so if you need pictures that are absolutely YOU and not the same poses that are trending with every other photographer on earth, you should absolutely book her.)
And now we get to James's birthday present for me! He purchased admission to Virgie Tovar's Babecamp, It's a four-week online course to learn how to have a peaceful relationship with your body, first by examining how we got to where we are now, and then by working on tools for self-love.
If this sounds horribly self-indulgent to you, especially given that there is so much real trouble on earth, then let me assure you that dissatisfaction with my body has been an incredibly time-. energy-, money-, and talent-consuming function of my life for as long as I can remember. Ridding myself of its last vestiges frees me up to be fully present for the people and causes that mean most to me.
As an ancient example: When D was smaller, we had an absolute bedtime of 7:00 PM (which is funny; Mal just finally conked out at 11 tonight). D could read or play in bed, but had to stay there. There were countless times D would call down the hall with a random question, clearly just wanting to chat, desiring company. And I'd yell back to "go to sleep!" Because I "needed" to work out. Not because I enjoyed it. Not because the exercise brought me peace and life. Because I did not want to be as fat as I'd been in the past.
Time and time again, I chose attempting to alter the natural size of my body over building a relationship with my older child.
I'm not ever going to do that again.
Babecamp will end about a month before we go on our family vacation. I look forward to taking, and being in, a ton of pictures. Without obsessing over myself in any of them.
A week from today, we'll have a newly-minted 3-year-old. Things are likely to accelerate this week, with visitors and errands and appointments and preparations, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to reflect over this auspicious occasion. I'm going to intersperse the unorganized thoughts with pictures I pulled off of the memory card in Mal's camera. All of these have been taken by him at some point during the past year (and, honestly, the vast majority of these photos are the fans in our various rooms and of our patio flooring... so, yeah, I'm cherry-picking).
Mal's vocabulary has exploded this year. He was certainly not "at level" when he turned 2, which is something like 75-200 words. But now, he pretty much knows all of the words and uses them correctly, including sarcastically and manipulatively. But as conversational as he is now, there are three "baby" phrases that have persisted: 1) boh-bos, for breasts; 2) dee-dees, for breastfeeding, his take on "nursies;" 3) la-la, which is to say "the other one," or "You're trying to put that shoe on the wrong foot; try the other one." All we have to say is "la-la" and he'll stop trying to put his shoes on and he changes feet. Or he'll look at me and ask, "La-la?" I say, "No, that's the right one."
Mal has experienced so many milestones this year, in addition to the verbal explosion.
The first time I visited my new church after we moved, it was January 1, and hardly anyone was there. The next week, they had childcare. At 2 years and a few months, Mal had still never stayed in childcare throughout the church service. I dropped him off, giving the attendant my cell number so she could message me if Mal decided he was through. I never got a text. He stayed the next week. And the next. And he has never looked back. In fact, in August when we had our student-led worship and so there wasn't "class," he cried, bitterly disappointed. He loves his playtime, and I love being able to participate in church for the first time in years.
Basically, he adores our church. From the minute we get on campus, he rushes to check to see whether the fountain is on or not. Typically, it isn't on yet when we arrive, but someone turns it on later. Somehow, in his brain, Mal has associated the piano music happening with the fountain being turned on, and he assumes that Darlene playing the piano is what activates it.
Then, as we head inside, he acts shy but loves being greeted by "Miss Jackie." Once we're in the sanctuary, he runs over to the coffee table to pick out a doughnut (usually pink or white frosted with sprinkles) and one chocolate doughnut hole. During the beginning of the service, he often goes into the "youth room" to hug the giant teddy bear or play with the foosball set. And he likes to get a name tag to "fill out"... and cut up.
When it's time to pass the peace of Christ, Mal usually says to me, "Mommy, hold me! I want to get peace!" He will high-five people and be generally charming, if, again, somewhat subdued by direct attention.
He's gotten to where he will sit in my lap for the children's message, and even hold hands during the prayer afterwards. But his favorite part is when that's over, Darlene plays "Jesus Loves Me," and he knows that's the signal that he can run into the other building for free play. (Sorry; he's not very spiritually mature.)
As physical as Mal is, gymnastics seems like it might be as good a fit for him as it was for D at this age. However, we took a free trial class a week and a half ago, and it was exhausting... for me. Mal just isn't ready to (or isn't in the practice of) pay attention to a sequence of instructions, then line up, wait his turn, and remember the instructions. They had about 40 minutes of structured class time, then 20 minutes of free play. He really enjoyed the free play, but not on their gym equipment! They have a big toy/book area where the kids can do stuff while they're waiting, and that's what he chose to do.
One issue I had with the class setup was that there were just too many kids. It might have been because it was the first class of the session, and a lot of people were like us, trying it out. But for a few kids, including mine, it was difficult staying focused in the long stretches between "turns." And there were only two adults: the coach and an assistant. So several of us parents had to walk our kids through the paces to keep them on track.
I was pretty tired after the whole thing, but since Mal enjoyed it, decided I'd let him try one more time (because they give you two trials before you have to commit), anyway. The next week, though, he made it easy on me. I asked the night before, "Do you want to go to gymnastics tomorrow?" He said, "No!" His answer was the same the next day, and I'm glad we were on the same page!
Mal has always been a big kid, weight well off the charts when he turned 2 and weighed 36 pounds. He was in the higher percentile for height, too, at about 90 cm (35.5 inches, more or less). During the past year, he has not gained a single pound! He has, however, shot up a few inches. I'll measure him later this week, but he's closing in on 39 inches, I believe.
We don't impose "arbitrary limits" on Mal, meaning that he pretty much decides when and what to eat, when to use and what to do on the computer, when he goes to bed and gets up, and that kind of thing. It's definitely made interacting with him more peaceful (compared to my first attempt at parenting a small person), which we really need, given Mal's naturally demanding personality (which my first did not possess, but was pretty phlegmatic).
While this might sound like a nightmare waiting to happen, it's panning out quite well at the moment. At two years old, Mal will often watch videos for twenty minutes, put his computer to sleep, and invite one of us to play with him. Or ask to get out the Play-Doh. Or go into his room to play with Paw Patrol. Yes, there are days (like Friday) when he goes back to the computer multiple times throughout the day. But there are also days like today when he doesn't think to turn it on at all, even though James and I were both ready for him to chill in front of some videos by 4 PM! Even though we (almost) never say "no," (unless, say, we're getting ready to walk out the door), we never suggest it, either.
Same thing with bedtime. Mal will play or watch TV or want to sit outside and look at stars or whatever, and then stop at some point and say accusingly, "Mommy! I'm tired! I need to go to sleep!" He knows when he's sleepy, and by the time he goes to bed, he's ready. Of course, there are exceptions that prove this rule. Tonight, for instance, he was going physically bonkers at around 7:30. I had to keep asking him to stop jumping on things or falling into things because he was going to injure himself. He's usually pretty coordinated, but when kids get tired, they get clumsy. Finally, at around 8:15, I asked him if he wanted to go for a drive. I felt like having him strapped in was the only way to keep him from harm, and he did want to go on a drive, but he wanted to end the drive at the park, wherein he intended to play on the playground.
He's gotten so bold on that thing recently that I didn't want to chance it. So he cried in the car for a good while, lamenting that we wouldn't take him to the park. "I'm really sad that we can't go to the yake." "I know you are, Mal, and I'm sorry." After about half an hour, he said, "I want the music class music!" I put the CD in and he listened happily the rest of the way home. When we got here, he requested that I carry him "like a baby" to his room, and he rapidly went to sleep.
To answer your questions: Yes, he still nurses to sleep. Every time (sometimes he *does* conk out in the car). Including when he wakes up in the middle of the night, which is frequently. How frequently? I don't count, but I'd say I consider 3-4 times "normal." It used to be 6-12 times, so we're improving. But, yeah, we usually "expect" a 3-year-old to sleep "better" and that is just not where we are. We're making it work.
Mal is a crazy sleeper, so we have a futon mattress on the floor. He rolls off of it almost every night. Many times when he wakes up asking for "deedees," he's lying with his feet on the pillow and his head toward the foot of the bed.
Increasingly, he has dreams. He'll say things, seeming to be awake, but that make no sense to me, so I'm guessing they're related to whatever is in his head. "Mommy, stretch it out. YOU CAN!" ??? He's also awakened at least a couple of times in the past month crying and scared. I went to pull him in one time, and he yelled, "No! I want my mommy!" I kept assuring him it was me, and he finally calmed down, pulling my arms tighter around him.
Once, we had to get up and walk around, as he insisted we get out of the bedroom and into the living room. We sat on the chair for about half an hour, then he was ready to go back to lie down.
Another remarkable thing about this little kid is that he expects to be taken seriously. When he says, "Let's go to the park!" he will start getting his shoes on because he has learned that we try to honor his wishes whenever possible.
He has his favorite places to go and things to do, but will often (as with the gym class, and sometimes even things like the library's storytime and other events) choose just to stay home. Any time we're gone for a while and come back, he croons, "Aww, I missed my home."
His favorite things to do are to go to the lake (and he has a circuit of playground, "gump rocks," visiting the doc - much to our horror - and then back up to the playground), to play and eat at McDonald's (4 chicken nuggets, strawberry GoGurt, apple juice or chocolate milk, and fries with ketchup or ice cream), go to the mall ("Mickey Mouse store;" indoor playground; inflatables playground - which he wants to enter but is terrified of the jump structures because they're loud, so we often argue about not paying $8-10 to walk around and do nothing for 20 minutes; window-shopping at Build-a-Bear; and newly a big fan of the escalator), Chuck E. Cheese, and to go to any store (drug, grocery, and even gas stations).
Mal is kind of obsessive about color order. He has a series of "cubbies" in his room with drawers that are red, orange, yellow (on the top shelf), green, light blue, and dark blue (on the bottom). One time, after he'd taken them all out, James returned them willy-nilly and I just left them, because whatever, right? But a couple of days later, Mal announced, "Daddy made a 'stake," and switched them all back.
We also have a marble maze with two pieces that have things like "water wheels" for the marbles to go through. The way those pieces came, and are shown on the box, is that the piece with the yellow frame has a purple wheel and the piece with the red frame has a yellow wheel. Mal will not allow the maze to exist like that. He insists that the yellow wheel goes with the yellow frame, and anything else results in destruction since he can't take the wheels out without pulling everything to bits.
Mal's imagination is ramping up. Many times, he'll be playing in his room and I'll think he's fussing for me, but when I go in, he's just playing, acting out an argument between two characters. He makes up games and scenarios that he has to (and can) explain to us so we can play along. He is alternately a baby, or a monster, or a dog, or a "bad guy." He also talks about what other people are doing when they're not around. And what they might be thinking or feeling.
He also recognizes that the above-pictured cat is Rudy, which is his cat. He knows that Carol is D's, and might scratch him if he's not careful. And he knows that Aish is "the pretty one," so soft, and belongs to Daddy. He tells me that I need a cat, but I assure him that I have enough to take care of without having a cat of my own.
Mal still cannot sit through a meal, so we know where all of the places with play areas are.
His favorite foods are scrambled eggs, grapes, chocolate rocks, Runts-style bones, French fries, bananas, cupcakes (but only the frosting part), yogurt, straight sugar, and Mommy's soda.
Mal doesn't really have a lot of patience for sitting down to read stories, although he likes to look at certain books. He prefers books that have pictures but no plot, so he can chat about the pictures. His favorite picture books are: The Jellybean Book, Diggers and Dumpers, Colors, The Big Animal Book, and a collection of number books my mom gave him.
Those are tiny board books, with like 5 pages each, and on every opening, the left page will have the ordinal ("2") and the word spelled out ("two"), then on the right will be a picture of that amount of something (candles) with the word written underneath. This morning, we were looking through the first book, and before I could turn the page, he said, "Wait!" Then he pointed to the right page, "r, a, t, t, l, e... for 'rattle.'" Next, he pointed at the left page and said, "o, n, e for 'one.'"
This kind of decoding isn't anything we've ever done with him, and I'm not sure where he picked it up. Anyway, on the next page he did the same thing with a drum, then said, "o, n, e for 'one' again." I assured him it would be spelled the same way every time.
He "spelled" "one" on every page, but not the object. And by the time we got to the "2" book, he was just finished with that whole exercise. It was pretty neat, though.
Mal also recognizes sheet music for what it is.
There are so many other things James mentioned when I asked him for ideas, but it's almost midnight and I had to shoo him out and tell him to stop, because as much as we might want to record everything for posterity's sake, we just can't. If I've left anything notable out, he can write his own blog post about it (hint hint).
Suffice it to say that these are the magical times. As much as I don't adore being the primary caregiver for a baby, I absolutely relish the toddler and preschool years. Yes, even on the days when I'm ready for a mental health break by lunchtime. There's just something so cool to be able to watch a kid figuring things out and growing and becoming a person totally separate from you or your spouse.
Happy almost birthday, Mal!
Here's a goofy video of Mal dancing with my keys to distract me to keep me from leaving the other day. Sorry for the weird angle, but he's pantsless. (Which leads me to another thought: he's almost totally potty-trained, something I wouldn't have believed possible a month ago. #blessed.)
