Rejoice with those who rejoice

The other day, my mom posted a picture of Mal on her Facebook page. A friend private messaged her and said, "I saw the picture of your grandson. So sad. I will continue to pray for your family, and especially your daughter, that she will see the error of her ways and return to God. It's just not right for those poor bastard children. They don't deserve this."

Okay, that didn't actually happen. And if it did, most of us would think, "Good gravy, person! RUDE!"

This doesn't happen, even though I've been twice divorced, neither time for what the literal-Bible-takers would consider "scriptural reasons." (And the first time, especially... that was just selfishness and my being a total jackass.) So, carrying that out to its logical conclusions, God did not recognize my second marriage, and I can't even imagine what he feels about this third one. So neither of my kids have legitimate parentage according to that, yet no one feels compelled to mention this to my parents when they talk about me or my kiddos.

As a parent, I love it when my kids are happy. I love it when they do well. I love when I can share something funny or neat or celebratory about them. I love it when my friends get on board and are happy for our family. I think all parents love the same things.

Over and over lately, I've heard and read things fellow moms have written as their hearts break, and you know why? Because their child came out as gay (or transgender) and even though the mom might have been caught off-guard at first, she has worked through her own stuff to come back to that place where you just love your kid because he or she is your kid, and their relationship is the better for it.

But then she posts a picture of her FTM son in his prom tuxedo, looking handsome. Or she shares a picture that the photographer took of her lesbian daughter and husband dancing at the daughter's wedding.

Now, Facebook explodes with prom pictures in the spring, and "I can't believe how grown-up she looks!" and "Beautiful! Love that dress!" and "Hope they have fun!" and the mom of the transgender kid sees that. She also sees how her post languishes, with no one really chiming in. She posted a picture because she loves her kid and is proud of him. Her friends are uncomfortable and, not knowing how to respond, don't. Or they are disgusted and tell her. Where is the encouragement? Where is the, "I love you and I love your kid!" that friends are supposed to have for each other?

And wedding pictures? My goodness, people "like" and comment like crazy on our kids' special days. Unless it's a gay wedding. Then people shake their heads. Maybe "hide" the post. Maybe unfriend the person. Maybe even message them and ask how they can support such a sinful thing.

That mom isn't gay. That mom is loving her child unconditionally. And regardless of how anyone feels about homosexuality, why can't people just support their friends and find SOMETHING positive to say, so that those moms who already know their sweet offspring is being judged (something we all know HURTS our hearts) will know that they themselves aren't?

After I left my first husband, I was living with a guy literally old enough to be my dad (he had a son 11 months younger than I was). Did my parents approve of the whole enterprise? Um, no. Did I know this? Heck, yes. When they went to see Bette Midler at the MGM Grand Casino (back when we all lived in Las Vegas), and they knew that I loved her, did they buy a ticket not only for me but for the guy I was dating, and treat us to a nice dinner beforehand? Yes. Yes, they did. Why? Because they loved me and they wanted a relationship with me.

Did anyone call them on the carpet for not shunning me due to my "sinful lifestyle?" I don't believe that they did.

If you have a problem with homosexuality, then you don't have to comment on a friend's picture of their kid, "I wish them a lifetime of joy!" (thought why wouldn't you?). You can say, "She looks beautiful." Or, "Everyone looks so happy."

Why break a woman's heart even as it's already being broken over and over just by watching how people react to and treat her kid? Especially as a church, I think we have to do much better with this.

And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another.