Ridiculousness with medicine!

It's been a while since D has had a well checkup. 12.5 years, if you're counting, which I wasn't until the PA asked, and then I felt a little sheepish. Anyway, it seemed like the time was right (and ripe?) to get a full physical and blood panel, just to make sure everything is going well in adolescent land.

The physical was great, and we have an appointment to go back in three weeks to discuss the results of the many many blood tests.

I was really impressed with Austin Family Medicine, I have to say. The PA was great, we were in and out fast, and it was nice not to have to be around sick people just to get a physical, honestly.

I prepaid for all of the labs, most of which were in the $20-40 range. There was one that was closer to $500 that they said I could opt out of, and then I had to sign a paper that said I understood I was going to be billed for another test, but it would be $125 maximum. And that's where this gets interesting and stupid.

Today, I had a voice mail. If you ever call me, I'm sorry. My phone is usually silenced, and I almost never answer it. But I do return calls (or more likely text back), so when I saw this message, I listened. Here is what it said:

"This is Jake from Boston Heart Diagnostics, calling for Daphne. Please call me back at..."

I was actually in our complex clubhouse when I got the message. Mal wanted something, but I shushed him and opened my notes so I could write down the number and the reference. I called immediately, my imagination already going. The diagnostic center doesn't call you... unless it's something serious.

As it turns out, our friend Jake is from the billing department, a fact I feel he purposefully neglects to include because he thinks people wouldn't reach back. That's the first crappy thing.

Jake had apparently called to get my insurance information, which I don't have since we don't have insurance. I explained that I was cash pay and was trying to pull up my Google Wallet so I could pay off of the info on my phone, when Jake came on the line to inform me that the cash pay amount for the test was $2200.

I said, "I was told that the only other test would be $125, max."

He said, "Oh, yes, one of the tests is $125. But we ran all of them and here are your options: You can fill out a form and see if you qualify for assistance, based on your household income and the number of people in your home. You could qualify for 50% up to 100% of the cost paid for." (I guarantee we qualify for nothing.) "You can work out a payment plan, so you can pay a little bit a month. Or you don't have to pay, and we just won't send the results to the doctor."

Okay, so NOW I get it: This place ran more tests than they were authorized to run because they assumed I'd have insurance, so it'd be paid for, even though it wasn't ordered. Then when they find out I'm cash pay and realize I might not want to fork over $2200 when I'm worried absolutely zero about my daughter's cardiac health (not that I'm not concerned, but I have no reason to be worried that it's vulnerable), since they've already run these big expensive tests, they'll just hold on to the big expensive results. That's the second crappy thing.

Well, second and third. Second is running the unnecessary tests under the assumption that it'd be covered because what insurance company is going to question it? And third is basically trying to extort money out of me for results they already have and might as well just zip 'em over to the office. Jerks. Stupid, money-grubbing jerks.

I'm GLAD I don't have insurance and they won't be repaid for their time and effort and whatever they used in testing. I'm sorry someone else is probably paying for it through their own payments or insurance premiums or whatever. The whole thing is ridiculous.

This raises an ethical question: What if there were something amiss, like a congenital defect or something we didn't know about, that came up as a result of this testing? Are they liable for not mentioning it, even though I didn't pay to see the results?