A couple of thoughts a couple of days later (weeks, actually)

I started this blog post on Friday, September 26. Now you can see how much time I've had both for organizing my thoughts and for writing. But I'll finish these thoughts as much as I have the time to do, then go on with some other stuff if I can. Clock's ticking!

I've been thinking about two things the past two days (again, this was the Friday after Wednesday's delivery), and thought I'd share them while I have a moment...

1) I've read a lot about different venues and philosophies when it comes to birthing babies. And I've read a lot about how ultimately, the way you give birth doesn't affect anyone or anything in the long term. What I've realized having now had two distinct birthing experiences is that it definitely does matter. I don't think it's too important whether you choose to go to the hospital or have lovely pain-blocking drugs or do it at home with no help except your family, just that you are heard. I wanted something very specific, and even when it looked like I might not get it, I knew, at the bare minimum, that I had a team who had listened to me and tried to make it happen. I walked away from that experience feeling hugely different than I did after fleeing the omniscient, condescending doctors with whom I dealt before, during, and after Daphne's birth.

That said, I am out of the business of having babies (James is having a medical procedure done this week to ensure that), but if I had to do it again, I'd definitely go with a midwife and birth center birth again. The only thing I had at the hospital was an epidural, and I LOVED it at the time. But I ended up feeling like it put a wall not only between me and my pain, but the actual delivery of my daughter. I don't think everyone is like me, so I don't hold what I experienced up as gospel. I am just not a "baby" person, and I think I needed all of the endorphins and hormones I could get in that moment, in order to start an early bond with the kiddo. And birthing naturally did that.

THAT said, if my true labor pains had lasted 4 hours or 18 hours or even one hour instead of 9 minutes, I might feel differently. But altogether, it was blissful. Not having to fight to go home was a plus, as well.

2) I don't remember the second one. Sorry.

But here are a few random things:

The first couple of nights, I'd wake up, see Mal's head, and think/say, "That's my sweet little girl." Then the night I was dozing off (due to no caffeine) and he was so fussy, I asked James to take him for a drive. James stood there while I dozed off and crept out of the room, not realizing that Mal was about to come back into full-screaming consciousness after three or four seconds. I called James back in and said, "So, is that a 'no'?" He said, "I thought you'd fallen asleep." I said, "I DID. But I need you to take her out for a few minutes, because even if she dozes off, she's uncomfortable... and I KNOW he's a boy. I know it's a 'he.'"

When James and I talked about it later, I think I decided that in that particular brand of exhaustion, my brain goes to the only other time I've felt that tired, and it was when Daphne was a baby.

Mal has had two non-meconium dirty diapers, both on Mondays. He might be a once-a-weeker, and as long as he's comfy, I'm all for it. Our cloth diaper laundry duty will be so much simpler.

I have had to stop dairy. I don't eat much, mostly cheese, but it seems to upset him a lot. I'd stopped caffeine, too, because I was worried it'd given him a lot of energy the night I was worried he might be colicky. I don't think it was affecting him like that, but now that I've been off of caffeine for 5 or 6 days (and, yes, I'm still sleepy but no more headache), I figure I might as well go with it. I like caffeine. I don't think it's harmful. But when you have to take caffeine gum with you to Haiti because you're afraid they won't have enough for you, you might have a problem!

James is awesome. He is doing everything that he can do, and being so gracious about the fact that I sit on my backside for hours on end. Mal has only in the past couple of days let me put him in the bassinet to nap for an hour or so; until then, I (or someone else) had to hold him or he wouldn't sleep. We're out of groceries; I'm making ridiculous things for breakfast and lunch. James is stepping up his chore level, and getting things for me, and dealing with a baby we didn't plan to have in our bed, and is just generally wonderful.

Also, my sister and my friend Jana have been invaluable. Sarah came over yesterday and cleaned, and today she's going to pick up some stuff for me at the grocery store (but don't worry, Nana, I'll have a FULL list for you next week!). Jana has brought us two meals and took pictures of a sleepy (therefore not-as-cooperative-as-ideally) Mal so we'd have some newborn shots while he's still a newborn.

When James' mom and Pat were here, Patsy held Mal a lot and I was able to get some things done (apparently overdoing it, according to the midwives). And Pat also picked up supplies a couple of times. But it was at Trader Joe's, and I don't think she considered it much of a chore. :) We loved having them here.

There's a lot more, but Mal is waking up. Gotta go hold that baby boy.