AI isn't good at human stuff like storytelling, art, or... admitting it doesn't know

I avoid using AI, but for some reason there's now always an AI summary at the top of Google search results. If you want not to have that, you can add a curse word in your search, and AI will not deign to respond.

Although it wastes so much energy and water to process AI stuff, I did try something this morning that made me roll my eyes.

Someone posted a video of search queries that were nonsense, and how AI attempted to answer them. So I typed something and got this response:

Dude... just say, "I have literally no idea. I've never heard of this and I have access to all of the information in the world.

I'm not anti-AI. I think it's great in applications that help people have more access to things, like helping blind people figure out which can is peach slices and which can is cannellini beans; taking a first run at captions for Deaf and hard-of-hearing; looking at medical imaging in conjunction with an experienced radiologist, etc. 

What it can't do is tell an original story, or make a true comment about the human condition. It steals from creators and produces a less good version of anything that a person could do.

Mal had a good time for a while giving prompts to an AI-generator for images... I hated that because I knew how wasteful it was. But he was able to work through the fun of that and stop after the novelty wore off. He learned how bad AI is at understand what people are actually saying, and how poorly it repackages the stuff it steals from.

I guess you could say that my feelings about AI are like screaming into an onion.

A Decades-Old Google SNAFU and How I got Around It

Back in 2007ish, we decided to set up an email account for D, who was wanting to start blogging and chatting with cousins. Although I've stayed with Hotmail (now Outlook), probably indicating that I'm old but really because I think it looks cleaner, we picked Gmail for D.

A few easy steps later, and we had an account in D's name...

Unfortunately, there was an unforeseen problem in that I was logged into YouTube in the same browser, and did not realize that meant my YouTube account would be connected to D's email account. When I went about trying to figure out how to separate them, the answer was, and still is, "You can't."

So we set up a different email address for the child, and for the past ten years, I've used Google Hangouts, Photos, Blogger, YouTube, etc. under my own name as the nickname, but with the address d*****.***@gmail.com.

Several times in the past, I've looked into separating all of my accounts from that email address, and it's never been possible. However, D's almost an adult, and is very conscientious of any online presence under a real-world name (or facial recognition, which is why you will almost never see pictures online anymore; I take a few here and there, but never post them out of respect for D's wishes). So I decided to try again.

And, again, the big answer is "you can't."

But there are some smaller answers.

There is one service I read about where you create a new Gmail address and it will move everything from all of your Google accounts over to the new one (and, by Google's count, I was using my identity for 41 products, so that's a load). I decided to try that one out, and they gave me an estimate of $70 to transfer 116ish GB of data, and said all of it should take about 28 hours.

This sounded promising, but while I waited for the data plan on my new account to kick in, I did some more research.

The first thing I found was Google Takeout. This is a free data download facilitated by Google itself, similar to the "download my data" feature Facebook has. I signed up for that, and it created 79 2GB packets for me to download. That seemed hugely cumbersome. I looked in my computer and saw I had about 65 GB unused memory, so instead had it bundle the data into 3 50GB packets, which we ended up downloading on James's hardwired desktop, where each download took only about an hour.

Those downloads actually only included my Google Photos, because while we were waiting for everything to be organized and a download link sent, I did some more research and was able to move many things I cared about much more simply than downloading and uploading.

For ease's sake, I'm going to call the old account AB and the new destination account YZ.

1) Blogger.
AB added YZ as an author to the blog, along with James. Then we made YZ the owner, and YZ booted AB. Boom. Complete blog left intact with zero down/up.

2) Drive
I only had about 500 files here, so it was easiest just to download the files and upload them to the new account. I'll have to have my sister re-share with me (YZ) a map, but that's the only thing I'm missing.

3) YouTube
This one is a little convoluted. You can change your personal YouTube channel to a brand instead. I guess maybe in case you realized you were doing a lot of promotion and wanted to keep your personal YouTube channel separate? Anyway, I changed my channel from AB's personal channel to Gatannah Files, which is somehow considered a brand now because I said so. Then AB added YZ as an owner. You have to wait 24 hours after adding a new owner to make that person the primary owner of the channel, so the next day, I did that. YZ then deleted AB from the channel.

4) Photos


YES, friends. This calls for an announced Angel singing sound effect!

I had right at 55,000 pictures in Photos, so even though they zip the files to send you your data, there's not a lot you can do to .jpgs to make them much smaller. This was A LOT of stuff.

You can add a "partner" to your Photos account. So AB made YZ a partner for the whole shebang. My concern was that, although I could see the pictures in YZ's Photos account now, what would happen when AB disappeared?

Well, there is actually a handy button that allows you to save your partner's photos to your account. You can either choose, say, "Save all pictures of Mal" or you can keep the filter clear and IT WILL SAVE ALL OF YOUR PARTNER'S PICTURES TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

It took well over 36 hours, but finally all of AB's pictures saved to YZ's account, and Google did all of the heavy lifting because they just copied them to a different cloud, or corner of the cloud, or whatever. No down/up action on my part.

I'm still glad we downloaded the data because we can make redundant copies onto my external hard drive once I locate it (found the Mac-formatted one, of course; can't find the Windows one). Also, it helped me be less nervous about actually cutting the cord.

So after all of the photos saved, I first tested it by going back into AB's account and removing YZ as a partner. By this token, any pictures not saved to YZ's account (and therefore anything I might take in the future) would no longer be visible to YZ. BUT ALL OF THE PICTURES WERE STILL THERE!

These 4 were my main concerns. After they were squared away, I finally -- FINALLY -- deleted that infernal thorn-in-my-side email identity for good!

And now I can just waste my time watching TV online again.

Feels good to be free!

A Follow-Up on the Digital Drawing Pad

I needed to add one more thing, after my "breakup with Wacom" entry. You're not going to believe this. Really, you're not.

Literally the day I wrote that blog, Wacom finally had the cables in stock. I ordered two, just because, and honestly didn't expect them to get here... or not to work when they'd arrived.

But this isn't about them. This is about Artisul. 

And, for the record, the cables came in and they worked, so the upside to all of this is that D is working again.

Anyhoo, I'll just let you have a little look-see into my email:

From: Artisul US LLC <tracking@shipstation.com>

Sent: Tuesday, June 13, 2017 10:11:56 PM

To: laura.gatannah

Subject: Your order has been shipped!

Dear Laura Gatannah,

Thank you for your order from Artisul.com! We wanted to let you know that your order (#3922) was shipped via UPS, UPS® Ground on 6/13/2017. You can track your package at any time using the link below.

::: Time lapse to a week later :::

Laura Gatannah

Jun 20, 7:15 AM PDT

Shipping on this hasn't updated. Can you give me an ETA?

Thanks, Laura

Get Outlook for Android

Agent Yellow (Artisul)

Jun 20, 10:08 AM PDT

Hi Laura,

Thank you for contacting us. This shipment was sent on the 13th, we are contacting UPS to investigate the whereabouts of this package. If the package is not found by Friday we will send out a second replacement. Apologize for the delay. Thank you.

Team Artisul

::: quick editor's note: This means "Whoops! We forgot to mail it out." :::

Laura Gatannah

Jun 21, 6:15 AM PDT

Thank you, but if the original shipment can't be tracked down, I'd prefer to cancel the order and receive a refund. I appreciate your assistance.

Laura

Agent Yellow (Artisul)

Jun 21, 10:15 AM PDT

Hi Laura, That's not a problem, I'll notify you again on Friday.

Thank you

Agent Yellow (Artisul)

Jun 22, 10:50 PM PDT

Hi Laura, Thank you for patiently waiting. We apologize for the missing order I have refunded the full payment back to your original payment method.

Thank you

::: end of emails :::

SERIOUSLY?! How difficult is it to 1) have your products in stock, and then 2) actually mail them out once someone orders them?!

Fortunately, they did refund my payment immediately.

But, goodness. It's like I'm being offensive to these companies because I expect them to operate in a functional way and to take my money in exchange for stuff. Craziness.

Hashtag Retirement Suggestions

If I were any good at clickbait, I would have titled this more grabbingly, but I didn't want to be rude.

Anyhoo...

I did not come early to the Facebook game, joining sometime, I believe, in 2008. However, once I hit it, I hit it hard, and it quickly became my go-to for socialization in a life that was otherwise pretty lonely at the time (yes, please, let's all pour out some diet Coke for that past incarnation of Laura's World).

The one thing I never got behind, though, was the use of hashtags (our "pound signs" for those of you my age and older who also don't appreciate the dang hashbrown thingies). I eschewed other forms of social media, most notably Twitter and Instagram, for a long time... until the political landscape in mid- to late-2016 was so toxic, I took a couple of months' break from scrolling through the Facebook sludge and went to those two outlets to post and interact.

I loved how Instagram was mostly devoid of ranting, and quickly unfollowed people who only posted "infographics." It was bliss.

It was also this time that I started to appreciate the hashtag, in terms of ease of searching for related items. When we were thinking about moving to Spokane, I found #spokanedoesntsuck to offer some of the most fun and real slices of the city (as opposed to just looking for pictures tagged in Spokane).

Going down the rabbit trail of someone who "liked" one of my protein toddler concoctions, I found #macros that fascinated me for days. You have to wade through pictures of people weight-lifting and posing and whatnot, but there is so much food porn that's just incredible. These people who do extreme workouts get to the end of the day and often need to make up a bunch of fat and calories and protein to get their required macronutrients for the day (thus the hashtag). What they can get away with eating is incredible. Not worth working out, you know, but I like the pictures.

Which is to say, I "get" hashtags now, and appreciate their utility.

However, there are some hashtags that irritate me to the point that I think they just need to go away. You are welcome to disagree, but this is my blog, so I'm going to tell you what they are:

1) #nofilterneeded
It's probably a sign of the times we live in when I assume every image I view has been altered in some way. That's fine; a lot of times, I take a picture and what's in the view screen is not what my eyes interpreted. Punching these shots up to make up for your camera's white balance being off or your phone camera's inadequacy is cool. If someone takes an amazing picture and uses the hashtag #nofilter, I can more fully appreciate the magnificence of the capture as well as the subject. So I dig that one.

But the "no filter needed" hashtag is condescending. "This is one of God's beautifulest creations, and if you think that it requires altering through some basic pixel manipulation, then I will see you in hell, good sir." Thanks for the sermon.

2) #thestruggleisreal
This one, I get. There are lots of things that we can agree are common issues we butt up against every day. My problem is that, like "love," this gets applied all over the place. We can talk about the struggle for racial equality, or the struggle to lose that last 5 pounds. It can't mean everything, so it means nothing. Basically, it's suffering from overuse.

What if the Bible had been written in modern day? "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. #thestruggleisreal"

Thank goodness, it wasn't. Still, we're left with posts like this: "I need to put on pants to go to the store, but, ugh. Pants. #thestruggleisreal"

3) #blessed
The only acceptable use of this hashtag is ironically. For example: "This year, my husband celebrates being married to me for four years. #blessed" Or "Because I fractured my ankle, I get a temporary handicapped parking placard. #blessed"

When people say stuff like, "The MRI was clear! #blessed" or "Just got a raise! #blessed," they don't mean "blessed." In the first case, they mean maybe "fortunate." In the second, "hard work rewarded" or "lucky they're not paying attention."

4) When a hashtag actually just means you're adding another thought. Or many many thoughts.
Like I said, for searching's sake, or for grouping's sake, the hashtag is awesome. But often, people will write something like: "Just got home from vacation. #laundryfordays #realitysucks #ualostmybras #whereisthehamsterandwhydoesthesnakelooksohappy" or "Best day ever. #mysonborrowedmycarandlostmykeys #agarbagetruckhitmycat #poopedtwodifferentpairofpantscauseibs"

Just write it out. It takes so long to decipher the long hashtag with no spaces that I don't ever read that stuff. I'm just going to assume you really had the best day ever, and good for you. Besides, the odds are very small that you're ever going to remember that hashtag later, if you want to recall what you posted. "Was it #mykidborrowedmycarandlostthekeys or #sonborrowedcarlostleys or... oh, dang it."

In fact, in that second example it'd be better to write out what happened and use the #bestdayever. In the first, write out everything and use the hashtag #realitysucks. Oh, and goodness, can we stop using "vacay" or, worse, "vaca" (which is Spanish for cow, right?) in place of "vacation"? Sorry; it's not hashtag related, but it's a personal pet peeve.

My point is that those hashtagged items aren't incidental or searchable. They're part of what you want people to understand. So just write it out.

5) *sigh* Wedding hashtags?
Okay, okay. I'm waffling on this one just a bit. Admittedly, my first eye-roll reaction to this is likely my age, because "back in my day, we didn't have to come up with some clever classification just for the internets" or something like that.

But this is a lot of pressure if you're talking about a not-very-creative couple. You have to come up with something general enough to be easily remembered (even though you write it on your invitations, a rustic chalk board at the sign-in table, and probably have it on a piece of paper at your reception centerpieces) but also distinct enough that you can easily find YOUR stuff online.

For instance, if we'd used "jamesandlauraswedding," that might be like 5000 people and counting. We didn't do a wedding hashtag; though if we had, it might have been #junkmywedding. Because we got married at the Cathedral of Junk. My guess is #thisisajoke would have returned too many results (we got married on April 1). And #againreallylauraatsomepointyoumightwanttoadmitthatyouaretheproblem doesn't even fit nicely on one line in this blog, much less on people's phone screens.

I don't know. I can see how it's an inexpensive (free) way to gather pictures from your wedding on Instagram and save them for yourself. And I'm sure this phenomenon isn't going away, so... I don't hate it as much as I used to. I only half-roll my eyes.

6) #truthbomb
The visual of someone saying something so profound that all that's left is a devastating silence when they walk away was super powerful. Or it was when you first heard it. Now, like #thestruggle, it's just... whatever. "Poop stinks. #truthbomb" "His new girlfriend just isn't that pretty. #truthbomb" Nope. Let's stop it.

Related: #micdrop.

"I am #theway, the #truthbomb, and the #light. No one blows up the Father but by me. #micdrop" Some people are just understanding this passage for the first time.

That's it for now. As you might be able to tell from this entry, I'm going to be closer to 90 than birth pretty soon, so you can probably expect more of this type of opinion. OH NO. WAIT. THERE IS ONE MORE, on that note.

7) #hatersgonnahate
Who are we, that we have so many denigrators and detractors? Is it possible that there are largely imagined?

In addition to the fact that I don't think most people have genuine "haters," the redundancy of this is irritating: Haters are going to hate. Well, by definition, yeah.

Guess what else? Bakers gonna bake. Loafers gonna loaf. Children gonna chill. No, actually, they're not. I wish that ere true. But crackers gonna crack. I've seen it.

Stop fooling yourself that anyone thinks enough of what you're doing to summon up hate for it. Most of us have our own stuff going on and don't have the excess emotional energy to hate the fact that you ate an ice ream sundae for breakfast three days in a row. In fact, if I saw you, I'd give you a high five.

Okay. That's it. Fin.

The Internet of Things (not *that* one)

I'm going to share with you some excerpts from long-ago blog posts. The place: Spokane, Washington. More specifically, D's dad's friends' basement, where we'd been staying for a couple of months while looking for gainful employment after a very stressful separation from Girls and Boys Town of Nevada.

September 22, 2002:
"It's 51 degrees outside and I'm wearing shorts and sandals! Why? Because everything I own that is even remotely warm is behind boxes and boxes and taped securely so as not to get dusty. I don't even know where my socks are (or underwear, which, fortunately, I don't really need more of at this point) or the shoes I'd wear with long pants or skirts, if I had any of them... Thursday I'm going to storage to take out every stinking one of the wardrobe boxes. I hate to clutter up our room, but it's going to be cold soon and I'm not planning to risk exposure just to save a few square feet. But, mark my words, three weeks from now I'll be complaining about how cramped our room is because of all the boxes."

D and me in the gondola over the Spokane River. Even early September, I'm wearing one of Ken's shirts because I'm SICK of the week's worth of tops I'd packed, as we ended up staying for three months.

October 11, 2002:
"Woo hoo! Motherlode of britches today. :) Amy's shipment of slacks (for which I grossly underpaid her to ship) arrived today. Nine pair of pants including jeans (blue, black, light blue, white, rainbow-colored... okay, maybe not), slacks, a dress, a sweater and shorts that won't see the light of day until next year are now lying across my bed, just so I can look at them. I need never wear the same pair of pants again! (Assuming I die toward the beginning of the week after next.) Anyhoo... thanks, Amy!"

Pretty cool story, right, bro?

Well, here's something you need to know about Amy: At the time, she lived in NYC, and we had never met. We had become acquainted online, more specifically in a Yahoo group dedicated to Rockapella. We had been chatting for more than two years, and when she read in my "online journal" (the word "blog" wasn't very widely used yet) that I needed some warmer duds, and since she had just lost weight and "ingrown" stuff that was just my size... She offered what she had! It was awesome!

Okay, so let's fast-forward to the present day, or just a little before; let's say to some time the week before last, maybe? Amy doesn't live in NYC, anymore, but is still over there on that coast. We have still not met in person. I was going to say, "I don't even know if that group still exists," but, dang it... If you click here and you used to be an active part of that group, you'll see a lot of familiar screen names!

Anyhoo, as fortune would have it, Amy has once again lost enough weight not to be able to fit into her (smaller than that time) pants! And guess what? SHE SENT THEM TO ME AGAIN! That's right, MORE PANTS. I did pay fair shipping this time, so that's better. But, goodness, it was a crapload of slacks, jeggings, two dresses (the colorful one is my fave!), a couple of athletic pants, some crops, etc. So. Excite.

See, you might not have noticed this, but I don't have an outside-of-the-house job. I haven't had an excuse to buy nice pants in years, and so even though my grey slacks had all three fasteners that had broken (yes, beyond repair), I had just permanently secured the waistband with a safety pin, because... why should I waste money on slacks when I can wear fleece shorts 24/7, really? Same with my black slacks, on which the hem had come out (YES, BEYOND my desire to REPAIR), but they were kind of short to begin with, so I just left the unfinished bottom the way that it was? (Oh, and have I mentioned that Amy is even taller than I am, and so the pants are all tall, and so they actually, you know, cover my ankles if they're supposed to?!) I have other pants with stories I could share, but it just makes me look bad and you can rest assured that those pants have gone to a much better (or worse) place now.

So, first, thanks again, Amy! You're still awesome, and yay pants!

If someone ever tries to tell you that "internet-only" relationships don't qualify as real relationships, then you can testify by singing them this little diddy...

Product Review: Thinx

Here's a very serious caveat: If you were born with a Y chromosome, this post is not for you. Nope. Move along, friend. Buh-bye.

Okay, just us Double Xes, then?

Hi there! You might remember (but probably don't) a review I did almost exactly four years ago on The Diva Cup. I was not overstating things when I insisted that it changed my life. It seriously did.

So, here we are, now six and a half years after this discovery, and guess what? I made another discovery.

Not an "instead," but an "and also." Why? Because life changes.

It's likely that the convergence of a couple of things have conspired to create an unsatisfactory (even more so than the usual) situation surrounding this here lady's menses.

First, I had a second baby. Shouldn't be surprising that that changes some stuff.

Second, I'm likely in the early stages (middle early?) of perimenopause. I think Perry Manypaws sounds like the name of a Disney character. No? How about Merry Pennypaws? Definitely. Someone get on that.

Anyhoo, since I'm breastfeeding -- yes, still -- I fully expected, based on the voracious nature of my son's desire for "la la" (he calls it) and his nearly-constant sucking reflex, that I'd get a break from my period for a year or so.

Unfortunately, that was not to be. About four months in...

Not only that, it was like high school grade awful. Extremely painful, making me more anemic than usual, and often lasting ten days. Oh, goodness, and the volume.

Since I have a Diva Cup, I know pretty much exactly how much I'm bleeding. It's terrifying.

And so, here is my problem: Even if I empty and clean up every single time I'm in the restroom (which is a lot, because I drink all day long; at least once an hour), I end up with leaks.

Ugh, it's been like a teenage dream... a nightmare: Switching underwear several times a day, STILL having to change pants, being nervous that something might have happened since last time I checked. 

Hope none of the Ys are still here; I warned them!

As has everyone with internet access, I'd seen Thinx and it seemed really neat. Also expensive. But, after nearly a year of this, I was getting desperate. Six months ago or so, I read a very funny review that made me decide, "Eventually, I'm going to do this."

Get it? Thinking about Thinx.

Still. More than $30 a pair. Actually, that's about what a good bra costs. So, finally, after more and more of the same, I went for it. I was going to buy one pair and test it, then decided just to go for it, buy 5 (to save 15%) and hope for the best.

First things first: Sizing. Their website says, "You may have heard to size up, but our sizing now runs true to the size chart!" So I looked at their sizing chart. In real life, I wear a size 14, which would be XL. But I also measured myself, and according to that, I would be an XXXL! I waffled on which to do, and ended up ordering my actual, real-life size, measurements be darned.

I'm glad I did! So order your pant size and you'll be fine. Oh, and yay to them for sizing according to something that makes sense, as opposed to other women's underpants, in which I wear a 7 or 8, which roughly corresponds to... nothing else. Why?

Just Sunday, I had gotten dressed and left for church, ran to the restroom as soon as I got there, and had a disheartening, "Really?! ALREADY?!" reaction. Fortunately, I guess, I'd already gotten my dress dirty on some mystery substance in my car, so it wasn't like I didn't already need to change clothes. Sigh.

A day or two later, in the space of about half an hour, something happened so that a leak made it through the unattractive thick cotton underwear I'd strategically chosen, and through the thick denim seam at the crotch of my shorts! UGH!

Then, like a miracle, this package arrived this week! They didn't send me a notice of shipping, so I wasn't sure when to expect them. I was glad they got here during my period, but was kind of disappointed that it seemed to be on its way out. But silly me! It's only Day 5, and it's returned with a vengeance, so I'm getting a very solid chance to try them out.

Okay, first, here is what they look like lying on the floor and not on a cool model:

These are the "heavy flow" (2 tampon) hip-huggers. I didn't even notice until today that the lining of the nude pair is still black. That's nice. You don't have to see... you know. Stuff. But it's flawless on the outside; you can't see through to the black.

These are my favorite, the lighter day (1 tampon) boy shorts. I am still using my Diva Cup, so only want these as a backup. I pick boy shorts because I am a middle-aged woman who does not enjoy trying to manage wedgies or the roll-down that happens when I wear stuff that hits me under my natural waist. So, it's boy shorts. And there was much rejoicing.

First thing: These are seriously-engineered underpants. They look sturdy, and they're not bulky, but they're substantial. Kind of like I'd expect a girdle to be put together, except that when you put them on, they're very comfortable. I could tell instantly that I was going to enjoy wearing them.

The inner core part goes up fairly high in both the front (pictured) and the back. You can look on the website to see exactly how these are put together, but basically, the inner layer is some moisture-wicking tech (like your running shirts, for those of you who are into that sort of thing), then an anti-microbial, an absorbent layer, and then a leak guard layer.

So far, here is my experience: I know I've had a couple of pretty productive days, but they've been flawless. It hasn't even gotten through to the outside layer of the drawers, much less my pants.

But here's where I was really looking forward to a change: Overnight.

Remember that toddler I have? The one who still breastfeeds? He wakes up multiple times a night, and he flails. He also just sits up and starts randomly crawling around, occasionally falling off of the bed.

So at night, I literally wrestle a toddler. And all of that activity, plus usually an eight- to ten-hour time spread during which I can't empty out and start over has led to my having to do emergency sheet washes, and it's been truly embarrassing and stupid and pointless. I AM ALMOST 44 YEARS OLD. I NEED MY DIGNITY.

Anyway, they work! Not a drop.

Finally, I live in Austin, Texas. It is summer. Nothing, and I mean nothing "feel(s) dry!" Not here. Not now. Well, friends, I feel drier than usual. I mean  drier than even when I'm not having my period and an wearing normal underthings.

Also, I've read about the"stank," and maybe you have, too. I think this might only be a deal if you free flow with them. Using the Diva Cup, there has been no discernable odor being what one unfortunately expects.

And now you know. 

This is What the Internet is All About...

Avenue Q's assertion aside, I am confident that this story represents one of the greatest uses of the internet, in terms of global shrinkage and the community of mankind and all of that hippie stuff.

A few weeks ago, I tried my first Cadbury Mini Eggs of the year, and of this new era of American chocolate replacing the genuine Cadbury Dairy Milk. Well, eww. They were subpar and disappointing. They had some white chocolate ones, and those were all right. But neither was anywhere near as good as last year's eggs (I should have stocked up!) and the regular chocolate ones... might as well have been big old M&Ms. Disappointing.

I took to social media to complain about this, because, you know, it's the 21st Century and that's what we do. Actually, for years now, I've told people that if they want something, just to put it out there on Facebook and the things have a way of happening.

To that end, I posted in a group of breastfeeding mamas of kids who are a year + since there seem to be a lot of Brits in the group. From their side, I heard that, sadly, Cadbury has changed the recipe of the mini eggs in Great Britain as well, and that now they blow equally badly.

It's funny: I've posted several things to that group, including videos of Mal feeding and doing various things, but that's the most response I've received to any post so far. More than a hundred people commented. Several offered to get me the eggs if I wanted to compare, and while that was sweet, I didn't feel like paying shipping for something that was that widely panned.

One woman, however, messaged me that she was, at that moment, eating Cadbury Snow Bites, which she described as similar to Mini Eggs, if you suck the powder off of them. She offered to send me some. Obviously, I found some on Amazon, so I told her if she could get them to me for less than $8 a bag, I'd take them!

She messaged me later and said that she got two and shipping was 7 pounds, which is roughly $10, so it saved me $6. Woo hoo!

Well, yesterday I got the package. First of all, shipping was 7.7 pounds, so she was just being nice. Then I realized she'd been *very* nice.

I was so happy to see the goodies; it was totally worth getting stung in the butt by a wasp on the walk down to the mailbox! So, there are two caramel Cadbury "eggs" (in name only; they're truffles). There's a "twisted" creme "egg," which is a truffle that looks like it's been twisted. The Eclair was a lot like a soft Werther's filled with runny caramel. The Fudge was a fudge-filled chocolate, and then the Whip was light chocolate. The Dairy Milk was just that delicious chocolate.

What about the Snow Bites?

They're round, but roughly the same circumference as the thickest part of a Mini Egg.

There is a light dusting of sugar and cornstarch, kind of similar to what's on a marshmallow.

The sugar shell isn't as thick as on the Mini Eggs, but, goodness, see that pretty Dairy Milk chocolate inside? Yayyy!

So, thanks to the internet, a lady on the other side of the world with nothing in common with me other than the fact that we both have toddler nurslings ran out to the store, bought candy, and sent it off in the mail, just because we were connected by a group on Facebook.

This is the internet at its finest!

Review: Amazon's Review System, and how it disincentivizes my writing further reviews

Amazon and I have a long history. The first review I wrote for them was nearly seventeen years ago. SEVENTEEN, FRIENDS.

I tend to review only when I really love or really hate something, so I've tried more recently to make it a point to review mehh things, like the amber necklace I got for Mal which was what it was but didn't do anything for us.

Over the years, I've written 45 reviews, and some have been voted "helpful." One, especially got some attention and landed me in a book. 

Because of these helpful votes and my what seems to me paltry review count, I'm in the top 20k reviewers on Amazon. I think I used to be higher, and am considered a "top reviewer."

A great deal of Amazon's credibility and trustability, I believe, comes from their customer reviews. They're given a cursory going-over before they're allowed, but Amazon doesn't weigh in favor of something by not allowing negative reviews. And authors/sellers can't delete reviews. It's brilliant.

However...

A couple of years ago, I started getting requests via email to read a book the author would give me for free in return for my posting an honest review. At first, I tried. I really did.

The first book I read... It was this one. The Story of the Sparklefly. 

"Date: Fri, 12 Sep 2014 21:42:19 -0400

"Subject: Please Review My Children's Book (portion of proceeds to support Children's Literacy Programs)

"Hello,

"I got your email address from Amazon's top reviewer list as well as preschool websites.  Being a top reviewer myself, I know you get many requests for reviews, so I really appreciate you taking the time to even read this email.  For the past year I have put my heart and soul into a very special children's book about dragonflies.  The first in this series (The Story of the Sparklefly about dragonflies) that will teach of love including self love, love for nature, love for each other and more, is finished. Even if you don't have children, feedback I've gotten from adults has been great, as they love it too.  It seems to bring out the child within and help you to look at things in a new light.  My book is free until Sept 3rd and I wonder if you might help me and give me an honest review. It's a very quick uplifting read.  I can't tell you how much I would appreciate it!  A portion of profits will go to help with children's literacy programs so I hope you'll consider helping me promote the book with the help of your review.

"Thank you!

"Mary Leckie"

I responded to her rather than leaving a review; I thought it would be kinder.

"Mary,

"Thank you for the invitation. However, I don't think you want for me to review your book on Amazon. I downloaded it and read the beginning, then skimmed the rest... and while I appreciate your effort, quite frankly, the book does not work on several levels.

"I've read your responses to several of the reviewers and you seem very defensive about your writing. I understand: when you put time and effort and love into something, it becomes your 'baby' and it is easy only to see and believe the best about it. Unfortunately, when one takes to writing as a profession, one has to learn to be ruthless in changing or cutting what doesn't work, and the beginning of that means being willing to listen to honest feedback and to implement it with a passion for becoming better.

"It is my opinion that what you have published is not a 'story' at all, as it doesn't meet the generally-understood standards of a story, namely some kind of arc that includes conflict, climax, and resolution. Instead, this reads more like a verbal painting. You're creating a world out of words, and that's saying something, but you need to coax an engaging story out of it. I understand that there is positivity and love and belief in magic and all of that, but it isn't enough. It's like being hungry for dinner and only getting the frosting off of a cupcake. I love frosting, but I'm hypoglycemic, and if I don't get something of substance, a little bit of sugar is just going to make me sick.

"One of my biggest problems with the book is that you do not properly punctuate, use consistent tense (or other grammatical structures), or appropriate capital letters. For someone who is wanting to support children's literacy programs, this seems like it would be essential to the mission.

"I urge you to find a professional editor for your book. Not just for the grammar issues, but because a professional editor will be able to pinpoint where you have missed out on opportunities to punch up the plot. The feedback of someone who knows the market will be invaluable.

"I wish you the best of luck, even as I believe you jumped the gun publishing this book. If you can implement some of the feedback you solicited in asking for reviews, that'd be a great start.

"Best,

"Laura"

I never heard back from her, but you can click on the "comments" and see how she responded (i.e. defended her choices rather than take anything to heart) to some early reviews.

After a couple more book requests, I made it a policy never to read those books. They were unanimously awful. But I started getting more and more requests for reviews.

Eventually, they started including product reviews. Some of the free stuff has looked cool, but the couple I've gotten were underwhelming once they were in hand. The cats ignored the playscape someone sent me. I felt bad leaving a "we put catnip in it and they still couldn't be bothered" review, so I didn't. Then I felt bad about getting free stuff when I didn't fulfill my end of the bargain.

It got to the point that I was receiving upwards of thirty (30!!) requests a day for reviews in exchange for free -- or, in some cases, DISCOUNTED (like I'm going to pay you for something I didn't know I wanted just so I can work for you??) -- items and books. Thirty a day. 

There is no way to set up a junk filter using the address, because they're sent from individual people and I don't want to put key words like "sample" or "review" in a junk rule because sometimes vendors I use on purpose ask me to review my order or offer samples, and I want to get those emails!

I Googled several things, like "How can I stop getting review requests on Amazon?" and similar, but all I ended up with were tutorials about how to solicit feedback when you're selling on Amazon. So, yeah, the opposite of what I needed.

Eventually, I went into my profile, hid my email, and put the following note.

That did nothing to stem the flow. I ended up contacting Amazon and explaining my predicament to them. The response was that they understood my need for privacy, would make sure that my email is hidden, etc. And it kind of slowed down for a few weeks, but now it's getting back up to half a dozen or more per day.

So, I'm not writing any more reviews. I'm hoping that soon, I'll drop out of the Top 20,000 and people will leave me alone. But I think there must be an old list out there that sellers can purchase, anyway, because they can't be getting my email from the current website anymore.

Basically, Amazon seems unable to protect their reviewers from harassment, and this is a huge disservice not only to customers, but to their own infrastructure. Maybe some people don't mind dealing with junk mail to that extend every day, but it really really gets on my nerves.

Anyone else had this issue? Anyone else successfully dealt with it? I welcome advice!

Welcome to the 90s! (Or, I got a smart phone! Specifically the ZTE Zmax)

It happened, peoples. I finally broke down -- rather, my phone broke down necessitating my buying a smart phone. All right, all right... I could have replaced it with another simple phone, but phones are so super cheap now, I couldn't resist.

I got a ZTE Zmax... of which no one has heard. And, unfortunately, there is something stuck under the "z" on my laptop keyboard, so this entry is super inconvenient to type.

c|net gives it a decent review, but they're also phone snobbier than I am. I just saw "big" and thought it'd be awesome. I rarely use my phone as a phone; mostly, I use it to text people. But my laptop is feeling like a monolith these days, and I'd toyed with the idea of getting an actual tablet once we move. That way, it'd be convenient for using just for recipes in the kitchen, and listening to podcasts on a device small enough to move from room to room with me. So, this "phablet" seems to be the perfect choice, thus saving us over $1000.

Big, but not too big. (That's what she said.)

Okay, first the dirty details: This unit was $179 at Walmart (yes, I know... ugh, but they got me with the cheapness). I'm paying just under $30 a month for unlimited talk, text, and data. It's through Walmart Family Wireless, via T+Mobile, and don't ask me how they manage that when I was paying T-Mobile $50 a month for the same thing before. Whatever.

One other cool thing about the Family Plan at Walmart is that each additional line (up to 5, I think) is $5 less, so between Daphne and me, we're still paying less than I was paying when I had my phone unlimited and hers text only! She can make phone calls now! She won't, but she could.

Just to compare, here is a side-by-side-by-side picture of D's new LG90, James' Samsung Galaxy S3, and my ZTE Zmax.

One of my favorite things, because I'm a dork, is the "live" wallpaper. It moves constantly and responds to touch.

I've made calls, messed with apps, and used the wireless and the 4G, all with good results. Today, I received my glass protection and case. It adds very little to the profile, but will hopefully protect my new investment.

It's rubbery; in the pictures, it looked like plastic. I like the feel much better!

The buttons are covered but accessible.

Now it won't slip out of my grip!

One of my favorite things about the size of this "phablet" is that it's small enough to fit into my purse (actually, coincidentally, there's a pocket the EXACT same size as the phone) but big enough that I can comfortably read websites and watch television programs!

We'll see how the battery life holds up, and if I end up hitting the end of my 500MB of 4G speeds, how the slow-down affects stuff. So far, I've only streamed video using wi-fi, and even when I've watched an hour-long show and done some online shopping, etc. I haven't gotten the battery much below half in one day.

In other words, so far, so good!

Candy Crush Saga, an experiment

A few weeks ago, for the first time, I opened up Candy Crush Saga on Facebook, just to see what the deal was. I was careful to check the "only me" box that would guarantee that no one would see my progress in their (or my) feed, and, of course, I always blow past the "Invite Your Friends" box that keeps coming up.

The game is basically Bejeweled, except that you can only play five unsuccessful games when your log is "full." Otherwise, you have to wait 30 minutes to get one more game, or you can send games (or "lives") to friends and have them send lives back to you.

I'm finished now, and have some thoughts on the whole thing.

First of all, after playing for a bit, I realized something about me that I think is true in my life at large: I didn't care much how many "stars" I earned in a game. I just wanted to complete the level and move the heck on. You can earn between one and three stars per level, depending on how many points are scored. So, for me, I just want to complete the level. I don't care that 18 of my friends did better than I did.

If I'm passionate about something, I will excel at it. I'm apparently not passionate about Candy Crush Saga. I just wanted to best the level and go on to the next.

Secondly, I don't like bothering people. I'd send lives and moves and requests to people I knew played often, but I'd never have sent anything to someone who hadn't already interacted with me or with Candy Crush Saga within the past two weeks.

I certainly didn't want to brag on anyone's wall, especially when I passed a friend who is deceased.

Third, although the game gets "harder," you don't have necessarily to get better. About 85% of the game is your luck in the way that the candy pieces fall when others are removed. Once you get through the first couple of episodes or whatever the groups of levels are called, you rely on the combination of candies you get a lot more than your skill level.

In fact, that's why I stopped playing.

Level 86

Don't worry about what this means, if you're not familiar. With 35 moves, there is no way to clear this board without at least two of whatever the brown bombs with sprinkles are, ideally three of them. With so few candy pieces in place, lining up 5 of any kind is extremely rare. When you get down to about 15 moves and haven't broken any of the pieces you have to break twice (after clearing the licorice, so really three times), you *know* you aren't going to make it, and the rest of the round isn't fun or challenging; it's just moving stuff around until you can clear the screen for a new run at it.

One of my "things" was that I would not spend money on a Facebook game. Without buying more moves, or advantages, this level just took too long for them to decide to reward me with enough of the same-color combinations to be able to advance, so I stopped.

I did it on four or five other levels... Where I'd know it was impossible, given the number of moves, to make any progress clearing only three blocks at a time. But I could tell from playing a time or two that it was likely that, in fairly short order, the right combinations could happen. This one just wouldn't budge, and I don't need something frustrating to do over and over again on the computer as long as there's a thing called housework.

I think I got the highest score on a couple of levels at least, but the scores are also something that is seriously random, again based on what pieces the computer decides to throw at you. Often, I'd play and clear the board, but have a few moves left, and it just keeps playing things out, throwing your score higher and higher... And I had nothing to do with that.

In the final analysis, I am going to sign up for Luminosity, I think. If I want to play games, I'd like for them to have some purpose. Candy Crush Saga is okay for killing time when I'm on the phone, or just to blow off a little mental steam between thinking about ugly maths and stuff... But in the end, it wasn't ever really fun, except for a couple of levels that had a lot of movement due to wormholes. It was just something to conquer to move on to the next level to conquer to move on to the next level.

But that's just me. Nearly 47 million Facebook users can't be wrong.