Mirror don't lie

I put on my make-up, and am pleased with the effect. I like ELF products. But the face looking back at me isn't the me of ten years ago. It's not even the me of three years ago. This face looks a little more worn. The wrinkles that started in my neck when I lost a bunch of weight seven years ago would be there now, anyway. There are wrinkles under my eyes. I didn't even realize until recently that I might or might not have jowls. My hair is fabulous, but a lot of that is due to the pregnancy. For more than a year, I have not been able to get it to cooperate. I am past 40 and should be well into peri-menopause.

The girls in the maternity clothes ads are conspicuously not in their fourth decade of life. Friends of mine have been posting status updates about visiting colleges with their kids. Others are breaking into grandparenting. When Daphne was born and I was overwhelmed by the thought of bringing up an entire human being, I used to view her youth in fractions to determine how much longer I had to stick it out. Whereas my sister was 1/9 of the way through hands-on parenting Hannah, I was only 1/36th of the way through. Now, I'm 2/3 of the way there.

And I'm getting ready to start over.

Don't get me wrong: Now that my back's better, I don't *feel* old. Someone mentioned the other day how I must be feeling my pregnancy now more acutely than I did with Daphne. Ehh, not so much. I probably started off in better shape at 41 than I was at 28. And I don't have any concerns about "keeping up," in terms of energy or enthusiasm. But the mirror doesn't lie, and what if I start feeling my age, say, when I receive my AARP card and I have an 8-year-old? Or I'm limping toward 60 and have a kid who's just started driving?

There is a woman in my BSF discussion group who was talking about helping her mother downsize recently. It inspired the woman to do so herself, as a blessing to those who come after her. When she mentioned that she was 56, I realized that I likely will not be around when my unborn child is that woman's age.

I guess the take-away from that is that I don't have time to be too worried about being too old. In this moment, and in every moment to come, there are opportunities. My opportunities are a little bit different than those of most women my age, but I've never been one to waste a challenge or a potential adventure. So I'm going to grab this thing with both hands... until I need to free one up for a cane or a walker or to maneuver my scooter.