Texas's Blue Wave

Well, guys, we did it. I am pleased to know that the leadership in Texas is going to change. It's felt like treading water for the most marginalized among us for years. I hope some substantial things might change in terms of women's reproductive rights and healthcare, economic and environmental decisions (increasing sustainable power, limiting data centers, finding less regressive ways to fund state and local services, etc.), better funded public schools, less regulation of THC and related substances, and less focus on but more support for LGBT -- and specifically transgender -- Texans.

I am one of the at least 3.2 million people in my area who received one of those fraudulent "Texas Transgender Student Union" fliers in the mail during this election cycle. 

Everything about this was worded to appeal to conservative Christian parents' worst (and unfounded) fears: That their kids are going to go around them to find care. That the parents are going to lose their kids to "found family." There was wording about going out of state for care. There was a section on how to become emancipated. I promise you, this is not how advocacy organizations work. Now, they might step in with unconditional care and support when parents reject a child, kick them out, or that kind of thing. But this pamphlet was fear-mongering and a bunch of lies dressed up as a legitimate mailer. 

One thing they did was mention actual organizations, like (as ween in the above picture) OutYouth. OutYouth is an organization we've supported for years, because it's a place for queer kids to come together and just hang out and be kids. Malcolm has at least two friends who go to their hangouts on a regular basis. OutYouth had to cancel their Halloween costume party and close down until today because they received so much blowback due to this mailer that they had nothing to do with that they were concerned that they couldn't protect the literal children who were looking forward to a cool hang. Way to own a bunch of 11-year-olds, mysterious entity who came up with this "brilliant" idea.

So, yeah, I'm relieved that we're getting a change in leadership. But I'm not happy about the election tactics, including that this was the most expensive senate campaign in history. All of the money that was put into this could have been used to actually help Texans. Half a billion dollars. $500,000,000. We need election reform so much. My idea is that when someone runs for an office, they're given a stipend by the government and that is all they can spend. No donations from private citizens (Elon Musk alone donated over $2M to Ken Paxton's failed bid for senate) or PACs, no obscure funding sources. You run for city council or school board, you get $2000. You run for state rep, you get $10,000. People running for President can get $200,000. And that's all the money you can spend. There are ways to get your message out that don't involve more money than most people will ever see in their lifetimes. And now that the election is over, all of that money is just -- poof -- gone. I hope we end up with something to show for all of those dollars.

So we'll celebrate a bit today, still guarded because although we just elected our first Democratic governor in 36 years, our state legislature is still majority Republican so how that will all pan out is yet to be seen. Then again, without Dan Patrick's obsession with bathroom bills and Greg Abbot's determination to give public education money to rich people already sending their kids to private schools, maybe things will play out differently with different agenda-drivers. Fingers crossed.
 

Another tattoo, baby

Sixteen years ago, I'd gotten what was maybe a spider bite on my stomach. I don't remember how long it had been bothering me, but I realized during auditions for our church's Christmas "show" (ick, and yes, this is the church that basically made my life a living hell, so they can get bent) that something was really wrong. 

I was toughing out my volunteer position checking in people for their try-outs when I realized that the lymph nodes in my arm pits were starting to hurt. I found someone to cover for me, and I drove myself to the ER.

Turns out that however that spot on my stomach at occurred, an MSRA infection had gotten in and was causing a commotion. In addition to pretty strong antibiotics, my treatment plan included having a doctor slice open my skin and then dig out as much of the infection as he could get. Then he packed the hole with paper (medical-grade, but still) specifically so it wouldn't heal. It needed time for more bacteria or infected material to ooze out. 

Still with me?

Great. 

Several days later, I was able to remove the packing, and my body got to healing... but because I'd had a hole carved into my skin and hollowed out, it never really "disappeared." Over time, it became a pink knot, and later a lighter pink knot. But unlike my parathyroid/thyroid scar, I see it all of the time. 

I'm 100% sure no one else cares about it, but I've been tired of it for a couple of years, especially now that I have two-piece bathing suits and I am wearing crop tops. 

I had this idea that maybe I could tattoo over it... not ON it, per se (scar tissue is unpredictable in terms of how it will interact with the ink), but maybe a sun over an ocean with the scar in the white space of the sun. 

Last weekend was the Halloween flash sale at a local (like I can walk to it) tattoo salon, and they happened to have something very similar to what I was thinking about.

I took a picture when it was about 8 minutes old, and my scar is MAD about being disturbed, but I love it so much and every time I've seen it in the mirror, it's made me smile. 

Now when that peeks out, it will say, "Look at my tiny art piece!" instead of "A spider bit me at a stressful time in my life and all I got was a crummy scar!"

Also, I fully realize how inconsequential this is, and I'm not trying to advocate for people covering scars. They're normal in the vast expanse of human experience. I just wanted to do this, and I did. If you have scars, I hope you rock them! 
 

I don't even know myself anymore!

Maybe that was a tad over-dramatic. But I did do a thing this week that makes me shake my head at myself.

This past week, my jaw locked painfully for the second time in a month. The first time it happened, we were in Fort Worth and it took the morning for it to clear up. This time, we were in Port Aransas and it took two days before I could open my mouth a reasonable amount for eating or for me to be able to move my lower teeth in front of my upper teeth. 

My thought about all of this is that my pillow at home is supporting my jaw in a way that hotel pillows are not. My jaw does pop and click some, and there are times when I wake up and it isn't aligned but those times, I just have to put my finger on the left side where my jaw hinges, open my mouth, and it pops back into place.

Anyway, in addition to seeing a dentist (because I can open my mouth 2 finger-breadths, but not all the way, which is making eating salads very messy), I have ordered a tote for... my home pillow. It's going to start coming with me on my trips because having TMJ sucks, but having it exclusively on vacation REALLY sucks. 

I also found a list of exercises I can do, so I might try to see if I can do those tomorrow and get more range of motion. 

I just never thought I'd be traveling with my own personal pillow. Sigh.

That time I got trespassed from the library

 Rather than explaining this, here's the letter I wrote the library director:

Hi there. I just wanted to follow up on what happened between Steve (not the real name) and me at the library today. I honestly don't expect you to do anything about it but wanted to have it on record, because I have concerns about how Steve might treat other children besides mine.

Ever since Steve started working at the library, I've been amazed at how good he is with people. He's almost unfailingly kind and accommodating. He seems genuinely interested in engaging with patrons, and he definitely has that "retired teacher" vibe like my mom (who taught 2nd-4th grade for 30 years). 

For that reason, it was a little startling last week when I heard him kind of snap at my son once, asking to be called "Mr. Steve" rather than just "Steve." It was fine, though; that's great to know what he prefers to be called... it's just that it's been six months and this was the first my son had heard of it, so in my opinion, Steve came in a little hot. No big deal; we can't all be "on" all the time.

However, when I got home and was talking to my son, he told me about another thing that happened. I decided to speak with Steve about it, so today after everyone kind of cleared out and we were alone, I ran through the scenario with him.

I said, "My son told me that last week you were showing a couple of people around and you were going down the hall as he was coming up the hall to the restroom. Mal said that he kind of did a little shuffle like, 'Oh, who goes which way?' and you said, 'I know what you're doing and it's not funny.'" Steve nodded like, "Yes, go on..." So I said, "I would like to request that if you need to correct my kid, you say something like, 'Please stop that.' Do you see the difference? 'Please stop that' is 'this behavior needs to end' and what you said is more like, 'you're a little shit and maybe no one else sees it, but I do.'" At that, Steve said, "Oh, no, you can't use that kind of language. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Yeah. I'm going to go get Director and have him make you leave."

I stood there in shock for a moment, but when he came back, I said, "I will leave. It's amazing that we've been coming here for 10 years and this has always been a safe place, but it doesn't feel like it now. You used kind words to be rude to my kid, and I used a rude word to explain it to you. Those are the same. Neither one is better or worse." He said, "And I'll continue to do that if kids act like that." I said, "Act like what?! He's a good kid and he was being silly! I do hope you'll think about what I said in your future interactions with children."

So.. We're looking for another place to meet. That's fine. We've had a great run with 4 years at the library, and we have appreciated it more than you know. These kids have become the best of friends over the past few years, and having a third space to hang out has helped them grow their relationships. It has meant the world to us.

All of that said, I think Steve is a bully. He cornered my kid in a hallway, and he used his power as a city employee to shut me down when I tried to speak to him and find an understanding. I was not threatening; I was not upset. He was mad and he wielded power unnecessarily to insist I leave. 

Finally... adults in the library having a good time or trying to figure out how to print out stuff while on speakerphone with their doctor and plenty of other similar situations are much noisier and more disruptive than our kids have ever been. I genuinely think when we moms stopped hanging out in the back room with them (to try to help them become more independent), Steve decided we were doing something wrong and he has not been as cheerful since.

Last week, a man had left his charger in the back room and came up with it and asked my friend and me, "Are those your kids? Man, they're nice. They're so polite! What a great group of kids." They are. They're amazing. I'm sorry the library is losing them.

Thanks for listening, and for all you do,
Laura

 

 

We are very different...

Yesterday, James and I ventured out in the yard to reinstall a honeysuckle support that had blown over during the rain and wind of the past few days. 

On the way out there, I noticed James looking at some really pretty purple flower "weeds" in the back yard. They've been thriving, even with the drought before the first rain we've gotten in over a month, and I've spot-mown because our septic leach field does spur some grass to grow in spots... but I've left the weeds because they're cool-looking and because they don't produce stickers!

James and I both took pictures of the weeds, and it wasn't until later when I was looking at something on my computer that I realized how different the pictures were.

Here's the photo that James snapped:

And here's the one that I took:

 

Now... some of this can be explained by the fact that I have more of a photographer's eye than James does. But I also think this might say something about how we see the world, though I'm not sure exactly how it applies across the board.

For instance: James's picture makes the alien flowers themself kind of challenging to see, but what comes through is that they're an anomaly. The rest of the ground cover is dormant from the heat and dryness. Whereas my picture shows the loveliness and focuses your attention there, where I want you to look. 

James and I were talking this morning about some pictures coming up in my Google Photos feed, and I mentioned that I can usually remember just by looking at a plate of food where it came from and what was going on at the time. James is someone who requires more information to hold on to memories. It's one reason he has so much stuff: That stuff pins his memories in place and he'd lose the memories without the prompts.

Very often when we're on a road trip (I always drive, a habit we got into when James was commuting a long way every day), James will take pictures of, say, wildflowers in the right-of-way or mountains in the distance without any framing whatsoever. He'll just point and shoot, capturing the door frame, the bird poop on the window, and hopefully the actual subject he was wanting to remember later. I'm much more curated. Unless it's so bright out that I can't really tell what I'm doing, I frame up shots. I move over a bit to make sure there's some greenery in the corner so the subject looks more lush. I'll move back and zoom in to fill up the background. 

Neither of those ways is better. They're just different. Just like James and me. And I think we make a great team!

Romantic Gushiness

 Laura and I just talked about my blogging history here.

 She's out here shoveling her guts out for everyone to see. Telling deep, moving, impactful, important stories about the things our family is going through.

I dropped in to write a review about a silly cartoon.

 I offered to tell something real and true and romantic. She threatened to disappear with all our assets, because she's the only one who knows all the passwords. She made a solid pretense of being a flight risk, because she's a great actor.

She really could take off with all that's left with all our money. Whatever there is left of it. She really does have all the passwords, and it's not like I have any idea how much we have anywhere.

I kind of suspect this may matter to her. I think her last husbands were really controlling about this sort of thing. They seem to be people like my dad who think that the man's supposed to be in charge of all the finances.

I don't have a clue about household finances. I could barely remember to pay my electricity bill when it was just me. Which didn't matter much, really, when I didn't care all that much about things like keeping the a/c going. But it doesn't work all that well when you're trying to deal with someone else who doesn't cope with Texas heat all that well. Like, for example, a kid.

Laura has written a lot about her previous relationships. I haven't. Probably because she's braver than I am. I'd rather just ignore those failures rather than learn from them. Even the ones that I really hoped would be permanent were just learning experiences.

 I feel like I have giant spiders crawling all over my back just thinking about them.

 Maybe, someday, I need to face some of those down. But not today.

Today, I have this strong, wonderful, beautiful woman who danced into my life. She didn't waltz. She didn't tap-dance. She strutted and shared this idea that we could be partners together.

I'm pretty sure I've never published anything about this before, though she has.

Every other woman in my life (except my Mom, Hi!) has been all about our relationship as a conflict. And they were all correct. In a way. Every male/female relationship in our patriarchical society is based around male dominance.

I don't want to dominate the most wonderful woman I've ever met. I've never wanted anything like that. My parents taught me, long ago, that that's how it's supposed to work. But it has never felt "right."

I'm good at some things. She (or he...let's generalize and not judge) is good at other things. Why can't we support each other and try to find ways to make it all work?

Laura and I seem to be pretty good at that. We also seem to be pretty good at working together and combining figuring out how things work while actually making things work.

And, just because I know this will both piss her off and make her happy: she's my ooshy-gooshy bestest girl who's the prettiest I've ever seen. I love her so much; I wish I could cover her in flowers so I could help help her dig her way out. I promise I'd clean up the mess. 

Review: Coyote vs. ACME

 

I took my kid to see Coyote vs. ACME on Monday. I'm really glad we went. It's a good movie (despite whatever other reviews you've read, much less the notion that it wasn't good for anything except a tax write-off), and I'm thrilled we got a chance to see it, much less in a theater. My kid enjoyed it. If he'd grown up watching Looney Tunes, he would have enjoyed it a whole lot more. I think there were two of us in the theater who really got it. One of us would get a laugh out of the foreshadowing, then the other would catch on a few minutes later and also start laughing.

It's fun. It has a lot of heart. It's a serious* courtroom drama with lots of twists and turns and unexpected nuances mixed with corporate intrigue and blackmail. Along with the usual mysterious whistle blowers, sabotage, and baffling puzzles that go along with the genre.

 

I suspect the theater even goes as far as blowing extra dust through the ventilation system, because I might have cried at one point.

 

I don't have any idea what your summer viewing schedule might be like. I think I enjoyed this one more than the newest Spider-Man (which was awesome, in a totally different way). If you have the time and money, I highly recommend watching this while you can.

 

* Well, maybe not completely serious. It is basically a Looney Tunes cartoon in a multi-medium setting that I can't remember seeing since Who Framed Roger Rabbit?