AI isn't good at human stuff like storytelling, art, or... admitting it doesn't know

I avoid using AI, but for some reason there's now always an AI summary at the top of Google search results. If you want not to have that, you can add a curse word in your search, and AI will not deign to respond.

Although it wastes so much energy and water to process AI stuff, I did try something this morning that made me roll my eyes.

Someone posted a video of search queries that were nonsense, and how AI attempted to answer them. So I typed something and got this response:

Dude... just say, "I have literally no idea. I've never heard of this and I have access to all of the information in the world.

I'm not anti-AI. I think it's great in applications that help people have more access to things, like helping blind people figure out which can is peach slices and which can is cannellini beans; taking a first run at captions for Deaf and hard-of-hearing; looking at medical imaging in conjunction with an experienced radiologist, etc. 

What it can't do is tell an original story, or make a true comment about the human condition. It steals from creators and produces a less good version of anything that a person could do.

Mal had a good time for a while giving prompts to an AI-generator for images... I hated that because I knew how wasteful it was. But he was able to work through the fun of that and stop after the novelty wore off. He learned how bad AI is at understand what people are actually saying, and how poorly it repackages the stuff it steals from.

I guess you could say that my feelings about AI are like screaming into an onion.

Spilling Some Tea (it's old, but it's still hot)

This morning, I remembered something that unlocked a deep resentment I'd forgotten about, and it is just another thing I look back on and wish I'd done differently.

First, I have MANY regrets about how I treated people, and I know I owe a lot of people apologies. If you're one of those people, please feel free to reach out to me. I am not reaching out to some folks because I don't want to reopen wounds that might have healed. But believe me, I know a lot of the junk from my life is my doing.

THIS EXAMPLE is not, and I regret so much that I did not stand up for myself at the time.

I filed for divorce on March 14, 2011. At the time, I was going to Sherman (TX) Bible Church. They found out almost immediately and pulled me off of a project I'd been working on for the Easter service. I had written a script and was supposed to be in the film for the weekend. The church said that they were giving me "time off to concentrate on your marriage" (they pulled my ex-husband off of his weekend camera service, too) but it was really because I had been too visible to be allowed to continue while going down the path of leaving my husband.

I'm going to address what I wish I'd done here in a moment, but I have to tell you the part that REALLY bothers me:

The short film that the team produced was based on something that really happened to the pastor of the church at the time (Dennis Henderson, who is currently serving in a support ministry role to his son's church, which just happens to be a few miles from here) who had been a police officer in Dallas and had sort of "befriended" a woman he'd arrested multiple times for prostitution. He and his family had welcomed her into their home and really extended the love of Christ to her. She kept telling him that she was going to leave her pimp and live a "clean" life, but in the end, she was murdered before she could get out.

Obviously, the Easter story didn't include the part about her killing. He wanted it to show that Christians could win people over just by loving them, no matter who the person was. Not a bad message, and honestly we should just extend love to people regardless of whether they ever believe in a god or not. But our task was to create a 15-minute video that would be shown at the Easter services.

At the time, the church did quite a lot of video production and live "skits" during church. I had been on arts planning teams for about a decade at this time. The arts minister; a lady I thought was my friend until my life got too "messy" for her; and I came up with an outline to the story we wanted to produce, and I went home and wrote it.

Not including listening to Dennis's story and collaborating with the arts team, I spent probably 20 hours at home working on and polishing up the script, then editing it after feedback.

Fast-forward to the part where I get kicked out of the process. They started filming it on a night when I was out of town with my kid at a gymnastics meet, anyway. I was texting with a friend who was involved in the filming and it sounded typical of shoots: fun. But not for me.

In the end, the project was completed and shown on Easter weekend, and people loved it. They made CDs of it available and gave them to the people who had been involved. Someone who was truly a friend, Randy Sedlacek, made sure that I got my copy, and he even invited me to the party the church was hosting to distribute the copies of the video. I couldn't bring myself to go, even though he encouraged me to ("you earned it!") because he's a solid guy. I'll always remember him fondly.

Here's the kicker: I found out that when people would ask Dennis who wrote the script, his answer was, "It wrote itself... it was a true story."

Now, if you're my mom and you're reading this, maybe close it out. Because I'm about to use a very un-Christian phrase: That dude can go fuck himself because what did he mean "the script wrote itself"?? Even if he DICTATED IT to someone, it had to be typed up and formatted. But he didn't. He gave us an idea and a partial story-line, and we turned it into something. Using my words. I was the conduit that took his words and stories and translated them into a film-able format. That is an art and a skill, and the absolute lack of respect for it and for me is astounding.

I'm literally shaking right now, just thinking about it. This guy who told me to stay in a doomed marriage because "what if Jesus is going to save your marriage tomorrow and you gave up one day too soon" wanted so badly for me to disappear when I didn't submit to the benevolent and wise male leadership of that church that he actually made me invisible. I wasn't someone who contributed heavily to the aesthetic appeal of that church for years. No. The stuff just wrote itself.

WHAT I DID: Nothing. I mean, I complained to close friends who were in the know. But at that point, I'd already been made to sign a thing that I wouldn't blog about what was going on between me and the church vis-à-vis my divorce. And I wanted them to realize that I was still the exact same person I'd always been and approve of me and accept me SO MUCH that I tried my absolute most sincerely to comply. To kowtow. To crawl through every single hoop they put in front of me to prove my worthiness of continued participation in the church. UGH. I did basically NOTHING. And they were still very angry with me about it.

WHAT I WISH I'D DONE: Revoked my permission for them to use my script. At that point, they probably already had it. But I wish I'd written certified letters to every member of leadership demanding that they write another script and not use mine because if they didn't want me involved, that was the only honorable thing to do. That they would use my work that was invisible while making sure my face didn't show up anywhere is vile. 

I don't think it would have changed anything, but I wish I'd expressed my anger and wish to be absolutely removed from everything. And then when they used it anyway, I wish I'd written about THAT. I wish I'd written about EVERYTHING in REAL TIME. I wish I'd had the strength to say,"If you don't like what I'm making public, then maybe don't do it in private."

They were a bunch of bullies who genuinely thought they were shepherding me in God's will. This is one reason that I will never EVER spiritually submit myself to another human as long as I live. It's one thing to make stupid decisions for yourself and get hurt, but to think that you can try to persuade someone else to made bad choices because YOU feel like there's some edict from above that it's your calling to enforce? No. I'm sorry. Not this lady. Never again.

Adventures in Frugality and the Home Arts (?)

After the money-hemorrhaging late fall, I made a deal with myself when we got back from our trip to Arizona that I wasn't going to buy anything superfluous (i.e. other than groceries and medicine, basically) until after the New Year. It was sometimes a challenge, especially because Mal doesn't understand that kind of thing. But it was nice to reset and reflect on purchases I thought I wanted to make during that time.

For instance: I'd done a trial subscription to Grove, and like the products... but decided that now that I have the glass dispensers, I can buy the cleaning products at Target and save a bunch of packaging and the delivery as well as some money.

Another thing I really wanted was a very large suitcase for times when we fly and can check bags, or even when I'm traveling alone with Mal and it would be nice to have one big bag to maneuver instead of a couple of smaller ones. I had looked online, and am enamored with hard-sided luggage, and Away's specifically. There's also a luggage store at the outlet mall that is always having sales. But even for soft-sided suitcases, I wasn't seeing anything under $100, and mostly over $200, for the size I wanted.

I spoke with my parents about borrowing one of theirs, but our next trip is scheduled within a week of their travel, and I didn't want either one of us to have to make the return during that time either pre- or post-vacation.

I also looked at Goodwill, which seemed to have gotten an influx of off-brand, new soft-sided bags in three sizes (carry-on, regular, and large) just in time for Christmas. Even those were $50 for the biggest.

After perusing Craigslist for a bit, I found an ugly, brown, 30-inch American Tourister suitcase for $25. It sells for about $160 new, but I'm sure they don't sell it in that color anymore, because why would they?

I arranged to get it, then had the idea that we could personalize it a bit with a few patches. When I mentioned this to Mal at the craft store, he took charge and picked out enough patches that I almost could have bought a new bag at Goodwill, but at least this is a brand I know and trust, and it will be thoroughly ours.

We picked it up yesterday, and the cats were interested.

Looks like poop!

Too bad it doesn't smell like poop.

Mal got bored with the affixing process after deciding where everything would go. After ironing the whole lot, I realized that apparently the backing did not want to adhere to a synthetic fabric, so... I used super-glue.

Now our bag is ready for its inaugural outing as part of Team Dave's. Too bad it will have to wait a few months.

Mal picked out: A "Minecraft" heart (really it's just pixelated, but whatever), BB-8, and a slice of pizza for the front. The heart came with a "full battery" patch, too, which I think is a cool allusion to how you should feel recharged after a good vacation. I used it to cover the scuffed-up logo; we'll see if it sticks!

I am the one who picked the "seek adventure" patch. And we affixed the luggage tag we formerly had on Mal's now-too-tiny backpack to the handle of the new case.

Mal's second food pick, French fries, on the side mean we should be able to locate our otherwise boring brown suitcase from any angle.

Also, there was a slight tear in the back (disclosed in the sales post), so I taped it up inside and the outside, and added a little flair to that, too. Mal said, "Thank you for giving me a heart!"

As you can see: Cat hairs already.

I'm not remotely a crafty person, but this was fun, especially since Mal took ownership of the design and was super excited about getting it together.

General Weirdness and Vice Admiral Serendipity

Today, Mal asked to go to Little Land, and I love it when we're in a position to be able to drop everything (in this case mostly because we weren't doing anything) and I can just say, "Yes! Let's go now!"

James had taken Mal last time, so I had to make sure we had Mal's socks and the 5-visit play ticket. Found the latter easily, but had to dump the contents of my massive purse out before I could locate the former. I handed Mal his socks, I did a quick sweep for my phone, realized I had no idea where it was and didn't feel like spending more time looking for it, and we braved the drizzle out to the car... only for me to realize that I hadn't grabbed my keys. A dart back in, and we were off.

Once we got to the gym, it was properly pouring. Cars in the far lanes were shooting up huge walls of water as it accumulated in deep puddles along the side of the street, and I was concerned that if it kept raining, we'd have to stay in that shopping center all day because the water was about as high as I'm comfortable driving over at the entrance.

When we got out at the building, there was water standing in the "greenbelt" between the parking lot and the building. It's a weird set-up because they have maybe 2 stone blocks you can walk across, so our choice was to find where those were or to try to slip quickly in near where we'd parked. I realized Mal wouldn't be able to make it across so picked him up... then stepped right into about ankle-deep water. Fortunately, I was wearing Crocs. Also fortunately, I had a back-up pair of socks (no, I wasn't wearing clogs; they're dressier shoes).

We stepped in out of the rain and got checked in. I looked all around and couldn't find Mal's socks. Then I remembered that I'd handed them to him in the house, so they were probably somewhere he'd set them. So we paid $2 for a pair of socks there, and they're just plain socks, as opposed to the ones we usually use from Altitude Jump Park, which have the grabby little nubs on the bottom. I turned our shoes over to dry and picked up everything to step into the play area. As I did so, my can of Diet Coke fell, hitting the ground and rolling about 10 feet. Memo not to open that for a while.

Mal played for about an hour, and I wasn't feeling 100%, so when he wanted to swing, a move which I know includes his kicking me for amusement, I was less than enthusiastic. At about the same time, the lady who teaches the sensory art class came over and said, "We're about to shoot a video for my art class; would your little boy want to do it?"

We've never gone to the class because it costs extra, beyond the free play (which is significantly more expensive than My Gym was), and Mal just isn't in a place to get the full benefit of anything that structured. But for free? We're in!

Oh, also... Mal was wearing pajamas. He was actually giddy about doing that, because they were the red and white striped Hanna Andersson PJs, and he knew the white would pop in the black-light room. Also, I felt like death warmed over, but had managed to put on lipstick and eye liner on the way over, so in case I ended up in the video, at least there was that.

I was happily surprised that Mal sat on the colored circle as Ms. Chelsea asked. She explained what they were going to do, then set them loose after they'd put on smocks. Everything was winter-themed, so there was a paper mitten where the kids could glue on tissue paper squares. Mal wasn't interested in that at all.

There was one station where she had wreaths cut out of paper plates, and the kids could glue on green bow-tie pasta pieces and red popcorn kernels. Mal completed two of those holly leaf and berry combos before he decided he'd had enough of it.

He is with crafts as I am with home improvement stuff. I start enthusiastic, then say, "Mehh. Boring. Good enough." when I'm about half way through.

This next one surprised me, though.

It was a set up to paint a picture of an igloo with ice cube paints. Mal was freaked out. He didn't like that it was so cold (per his usual desire to have everything exactly room temperature), but also was horrified by the fact that the paint was getting on his fingers. In the picture above, I'd tried to get him to use a strip of paper towel as a wrapper, but he still wasn't ever on board for this one. He wanted to be, but couldn't get past the cold and messiness.

Mal did enjoy drawing on the chalkboard with Ms. Chelsea. 

Her: What are you drawing?

Mal: Lightning.

Her: Oh, good! It was raining pretty hard out there, wasn't it? I'll draw some clouds. Can you draw a cloud? Here's my rain.

Mal: No. Lightning McQueen.

Her: Oh! The race car! Okay. Can you draw a road for him? Where is his road? I see. Is that the road?

Mal: No. That's a lightsaber.

Her: From Star Wars?

Mal: Yeah!

This went on for a few minutes, then Mal announced proudly, "Now I drew Finn."

Her: From Star Wars?

Mal: No. From Cars 2!

Her: I'm just getting my movies messed up today.

Me: In your defense, there are Finns in both movies.

Mal: There are 2 Finns!

By far, though, Mal's favorite thing was the "cloud dough." He kept going back to that after he'd try each new, different thing.

She had made it with some red glitter and peppermint oil, so it was super sparkly and smelled good. In the end, the filming had clearly wrapped up and I had to move Mal on or he would have stayed in there all afternoon.

We left soon after that, and not only had it stopped raining, but the water had gone elsewhere from the streets and mostly from the grass area. When we got into the car, I realized that Mal had actually brought his socks. They were just up under the dash board in the very front, so I hadn't seen them. Oh well.

As we waited in the drive-through at P. Terry's, I realized that I had several remnants from my lemon poppy seed protein cookie breakfast in my teeth, and hoped I didn't actually end up in any of the promotional video, after all.

Then when we got home, I found my phone in the closet in my skivvies cubby, naturally. 

Mal had a bit of a rough afternoon. I don't know how many times I mentally said "Jesus, take the wheel." But as I was preparing dinner, James went outside with him for almost an hour, and while they did that, I decided to make Mal some cloud dough for use at home.

We were almost out of flour, so I used half whole wheat, and we didn't have any peppermint but I used some lemon extract and some almond extract (Interestingly, the final result smelled like my Aunts Polly and Clyda's house). Oh, and of course glitter.

Mal loved it! And James and I got to eat dinner while he sat at the table, happily playing, for quite some time. It's a lot easier to clean up than the Hawaii sand I've been letting him mess with.

Glitter goes with construction vehicles, right? Also, can you tell from this picture that his cuff is practically brown? I stripped him fairly soon after I took this picture.

Now, wish us luck. I've tried to prepare Mal for the fact that tomorrow is his dad's birthday, and there will be presents to open. But he cried about it today and will likely do so tomorrow, as well, so... Jesus, take the wheel. :)