There have been less weird weeks

Do you ever just have a time where it feels like you can't get your head above water?

Nothing terrible has happened this week. In fact, we've had some really sweet times with friends and amongst our household. But it's been... something else.

We were supposed to take Rudy to the vet to get his glucose monitor affixed on Monday, but the vet didn't sent a prescription for the monitor itself (we did get the insulin and the needles), so we had to wait until Tuesday.

Monday, Malcolm and I went to the last summer movie camp show of this season, Bad Guys 2. It was pretty cute.

Tuesday, D and I went to the vet with Rudy. They showed D how to give him his shots, and they jammed a pin into his hip. I mean, that's the business end of the glucose monitor, but it was a whole production. D said if they'd opened the unit to try to put it on themself, they'd have closed it right back and called the doctor to make an appointment. 

The first shot seemed to work, and Rudy's glucose got within range.

Also that day, Malcolm and I went to our regular library/park group and he was actually positively peer-pressured into swimming IN THE LAKE! He is not a lake boy by any means. They had a great time, though, and it was nice to be outside, even though it's been in the 90s all week.

Later in the day, I called the doctor's office because Rudy's glucose was still within range. They said that unless the glucose was below 100, go ahead and give him the next shot. We did... and then I woke up at 3 AM because Aish was acting weird. I looked and Rudy's glucose was near the bottom of the "green" zone and still going down. I was awake for about 2 hours before it started evening out. The monitor will send out an alarm if it gets below 55, but we wanted to avoid hypoglycemia. I finally went back to sleep when it looked like it was evening out.

The next morning, we skipped the shot since his glucose was below 100. After he ate breakfast, though, it started going up again. I did a lot of research and this doesn't seem to be normal. He reacts A LOT to insulin. 

On Wednesday, I was supposed to take Malcolm to Volente Beach, but I asked James if he'd do it so I could rest. I'd also learned that because I paired my phone with the app, my phone had to stay with Rudy or we couldn't get a reading on his glucose since it's a Bluetooth connection. Sigh.

BUT James got called in to work (we need the 8-hour shift!), so I took Malcolm. We had a nice time and, again, "touch grass" is a command because it works. 

Wednesday evening, Rudy's glucose was 350, D gave him a shot, and it tanked again. This time, we were both awake from 1 AM until 4 AM before his blood sugar leveled out and we were EXHAUSTED.

By the time we woke up, his blood sugar was going back up, and while D didn't want to give him a shot, I talked them into it. Two hours later, James took Rudy in to the vet because Rudy was having trouble keeping his legs under himself. We'd given him some corn syrup but it wasn't moving the needle. The vet sent him back home, saying he seemed fine, but that we could bring him back in if he was hypoglycemic... which he was, and we did so ???

Low blood sugar is an acute situation that can cause death. High blood sugar is a long-term situation that can eventually lead to organ failure and diabetic ketoacidosis. I was beginning to feel crazy and hopeless. I think it was the sleep deprivation.

James told me he thought I'd smeared some eye makeup under my left eye, but it was just dark bags from two nights with incredibly interrupted sleep. I felt like a newborn parent whose baby is very ill. 

During that time, James DID take Malcolm to Lago Vista to the swimming pool. When they got there, though, they were told that a kid in swim practice threw up and they'd need 15 minutes to clean out the pool. They went to the hardware store and when they came back, they were told that actually, a supervisor was coming in from Austin so it would be another hour or two. 

James had to work at 6, it was already 2:15, so they came home. Malcolm was so disappointed.

Now that I knew that my phone had to stay at the house, I messaged the whole Friday Urban Air crew to see who was going to be there, since I wouldn't be reachable once we left the house. One family was going to see a movie, one family is out of town, but the other family said they'd be there. Friday plans in the bag.

The vet said to change Rudy to only a half unit of insulin, and only to give it to him when his glucose is over 300. We saw it going up last night, but we needed to sleep so didn't give him a shot.

Malcolm had a very emotional time, loving on Rudy and worrying about his dying. "I can't imagine life without him."

This morning (Friday), D gave Rudy barely .5 unit and it worked; he just needs a TINY drop more to get him into the green zone before it finally bottoms out and is steady. It seems more hopeful today than it did yesterday. 

Malcolm and I went to Urban Air and about 10 minutes after we arrived, I got a text (via my computer and wifi; I wasn't sure that would work until it did) from the ONE PERSON who said they'd be at Urban Air today that she just couldn't get out of bed and her kid didn't feel like coming. BIG SIGH.

Anyway, if you're wondering how we're affording all of this diabetic care for Rudy... we're liquidating one of our old accounts. It's just money, right? And actually, if we don't keep having to take Rudy in to the vet, switch meds, and all of that junk, the actual insulin and accouterments will be less expensive than the food we're feeding our senior cats! Did I mention that D is pitching in? They're really stepping up for this thing.

Now we have a weekend that will hopefully be pretty quiet. It's hot, so we'll be doing a lot of staying inside, except when James has to work in the garden center and when I have to water plants. 

Here are bookends of my day today: Sunrise walk, and golden hour plant-watering. 

This is my neighborhood and I get to see stuff like this on the regular. #blessed

This is my view when I'm squatting down filling my watering can at the rain barrel.

Checking in with Mal

Hi, friends!

I thought we could check in with Mal this morning (now night; all I got to this AM was adding the picture, then we had to go).

Mal recently turned 11! He would be in 5th grade (because his birthday is late in September).

Almost every day, he has video calls with a couple of homeschooling friends, Caleb and Kona, who have named their group The Cool Miners. They play Minecraft, "board" games (like Battleship and Azul) on buddyboardgames.com, share silly predictive text creations, look through each other's old files, and generally just have a fun time.

He is still meeting with his Sunday friend, Ryan, but since they're kind of outgrowing McDonald's (though Mal says he will NEVER outgrow McDonald's), they've started meeting every other week at a park. This weekend, Mal can try out his new-to-him scooter which a lovely neighbor gave us after the stand board split in two on his older scooter.

We have just started the FOURTH year of our weekly library/park homeschool meetup. We'd gone from 6 kids to 5 to 4 when one kind of aged out and another moved to the west coast (but he's in The Cool Miners, so he's still kind of around). But this summer, another kid joined us and he's fit right in! So we're back at 5, and these kids get along great. I love seeing how their friendships have grown and deepened over the past few years.

In fact, Mal wants to throw a Christmas party for the group at our house in a few weeks. He's been thinking of gifts to give, and will be selecting a menu soon. He also has ideas about what to do for his dad's birthday and Christmas, and it's so cool that he's thinking about ways to make other people happy.

Mal has decided that he's ready to take a break from the one-day-a-week school he's been going to for 2.5 years. I think there have been a lot more kids join, which is good for the school but stressful for Mal, who seems to like having a couple of close friends around rather than being in a big crowd.

I don't know whether I mentioned this or not, but the second time he tried to go to the kid's club on our last cruise, he had the counselor call us to get him because he was overwhelmed by the chaos. When James arrived, Mal dissolved into tears. Poor kid.

That said, I feel like early puberty is upon us. Mal has started having lots of big feelings about things, after having taken a break for a couple of years. I'm trying to talk to him about it; preparing him; telling him that big feelings are normal and that whatever he is thinking about, if he wants to talk to us, he can do that without worrying that we'll be angry or think he's a weird-o (I mean, he is a weird-o. We all are.)

Today (the morning after I started this) is school pictures, a mystery shop stop for lunch, then Urban Air. Good times!

Deja Vu

Did I mention that I'd started mystery shopping again? 

Well, I did. Restart, I mean. I genuinely don't remember whether I wrote about it or not.

As before, it's not enough to pay bills or anything, but it's a free meal here and $30 for a half-hour tour of a school there. It adds up.

Thursday, I had a fast food shop, then Mal went to open gym, and then we went to a child photo session (I'm splitting the pay with Mal: I get the free photo and he gets the money). 

As we were driving a bit to get to the photo studio listening to "The Order of the Phoenix" audiobook, I had a deep sense of "This feels familiar!"

Because that's exactly how D and I spent many hours of many days 15 years ago: driving to shops and listening to the Harry Potter audio series.

D on one of our many mystery shops at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Things have changed so much -- Rowling has made "enjoying" her series bittersweet by her rabid and unnecessary TERFdom, I'm older and find my mind isn't having as easy a time noticing and then remembering all of the things I need to know and remember to be good at this, and Mal isn't quite the pro that D was at his age -- but they're still so comfortable and pleasant -- hanging out with my kid a little more than usual, enjoying something together that he'd said before was "more D's thing" but I was sure he'd love if he gave it a chance, and earning a little bit to help offset our lack of income.

Altogether, it's a fun enough development.

I've had one shop that got declined because I misunderstood what I was supposed to take a picture of. Not bad, as I'm otherwise batting 900.

Hopefully I can find more things like the educational panel I did a few weeks ago where I was able to join a Zoom call and just give my opinions. 

Mal's Birthdays

For those of you keeping score, you'll know that Mal is turning 9 next month! I took this picture of him yesterday, wearing his 8th birthday shirt and we're going to have to retire the shirt soon!

A couple of weeks ago, Mal said that for his tenth birthday (yes, in 2024; he has had party themes lined up for almost a decade since he was 5), he wants to go to California. The things he specifically requested were: Super Nintendo World, Disneyland, and Hollywood.

I really had to think for a while about what he wants with "Hollywood," because I'm not sure what that means to him. When we lived in Las Vegas, we went to LA at least once a year, and during those times, we toured the NBC studios, where we saw sets from some of the shows we usually watched. We went to live tapings of "Home Improvement" twice (thanks, Dad!). We drove past the houses where they shot exteriors for Beverly Hills 90210 and Brady Bunch. We went to a small, quaint amusement park called Universal Studios Hollywood (which was only 30 years old at the time... and when we go with Mal, it will be 60 years old... which means that I AM OLD) where we got to see props and set pieces from familiar movies.

The thing is, Mal watches YouTube, cartoons, and a few live-action shows that James and I choose (oh, and every Star Wars show, which we all agree on). He doesn't have the "everyone has seen this" experience that I did when television was three channels plus PBS, and most of the movies we see now have sets courtesy of CGI rather than huge, sprawling creations like the Psycho hotel (which apparently is STILL there, even though we're probably two generations removed from being able to assume that anyone has viewed that particular pelicula).

However, after some time, I had worked out a perfectly-crafted trip incorporating things I felt Mal would consider iconic, as well as moving into some more of that nature that California is famous for so that James and I would feel equally catered to.

Then a couple of days ago, Mal decided that we HAVE to go to LEGOland. HAVE to. Before he turns 13. Because you can only drive the little cars where you get a LEGOland driver's license if you're under 13. 

We'd planned to hit LEGOland first thing for our planned (and paid for ) April 2020 trip. In case you don't remember what happened in that far-away time, I'll refresh your memory: Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome Coronavirus-2. Remember that thing? 

Mal would have been 5 for that trip, and even then, I thought we were reaching the end of the part of his childhood when he would find LEGOland interesting. One thing might be that he does NOT like thrill rides, so everything here will be his speed. But also, LEGOs. Or, more correctly, LEGO bricks. I know that's the proper way to say it, but it's so awkward. "Yay! Let's play with LEGO bricks!" Sorry, LEGO. It's just "LEGOs."

Anyhoo, I explained to him that I'd already planned a perfect trip that did not go that far south, and that trying to get that far south would mess everything else up. You might be thinking, as he did, "Why not just take one day and do it?" Well, if you're thinking that, then you're not the kind of trip planner that I am, and I'm not sure that I can make you understand.

But I'll try.

1) Have you ever heard of "crowd planner" websites? They're great. They let you know how busy theme parks will be on any given day, in general, your mileage may vary. I use them because I enjoy being able to have the most fun while avoiding the busiest days, thus making my big bucks that I spend on a trip go further. Because of those sites (my favorite is TouringPlans.com, and I'll join up just as soon as we're within a year of the trip so that I can get my personalized plan!), I know that in September, Disneyland has its Halloween party several times a week. On those days, if you don't have a ticket to the party, you have to leave the park at 5 PM. We did the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party at Disney World in 2018 and it was fun, but I don't think we're interested in this one. SO that means that we need to hit either Magic Kingdom or California Adventure on either Monday or Wednesday. Those are the only two days of the week that we will want to be in a Disneyland park in September.

2) We don't want to go to ANY theme park on a weekend.

3) We don't want to take any flights on Friday-Monday.

4) We don't want to visit a state or national park on the weekend.

5) Some hotels in high-demand places have 2-night minimums during weekends or certain times of the year (like if it's a college town and you happen to want to stay there on parents' weekend, which I've only learned because I PLAN EARLY).

6) Since we're going to be bopping around so much, we will need to wash our clothes a couple of times on the trip (wash AND dry, because we'll have to pack them every or every other day), so I need to know that we'll have access to a guest laundry or nearby laundromat.

7. We're planning one night in a very popular national park that opens up reservations 366 days in advance, and they often sell out. Once I lock that reservation in, my ability to move things will be extremely restricted.

SO.

I happened to wake up at 4:30 Saturday morning, and my brain was telling me to get up and figure out how to squeeze LEGOland in. I worked out first, and then got to work. Two hours later, I had added, cut, and rearranged until I had another beautiful (if more road-heavy) trip worked out.

The night before, Mal had literally been sobbing about not being able to drive those cars before he turned 13. I try to treat my son as a fully-formed human with feelings that are worth of care, because he is and they are. But his crying about a still-pretty-hypothetical trip a year away (our last CA trip was canceled within 4 weeks of when we were supposed to go*) was a little much for me to absorb.

However, I felt he'd be so relieved to know that his good old mom made a way! So when I told him the next morning, he said, "Oh, okay." I was like, "WHAT? You were IN TEARS last night!" He said, "Huh? I don't remember that."

And that is why I'm not having any more kids.

Also, as aforementioned, I am old.

But also, he DID remember; he just thought I was saying that he cried in his sleep, and he didn't remember that.

But but also also, my early morning strategy session was greatly under-appreciated so I'm telling you in order to have my glorious accomplishment in writing forever, or at least as long as the internet lasts.

*Something interesting: James's brother's family had a trip to California, and LEGOland specifically, planned earlier this year. They got to the airport and soon after, Delta canceled their flight. They were able to find a flight 2 days later, but then Delta was unwilling to change their return flight without charging them, so they just got full refunds and bummed around their home state for a week. We decided that this might mean that California doesn't want anyone in our family there -- and specifically LEGOland, which wouldn't be in play if my original plan still stood. Are we cursed? Will we actually get to California? Set your reminders to check back in 15 months and we'll see!

Flags of the World! (a thing about unschooling... but maybe not what you're thinking)

I posted several weeks ago about Mal's obsession with flags.

Since then, he's stayed pretty consistently interested. He's constantly saying things like, "Did you know that Chad and Romania have the EXACT SAME FLAG?" And the answer is always that no, I did not know that. 

I've actually learned a lot from Mal's interest in flags, as well. I've always loved maps and globes, and since he's into that now. In fact, after having bought Mal a beach ball globe a couple of years ago because we didn't want to shell out $50+ on a passing interest, I did buckle down and buy him one that will arrive tomorrow.

But I digress... One thing I've learned is that South Africa has three capitols because its executive, legislative, and judicial branches are in separate cities. That's pretty cool.

One thing we did get him recently was a foam map puzzle with a bunch of flags. He knew a lot of the flags, anyway, but since having put it together a couple of times, he knows all of them flawlessly. It's kind of a bummer because they didn't include any of the Central American or Caribbean countries (save Cuba), so we'll have to pick those up somewhere else. I did show him the Haiti flag immediately upon seeing it was snubbed.

Anyhoo, all of this exciting stuff to get around to my main point here.

One of my friends mentioned recently that unschooling never worked with her kids because they didn't take to "academic" stuff like what Mal is doing right now.

Now that I think about that statement, I see how a big idea in body liberation melds perfectly with the unschooling philosophy vis-à-vis the moral neutrality of most stuff in life. I believe it is Ragen Chastain who says something to the extent of "Running a marathon and having a Netflix marathon on your couch are moral equivalents." The world at large might celebrate running a marathon as the summit to a virtuous endeavor, but why? Vegging out, being lazy, and listening to your body when it says that you need a break is awesome. Running, if you like it, is awesome. Choosing to do one of those things over the other doesn't make you a better/worse person. It's just different people doing different things.

Getting back to unschooling and Mal: He has always taken a deep dive in the things he's interested in. His earliest obsession was probably the Disney Cars franchise. After we'd watched the movies once or twice, he could listen to the score and tell you what scene a piece of music was played. He knew the names of ALL of the characters, even background ones that might be shows once for three seconds in one of the three films. He collected hundreds of cars, he played with them almost every day, talked about it all of the time, found Cars shorts on the Disney Channel app on his own, noticed that some music was featured both in the movies and in the cartoons. It was two years of that.

He's also fixated on Unspeakable (which he still watches but not like when he was 5 or 6), Henry Stickman, NumberBlocks, Super Mario... and last year, Encanto. We actually have the play sets out on the kitchen table right now. He does bring them out to play and make scenes with occasionally. When the movie came out, though, he literally studied the songs until he knew all of the lyrics. In fact, his friend filmed him for almost half an hour once (she's a better audience than I am!)

When Mal finds something he likes, he has the space to take the time he wants to pursue it. With NumberBlocks, he learned a lot about how numbers work together. Since he got over that obsession, he's lost some of the multiplication tables, but I know that since he learned those things at 5 and 6 years old, he can remember and/or relearn them again in the future. He's learning a lot of geography and kind of civics with flags. Many times he'll act out a superficial version of relations between, say, Russia and Ukraine or North and South Korea using their flags as almost action figures. He'll probably forget a lot of this when he moves on to his next big interest.

The question is: Are those subjects superior to the strong relationships he formed with Cars and Encanto or a YouTube channel or a video game? Or all they all valuable pursuits for the pursuits' sake? Is the only reason I or others see unschooling as justified because Mal is learning something that some educational decision-makers out there who have never met him have decided is "important"?

I would argue that this cycle of finding something enjoyable and then wanting to know more and delve into it more is worthy in and of itself. It's what makes life worth living. My sister likes plants. My dad likes trains. My mom likes to read. Some day James and I will have time to figure out what we like again, I'm sure of it.

But my point is that, as adults, we get the option of pursuing interests without the baggage of "but what use is it in life?" My dad can watch Virtual RailFan and plan vacations around trains without people accusing him of "playing" and suggesting that he reads more books, like my mom does. We get to like what we like.

I'm enjoying this geographical path we're on right now, but I loved Cars and Encanto, too (he was on his own with Unspeakable). Mal is who he is and he's becoming the person he will be. Without anyone telling him what is really important and what he SHOULD be spending all of his time on. I love that for him.

Yet another installment of Things Mal Said

My sister texted me yesterday as she was watching "Shiny Happy People," a docuseries about the Duggars  specifically and the IBLP more broadly. Although we didn't choose to homeschool because of the reason a lot of super conservative Christians did, I was certainly adjacent to the Quiverfull movement and swam in the waters of top-down authority (like God, Father, Mother, kids; or God, male church leadership, female church leadership, members, etc.). And although I might have paid lip service to authoritarianism both as a parent and within the patriarchy, I always chafed against it and was pretty bad at submitting myself to basically anyone.

In honor of this most recent exposure of Bill Gothard and this whole establishment (I'm not linking because, honestly, let's not give them any more eyeballs), I wanted to share two things that Mal said this weekend that these people would consider a failure due to my parenting. Have I ever been more proud? It's hard to say.

Friday, we were at Urban Air with some friends. The kids pick a table where they can enjoy snacks and hanging out when they're taking a break, and the parents sit together at a different table. Mal had been jumping and come back with one of his friends for a drink. An 11-year-old girl was sitting where Mal had been sitting earlier, and he asked her if she could get up so he could sit down. She moved to a different table alone, and he just plopped down at the edge of the booth. 

I said, "Mal, will you scoot over so that Abby can sit back down?" He just looked at me like I'd asked him to stab himself, and turned back around. I said, "Malcolm, you need to move over so Abby can have her seat back." Mal announced, "Mom, I'm not listening to you." I said, "Hopefully you'll start listening to me soon or you're not going to have any friends because you're being a jerk." He said, "Mom, I've listened to you my whole life, and today I'm just not going to do it."

After he left, the mom of the girl he had asked to move said, "I know it's not funny, but it's also so funny."

The next day, we went to see Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse (so good!) and at one point, I thought I saw something fly in the air in front of the screen. A couple of minutes later, I noticed it again and it was just a moment after Mal had gotten a piece of popcorn. I realized he was eating around the kernel then just tossing the kernel into the row in front of us (where someone was sitting!) I said, “Mal, you can’t throw stuff like that.” He looked at me pointedly and said, “You’re not supposed to talk during a movie.” I said, “DO NOT THROW ANYTHING over there. If you have a kernel, just drop it in the floor and they’ll sweep it up after. Okay?” He just blinked and said, “You. Are. Not. Supposed to talk during the movie.”

I'm almost certain that I would have gotten a spanking for responding either way to my parents when I was Mal's age. It just never would have occurred to me. And I guess some people might say he's being disrespectful and shouldn't talk to me like that. But for me, the problem behaviors were the ones I was addressing, and I don't want to take focus from those by insisting on a perfect response to me, at the expense of having him think about what I was actually telling him. In the case of the movie, anyway, he didn't throw any more popcorn. 

Plus, I don't always respond to people in a completely measured way, and I don't actually have a problem with his being frustrated with me and expressing it. So I guess I'm failing as a mom, but it feels right. I'm going to keep doing it.

Summer School

Mal will be nine years old soon, and would be going into third grade if he were in school (his birthday is late in September, so he'd be one of the oldest amongst his grade cohorts). He loves homeschooling and unschooling specifically, and has so far resisted any suggestion I've made about taking ANY kind of class, even something fun like dance or martial arts. In his brain, "classes" equals "school" and he wouldn't then be a homeschooler. He has little idea that his homeschool friends have at-home curricula and structured enrichment programs.

I am fully confident that he knows that he needs to know at his age, and he's obviously happy and opinionated about his educational path. But recently D has expressed quite a bit of resentment about how they feel I just threw my hands up and "Jesus, take the wheel"ed their later school years (which isn't how it went on my end, but I know that intent isn't the same as impact, and I am very sorry and regretful that I didn't, I guess, push more forcefully... which was my bent as a mostly "authoritarian" parent at the time, and which seemed to be making our relationship worse... but I digress. I should also add that I'm fully confident that D can succeed in anything they want to do; but they are on very insecure footing because of how I conducted things). 

Also, I've been thinking a lot about how Mal is just quickly dismissive of trying things that he thinks sound "too involved" or of sticking with certain things. So James and I decided it would be a good idea for him to take something, anything, just A class next fall. Once a week is fine. And he freaked out when we told him. I brought up dance again, and he said, "I know how to dance!" I told him, "Sure, but there's something neat about learning specific steps, practicing them with friends, and then getting to perform a whole dance together." He was unconvinced. 

He's since told me that he'd cry every single day of his life once he was enrolled in a class, which sounds exhausting. He's said that he doesn't want to take any classes until driving school (which is ironic since D just practiced with James and me and otherwise was self-taught). He has asked me why I want to ruin his life.

However, recently he's taken an interest in, of all things, flags of the world.

I think it all started when he'd seen a YouTuber "rating" various countries' Emergency Management System alarms. That got him to look up the countries and see their respective flags. Now he has so many countries' flags memorized.

When we were Montreal, we saw flag shops everywhere.

We dropped into a little pizza shop on the McGill University campus, and it had a bunch of international flags hanging from the ceiling. Mal was able to name just about 70-75% of them. Then yesterday, we went to visit Nana and Pappy; they pulled up a video on YouTube where you try to guess what country a flag is from, and he was able to peg 37 of the 50!

So he has said that if I can find him a geography class, he's interested in that. He's very into continents, where countries are in relationship to each other and their continents, which countries are allies and which are enemies, and other things like that. Please keep your fingers crossed that we can find a robust elementary-aged geography class in the fall!

Also, just because I was curious, I bought a Brain Quest 2nd/3rd grade summer bridge activity book. D used to love Brain Quest books, and we did a lot of them (pretty much every one through 6th grade). Mal's completed the first section so far and he's actually enjoying it. I just call it his "activity book," and he has some of the same hang-ups D did ("Why can't I do it this way instead?" Doodling all over the place so it's hard to see what he actually did. Kid stuff), but he's able to do everything easily. Even things like commas and apostrophes, which, again, we've NEVER "studied" because we don't, he understands how to use them. We'll finish the book because he's having fun, and so am I. I did get to spend quite a bit more hands-on time with D as a kid because of our "doing school" a couple of hours a day.

All of that to say: The kid is all right. It's fine. I actually got him to go to an "open gym" by basically making him (I've asked all semester and he always said no, so I just did it), which he liked a lot. This week is the last session until fall, but that's another thing he can look forward to. 

Our summer is getting busy, already. Lots of activities, movies coming out, musicals, fun stuff. Hopefully it all involved a lot of a/c or a lot of water to get into, though!

The world doesn't want me to buy things today

Except for our oven (which we're going to simply throw out and not replace as soon as James builds me a cabinet to hold an induction burner), we've replaced every appliance in our kitchen since we bought the house 6 years ago. The garbage disposal was supposed to have been replaced by the seller but wasn't, the fridge and dishwasher died, and the microwave was murdered by a power surge (the day we activated our solar panels, and the company that installed them reimbursed us for a new one, so no harm/no foul).

Sadly, the dishwasher I chose was garbage. I don't know what to tell you. I'm a cheapskate. I spent a very few hundred dollars, not realizing that LG is widely known as a crap dishwasher. We've had issues with it pretty much from the beginning, with the door making a LOUD noise when opening and closing. Also, the fat doesn't get enzymed away, and instead builds up in the nooks and crannies of the drawers, and all over the floor of the dishwasher. When I go to "rinse off" the filter, it makes me want to barf. I have to wear gloves, because holding it leaves such a layer of orange, thick, sticky fat that if I use my bare hands, there's no effective way to wash it off. And it grosses me out that we still put our dishes in there. They come out mostly clean, but the idea of it is sickening. I spend almost as much time trying to clean the dishwasher as I would if I just hand-washed the dishes (which wastes water, so I try not to).

We decided that the time had come to bite the bullet and spend a few extra hundred dollars on a more reputable dishwasher. I had looked at several and finally found a model that seemed to work for us. I called the local distributor and he helped me make sure we were getting the right one (this one has a water softener, so hopefully that will help keep the enzymes active enough to wash that nasty stuff down the drain like it's supposed to do. The sales guy said he'd send me an estimate for the washer and installation, I'd get 3% off if I wrote a check, then they'd call to schedule as soon as they'd gotten a picture of the check from me. Cool.

But he didn't send me an estimate. And, sadly, after about noon, I didn't get a chance to do anything so I guess I'll call him back in the morning and follow up.

The guy who's been mowing our yard since 2018 has been getting busier and busier, harder to nail down. We often go two weeks beyond when we actually need the yard mowed, and I feel like I'm harassing him. So we've been talking about buying another electric lawn mower for a while. The one we had before only lasted about a year and a half before the battery wouldn't fully charge, and I learned that you can't get a replacement because both the lawn mower and the battery itself are no longer manufactured. I knew the lawn mower had been discontinued when I bought it. That's why it was on such a great sale! Again, I DO NOT LIKE TO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY. But in this case, it bit me in the butt.

So today, I looked at a bunch of reviews and ended up picking out a mower and an extra battery (having to charge 3/4 of the way through the job is a real bummer). What's wild is that the battery alone costs 4/7 the price of the lawn mower! Anyhoo, I ordered it from Lowe's and then realized a couple of hours later that the sale hadn't gone through. They requested a different payment method. I got James's credit card and tried that, but it didn't work, either. Turns out that both Apple Card and the Amazon Visa we have declined the charges, probably because instead of processing it as one sale, they charged the battery and the mower separately, and two several-hundred-dollar charges in a row at a place we rarely spend that kind of money looked sus. We informed our banks that they weren't fraudulent, but I have to wait to call Lowe's tomorrow and have them process the sales.

I do hate spending money, but today I really tried to! The internet just didn't want to let me.

Then this other thing happened that was pretty significantly cooler.

We had a Panda Express coupon that expired today, so of course we had to use it (savings!). D had requested PE this weekend, actually, so it was a perfect time to get a discount. We'd pre-ordered food and I ended up there about 10 minutes before it was supposed to be ready. I ran in to use the restroom, as Mal and I had been running errands for almost an hour at that point, and then Mal mentioned that he was hungry. We'd just picked up groceries, and he wanted to go out to the car to get a Clif Kids Z Bar, then go back inside and wait for the food. He ran like a crazy person through the parking lot, and a man getting out of his car seemed amused by it.

When we got back inside, Mal practically inhaled the granola bar before noticing this cute panda plushie that was for sale at the cash register. He brought it over to show me, and I told him that he couldn't just walk off with it and asked him to put it back. He said, "But I kind of wanted it." I told him that I'd see how much it was when we got our order, but that he needed to put it back until then.

A couple of minutes later, the gentleman we'd seen in the parking lot walked over and asked me if it was okay for him to give Mal a gift. I said sure. He asked Mal's name, then said, "I want to tell you one thing: Never take a present from a stranger if your mom isn't around, okay?" Mal said, "I already knew that!" The guy said, "Good. Here you go." He'd bought Mal the panda! It was so sweet.

On the way home, Mal said, "That guy gave me two things: advice, and a stuffed animal!"

PogoPass + Hyatt homeschool "field trips"

Two cool things happened at the end of October/beginning of November.

The first thing is that another unschooler made me aware of a Halloween sale on something I'd never heard of: PogoPass. Basically, you pick your location (there are only a half-dozen or so, and we were fortunate that south-central Texas was one of them), and for a flat fee, you get admission to dozens of museums, zoos, and activities in your area. They were already $5 off of the normal $100 cost, but for Halloween, they were on sale half price! So we got one for Mal and one for me for a TOTAL of $100. We didn't get one for James because often, the weekends are blacked out and, ya know, poor guy has a day job.

Since Mal had been asking to go to the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco for months, we decided to spend a day in Waco... right about the time I got an email from Hyatt "reminding" me that I had 19,000 points set to expire in January if I didn't use them. I had no idea! I guess we racked those up back in October 2020 when we spent three nights at Hyatt Lost Pines. That was a GREAT place, and SUPER expensive, but we'd also had to cancel a planned trip to California (Disneyland, LEGOland, etc.)  due to Covid, so we decided to splurge.

So at that point, our day trip turned into a 2-day trip to Waco, with a free night at a hotel! Mal's favorite!

We went to the Cameron Park Zoo, the Dr. Pepper Museum, and the Mayborn Museum on the Baylor campus (which I didn't know existed), stayed at a nice hotel with free breakfast, and only spent about $20 on food.

Mal's fave: sliding with the otters!

We had a great, relaxed time, and we still get to visit the zoo one more time before next Halloween!

Later in the month, we went to The Thinkery in Austin, and this time we brought James along. Though we had to pay for his admission, at this point, the PogoPass had paid for itself.

And now, Mal and I are using up our hotel points. We're halfway through a 2-night stay in San Antonio. Yesterday, we went to Rush Adventure Park, and then played Monster Mini Golf.

Today we're planning to go to the San Antonio Zoo, then to see the Christmas lights at the Riverwalk. In the morning, we'll visit the Witte Museum before we head back home (stopping at Wonder World if time and weather permit).

Again, we're staying at a hotel with a pretty good breakfast spread, so are only having to buy food for one or two other meals, and everything else we're doing is either already paid for or free!

Mal was disappointed when he learned James wasn't coming with us, though. Which is one reason we're ALL looking forward to our Christmas vacation! We'll have to pay for it all, but going places as a family is pretty valuable.

Another short Dallas jaunt

Mal and I came up to Dallas the last week in June because he wanted to visit KidZania. A few weeks ago, he wanted to return to stay at Great Wolf Lodge. I looked online and there were rooms available for SUPER cheap (relatively) this week, so we made reservations for him and James, since I've been to GWL a few times, and James has never been.

However, James ended up driving up to Washington (he made it safely and is on his way home, and I hope he blogs about it because I've heard very little as he's basically driving or sleeping), so I brought Mal. 

First, we drove to Temple Monday to check on my parents and hang out with them for a while. They've been on a long-planned (was supposed to happen summer 2020... remember that??) train trip through the Canadian Rockies.

That was fun, and then Tuesday, we drove up to Dallas.

Our first, uh, festivity was my taking Mal to The Cracker Barrel. He wasn't too thrilled about the prospect of going, then we happened to drive right past a McDonald's on the way. He wanted me to get drive-through to take with us, but I told him we'd definitely get McD's in Dallas. He was extremely unhappy. To help placate him a bit, I let him pick out a couple of bags of candy in the gift shop while we waited for our table. We actually ended up spending more there than for our meal!

Once we were seated, Mal told me he wasn't going to eat. He did play a little with the peg game, but when I tried to take his picture, he posed like this.

He just kept asking why we couldn't get McDonald's, and I explained that 90% of the time, we eat what he wants to eat, so this time I really wanted to get something I'd enjoy. He said nothing looked good, so I ordered what I wanted (chicken and dumplings) with sides he'd like (macaroni and cheese, and steak fries).

At one point, he just got up and walked out. I thought he was going to spend lunch in the gift shop, but apparently he'd gone to the restroom. When he got back, he said, "Mom, I've been thinking about this, and I think you're the one being stubborn." He then told me this about 4 times throughout the meal. Because, you know, of how stubborn I am.

He ended up having an okay time, he ate 5 or 6 of my fries, which he insisted were terrible after each bite, and we got to the hotel around 2:00 PM.

Our room wasn't ready, so we did a bunch of exploring. In fact, by the time we turned in for the evening, we'd walked more than 3 miles... INSIDE the hotel!

Mal had planned to play MagiQuest (which D LOVED), but decided it was too loud for him. He did pick out a souvenir with the money my parents had sent along with him. He has been playing Toca World a lot, and there are a ton of sloths in it, so that's what he latched on to at the shop.

Around 5:30, he was ready to swim, so we went to the waterpark. He wanted to try the outside pool, since this is the first time we've been here that it's been open. He found a friend and they played together for an hour or so.

We ordered a cheese pizza from one of the in-house restaurants and brought it back to the room. We walked around exploring some more before I just crashed out at 9:30.

This morning, we got up and took our time (pizza for breakfast!) before heading out to an indoor playground. Mal had asked to go to the same mall we visited last time, but there's so much else to do and see I talked him into going to a church (bonus that the play area is free!).

We went to Watermark Community Church first. I believe that's where D and I went to see Adventures in Odyssey Live 10-11 years ago. They have a tree fort area that's a bunch of stairs and swinging bridges, and a toddler playground.

After that, we went to ANOTHER church, Prestonwood Baptist in Plano. Their Preston Kidz area has a giant playground.

Mal found a friend here, and they played for about an hour and a half. Then it was on to the promised McDonald's! I had four playgrounds on my list, and Mal was eager to hit them all... but once we got food, he was ready to come back to the hotel. We ate lunch, and then went to the lobby to explore some more. He found some friends there and played tag. Then we came back to the room to chill for a while.

Just now, Mal went out into the hotel on his own. At just a bit older than Mal, D and a friend played MagiQuest for 6-8 hours, totally unsupervised. Back then, we talked to a kid who was playing who said his mom dropped him off here before she went to work in the morning, because they didn't have childcare and she didn't want to leave him home alone. It's a pretty safe place for kids to mill around.

I'm proud to say that Mal found his way back to the room, but he wants me to go inspect a "new virus" he found.

Tomorrow morning, we're going to the Dallas World Aquarium before heading back home.

Wish me luck with the virus!

Melting Down

Yesterday was Father's Day. In the morning, we'd gotten out our "ironing bead" set for Mal to make something for James.

Mal used the beads to make this all by himself in December 2020. It's the universe.

He'd decided to make a heart, but was having a difficult time actually shaping a heart. So I told him that I would do the outline, and he could fill it in and decorate the rest of the form; then I would iron it, of course.

He added about a half-dozen beads, then left the project. A couple of times throughout the day, I asked him if he wanted to finish it up so I could iron it, but he said he'd do it in the break after church and before he went to the park for a play date. (Our church meets at 4 PM and his friend was going to be at the park around 8 PM... hey, it's really hot in Texas right now, and this is one of the only acceptable times to be outdoors doing movement.)

On the way home from church, Mal remembered his project. He said, "Mom, you're going to have to help me finish it." I told him I was going to iron it. He said, "No, you have to help me put the beads on. I can't do it." I said, "Sure you can. And the gift is from YOU, so you need to do it. I made Dad some tin roof sundae ice cream, and tomorrow morning, I'm making some pumpkin French toast that he wants. Those are my gifts."

Mal got very upset and said, "YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! I'd rather DIE than do it!" I told him that if he were that stressed about it, that he could just not do it and it would be fine. But he insisted that he needed to give his dad something and that it was my responsibility to make sure it got done.

When we got home, he kept bugging me about it, and said he wanted to ask his dad for his opinion. James was outside working on the back lot, but when he got back in, Mal quietly mentioned that he wanted me to finish this project, and wasn't James on his side?

Mal was both surprised and disappointed that James didn't agree with him. But he decided to start on adding more beads. He was complaining to me that he couldn't find any more pink beads. Then he said that he thought the heart was misshapen and he could take 3 beads off of the top of one of the halves and it would look better. After he did that, he realized that it looked very lopsided. So his fix for that was to start over. He dumped the tray off, throwing the beads back into the box. Making the heart in the first place hadn't been easy, and I guess my face conveyed the shock I felt.

He started yelling, "That was YOUR FAULT! All you had to do was say yes you'd help me. But you said no, so YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DID THAT!" 

Mal has this thing about blaming other people for situations he's in. We talk to him about it a lot, and it's very difficult for him. Sometimes, he tries. Sometimes, he'll say, "I want to take responsibility for my actions, so that was my fault." But it has to be low stakes. If it's important to him, negative occurrences are never because of his own decisions.

While he was complaining, James came back into the room. Again, Mal mentioned that he'd rather die than do the thing alone. As I had before, James calmly told him that if he was that stressed about it, he just shouldn't do it and it would be fine. Mal screamed, "But I want to give you something for Father's Day!"

Mal cried, then he kept repeating, "Mom, this is all because of YOU. You were being so mean, and you wouldn't help me, and YOU are the reason that we have to start all over!"

He said it so many times, and I was so tired for him and for me, that I said, "Mal, you need to stop talking about it."

Something snapped. He started shaking and yelled through clenched teeth, "YOU. MAKE. ME. SO. MAD!" He got up from the table and started for his room. "That's it! I am so mad right now, I want to hurt you! You don't care about me, and I don't care about you! I regret every time I told you I love you! I'm going to slam my door, and I'm going to lock it!"

He did slam his door and lock it. Then he yelled from inside, "I'm not even sorry I did that!" A moment later, he opened his door and said, "I am sorry, God, for saying this, but Mom, I hate you! I hate you so much and I am NEVER going to deal with you again!" Then he slammed it again.

He was in there for about 10 minutes and came back out. He was crying and yelling. I tried to go hug him, but he pushed me away and said, "NO! I don't want you!" But then he just started crying like a baby again. I approached him to hug him, and this time, he leaned in and hugged me back. Then he went back in his room and would issue a scathing diatribe every few minutes. 

Fortunately, James took him to the park pretty soon after, and I put the beads away so it wouldn't be a visual reminder.

When they got home, I told Mal that I was very glad he felt free to express his feelings when he was mad. But I also told him that no matter how much he might want to hurt someone when he's mad, he can't do it. I told him not only was is just a bad thing but that it was assault and against the law. He was all breezy and saying, "Oh, of course not. I'm not stupid!" 

It was so intense, and I feel out of my depth for how to help him handle those big feelings. He cries almost every day about SOMETHING, and he often gets SO mad at me for what he thinks are injustices I enact upon him. James and I both try to let him know that we love him no matter what, and in calmer times try to explain to him why the way he's operating isn't sustainable... but, man... parenting is HARD, y'all.

Is Mal Becoming a Mini-Me?

 If it's 9:00 AM, Malcolm is dressed for the day.

For most of Mal's life, he's pretty much been happy doing his thing in a diaper or his underpants. Especially having been home so much the past year, he was getting used to not being dressed.

For whatever reason, during the past couple of months, he's decided that he gets dressed at 9:00. If he wakes up at 8:15, he'll watch videos or chat for a while, then hop out of bed at 9 and put on his clothes. If he wakes up after 9:00, the first thing he does is get dressed.

I've never made him get dressed unless we were going somewhere. I liked it better when he was clothed, but since that's just my own preference, I never pressed it. Now it's his idea, and it's cool that it just happened organically.

Also, he's taken up one of my favorite pastimes: religiously studying lyrics and "practicing" singing songs until he has them memorized. In this case, it's the "Encanto" soundtrack. He is super proud of himself when he can sing a few of the songs all the way through.

The other day, we got into the car, and he asked, "Who needs a radio when you have me?!"

What a great kid!

Another thing Mal is doing lately is getting his feelings VERY hurt when I don't agree with him, then bargaining with me to say that I DO agree with him. One example, going back to the lyrics thing: A couple of the printed lyrics from "Encanto" are wrong. There's one part where Maribel sings, "Well, I gotta go; the life of a Madrigal!" But the lyrics say something like, "Well, I've got a good life of a Madrigal" or something that doesn't really make sense in the context of the song. (Another one, where the townspeople sing, "We're only up the road," they have, "We're rolling up the road." What? No, they aren't. Good grief.)

Having memorized everything so carefully (as well as taking incredibly seriously ANYTHING that's in writing), Mal is pretty invested in the incorrect lyrics. I told him he can sing them however he wants, but he wants me to agree that the wrong lyrics are right. And I can't, because they're not, and I don't lie to my kids. Anyway, he cried and stayed in his closed room for an hour, after threatening to do so if I didn't agree. When I still didn't agree, he was pretty disappointed. 

All of this to say that life with Mal continues to be an adventure. I never imagined I'd have such a young kiddo when I was closing in on 50, but it's such a blessing. Love this child.

Adventures in Homeschooling Socialization, I guess?

Yesterday (Wednesday, January 26; it's taken me a while to finish this) was beautiful but chilly. First sunny day in a while, but in the low 40s. So the meet-up we usually have at parks on Wednesdays met at a coffee shop. The organizer is a super planner, and did call them and ask if it would be okay. Everyone brought board games. I was on the fence about going, but Mal wanted to take Sum Swamp (a birthday present from Uncle Khrys and Aunt Mei Li a couple of years ago; he still loves it!). I tried to prepare him with the idea that if everyone brought a game, we probably wouldn't have time to play them all,

First, after we'd been there a bit, one of my friends came up and said, "I wanted to come talk to you for a minute before you take off without saying anything." This is what I do. A lot of times, Mal is having fun, and then he's ready to go. So we go. When I got home, I messaged her, "Irish Goodbyes; they're my jam." She texted back, "100%."

I guess I don't understand the point of making sure people know you're leaving. I mean, if I knew we were needing to plan something or someone had told me to check in with them before I left, okay. But there are often 20+ moms and dads at these events. And if I don't tell EVERYONE good-bye, then how do I pick who to tell? If two people are in a conversation, I really don't want to get it off-track by insinuating myself into it just to say, "Miss me, folks!"

Anyway, yesterday, we were there for about an hour. Mal played one game with a friend of his (not the game he'd brought; I was proud of him). Then the other kid wanted to play a different game with a different kid. Mal REALLY wanted to play his game, and his two best friends were in the middle of another game altogether.

There is a sweet maybe 4-year-old boy who is super sweet and friendly. He loves our dog. I think he just doesn't have a lot of language skills yet. He understands things, and responds. He's just a cute little guy who loves playing with everyone, but doesn't talk much. I asked him if he wanted to play Sum Swamp, and he did. Mal got to play, and I helped this kiddo a bit, then his mom realized we were playing and jumped in. Later, she thanked me for showing him the game... and I thanked her for letting him play the whole thing, because Mal was so keyed up to play it. Actually, the boy won. And Mal was a GREAT sport about it! I was pretty proud.

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By the way, yes, it was in the high 40s and yes, my son was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

Also, since this was indoors and Omicron isn't quite peaked here, AND all of the employees had on masks, we wore ours. I told Mal before the other kids got there, "It's possible that we're the only ones who are wearing masks. That's okay." And we were. It wasn't any big deal.

Later...

Hey, guess what? One of the kids there got sick and tested positive for Covid 2 days later. Fortunately, she's fine; had all of her shots and had a mild case. 

Yesterday (Sunday, January 30), Mal wanted to go to a park we've never been to before (he does this pretty often; it's tricky finding new ones!), so we did. He ended up finding a playmate and hanging out for two hours! I walked the dog around, did some training, was a little bored, honestly. It was a gorgeous day, though.

Okay, well, I was going to write more about planning our upcoming vacation, but Mal is having an existential crisis because he just realized that the house we're going to build isn't going to look like the modern farmhouse $1.4M house we looked at yesterday. So I have to go take care of that.

A Sneak-Peak into Mal's Day Out with His BFF

Last Saturday, Mal wanted to go to Indigo Play, so we picked up one of his best friends, a girl named Kona (we've talked about her before) and she went with us.

I have to share some of the conversations, because it was a fun, fun afternoon.

First, when we picked Kona up, she gave us a packet of Christmas cookies. As we were driving off...

Kona: We made those cookies from touch.

Me: Oh, are they thumbprint cookies?

Kona: I mean, we... they weren't at the store.

Me: You mean you had the ingredients at home and mixed them together?

Kona: Yeah!

Me: You made them from scratch!

They had cute kid conversations on the way, then played for almost four hours. It was loud and exhausting, but they had a fun time. Mal was not ready to leave when I told him it was time to go (I later found out that Kona had been ready to leave for some time, and he hadn't relayed that information to me), so I tried to sweeten the deal by telling them that when I went to the grocery store, they could each pick out anything they wanted to take home with them.

In the meantime, Indigo Play had free lollipops sitting out, so in the car, Mal had the stick hanging out of his mouth.

Mal: I look like a guy from the 8000s.

Me: The 8000s?

Mal: No... the 18s?

Me: The 1800s?

Mal: Yes!

Me: With like a cigarette hanging out of your mouth?

Mal: No. The... tumbleweed.

Me: Oh! Straw? 

Mal: Right.

Kona: (brightly) Yeah, you do, Mal! You really do!

Mal: Kona, you're such a good friend. It means so much to me for you to say that.

When we got to the grocery store, Mal quickly decided that he wanted some Lucky Charms. I needed to get apples, milk, jalapeño slices (which Kona found for us), and eggs, so we headed back to the dairy section.

While I was looking (unsuccessfully) for lactose-free whole milk, inspiration hit Kona. "I want a small chocolate milk!"

Me: Good choice!

I didn't see her open the milk case, but as she put her choice into the cart, I realized she'd picked a half gallon... which IS smaller than a gallon!

Later, when we were in the car, Mal said, "Mom! Kona is drinking out of the bottle!"

Kona's mom reported that she did share with her sisters when she got home. I guess they don't mind drinking after each other.

Those kids were just a lot of fun to hang out with. 

It's weird: I remember being very stressed when D had a friend over for whom I was responsible. It always felt like I was "on." I don't know whether I've mellowed, or... well, yeah. I've probably mellowed. Anyway, I'm happy to chauffeur and eavesdrop on Mal and Kona any time.

Marrying Mal

A few weeks ago, Mal was asking me if his cousin's son was his in-law. I told him no, he doesn't have any in-laws. He was pretty bummed by it, and I explained that he wouldn't have in-laws until he got married. He thought about it for a few moments, then said, "If, in the future, I married Kona, then you'd be her mother-in-law! And her mom would be my mother-in-law."

He was pretty excited about the idea, and that was that.

Until a few days later... 

We'd been at a homeschool gathering, and on the way home, Mal said, "Mom, you know how I've been thinking about the future? Well, Kona has another friend who was thinking about marrying her."

Then the next time we saw them, Mal told me, "His name is Andy. The one who wants to marry Kona. I hope he changes his mind."

I said, "Well, actually it's up to Kona who she marries."

Then next time, after we left, Mal was musing, "I really do hope Kona chooses me." I said, "Mal, you have a lot of time to figure that out." He shook his head and asked, "Mom, have you ever heard that kids grow up quickly?" I tried not to laugh, instead explaining that literally, it was at least eleven years before he could legally get married.

Then after all of that time, earlier this week, we came back to Urban Air for the first time in months (Delta variant is waning). Mal met a girl and played with her for a couple of hours. When she left, Mal came over to me and whispered, "I have a secret that she told me not to tell you... We went and got another piece of candy from the front desk when no one was looking." 

I laughed at that and asked, "Did you tell her we don't care what you eat?" Mal said, "No. But I have another secret." Still whispering in my ear, "You know how Kona has someone else who wants to marry her? I can marry this friend instead." "Do you know her name?" He did not. He ran after to ask, but Urban Air is really loud.

And they all lived happily ever after.

This tooth NEEDS TO COME OUT.