Reluctantly Grateful

My great state of Texas did a thing recently that I do not agree with: They instituted a "voucher" program where parents can sign their students up and get $10,000 to apply to private school tuition. In every state where this has happened so far, public schools have suffered. Although my kids haven't been in public schools, I don't homeschool because we hate the school system! I think public education is important and that it needs to be fully funded to meet all of the students' needs, not just the median kids'. This means special ed, English as a second language, 2e, kids at nutritional risk, etc. etc. etc. Money that we pull out of that system to fund people who are already making other choices is unfair to the students who are staying behind in the catch-all schools. 

One other thing here is that the state is funding each student to the tune of $10k when the average in public schools in our state is closer to $6k AND these private schools don't have to be accredited and therefore do not have to perform on standardized testing in the way that public schools have to perform. It's not a fair system, and it seems pretty obvious that the point IS to hobble the public school system further so that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy about how much better "the market" can provide for students... when the fact is that there are some students private institutions cannot and will not take on. They just won't. It's the same as with the postal service: many addresses in the United States would not be worth it for a for-profit delivery service to take on, or else they would have to charge hundreds of dollars to deliver to the hard-to-reach areas.

So there you go: Mail and education are two things that should be level fields in the US. And we know education is not as schools in more affluent areas often have more resources, but at least that is the ideal and we should be moving more toward it instead of chipping away at it.

And yet.

As you've read about for the past 2 years: We are in a financial crunch. James might get to move to full time soon (or they're just dangling a carrot) and that will help immensely. 

But, given how things are, when the sign-ups opened, I put us on a waiting list. We were on "tier 3," which is a low priority for funding, and that was that. 

Then a couple of weeks ago, I got a notice that we'd been moved off of the waiting list and all we had to do was opt in to be funded for $2000 to spend at an online store full of approved educational items, classes, uniforms, etc. So I did. 

And now we have so many things in process, shipping, and that we've already received: a new globe (ours broke about a year ago), some STEM kits, crime scene science, space addition to our MagnaTiles, new crafting supplies like markers (I had just gone through and tested all of our markers and had thrown about 3/4 of them out) and self-stick foam sheets, a telescope, crystal-growing set, etc. etc. etc. Things that will make doing science and math easier. Some of the sets I bought are clearly meant for a small class or coop, so we'll be doing those things with our library group every so often. It's fun to be able to share!

Oh! One thing I got was a great set of magnet "toys" to do various magnet experiments. Last night, Malcolm and I spent a long time at the table stacking ring magnets on an upturned pencil so they'd hover and if you smashed them down, they'd bounce. It was very cool. D used to have the neatest magnets (I got rid of so much stuff when we moved, because I never planned to have another kid, much less homeschool again!) that I'd bought at a used curriculum fair for $5! This set was about $120, meaning I never would have bought it with my own cash money because... groceries and electricity and stuff.

So, yeah. I'm super grateful for the injection of materials our little schoolhouse is getting while still having really mixed feelings about it. It's basically like getting 1/4 of our property tax back. 

I was very surprised how much Abeka, The Good and the Beautiful, and Apologia materials I saw in this store that state funds are being used to purchase. I looked up some Spanish language supports (Malcolm has been doing Duolingo for a couple of years and is making progress) and one that  promised "Your student will speak Spanish in one year!" was called "Christ-Centered Spanish." What does that even mean?? 

Anyhoo... thanks to the great State of Texas, I suppose! My kid will be better equipped because of this.

Revving back up

School starts back up this week, and Mal's calendar is about to get busier again, as well.

I have a mystery shop today; we're going to a trampoline park! Yay! I did some shops this weekend, just taking pictures, and those were NOT worth it. But today's will be a great indoor activity to keep Mal entertained without dying.

One of my shops this weekend was here. Let me know if you know what it is!

Then this afternoon, we have a Zoom call with Mal's school to kind of set expectations for the year. It sounds like there was some student drama last year and I'm guessing they want to stop that before it starts. The school is so awesome; they love the kids, and they're so affirming and patient. It's been a real blessing for Mal, and that's why we keep sending him, even though we are DESTITUTE. 

(Not really. It does feel like that sometimes. Anybody want to hire my husband?)

Wednesday, I have my one-year follow-up with the endocrinologist who referred me for surgery. I'm overmedicated, which is suppressing my thyroid-stimulating hormone (which you want to do at first if you've had cancer, just to make sure everything withers and dies), and has my cholesterol absolutely soaring. I am going to ask if after this appointment, I can switch medication management to my primary care office. They charge under $200 per visit, as opposed to my very competent and in-demand endo, who charges (and deserves) more than $450 per visit. Her office has worked with me and been extremely kind to keep pushing appointments back by 6 months while still adjusting and renewing my Levothyroxine prescription. I recognize that this professional bunch should be paid well for their amazing work... I just wish it were insurance and not me paying it! Feel me?

Also on Wednesday, we should be able to check in for our cruise! I know what you're thinking: "You just said you were destitute!" Well, yeah. We have planned a couple of trips expecting that James would have a job at some point, and so we're doing them... but after we visit Mexico in March, we'll put the kibosh on traveling for a bit. When it's been 2 years without a real income, we'll have to reevaluate some stuff.

BUT.

I'm very excited about the cruise because D is going with us! It's their first cruise in 15 years, and I know they're going to love it. It'll be nice to have the whole fam together (maybe not on the drive down or back, but, you know, in general) for a change.

My friend referred me to a sweet woman who's going to stay with our cats while we're away. She charges the same price for housesitting that we paid Rover to come feed the cats and empty the litter boxes for half an hour per day! Yay!

Then next week is the third anniversary of our "library" group! We started LGBT-friendly homeschool meetups because when I see stuff like this, I know they don't mean "us."

We'd had 6 regular members for a couple of years, but one kind of aged out (I wish we had more older kids, but that hasn't panned out yet) and one moved to Washington. It's cool, though, because Mal and Kona talk to him online and they play Minecraft or board games several times a week.

More recently, another kid has joined us, and he just fit right in! I'm really proud of our core group for not being cliquish; it probably helps that the group IS so small. I'm just excited to see what Year Four brings!

Also next week, Mal's classes soft-start with a couple of weeks of self-directed days to get back into the swing of things. And the open gym he attends is resuming sessions.

It will be his birthday before you know it! And actually, it will be MY birthday before that, so mark your calendar!

A (pre) Christmas Miracle!

Hiya, toots!

This summer in central Texas has so far been seasonal from the before-times of the late 2010s. It is just now consistently getting into the 100s during the day, whereas last year that started in May. We were saved from like 10 weeks of the blistering heat of the recent past, and I appreciate it!

We've had enough rain in the general are that the lake is 8 feet up (though it's still just under 40 feet low) in the past 2 weeks. 

Mal and I have been taking advantage of our PogoPass, glad that we paid for those before James got laid off. 

Last Sunday, Mal's friend was out of town so instead of meeting him like we always do, we went to Typhoon Texas. It was raining when we arrived, and there weren't a lot of people there. We were able to have the place practically to ourselves!

 

I got to use my awesome new shrug to protect my scar from sun exposure!

Then later in the week, we went to the LBJ Library. That one wasn't on the PogoPass last time we had it, so this was the first time Mal's visited. He loved it as much as I expected he would. Given his Five Nights at Freddy's obsession, the LBJ animatronic was one of his favorite parts.

We've gone to Indigo Play, Inflatable Wonderland, The Thinkery, James took Mal to Pump It Up Round Rock... we still need to get down to Wonder World to take the cave tour, and to San Antonio for the Witte and Zoo. Did I mention that I only paid $50 per pass? Just going to the water park and kids museum paid for it!

One down side to the great weather is that the mild temps and rain have super-charged the grass. I mowed on a Tuesday, and needed to do it again by Saturday. Then I made it until yesterday (Friday) and mowed a third time in under 2 weeks! I was thinking, "That's it! It's all going to go dormant now!" because we're heading into 100s every day and no rain in sight. But then this afternoon, it poured rain out of nowhere for an hour. Good. And bad. But mostly good. And also, I should be grateful for an upper body workout; pushing a giant battery up the hills of our back yard is not a joke (and, yes, it could be self-propelled but that drains the battery faster).

Mal's homeschool gymnastics class starts back at the end of next week, and his classes start back in just over 4 weeks. He's ready to get back into his schedule and so am I.

Of course, he'll miss a couple of weeks of everything when we go on his 10th birthday trip. Please send us your good vacation mojo because our travel is exactly as far out right now as it was in 2020 when we realized that Covid was going to cancel everything. And, yes, I got travel insurance this time! We were lucky to get back every single penny we'd paid 4 years ago, but I don't anticipate businesses doing that again. (Also, the CrowdStrike outage freaked me out about flight stuff; fortunately, for this trip, we're on Southwest.)

 

 

PogoPass + Hyatt homeschool "field trips"

Two cool things happened at the end of October/beginning of November.

The first thing is that another unschooler made me aware of a Halloween sale on something I'd never heard of: PogoPass. Basically, you pick your location (there are only a half-dozen or so, and we were fortunate that south-central Texas was one of them), and for a flat fee, you get admission to dozens of museums, zoos, and activities in your area. They were already $5 off of the normal $100 cost, but for Halloween, they were on sale half price! So we got one for Mal and one for me for a TOTAL of $100. We didn't get one for James because often, the weekends are blacked out and, ya know, poor guy has a day job.

Since Mal had been asking to go to the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco for months, we decided to spend a day in Waco... right about the time I got an email from Hyatt "reminding" me that I had 19,000 points set to expire in January if I didn't use them. I had no idea! I guess we racked those up back in October 2020 when we spent three nights at Hyatt Lost Pines. That was a GREAT place, and SUPER expensive, but we'd also had to cancel a planned trip to California (Disneyland, LEGOland, etc.)  due to Covid, so we decided to splurge.

So at that point, our day trip turned into a 2-day trip to Waco, with a free night at a hotel! Mal's favorite!

We went to the Cameron Park Zoo, the Dr. Pepper Museum, and the Mayborn Museum on the Baylor campus (which I didn't know existed), stayed at a nice hotel with free breakfast, and only spent about $20 on food.

Mal's fave: sliding with the otters!

We had a great, relaxed time, and we still get to visit the zoo one more time before next Halloween!

Later in the month, we went to The Thinkery in Austin, and this time we brought James along. Though we had to pay for his admission, at this point, the PogoPass had paid for itself.

And now, Mal and I are using up our hotel points. We're halfway through a 2-night stay in San Antonio. Yesterday, we went to Rush Adventure Park, and then played Monster Mini Golf.

Today we're planning to go to the San Antonio Zoo, then to see the Christmas lights at the Riverwalk. In the morning, we'll visit the Witte Museum before we head back home (stopping at Wonder World if time and weather permit).

Again, we're staying at a hotel with a pretty good breakfast spread, so are only having to buy food for one or two other meals, and everything else we're doing is either already paid for or free!

Mal was disappointed when he learned James wasn't coming with us, though. Which is one reason we're ALL looking forward to our Christmas vacation! We'll have to pay for it all, but going places as a family is pretty valuable.

Adventures in Homeschooling Socialization, I guess?

Yesterday (Wednesday, January 26; it's taken me a while to finish this) was beautiful but chilly. First sunny day in a while, but in the low 40s. So the meet-up we usually have at parks on Wednesdays met at a coffee shop. The organizer is a super planner, and did call them and ask if it would be okay. Everyone brought board games. I was on the fence about going, but Mal wanted to take Sum Swamp (a birthday present from Uncle Khrys and Aunt Mei Li a couple of years ago; he still loves it!). I tried to prepare him with the idea that if everyone brought a game, we probably wouldn't have time to play them all,

First, after we'd been there a bit, one of my friends came up and said, "I wanted to come talk to you for a minute before you take off without saying anything." This is what I do. A lot of times, Mal is having fun, and then he's ready to go. So we go. When I got home, I messaged her, "Irish Goodbyes; they're my jam." She texted back, "100%."

I guess I don't understand the point of making sure people know you're leaving. I mean, if I knew we were needing to plan something or someone had told me to check in with them before I left, okay. But there are often 20+ moms and dads at these events. And if I don't tell EVERYONE good-bye, then how do I pick who to tell? If two people are in a conversation, I really don't want to get it off-track by insinuating myself into it just to say, "Miss me, folks!"

Anyway, yesterday, we were there for about an hour. Mal played one game with a friend of his (not the game he'd brought; I was proud of him). Then the other kid wanted to play a different game with a different kid. Mal REALLY wanted to play his game, and his two best friends were in the middle of another game altogether.

There is a sweet maybe 4-year-old boy who is super sweet and friendly. He loves our dog. I think he just doesn't have a lot of language skills yet. He understands things, and responds. He's just a cute little guy who loves playing with everyone, but doesn't talk much. I asked him if he wanted to play Sum Swamp, and he did. Mal got to play, and I helped this kiddo a bit, then his mom realized we were playing and jumped in. Later, she thanked me for showing him the game... and I thanked her for letting him play the whole thing, because Mal was so keyed up to play it. Actually, the boy won. And Mal was a GREAT sport about it! I was pretty proud.

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By the way, yes, it was in the high 40s and yes, my son was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

Also, since this was indoors and Omicron isn't quite peaked here, AND all of the employees had on masks, we wore ours. I told Mal before the other kids got there, "It's possible that we're the only ones who are wearing masks. That's okay." And we were. It wasn't any big deal.

Later...

Hey, guess what? One of the kids there got sick and tested positive for Covid 2 days later. Fortunately, she's fine; had all of her shots and had a mild case. 

Yesterday (Sunday, January 30), Mal wanted to go to a park we've never been to before (he does this pretty often; it's tricky finding new ones!), so we did. He ended up finding a playmate and hanging out for two hours! I walked the dog around, did some training, was a little bored, honestly. It was a gorgeous day, though.

Okay, well, I was going to write more about planning our upcoming vacation, but Mal is having an existential crisis because he just realized that the house we're going to build isn't going to look like the modern farmhouse $1.4M house we looked at yesterday. So I have to go take care of that.

I Don't Think This is Going to Work Out

Have you ever met someone and known almost immediately that you weren't going to be able to have a meaningful relationship with them?

Today we went to the park to meet a couple of homeschooling families. One, we've hung out with before. The other, it was our first time meeting them.

The child we've played with before had upset Mal by screaming in his vicinity, which is a cardinal sin Malcolm cannot forgive. The girl's mom was talking to her, and the child referred to Mal as "she." The mom reminded her, "No, he's a boy. Remember? He just has long hair." The little girl tried to make sense of it, looking at the new mom's baby and saying, "That baby is a boy, too."

The baby's mom said, "No, she's a girl. See? She's wearing a bow on her head."

Well, dang. That... doesn't really help.

If you've been around for any amount of time, you know my feelings on the arbitrary and useless binary gender traits we assign to people. I think boys should be able to wear bows if they want (Mal certainly did when his bangs were growing out to "not bangs," because I couldn't find many hair clips that were... uh... manly??). And paint their nails. And have long hair. And girls should be able to -- well, here's one area in which girls actually have more freedom than boys. But they should be able to wear overalls and stay dirty and belch proudly, I guess. If that's what they want.

However, beyond that, even if you tend to be more "recent Western traditional," I want for you to think about something else for a minute. Here goes:

Strict binary gender expectations hurt EVERYONE.

If we assume that "female" = "feminine" and that it looks or acts like a certain thing, it has the potential to hurt people who cannot fit into that category, despite wanting it desperately and trying their best. Maybe a girl is too fat or too poor or maybe a woman has worked hard in a rough profession all of her life.

Virgie Tovar talks about being very confused about her gender growing up (and she's a SUPER "girly-girl") because the store didn't sell cute clothes in her size. I remember feeling like the clothes I had to buy were boy clothes because I was bigger, too. My choices were boy clothes or adult clothes, which were way too mature/business-casual for my 13-year-old self.

So if we insist that "feminine" means a dainty little thing with an adorable sundress, but then we only make sundresses up to a certain size, then it necessarily excludes big girls who might REALLY want a cute sundress to wear on their fat bodies.

If we insist that "feminine" means long hair (a nearby private Christian school dress code states that girls must have hair longer than their ears), then we heap shame and fear of rejection on girls who might have alopecia or trichotillimania or medically-caused hair loss. Or who might just want a Mohawk.

When I was a kid, I wasn't scared of bugs and I wasn't ticklish. Apparently, that's what girls did -- run screaming from boys with bugs, and shriek in delight at boys' poking their armpits -- and I felt VERY "other" because I wouldn't fake it. In my elementary-school brain, it clicked as that I was just too big and too hearty to be an actual girl. Boys didn't like me "like that." I wasn't "girly" enough.

Recently, there were some pictures in the media of a famous family whose older child has recently changed her name and gender identity. One comment I saw was, "He doesn't look even remotely like a girl. He's not fooling anyone."

Maybe you agree with this kind of thing?

But how can we demand that a person look exactly like the "norm" we have taught ourselves to expect or else be rejected? Can you see that when we impose those expectations on people whose gender identity doesn't match up with their biological sex, it ALSO harms then people who are cisgender and maybe just don't live up to those characteristics, either? Even if that's what they desperately want?

It would be so much easier for EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON EARTH if we'd agree to dispose of the superficial gender "clues" that so often steer us wrong.

We've come a long way toward this in my lifetime, but the fact that my son has to explain almost every single day of his life that he's a boy indicates that we have a long way to go.

And I think it would be extraordinarily challenging to have a friendship with someone who was dedicated to propping up the stereotype of "bow = girl."

A little assumption to think about...

Today, I got my hair trimmed. While I did, Mal stayed in the foyer area playing with their Lego Duplos and chatted up the two people who were waiting their turns in the barber's seat, specifically a very young adult.

While the lady cut my hair, she made small talk and remarked on Mal's imagination and cleverness. And, of course, his hair. She did call him a girl. A lot. Despite the fact that I said "he/him" and called him "buddy" numerous times. She just didn't pick up on it.

At one point, she asked if he was in school. I said, "Well, his birthday is in late September, so he wouldn't be starting kindergarten until next year, anyway, but we homeschool."

Without any further information, she said, "Oh, I know we like to protect our kids, but they need to get out there and be social with each other."

Um.

Many things to unpack here.

The very first is the assumption that we homeschool for protection. That's nowhere on the list. But I'll get back to that.

The other thing was that she was observing in literally the sentence before this that he was so fun and interactive with everyone. And he's never been to school. So wouldn't it make sense that we'd provide alternate opportunities for him to socialize, not only with children his own age, but with a wide variety of human beings and maybe even animals?

Back to why we homeschool.

The reasons are many, but the top two "not on the list" reasons are: protection from the ideas/influence of peers, and the very absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH why we homeschool is that we perceive it to be "better" or to give a leg up academically, or help our kids be "more advanced" than other kids their age, etc.

Today, I got this ad in a break for a game and I thought, "They have no idea with whom they're dealing."

We don't need our kids to have higher test scores than anyone else. They're not in competition with anyone else: not their siblings, not other homeschooled kids, not private or public schooled kids. It's not a race, where whoever reads best at the age of 5 wins.

Also, specifically, regarding the above ad: Show me that what you're doing makes kids LOVE reading, and maybe I'd be interested. I got high test scores in most things when I was in school. I hated math and history. Test scores were not an arbiter of mastery over time or of interest. So mehh to your advertisement. My kid might be the gray rocket, struggling to achieve escape velocity. That's okay. Most people get there eventually.

It has always bothered me when people tout homeschooling as a "superior" choice to traditional schooling because of how freaking awesome the homeschooled kids turn out. Honestly, most kids turn out pretty cool, and unless you're one of those people for whom a particular schooling method just messes you up, most kids find a way to be excited about and still learn what they truly want to learn, anyway.

So why *do* we homeschool?

I just realized that I can't speak for James. But I don't think he's super vicariously competitive with our kids, either. Anyway, one big reason I started homeschooling D, after considering it for a couple of years, was that D had already mastered everything taught in kindergarten when the time finally came. D's birthday is in November, and at almost six, had already been reading for a good year and a half (we won't be able to say that about Mal, and that's just fine; he can do some math that D could not at this age... again, it's not a competition). It seemed like a waste of D's time, and probably a pain in the teacher's butt, honestly.

Then the more I thought about the time: organizing kids, disciplining a group, getting from point A to point B... just ask a teacher how much actual forward momentum their class has per day, and I'm going to guess they'd say a couple of hours. So it made sense to let D work a couple of hours per day, and then be free to pursue whatever.

The same holds true for Mal.

Maybe most people won't say that time management is the main reason they homeschool, but that's really the number one factor for me. I don't have to drive to/from a school. I don't have to wake up and herd kids at the crack of dawn. My kids don't have to wait for other kids to calm down if they're raring to do something. My kids don't hold anyone else back if they're feeling restless or don't understand something. It's just more efficient. We go on vacation when everyone else is in school, so we don't deal with crowds and lines and headaches like that. I get as much time with my kids as they or I can handle (we all needs breaks, variously). We can move through zoos, aquariums, and museums as slowly or quickly as we want. We can go see a movie when no one else is available. We can stay out late because we don't have to get up at a certain time most mornings. It's all about time.

There are other reasons homeschooling works for our family, but sheltering my kids from outside ideas or people or dangers isn't one of them. Neither is giving them "every advantage." Really, I want them to be happy, peaceful, and fulfilled, as I'm sure most parents want for their kids. That's it.

Unschooling on the High Seas

Our last day on the cruise was an "at sea" day. I took a ship's tour (James was supposed to have gone, too, but then Mal didn't like the kids' club, so we had to choose a designated parent, and he volunteered to let me go; I accepted), and we did all of the "must-dos" that we wanted to hit. We didn't go to the pool at all, which is a little surprising, but it helped us not be sunburn-tired and our suits were drier when I packed.

What I wanted to note, however, was about how much my son brings up as games "drills" that many educators use in "teaching" kids in school.

When I came back from the ship tour, Mal and James were playing "rhymes." Mal picks a word and then, naturally, everyone takes turns thinking of words that rhyme with it. It's fun because Mal "gets" rhyming, but also then sometimes thinks that the same vowel sound in the middle of a short word means it rhymes, and we get to gently say, "That's close, but the end is different" so he can tweak it. And we only play as long as he wants to... which is generally longer than it's fun for us, as is with most things.

Another thing he likes to do is ask, "What words start with 'c'?" And he'll start with one: cookie, cat, cake, etc. Then, again, we just go around doing that until he is ready to move on.

Something he started after a few days of using the elevators was that we'd get on and he'd say, "Mom, there were three people on here, and now two guys got on. How many is that?" Usually, I'd guess wrong so he'd have to correct me. He'd finish up the lesson by saying, "It's five! Because three plus two equals five!" This activity was hampered a couple of times by his forgetting to count himself, which was also interesting.

The whole thing was fascinating to me because we've never introduced these things; it has been his idea. He is just curious about the world, and how things work, and how they fit. This learning and building has sprung from his natural curiosity... and I think we all know that is the BEST way (and most fun way) to learn things.

On the other hand, he has no idea how to shape most letters or numbers (he can do "1" and "l" and "0" and "o"). Before we left, he was taking a bath and we sprayed some shaving cream on the bathtub wall. He'd smooth it out and draw shapes on it. At first, he was asking, "What does this look like?" after he'd make a doodle. He liked the more ridiculous guesses best. I'd say, "It looks like someone was skiing down a mountain and fell and flipped three times." He'd laugh at that. But if I said, "It looks like a snake," he'd say, "No. Pick something else." But then he'd tell me what HE thought it looked like and it would be more literal: "It looks like Sonic's arm and he's making a fist."

Then he asked me to write his name. I said, "You know how to spell it. You write it." So he started to write the "M" by drawing two straight lines. And he knew they were supposed to meet in the middle somehow, but he wasn't sure how to do it. He made a little jut out of the first line, horizontally, toward the middle; then the same on the other side. It looked about like an "H" that had been cut in half and separated a bit. I finally showed him how to do the middle part.

He's working on figuring this stuff out. Just at a slower pace than my first child, and than other kids his age. I'm glad he doesn't have to compete with anyone in this regard. We don't have the arbitrary "one more year" deadline for kindergarten. Maybe he'll have gotten it by next fall; maybe he won't. I'm sticking with the self-directed program.

I do ask sometimes if he wants to get out this reusable marker book to practice letters, and he's never said yes. I'm not pushing it.

Something that keeps reinforcing this commitment, even when I waver, is Mal himself.

For instance, on our cruise, our assistant server was kind enough to bring Mal his own soda every night, even though we didn't pay for that (I had the unlimited soda package). The drink was served in stemware, and almost every time Mal reached for it, I felt a blanche of anxiety. "He's going to spill it!" my spine warned me.

Mal is pretty clunky with things sometimes. He CAN feed himself things like cereal and yogurt, but he has to REALLY be paying attention lest he ends up virtually swimming in it. He hates drinking straight from cups, preferring straws, even though I've seen that he CAN drink out of cups and bottles.

Still, those things seem like challenges to him, to the point that I often help him... which I am aware is aiding in any arrested development, if it exists, but also sometimes I'm just not in the mood to stop what I'm doing for a major cleanup on aisle everywhere.

Anyway, I wondered aloud to James if occupational therapy might help him. He doesn't draw or color, he paints only occasionally, never uses the chalkboard or easel, and I'm pretty sure that if he tried to brush his own teeth, he'd likely miss his mouth on the first approach. It seems like these are things that he should be doing at this age.

However... one of the dinner surprises Mal got on the cruise was a mini Etch-a-Sketch. He used that thing the whole meal, and the one the next night. He loved spinning those tiny knobs and showing us, "I made a 'P'!"

Then, yesterday, he did something he's NEVER done before.

Inspired by a video of a lady making-over LOL Dolls into characters from Teen Titans Go!, he wanted to make paper dolls. I was busy doing something else, so he decided instead just to cut paper. He made a MESSSSssssss but on and off yesterday, cut shapes and corners and just played around with scissor grasp and moving paper (because I told him to stop trying to cut the paper on top of our tablecloth, which he sliced... but which is vinyl because I know what I'm dealing with here).

He's never been interested in cutting things before. So that's one step toward developing more elegant fine-motor skills.

I guess I'll just be patient, because I think he's doing pretty well. And he's having a great time doing it.

I really am curious to see how my kids' ideas about learning and education look like when they're adults. I was just telling someone yesterday that I'm 100% sure I'll never do an organized educational program again, because after school and college, I was so burnt out, I was just done. I did real estate because I had to for a job, and then I studied the insurance stuff on my own... but both were basically mandatory and except for passing the tests, there was little joy in the process. It will be interesting to see if my kids pursue more organized educational opportunities, not having been exhausted by them in their early childhood.

Random. R-r-r-rrrandom

I keep making plans to attend alt school open houses, then when they get close, find reasons not to go. I'm sure not the least of these reasons is that tuition even for a part-time unschool-y place would finance a REALLY NICE and a couple of plenty good vacations per year. So maybe we'll just keep homeschooling. I need to find a good source for friends for Mal, though. At this age, D already had a core group of kids we knew would be homeschooling, so when we started a co-op, we already knew a lot of families.

Then again, I'm NOT doing a co-op again, and so if I want Mal to have that same sort of social stability, I'm going to have to pay for it. There are unschooling meetups, but we went to several when he was smaller, specifically preschool groups, and it was obvious that some people had been meeting for a long time, and we'd often not talk to anyone else the whole time we were there.

Besides that... we took a one-off "art class" recently at Mess-Maker Studios. It's a great place, and the facilitator doesn't make the kids do anything; she "strews" and lets them do whatever moves them. Still, Mal flitted from the sensory stuff to three seconds of painting, to playing with toys, and announced it was time to go half an hour into a 1.5 hour session. He WAS the only kid who showed up (it was an afternoon class rather than a morning one, which was packed, but... mornings), and he DID end up finding stuff to do for another thirty minutes while I talked to the owner.

But I am not certain that even in a year and a half, we could commit to a 5-hour day, even in a really laid-back, choose-your-own-adventure kind of place.

In other news: Tonight, we took advantage of a $4.11 per serving cheese fondue at Melting Pot. Mal and I got there before James, who got hung up in traffic. As we sat in the lobby waiting, Mal was obsessed with the real actual oil candle on the table in front of the bench. He was waving his hand over it to see the flame flicker, and having one of his Sonic toys fly over it. After observing how the flame really wavered when he swung his hand pretty hard in the air above it, he thought for a minute and blew lightly. It blew the candle all the way out.

"We were supposed to bring our lighter so we could light a candle if it goes out!" Mal told me.

I said I didn't have a lighter, and they'd just have to light it again later.

Mal looked panicked, and said, "But I don't want to go to jail!"

As we were seated, I told the host that Mal had blown out their candle, but really didn't want to go to jail. She said, "It's a first offense, so we won't press charges."

Later, after we'd had our cheese course (Mal enjoyed playing but ate only some bread and green apples; he didn't even try the cheese), we ordered dessert. Mal told the server he'd like marshmallows, and when she brought the trays out, she had made a special (non-communal) one for Mal and pointed out the graham-cracker-covered marshmallow and the Oreo-covered marshmallow.

As she went on to say what everything else was, Mal interrupted loudly, "Excuse me! Sir! I'd like plain marshmallows, please." She brought him 4.

This weekend, I was thinking about a lot of the things that I'm sorry for in my life. Here are a few:
1) I'm sorry I ever believed the lie that parents have to win the battle of wills against their kids, especially when they're small, so it sets the precedence of who's boss.
2) I'm sorry I used to think that there were certain bodies that could "get away" with wearing certain articles of clothing, and others to which the clothes would be off-limits.
3) I am sorry I never really listened to my next-door neighbor's dad practice guitar because I thought he was going to hell for playing an instrument in church.
4) I'm sorry I was so ignorant that I didn't know the pain it would cause when I did the "Pointer Sisters" lip synch in our high school contest in 1987/88, when I was 15. And I'm very sorry that when a black girl, a neighbor of mine, complained, that the school didn't bring us all together to talk about it. It didn't matter that I LOVED the Pointer Sisters, or that I meant it as a tribute, or that I was just trying to be as realistic as possible, or that I didn't even know the history. I needed to learn. I needed for her to be able to look me in the face and say, "You hurt me. This is wrong." And I needed to be held accountable for finding out why.
5) I am sorry I ever intentionally lost weight.
6) I'm sorry I never offered to mow the yard or wash the cars or do jobs that weren't "mine" when I was in high school.
7) I'm kind of sorry I got an undergraduate degree; not only in theater, but at all. Not sure what else I might have done with my time (and parents' money), but it couldn't have been MORE wasted.
8) I'm sorry for all of the things I missed out on because I was "busy" trying to make some guy like me. I'm sorry I ever tried to date at all before I turned 30, although I'm glad I had D.
9) I'm sorry for any rumor I've ever listened to without speaking up. Same goes for racist or otherwise abusive jokes.
10) I'm sorry for any aggressive beliefs I've held that I believed were justified by the Bible but that did harm to other people and, ironically, the Gospel. I'm growing to hate the term "sincerely-held religious beliefs" because it sounds so innocuous, but I see how it's weaponized. It's heresy.
11) I am so sorry for people I hurt when I was hurting. There's a list, and I think about them often, and I am learning to sit in the sorrow and discomfort, because my "bent" is to try to fix things... even when there's no fix.

I've been thinking about things for which I'm sorry because of freaking Joe Biden, who might/might not be running for President in 2020. For posterity's sake (because sometimes I read decades-old blog posts and don't get the pop references), several women have accused him of approaching them physically in a way that made them uncomfortable. He's gone out of his way to "apologize" by saying social norms have changed, and that he will never apologize for his intentions, and that he always tried to build a human connection.

But, golly, Joe, all you need to do it take responsibility for your actions. Tell the truth: You never thought about how your physical advances might be taken by women because it's just not a thing you think about. It doesn't matter if "society" taught you not to worry about that kind of thing... The fact that it never occurred to you that someone might not like being hugged or kissed or having their shoulders rubbed shows, first and foremost, male privilege/assumption of space/rights to others' bodies, etc. Acknowledge that. Apologize for hurting people. Stop centering yourself by talking about intentions. That's not the point here. If someone accidentally steps on my toes in a crowded place, it's still appropriate for them to apologize. You're more culpable than that, so you owe it to these ladies.

If you asked me, and I rarely get political on here, but this kind of crap is a big reason I'm super over the old white guy President. We need someone with a different outlook on life. Not because old white guys necessarily are compromised or evil or anything like that; just the inability to conceive that your default way of thinking might be able to be improved upon is a liability, as far as I'm concerned. Let's try something different, can we please?

Taking another turn: We were supposed to get our new just-weaned pigeons yesterday, but the supplier caught a cold, so we're waiting one more week.

Mal's awake, so that's it for now. Enjoy your week, internets!

I seriously *do* want friends!

Oh my goodness, I'm so relaxed right now. Mal has typically only been interested in his computer at bedtime (for which I'm grateful; when he's active + sleepy, that = injury) but he's playing a game on PBSkids RIGHT NOW so I'm able to... well, not play Cars for five minutes or so. I mean, I have a genuine affection for Disney Pixar Cars, as you well know. But hours per day every single day of my life... I just need a break, friends.

Speaking of which: Two opportunities to meet and get to know other people have presented themselves this week, and I blew one off and am getting ready to blow the other one off. Which SUCKS. I think there is some misfire or maybe just abject laziness in my being that prevents me from working very hard to obtain what I believe I really want, which is close friendships for myself and for Mal.

First, Mal has a few friends he likes hanging out with. One is the grandson of a couple who lives around the corner from us. They typically have him one day a week, but last month had him for a week while his parents were on vacation. He and Mal hit it off, and have played together a lot. I like the grandma. She's a bit younger than my parents, but not much.

Then he has another friend he met at storytime. Even though Mal doesn't go anymore, we get together every couple of weeks. The mom and I get along, but when her son starts school in a couple of years, I'm not sure whether we'll stay in touch much, except maybe for things like birthday parties (their birthdays are a week apart), and probably then only for a couple of years. You know how it goes.

He has a third friend he's gotten together with a few times and really enjoyed, but that friend started school last week, so there's one down.

That little bit of reality had me reaching out to a few homeschool moms/grandmas I know about getting together, because each of the kids Mal plays with now will be in school by 2020.

As you might know, I'm not on Facebook anymore. I was on Facebook for ten years and made maybe one or two local friends from it, so I'm not concerned that I'm missing out on networking in that regard. Even within the homeschool community, I never found a place where I felt we fit in. There's an awesome group that has a centrally-located meet-up called "Yawp!" It's kind of a pay-as-you-can playgroup, with affinity meetings and fun events. The problem (for me) is that it's a half hour drive. People drive further than that and love it, but I desperately want the kind of friends I can ask to come over at the last minute, and they can be there pretty soon, if they're free. And, again, we have that right now in the kid Mal met at storytime.

So, I posted in NextDoor, which is a hyper-local social media site. I asked if there were any homeschooling moms with kids preschool age. I think the answer must be "no" but I did get one response.

"I have a newly 3 year old, a 1 year old, and expecting in January. Been looking for mommy friends myself! I started hosting a little walk once a week in Cedar Park and you should totally join! Very easy going and pace is whatever we want, nothing crazy. If you’re interested let me know!"

I tried. I really did. I messaged her. She messaged me. I know where the walk is. It's tomorrow. But here's my reality: 1) Mal won't "go on a walk." So he'll be in a stroller. 2) He'll want to chat, because he'll be bored (if he doesn't go to sleep, which would be HORRIBLE since that means midnight bedtime). 3) At 9 AM, it's in the high 80s, with humidity in the mid 60s. YUCKKkkk. 4) Are these fitness moms? I DON'T NEED FITNESS PALS. 5) I really want to sit on my butt while kids play and make noise and a mess around me. 6) IT IS TOO HOT TO BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW.

Oh, also, my parents are coming to visit tomorrow morning, and that's the excuse I'm going to give for skipping out.

There are what seem to be lovely women at the church Mal and I have been attending for the past few months. It's difficult to get to know anyone much at church, anyway, but with Mal running around and being ready to jet toward the end, I've been looking forward to an outside-of-church opportunity to chat. There's an upcoming meal, but it's when we're going to be out of town. And last night, there was a women's planning event at a local restaurant.

James got home in time for it to be conceivable for me to go. I had planned on trying at least a modest amount to go, but here's the thing about weeknights: 1) I feed James, and we eat dinner together, even if it's just one of us running to get more Cars while the other eats, and trading off these duties. 2) It's just difficult for me to leave the house in the evening. I need to go by early afternoon, or the inertia of the day slows, and the gravity of nighttime and sleep starts pulling on me. 3) I took Mal to Walmart at 4:30, and IT IS TOO HOT TO BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW. I was so drained by one vehicle trip into town, and I knew before we got all of the way to the store that I would be staying home once I got back.

That's it for now as Mal is back into playing with cars and only allowed me 10 bonus minutes to finish this blog post. Also, we're making Pop Tarts. So who needs friends, really, I guess.

Adventures in Unschooling

When you unschool, even if you believe in it, you almost constantly have to readjust the "school mentality" those of us who grew up in "the system" have.

Mal will be 4 in three months (!!!) and many of my friends, the ones whose kids aren't in preschools, are starting to do "schooly" things with their kids: pre-writing, lessons, that sort of thing. I'm not saying they're doing anything wrong; in fact, when D was this age, we were already a year into gymnastics, tae kwon do, and had daily "desk time" where we did sort of semi-formal stuff from a fun workbook I'd found at Sam's or something like that. Of course, we'd bag all of the homeschool stuff to go have fun, but I do get it.

As we've moved fully into unschooling, though, I've seen how my older kid thrives and how my younger kid has all of the curiosity and enthusiasm typical to children.

With Toys R Us closing, we've gotten Mal a few things we wouldn't have bought otherwise (a Jet robot suit, a Vampirina house, a LandSpeeder he doesn't have yet so shhhh), including a big Cars Florida 500 racetrack.

He's played with it for hours already, and I just got it put together at 4:30 yesterday afternoon. A "schoolish" mindset would say, "That's great. It's important for kids to play. But academics are also important." To which I would say: This is literally a crash course in physics.

My son has done a ton of experiments in the past half day: How far will the car go if I push it? Can the car rest on the sideways part of the track without falling off? Does it make a difference if I direct the cars to the outer or inner lanes? When using the motor launcher, what difference does my pushing the car into the feeder make versus just letting it roll in without the added boost? How is all of this varied with a lower, slimmer car? With a big, boxy van? Heavier? Lighter? If they're backwards? Upside down? Plastic vs. metal? Why do cars keep rolling out of the stands and how can I make that stop? How is the set behaving differently now that the batteries are dying (they're old, but the only D batteries we had in the house when I put this together)? Why won't this cat get the heck out of the way?

Neither Mal nor I could articulate the physical laws behind any of these observations, but the fact is that Mal is learning things. He's observing information that he will be able to implement to interactions in the future. That is precisely the point of learning.

And even the most confident of us unschoolers sometimes need the reminder.

How Do You Do?

Today, I met a lovely woman for the first time. Our kids are about the same age (we are not!), and this family just decided to homeschool, so we ended up rained out at Chick-fil-A for our introductory play date. The kids got along really well and had fun; Mal had been so sad/borderline scared about being at a different Chick-fil-A than "ours," but the little girl and he ended up playing and he forgot all about it. The woman seemed really nice, too.

But you know one of the early things she said to me? We were discussing giving birth or something, when she said, "I used to be super skinny until I had her. Then it just creeped up on me over time. Actually, I recently lost about 20 pounds, but I'm kind of taking a break now. I need to get back on top of it before it gets out of control and I gain it all back."

As it happened, I just sat there and ate my food, largely not responding in any way to what she'd said. I wish I'd been brave enough just to ask one little question: "Why?"

Why is one of the initial things a woman shares to choose with another woman was that she wants to change her body? Why is being heavier than you used to be tantamount to being "out of control"? And if it IS, why is being out of control (i.e. eating what you want and moving how and when you want) worse than expending limited time and emotional energy on maintaining a certain type of body?

Our culture is one rife with fatphobia, and we internalize it so much that we are horrified by our bodies' natural shapes and shifts. I, for one, don't have the desire to spend much mental real estate on that kind of stuff, and I wish every woman I know could be free.

Jessamyn Stanley, one of the many women showing us that health and fitness don't have a single "look."
DON'T BUY THE HYPE!

Takin' it Slow

The other day, I had run into the grocery store... I can't remember the day, because I actually stopped into several grocery stores several days leading up to Mal's birthday. Anyway, it was one of those stops. I had just popped in for a quick trip. Mal was home with his dad and grandma. After I checked out and was walking back out to the car, I passed a cash register where a person was paying and with them was a kid, about 7 or 8 years old, swinging a backpack around, just waiting.

I don't know what about that strummed such a chord with me, but it suddenly revealed so clearly to me the very biggest reason I homeschool (and I say "I" because "we" homeschool, but James might have different reasons, and this one is true all the way back to the beginning, long before James was on board): Time. 

I've always said that *one* of the reasons we homeschool is because I like time efficiency, as in with one kid at a time, it takes 10 minutes to do something it might take 30 kids 2 hours to do. But that's not the only aspect of time, and not even the most important one, I see now.

One of the most precious memories I have, I promised to myself to keep forever as it was happening. D was about 5 and playing in the front yard of our house in Sherman. It was cool and sunny out, and I was sitting on the driveway for added warmth. I think it was early spring, because there were flowers coming out all over the lawn (weeds). D was running around wearing a Barbie wedding dress costume and chasing bees.

In that moment, time seemed almost to stop. I was hyper-aware of how magical it was. A fleeting thought was, "I wish I had my camera," but immediately after that, I knew I couldn't break the spell by moving inside to get it. So I swore I'd lock it into my vault for all time.

It was one of those things that was so ordinary, but somehow achingly beautiful. And it couldn't have happened if we'd been in a hurry. 

There were plenty of days that we had many things to do, and bounced from one place or activity to another. But, by virtue of the fact that we didn't have an overarching compulsion to be anywhere, those days were the exception to the rule. We whiled away many days doing whatever caught our fancy: Three days building a Christmas gingerbread train here. Full day driving around Dallas doing mystery shops and listening to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in the van there. Walking down the street to the "creek" to play in the water. Spending three hours at "the tire swing park." Sitting in the floor of the library, browsing every craft book for the best one. Meeting friends a Chick-fil-A and playing. Enjoying Chuck E. Cheese all by ourselves when everyone else was in school. Painting. Making balloon animals. Playing with cornstarch and water.

I know homeschooling isn't for everyone. I know everyone can have magical "slow" moments even amid the scheduling and activities of school. But for me, it would be overwhelming. I like to have room to breathe. I like to have giant margins. I am a planner and stress out easily enough as it is. I am grateful that, so far in my parenting life, homeschooling has always been an option. I pray it continues to be.

There are still a lot of boats to watch set out while lying on the dock. I'm up for a few more years of that.

Wacom, We're Breaking Up With You; It's Not Us, It's You. You Suck.

My teenager is an artist. I used to post links to some stuff, but that's not acceptable anymore. You're just going to have to trust me. It's amazing.

D has been pursuing drawing as a passion for about five years. The drive to improve and create is incredible. After filling up dozens upon dozens of art pads (fortunately, we lived across the street from Asel Art Supply for a couple of years), D did a bunch of research and bought a Bamboo tablet. It's like a digital sketch pad, except the drawing shows up on your computer and not on the tablet. I'm sure that takes a little getting used to.

Once it was time to move it to the next level, D did more research and decided to get the Cintiq 13HD, which is like a monitor you can draw on.

Both of these products are from Wacom. Pretty much any digital artists we know use Wacom products; they're an industry leader. We would learn, however, that although they make products that, when they work, are fabulous... There are quirks (like power supplies overheating and bursting into flames, or chargers just stopping, things like that), and if you have a genuine problem... well, you're kind of screwed.

Here's an excerpt from my blog back in October 2016, when, ten months after we'd purchased the Cintiq, we noticed several "hot spots" on the screen. If you read this whole saga back then and want to skip it, scroll down to the asterisks and I'll get you back to where we are now.

From: support@wacom.com
Subject: RE: Your Case #CAS-355923-N8W0Y2 | WACOM
Date: Mon, 15 Aug 2016 20:13:52
Dear Laura,
Thank you for contacting Wacom customer support, I am sorry to hear about your issue, I will do my best to assist you Please email me a picture of the tablet with a blue, red and yellow background Along with the proof of purchase, shipping information and your phone number,
Anthony
Customer Support Team

Well, shipping and the phone number were included in the information I'd sent through their webpage, and, in fact, was below his message in the body of the email he sent, which contained everything I'd already written.

But I did what they said.

Tue 8/16, 12:17 PM
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your reply, I was checking with our repair team and the repair would be out of warranty and the cost would be between $360 and $428 depending in your location, If you want to proceed please provide me with your billing information and your phone number.
Anthony
Customer Support Team

First of all, OMG, YOU HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER. Secondly, the tablet costs $800, so we're looking at half the original cost to repair it?! Thirdly, I am 100% sure my child did nothing to damage it (all the same, we bought a lap desk, just in case using it on an actual human lap could cause any damage, which seems would be more knee-shaped than fingertip-shaped, but whatever). But we agreed to that and I asked what the next step would be.

They emailed me back and asked for: shipping/billing info, verification of model and serial number, and my phone number. ALL OF WHICH THEY ALREADY HAD MULTIPLE TIMES.

But I returned the information. AGAIN. Even though we'd been emailing as quickly as texting, it took several days before I received an RMA number and instructions. I followed those, mailing the tablet Priority Mail with $800 insurance, so it cost more than thirty bucks to send to them.

I watched in horror as the USPS routed this package from Texas to Washington state via Hawaii. Not Wacom's fault. But I was nervous and wanted to make sure the package wasn't damaged or anything. I received shipping notice that it had been received at the "front desk," but didn't get anything from Wacom. I expected something, even automated, to the tune of: "We have received your tablet and will be in contact regarding blah blah blah."

Since I didn't get that, I emailed them.

Laura Gatannah
Fri 8/26, 9:59 PM
Due to the USPS routing the tablet through Hawaii first, you received it Thursday. Can you please let me know the status of the repair, or at least acknowledge that it was received? The only thing I've gotten is the USPS's notification that it was delivered. RMA Zxxxxx3. Thanks. Laura

Mon, Aug 29, 2016 8:39
Dear Laura, Thank you for your reply, Please provide me with the tracking number of the tablet you sent to us. Thank you,
Anthony
Customer Support Team

So I did.

8/29/2016 7:03 AM
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your reply, Checking the delivery date I need to remind you that the repair will take 10-15 days depending on our repair queue. I would recommend you to check again by the end of the week in case the tablet was repaired and released before that time frame you will be notified and you will receive an email with a tracking number. If you need any further assistance, please let me know Have a nice day!
Anthony
Customer Support Team

No duh. I know how long it's supposed to take. All I wanted was a "yep, we got it." But nope, they couldn't even do that.

On September 9, I'd still heard nothing, so I asked for a status update. I didn't think that was unreasonable, even though in the back of my mind, I felt like no one had even cracked open the package and it was just sitting in a corner somewhere.

Fri, Sep 9, 2016 4:07 PM
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your reply, It will take 10-15 days to get the tablet repaired and we are on our second week due to the previous holidays. You should be receiving an email with the shipping information within next week. If you need any further assistance, please let me know Have a nice day!
Anthony
Customer Support Team

In my brain, I throttled him. In real life, I waited until the fifteenth day, and:

Laura Gatannah
Thu 9/15, 7:29 AM
It's been 15 business days now, so I can expect the shipping info today, right? Thanks.

Thu, Sep 15, 2016, 8:19 AM
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your reply, Have you received any updates on this case? Did you receive your shipping information?
Anthony
Customer Support Team

I'm going to be honest with you here. I thought a LOT of cuss words. OF COURSE I HADN'T GOTTEN ANY UPDATES OR SHIPPING INFORMATION. Did he mean ever? Or in the hour since I'd messaged him? Instead, I opted for brevity and just said, "No. I have heard nothing since I sent it in, in terms repair status or shipping."

Later in the day, I sent this:
Since sending this in and learning that you have received it, I have not gotten any notification of anything at all. At the very minimum, it would have been professional to get an automatically-generated "we have received your tablet" email, but that did not happen. No updates, nothing unless I've contacted you, and you have given me no information other than that it's 10-15 days, which I understand. It's been 15 days now, and clearly I have NOT received any shipping information or I would not have contacted you. I believe that this tablet hasn't been seen by anyone, frankly, and I'm very disappointed by the lack of communication by way of receipt notifications and status updates. I need to know for sure where the tablet is, if the repairs have been made, and when I can expect it back. Thank you for getting this information to me as soon as possible. Laura

From: support@wacom.com
Subject: RE: Your Case
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your reply, You will be emailed as soon as we ship it, from ups with the tracking number Right now we are on the 14th business day. We are a bit behind than normal due to the repair center move and holiday. but within our quote. If you need any further assistance, please let me know Have a nice day!
Anthony
Customer Support Team

Laura Gatannah
Sat 9/17, 1:33 PM
 ...And now you're out of the quote. I would like a detailed update, including the status of the repair and when we can expect the tablet's return. Anything less than this, and I will file a complaint with the BBB. I have read through past cases and it seems that this level of non-communication is pretty much par for the course for Wacom. My child draws for hours per day, and it's been over a month now since the tablet has been fully functional. Thank you for understanding and responding. Laura

From: support@wacom.com
Mon, Sep 19, 2016 9:53 AM
Subject: RE: Your Case
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your reply, I apologize for the inconvenience, I wanted to let you know the package is being prepared now and it should ship today or tomorrow.
Anthony
Customer Support Team

Well, the joke was on him, and you want to know why?

Because we'd already received a tablet before we got this email. Problem was, it wasn't a Cintiq13HD. It was a Companion. Now, understand, the Companion is a "nicer" tablet, with more features. It runs Windows and costs about 3 times what D's tablet cost. But it's not the same. It's not what D wanted, having researched and picked a tablet; they sent us something that wasn't what we sent them.

The Companion has a processor, so it heats up when in use, like a computer. That was a negative. Plus, the first generation Companion has a known power supply issue, in that sometimes it just permanently stopped charging, resulting in the same kind of run-around we had with people sending their units in for refurbishment and having these long, drawn-out issues. Also, the power supply was known to overhead. I think they fixed that in the second generation, but, again... not what the customer chose.

I asked for an explanation of what happened.

Mon, Sep 19, 2016, 3:21 PM
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your reply, I apologize for the inconvenience, Could you send me a picture of the tablet you received and the RMA number please?
Anthony
Customer Support Team

No. No, I can't. I responded that the RMA was in the body of the email and we got a Companion. I was done doing busy work so they could put off doing stuff while they waited for me to respond.

Laura Gatannah
Tue 9/20, 3:26 PM
Since it has been 24 hours since our last communication and you have offered no explanation or remedy, I'm going to tell you what needs to happen to make this right. 1) You will send us a fully-functional 13HD. This can be a new unit or refurbished, as long as it looks new and is in perfect working order. 2) You will send me a prepaid shipping label so that I can return the Companion you sent me. My child researched long and hard before purchasing the 13HD, and that's the model selected. We do not want a Companion. I will not send the Companion in until I receive the 13HD. This all needs to be handled and I need shipping confirmation no later than 9/21/16 by 5:00 PM CDT or I will be filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. Please do not respond with an apology or request for more information from me. The ball is in YOUR court, and you need to make this right.
Laura

I gave them two days. Then I filed a report. Within four hours, a guy from their main HQ in Portland was on the phone with me. He apologized profusely, and thanked me for filing the report because he said otherwise, he'd not have known what was going on. He reminded me that the tablet we had was considerably more expensive than the one we sent in, and I assured him that mattered not one iota to my child. He said he'd send me an RMA for the Companion, and they'd send me the Cintiq as soon as they received it.

I explained to him that I had trust issues with them, and I intended to hold the Companion until I received a functional Cintiq. He said he understood, thanked me for not yelling at him, and released the tablet for shipping.

The good news is that we didn't have to pay the $400ish to get it fixed/get a refurbished one. Also, D had only sent in the tablet, but they sent us a full set, which includes a pen worth about $100. So we were $40 ahead, including the shipping we paid, except for the frustration.

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NEW STUFF FOLLOWS!
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Okay, well... Back in April (yeah, two months ago), the 3-in-1 cable, which connects both the USB to the computer and the HDMI to the monitor, stopped working. This, of course, means that the tablet is unusable. At the time, the cable was out of stock on the site, so we looked around. The only place I could find it was eBay, and the reviews indicated that this isn't a Wacom product, and that the tablet doesn't recognize the HDMI. So no go. Plus, it was $100 instead of $35.

After a week or so, I emailed the customer service and was told that they were doing their best to get it back in stock. When I finally asked for an estimated time, they told me they didn't know for sure, so I contacted the guy from the BBB incident above. He told me that they were trying to get them back in stock by June.

TWO MONTHS! That is two months that an $800 piece of hardware is unusable. HOW CAN A TECH COMPANY GET AWAY WITH THIS?! It'd be like Apple not having their dang $80 chargers, and not only that, you can't even get a cruddy $25 knock-off to tide you over for a few weeks.

We waited until June, and the stock status didn't change. I emailed the guy again, and he told me he was being informed it'd be June 15-20. I'd actually emailed their general customer service many times from the webpage, just to bug them because they're getting on my nerves. I got an email from them yesterday, and it said, "Later this month or in July."

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.

D and I had actually talked about taking money out of the child support savings fund to purchase another freaking tablet, just to get that dang cord. We were going to wait until June 20 to make a decision, and then after I got that email yesterday with the "or in July," I started researching more.

I hadn't heard of the Artisul D13 before, but after looking at the reviews, everyone seems to consider it comparable to, and the first tablet to be so, Wacom's Cintiq 13HD. Also, it starts at $200 cheaper... but it's on sale $150 off right now. So guess what? I bought one. It should be here within the week.

We're done with Wacom.

I get that tech items are going to have periodic issues, but I feel like Wacom's been the industry standard for so long, they're either victims of their own popularity and can't keep up, or they just don't give a flying crap.

So I'm excited to get this thing and not have to check that 3-in-1 cable status page every day.

And if you're considering purchasing an art tablet, seriously, don't just read the reviews of the products. Really look at the customer service aspect of it. I would never recommend anything from Wacom to anyone. Thumbs down. No, thanks.

Stumbling into Your Destiny

This weekend, Daphne will turn 14. We shot this video in July 2009, when she was just seven years old.



In 2009, I'd never heard of "unschooling." I knew we were a lot more laid back than some of my other homeschooling friends.

In fact, once I was talking with one of Daphne's good friend's moms (follow that?) when she mentioned that they were really getting burnt out, because doing all of the coursework outlined in their curriculum was taking 8 or more hours per day. She said that they were working well after dinner, and that they were both just exhausted.

I said, "So, don't do some of the stuff." She looked puzzled. I said, "Just.. if your daughter clearly has something mastered, don't run it into the ground. If it's taking too long or is frustrating, just bag it for a while. No one's forcing you to keep their suggested schedule."

A few weeks later when we spoke again, she said she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She said they'd let go of their "finisher" mentality and were so much more relaxed, and having so much more fun.

At the time, we didn't have a set curriculum. Actually, we never had a set curriculum. I'd buy one of those all-inclusive "2nd grade" books at Sam's Club or on Amazon, and we'd be pretty good about hitting math at least three times a week. I think I tried doing spelling with Daphne for a few months once. We did a full course of "Harry Potter Science," and we did it in like two weeks because it was amazing.

I tried to teach her history, I really did. But she didn't like it, and I wasn't happy putting her through the motions and wasting my own time and energy, so... we didn't. (And before you're too shocked at how ignorant she might be about our human past, just know that my husband and I are both products of the same educational system and he knows a lot about history, whereas I'm as dumb as rocks. Difference isn't what we were taught, but our interest. I had none, he did. So he remembered.)

I tried studying science theoretically, but she wasn't interested in what she couldn't see and touch and study before her.

We did learn multiplication tables, mostly because of a super obnoxious CD set I bought. The 3, 6, 9 skip-counting song still pops into my head unbidden at times. Math was the only thing I ever really "pushed," and now I wish I hadn't. She cried a lot when she was little. I thought she was being lazy, staring off and taking 45 minutes to avoid a sheet of paper I knew it would take her 10 minutes to complete. Ugh. What a waste of our relationship. If I could go back and do anything over, it'd be officially unschooling from the beginning.

Oh, and bed-sharing. But that's a whole other thing.

Anyway, for the most part, I wasn't too concerned about "schooling." I wasn't going to teach Daphne cursive, but at some point she wanted to learn and asked. When she'd get frustrated, I was able to remind her that she is the one who wanted to study it, and she could stop if she was over it. She ended up sticking with it and can read cursive and write it about as neatly as I can, which is to say not very.

We went to the library and checked out books all of the time. She loved crafting books, and I liked them okay, but when I'd look at all of the materials we'd have to buy, it overwhelmed me. Not the price, but just finding every little thing in some big hobby store. Ugh. So when she decided she wanted to learn how to make balloon animals, I loved that idea! Balloons and a blower-upper I could do. (Oh, but in that video, you can see a couple of her crafts hanging on the wall.)

She spent hours for a week or so figuring that stuff out. It's noisy and the cats didn't much like it. There were a lot of burst balloons. There was a learning curve about stretching the balloons first so that you could manipulate air bubbles better and that kind of thing.

It never once occurred to me to: 1) Tell her to finish her "real" school before she did this. 2) Make this an official part of school and then force her to continue balloon-folding once her interest waned.

The result was that she had fun, she learned something on her own, and mastered it enough that she felt she could pass her knowledge and experience on to someone else.

To me, her doing that on her own was one of the more important lessons she's ever learned. Not that she can make stuff out of envelopes of air, but that if she's interested in something and wants to pursue it, she has all of the tools on her own to do what she needs to do.

After my divorce, when I had to work (and, seriously, I can't say enough how grateful I am and was for the opportunity to work for the Hejnys, who provided a private office for Daphne so she could come with me), it forced us further into the unschooling mode, as Daphne was mostly left to her own devices. She did some Time4Learning then, but she also made videos like this one.




I never showed her how to use my laptop like this; she just figured it out and kept herself amused. It's amusing to me, too. Sometimes, she'd need help with something, but I'd necessarily be busy, you know, working. I'd tell her that as soon as I had a break, I'd check it out. Very often, by the time I got around to assisting her, she'd have figured out the problem on her own and remedied it.

It helped me get even more comfortable with the reality that Daphne didn't really need me in order for her to learn anything. She just needed me to be around, to make opportunities happen, and to give her a hand if absolutely necessary. It's rarely necessary anymore.

Now, hopefully, I am making up for the hesitancy to buy things to fuel her artistic bent when she was younger. As Daphne spends the majority of her time drawing, and has for more than three years, we have stepped up her tools. First, a couple of years ago, we bought her a desktop (to replace her weakening laptop) and an upgraded graphics card that would handle both gaming and animation and drawing apps. Shortly after that, we got her a sort of entry-level electronic drawing tablet.

Then, for her birthday this year, we got her a tablet that actually has its own display. Setting it up and getting it fully functional took a couple of days. First, we had to get a USB extension. Then, we had to get HDMI-DVI converter. Twice because, well, long story, but anyway... it happened to render the USB extension useless, by the way, so if anyone needs one of those, or a male/male HDMI-DVI converter, hit me up.

Once she was finally displaying as she was supposed to, the only way we could figure out to make the tablet work right was to mirror her computer display, because when we tried to make the tablet an extension, the pen's "mouse" would only work on the computer screen. This seemed wrong, since the whole point was to be able to write on the tablet, and even when she was mirroring, the mouse was still on the screen instead of the tablet, even though it reproduced whatever she was doing on the tablet, as well.

I figured out how to configure that to work, but then on her drawing app specifically, the pen's mouse appeared about three inches below her pen point. I was having to do something with Mal for a while, and a bit later, Daphne hollered, "I'm not the only one who's had this problem!" And a bit later, "I fixed it!"

I was bragging on her to James, that she got her workstation up and running, and she joked, "Now I just have to learn how to draw."

She knows how to draw. She's taught herself. Through watching cartoons and videos and finding online skeleton references and base models. Through practice, practice, practice... she has a whole bookshelf full of used sketch books.

In fact, I put her in a total of one official art course, two summers ago, and she said that she didn't want to learn techniques from someone else because she liked developing her own style. Lesson learned. No more "classes." It's amazing how long it takes to break one from that habit, once you've subconsciously bought into the notion that if someone more expert than you doesn't pour their knowledge into you, you might not be learning it "right."

(And, honestly, my main thought was that the art teacher would have so much more stuff than we did - charcoals, paints, etc. - that Daphne might enjoy switching it up. She doesn't.)

That there is the story of how we came into full-fledged unschooling. I'm sorry Daphne had to endure the process as a first child. I'm interested to see how it plays out in Mal's life. And I really can't wait to see a picture off of that super amazing tablet...