Unschooling on the High Seas

Our last day on the cruise was an "at sea" day. I took a ship's tour (James was supposed to have gone, too, but then Mal didn't like the kids' club, so we had to choose a designated parent, and he volunteered to let me go; I accepted), and we did all of the "must-dos" that we wanted to hit. We didn't go to the pool at all, which is a little surprising, but it helped us not be sunburn-tired and our suits were drier when I packed.

What I wanted to note, however, was about how much my son brings up as games "drills" that many educators use in "teaching" kids in school.

When I came back from the ship tour, Mal and James were playing "rhymes." Mal picks a word and then, naturally, everyone takes turns thinking of words that rhyme with it. It's fun because Mal "gets" rhyming, but also then sometimes thinks that the same vowel sound in the middle of a short word means it rhymes, and we get to gently say, "That's close, but the end is different" so he can tweak it. And we only play as long as he wants to... which is generally longer than it's fun for us, as is with most things.

Another thing he likes to do is ask, "What words start with 'c'?" And he'll start with one: cookie, cat, cake, etc. Then, again, we just go around doing that until he is ready to move on.

Something he started after a few days of using the elevators was that we'd get on and he'd say, "Mom, there were three people on here, and now two guys got on. How many is that?" Usually, I'd guess wrong so he'd have to correct me. He'd finish up the lesson by saying, "It's five! Because three plus two equals five!" This activity was hampered a couple of times by his forgetting to count himself, which was also interesting.

The whole thing was fascinating to me because we've never introduced these things; it has been his idea. He is just curious about the world, and how things work, and how they fit. This learning and building has sprung from his natural curiosity... and I think we all know that is the BEST way (and most fun way) to learn things.

On the other hand, he has no idea how to shape most letters or numbers (he can do "1" and "l" and "0" and "o"). Before we left, he was taking a bath and we sprayed some shaving cream on the bathtub wall. He'd smooth it out and draw shapes on it. At first, he was asking, "What does this look like?" after he'd make a doodle. He liked the more ridiculous guesses best. I'd say, "It looks like someone was skiing down a mountain and fell and flipped three times." He'd laugh at that. But if I said, "It looks like a snake," he'd say, "No. Pick something else." But then he'd tell me what HE thought it looked like and it would be more literal: "It looks like Sonic's arm and he's making a fist."

Then he asked me to write his name. I said, "You know how to spell it. You write it." So he started to write the "M" by drawing two straight lines. And he knew they were supposed to meet in the middle somehow, but he wasn't sure how to do it. He made a little jut out of the first line, horizontally, toward the middle; then the same on the other side. It looked about like an "H" that had been cut in half and separated a bit. I finally showed him how to do the middle part.

He's working on figuring this stuff out. Just at a slower pace than my first child, and than other kids his age. I'm glad he doesn't have to compete with anyone in this regard. We don't have the arbitrary "one more year" deadline for kindergarten. Maybe he'll have gotten it by next fall; maybe he won't. I'm sticking with the self-directed program.

I do ask sometimes if he wants to get out this reusable marker book to practice letters, and he's never said yes. I'm not pushing it.

Something that keeps reinforcing this commitment, even when I waver, is Mal himself.

For instance, on our cruise, our assistant server was kind enough to bring Mal his own soda every night, even though we didn't pay for that (I had the unlimited soda package). The drink was served in stemware, and almost every time Mal reached for it, I felt a blanche of anxiety. "He's going to spill it!" my spine warned me.

Mal is pretty clunky with things sometimes. He CAN feed himself things like cereal and yogurt, but he has to REALLY be paying attention lest he ends up virtually swimming in it. He hates drinking straight from cups, preferring straws, even though I've seen that he CAN drink out of cups and bottles.

Still, those things seem like challenges to him, to the point that I often help him... which I am aware is aiding in any arrested development, if it exists, but also sometimes I'm just not in the mood to stop what I'm doing for a major cleanup on aisle everywhere.

Anyway, I wondered aloud to James if occupational therapy might help him. He doesn't draw or color, he paints only occasionally, never uses the chalkboard or easel, and I'm pretty sure that if he tried to brush his own teeth, he'd likely miss his mouth on the first approach. It seems like these are things that he should be doing at this age.

However... one of the dinner surprises Mal got on the cruise was a mini Etch-a-Sketch. He used that thing the whole meal, and the one the next night. He loved spinning those tiny knobs and showing us, "I made a 'P'!"

Then, yesterday, he did something he's NEVER done before.

Inspired by a video of a lady making-over LOL Dolls into characters from Teen Titans Go!, he wanted to make paper dolls. I was busy doing something else, so he decided instead just to cut paper. He made a MESSSSssssss but on and off yesterday, cut shapes and corners and just played around with scissor grasp and moving paper (because I told him to stop trying to cut the paper on top of our tablecloth, which he sliced... but which is vinyl because I know what I'm dealing with here).

He's never been interested in cutting things before. So that's one step toward developing more elegant fine-motor skills.

I guess I'll just be patient, because I think he's doing pretty well. And he's having a great time doing it.

I really am curious to see how my kids' ideas about learning and education look like when they're adults. I was just telling someone yesterday that I'm 100% sure I'll never do an organized educational program again, because after school and college, I was so burnt out, I was just done. I did real estate because I had to for a job, and then I studied the insurance stuff on my own... but both were basically mandatory and except for passing the tests, there was little joy in the process. It will be interesting to see if my kids pursue more organized educational opportunities, not having been exhausted by them in their early childhood.