Reluctantly Grateful

My great state of Texas did a thing recently that I do not agree with: They instituted a "voucher" program where parents can sign their students up and get $10,000 to apply to private school tuition. In every state where this has happened so far, public schools have suffered. Although my kids haven't been in public schools, I don't homeschool because we hate the school system! I think public education is important and that it needs to be fully funded to meet all of the students' needs, not just the median kids'. This means special ed, English as a second language, 2e, kids at nutritional risk, etc. etc. etc. Money that we pull out of that system to fund people who are already making other choices is unfair to the students who are staying behind in the catch-all schools. 

One other thing here is that the state is funding each student to the tune of $10k when the average in public schools in our state is closer to $6k AND these private schools don't have to be accredited and therefore do not have to perform on standardized testing in the way that public schools have to perform. It's not a fair system, and it seems pretty obvious that the point IS to hobble the public school system further so that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy about how much better "the market" can provide for students... when the fact is that there are some students private institutions cannot and will not take on. They just won't. It's the same as with the postal service: many addresses in the United States would not be worth it for a for-profit delivery service to take on, or else they would have to charge hundreds of dollars to deliver to the hard-to-reach areas.

So there you go: Mail and education are two things that should be level fields in the US. And we know education is not as schools in more affluent areas often have more resources, but at least that is the ideal and we should be moving more toward it instead of chipping away at it.

And yet.

As you've read about for the past 2 years: We are in a financial crunch. James might get to move to full time soon (or they're just dangling a carrot) and that will help immensely. 

But, given how things are, when the sign-ups opened, I put us on a waiting list. We were on "tier 3," which is a low priority for funding, and that was that. 

Then a couple of weeks ago, I got a notice that we'd been moved off of the waiting list and all we had to do was opt in to be funded for $2000 to spend at an online store full of approved educational items, classes, uniforms, etc. So I did. 

And now we have so many things in process, shipping, and that we've already received: a new globe (ours broke about a year ago), some STEM kits, crime scene science, space addition to our MagnaTiles, new crafting supplies like markers (I had just gone through and tested all of our markers and had thrown about 3/4 of them out) and self-stick foam sheets, a telescope, crystal-growing set, etc. etc. etc. Things that will make doing science and math easier. Some of the sets I bought are clearly meant for a small class or coop, so we'll be doing those things with our library group every so often. It's fun to be able to share!

Oh! One thing I got was a great set of magnet "toys" to do various magnet experiments. Last night, Malcolm and I spent a long time at the table stacking ring magnets on an upturned pencil so they'd hover and if you smashed them down, they'd bounce. It was very cool. D used to have the neatest magnets (I got rid of so much stuff when we moved, because I never planned to have another kid, much less homeschool again!) that I'd bought at a used curriculum fair for $5! This set was about $120, meaning I never would have bought it with my own cash money because... groceries and electricity and stuff.

So, yeah. I'm super grateful for the injection of materials our little schoolhouse is getting while still having really mixed feelings about it. It's basically like getting 1/4 of our property tax back. 

I was very surprised how much Abeka, The Good and the Beautiful, and Apologia materials I saw in this store that state funds are being used to purchase. I looked up some Spanish language supports (Malcolm has been doing Duolingo for a couple of years and is making progress) and one that  promised "Your student will speak Spanish in one year!" was called "Christ-Centered Spanish." What does that even mean?? 

Anyhoo... thanks to the great State of Texas, I suppose! My kid will be better equipped because of this.

There have been less weird weeks

Do you ever just have a time where it feels like you can't get your head above water?

Nothing terrible has happened this week. In fact, we've had some really sweet times with friends and amongst our household. But it's been... something else.

We were supposed to take Rudy to the vet to get his glucose monitor affixed on Monday, but the vet didn't sent a prescription for the monitor itself (we did get the insulin and the needles), so we had to wait until Tuesday.

Monday, Malcolm and I went to the last summer movie camp show of this season, Bad Guys 2. It was pretty cute.

Tuesday, D and I went to the vet with Rudy. They showed D how to give him his shots, and they jammed a pin into his hip. I mean, that's the business end of the glucose monitor, but it was a whole production. D said if they'd opened the unit to try to put it on themself, they'd have closed it right back and called the doctor to make an appointment. 

The first shot seemed to work, and Rudy's glucose got within range.

Also that day, Malcolm and I went to our regular library/park group and he was actually positively peer-pressured into swimming IN THE LAKE! He is not a lake boy by any means. They had a great time, though, and it was nice to be outside, even though it's been in the 90s all week.

Later in the day, I called the doctor's office because Rudy's glucose was still within range. They said that unless the glucose was below 100, go ahead and give him the next shot. We did... and then I woke up at 3 AM because Aish was acting weird. I looked and Rudy's glucose was near the bottom of the "green" zone and still going down. I was awake for about 2 hours before it started evening out. The monitor will send out an alarm if it gets below 55, but we wanted to avoid hypoglycemia. I finally went back to sleep when it looked like it was evening out.

The next morning, we skipped the shot since his glucose was below 100. After he ate breakfast, though, it started going up again. I did a lot of research and this doesn't seem to be normal. He reacts A LOT to insulin. 

On Wednesday, I was supposed to take Malcolm to Volente Beach, but I asked James if he'd do it so I could rest. I'd also learned that because I paired my phone with the app, my phone had to stay with Rudy or we couldn't get a reading on his glucose since it's a Bluetooth connection. Sigh.

BUT James got called in to work (we need the 8-hour shift!), so I took Malcolm. We had a nice time and, again, "touch grass" is a command because it works. 

Wednesday evening, Rudy's glucose was 350, D gave him a shot, and it tanked again. This time, we were both awake from 1 AM until 4 AM before his blood sugar leveled out and we were EXHAUSTED.

By the time we woke up, his blood sugar was going back up, and while D didn't want to give him a shot, I talked them into it. Two hours later, James took Rudy in to the vet because Rudy was having trouble keeping his legs under himself. We'd given him some corn syrup but it wasn't moving the needle. The vet sent him back home, saying he seemed fine, but that we could bring him back in if he was hypoglycemic... which he was, and we did so ???

Low blood sugar is an acute situation that can cause death. High blood sugar is a long-term situation that can eventually lead to organ failure and diabetic ketoacidosis. I was beginning to feel crazy and hopeless. I think it was the sleep deprivation.

James told me he thought I'd smeared some eye makeup under my left eye, but it was just dark bags from two nights with incredibly interrupted sleep. I felt like a newborn parent whose baby is very ill. 

During that time, James DID take Malcolm to Lago Vista to the swimming pool. When they got there, though, they were told that a kid in swim practice threw up and they'd need 15 minutes to clean out the pool. They went to the hardware store and when they came back, they were told that actually, a supervisor was coming in from Austin so it would be another hour or two. 

James had to work at 6, it was already 2:15, so they came home. Malcolm was so disappointed.

Now that I knew that my phone had to stay at the house, I messaged the whole Friday Urban Air crew to see who was going to be there, since I wouldn't be reachable once we left the house. One family was going to see a movie, one family is out of town, but the other family said they'd be there. Friday plans in the bag.

The vet said to change Rudy to only a half unit of insulin, and only to give it to him when his glucose is over 300. We saw it going up last night, but we needed to sleep so didn't give him a shot.

Malcolm had a very emotional time, loving on Rudy and worrying about his dying. "I can't imagine life without him."

This morning (Friday), D gave Rudy barely .5 unit and it worked; he just needs a TINY drop more to get him into the green zone before it finally bottoms out and is steady. It seems more hopeful today than it did yesterday. 

Malcolm and I went to Urban Air and about 10 minutes after we arrived, I got a text (via my computer and wifi; I wasn't sure that would work until it did) from the ONE PERSON who said they'd be at Urban Air today that she just couldn't get out of bed and her kid didn't feel like coming. BIG SIGH.

Anyway, if you're wondering how we're affording all of this diabetic care for Rudy... we're liquidating one of our old accounts. It's just money, right? And actually, if we don't keep having to take Rudy in to the vet, switch meds, and all of that junk, the actual insulin and accouterments will be less expensive than the food we're feeding our senior cats! Did I mention that D is pitching in? They're really stepping up for this thing.

Now we have a weekend that will hopefully be pretty quiet. It's hot, so we'll be doing a lot of staying inside, except when James has to work in the garden center and when I have to water plants. 

Here are bookends of my day today: Sunrise walk, and golden hour plant-watering. 

This is my neighborhood and I get to see stuff like this on the regular. #blessed

This is my view when I'm squatting down filling my watering can at the rain barrel.

Rudy's New Diagnosis

 

This little idiot gots the diabetus.

We found out Wednesday and have been scrambling the rest of the week to get things ready to start him on insulin Monday. 

YES, insulin. For our cat. Because other than the diabetes (technically super high blood and urine glucose), he's very healthy for a 17-year-old cat.

Initially, I was overwhelmed. First is finding an insulin dose that works. After that process (expensive because every 10 days we have to buy a new glucose monitor AND take him in to the vet to get it placed three times), he has to have two shots of insulin every day for the rest of his life. 

Honestly, I can't do it. I can't commit to that. He could live 5-7 more years and I already have so much on my plate.

So D has stepped up and said they can manage his care, with me as a backup. James will do what he can, but his work schedule is so random and Rudy will needs shots at pretty much the same time every single day.

The last time Rudy went to the vet was about a year ago, and he had some kidney function issues, but those have actually improved (probably because of the copious amounts of water he's drinking). We took him in this time because he's going through the whole diabetic playbook: weight loss, extreme thirst, always being famished, sleeping all of the time (in all fairness, he has slept most of the time, anyway; but now he's lethargic even when he's awake). 

We've already changed his food to a high-protein, low carb wet food. He and Aish both seemed to like it at first, but weren't thrilled with it this morning. I finally got Rudy to eat a full serving, but Aish wasn't desperate enough. We'll feed her the same as what we feed Rudy, for now, because it's a senior formula and not a prescription food for diabetes. The higher protein and lower carbs might help her keep muscle mass that Rudy seems to have lost.

D is getting all of the supplies today, Sunday will be a little break in the action, and then Monday morning we head to the vet for shot coaching. Whew, I'm already tired and we haven't even started. So grateful that D is taking point on this because otherwise, we'd just be doing the diet change and hoping for the best. 

As I say with our trips: If our financial house of cards falls down, the couple thousand we're spending on this little adventure wouldn't have made the difference. Huzzah and happy weekend!

Time Machine

In looking for something else, I found an essay I'd written back in the fall of 2012, months after James and I had started dating and months before we got married. It still holds true today, so I'm going to post it:

Sometimes I Feel Like I Don’t Have a Partner
November 15, 2012

“I hope you find whatever it is that you’re looking for.”

This is one of the last things that my ex-husband told me before I moved to Austin. He seemed genuinely baffled, as though I’d always been looking for something that he couldn’t give me, and maybe in a way this is true. But I’ve always known what I wanted, and I thought that I was pretty clear in communicating this to him… over and over and over for years and years. But it was apparently still a mystery to him.

This week, I went on vacation with D and James. When we got to the condo, James helped carry everything up, and when he saw that I was unpacking in my room, he went into his room to unpack. He told me, “If it were just me, I’d leave everything laying around.”

He wanted to help when I was cooking our meals. He wanted to go when D and I went to the playground to hang out. He was disappointed this morning when he learned that I’d taken the cooler down instead of letting him do it.

When we got to the trailer, he helped get everything in and helped put things away, get the laundry started, and made sure that I didn’t need anything else before he sat down to work on the computer.

I get the mess that is missed e-mail, and in our case NaNoWriMo catch-ups, and work that is now backlogged and all of that… so I never resent the need to get back to real life when vacation is over. But I didn’t realize fully how much I had missed and how nice it was to have someone to help me reacclimatize so that I could do the same.

I have, for my whole life, wanted a partner. I have wanted someone who was different enough from me that we’d have interesting conversations and be able to enjoy each other’s viewpoints, but who was willing to work with me to be a team. Andy tried to argue with me when we saw things differently. Ken was the same way. It wasn’t enough that I had an opinion or a thought that perhaps I’d very carefully considered before coming to the conclusion I had reached. I was wrong and needed to be taught how to think correctly. When I didn’t agree, there was a breakdown in community. We could never agree to disagree and then get on with life.

Ken in particular took my differences of opinion as disunity. I did not understand that. I wasn’t threatened or offended by his differences.

I was lonely, though. I wrote him letter upon letter about wanting company, about wanting someone who seemed to enjoy being around me, who liked spending time with me and would be “there” when he was there. 

This might not be something he was able to provide. It made for a lonely existence.

When Ken was with me, and later with D and me, he could be in the moment for a while, but then he would retreat into whatever reality he preferred and we were left to our own devices. This is fine now, when I expect it to be just D and me, but it was horribly sad when my expectation was that we were supposed to be in it together.

So often, it was him versus me. I never understood this. I never got why he would be so frustrated when I was happy or having a good time. This is one thing I especially appreciate about James. If I got the opportunity to spend a week in Europe with Rockapella or Weird Al or a group of girlfriends, James would be at the airport seeing me off with a big smile on his face and yelling behind me things like, “Take lots of pictures!” “Bring me back some good cheese!” “I’ll miss you!” Then he’d get on with his life that week, miss me a lot, and be very happy to see me when I returned.

What I just described sounds normal, as though of course this is what would happen. When you live with someone who isn’t your partner, though, there is a shift in reality, so that it is just slightly “off.” First of all, Ken never would have let me go to Europe without him because he would be afraid that I would do something “stupid.” If I were to go anyway, he’d sit at home all week, checking Facebook updates and pictures, and getting more and more angry with me. He might send an email message telling me to enjoy my trip because I was never going on a trip again.

When I got home, he’d have let the house get horribly messy, and he wouldn’t help me bring anything in from the car, and he would likely ignore me for a week.

This was my reality. I never went to Europe without Ken, but I was punished for being happy. I was made to feel guilty when I enjoyed life outside of my house. I was viewed with suspicion and resentment. And all that I wanted was a partner.

This is why, I believe, I fell into such deep “love” with my dearest friend after my marriage was over. My friend said that he was attracted to me, and the deep respect for and work ethic he had regarding marriage were extremely attractive to me. I thought that if the two of us got together, we could have an incredible partnership. Only it was going to cost him too much, so he backed out. The problem was that I had already fallen hard and fast for the idea of having a functional family, and all of the meals and reunions and fun outings and even the stress that goes with that.

I got caught in a repeating loop of need and wants and trying to talk someone unwilling to partner with me into doing so against his better judgment.

This time, though, things are different. I can feel it. James is an admitted introvert, and being “with people” is a challenge for him. After spending four full days in all-out family vacation mode, though, he said he didn’t feel like climbing the walls. That’s incredible. And he was in the moment the whole time, except for zoning out at dinner trying to figure out a plot device he’d used.

The point is that I never felt lonely. James wrote over 17,000 words during the days that we were on vacation, and we still spent more time together and had more conversation and hung out and played games and were genuinely together in a way that I have never experienced before. I feel like I’m heading toward something immense. And I am grateful.

All I have wanted my entire life is to have a partner, to have someone with me to share things and to show me things and to be with me. For the first time in years, I believe that this dream has a possibility of coming true.

For the first time in my life, I can watch a romantic movie and not be pensive; I can actually be happy for the lovers, and imagine how they feel. That might sound sappy and stupid, but that has never been an experience that I have had. I’ve never felt secure in any relationship that I have ever had, even the better of them.

I have always been afraid that I was one screw-up or prettier girl from losing. And I’m not scared anymore.

So I suppose that the most amazing thing about James is that I trust him. I trust him with my heart. I have given it to him completely, and I am not worried that he will be careless with it or unequal to the task.

James is a strong man, with very different experiences and views than mine. But he will make it right if he thinks I’ve misunderstood him. He will call me and say, “We’re so not breaking up over this.” He is willing to work. He has worked. He has proven himself truer in the most stressful of situations, and we continue to get stronger as a team. I love him. He loves me. We have acknowledged that neither of us is perfect, but that we are both perfect for each other.

It’s taken me half of my life, but I have a partner. Happy mid-life to me.

Fourteen years ago...

 

... a photographer and incredibly talented acquaintance from D's gym, Gabrielle, offered to do a photoshoot with me. She also wanted to style me, fix my hair, and do my makeup. She brought some stuff (including this floofy skirt) and looked through my closet (the shirt and shoes) and came up with three looks, changing makeup and hair for each. It was a fun few hours, and it really meant a lot to me.

I knew at that point that I was going to leave Sherman, and it was a neat little bow to put on the end of my time there.

When I look at these pictures, which include a bunch taken around my RV and in the park where I lived, I can remember exactly how I felt, why I was leaving, what my heart ached for, and what a "dead end" sign seemed to be posted on the road to where I believed my happiness lay. 

This was a world without Mal in it. A world where I'd spent the past year and a half of my life trying to get my church, my world, to approve of me. A world where James was just a guy I'd had a crush on in high school. A world where I could not imagine where my only (at the time) child would take me over the next decade.

In this picture, it seems like I'm looking back and resting for a minute before embarking on a whole new life: moving to Austin, growing my family, finding a community in a tiny town I never heard of before we came to look at a house I saw online. 

I'm not friends with ANYONE from those days. I'm not in touch with a soul from Sherman. I cannot see how any of my acquaintances would fit into my world anymore. After trying so hard to jam my square peg into the round hole I desperately wanted in, I cannot imagine something that sounds worse to me now. 

As always, onward and upward.

First time for everything, and how I'm saving money now that it looks like this financial situation is permanent

About a year ago, our local library was hiring a part-time library aide. I applied, the process took months, and I never even got an interview, even though several people acted like I was going to.

Unfortunately, that employee did not work out and got fired just before the holidays. 

I'd learned that he apparently had gotten the job because he was able to do tech support and explain computer stuff to the library patrons. Knowing that, I brushed up my resume to include a WAY BACK job from more than 25 years ago where I... provided tech support to casinos and other clients in Las Vegas.

This time, at least, I got an interview. I hadn't heard anything when we left on vacation (two months after I'd applied, and several weeks after my interview), but when we got back, I saw a social media post and knew immediately that someone had been hired.

I feel like this person is a better fit, but I'm kind of bummed because we could have used the money, part time as it was. Plus, I could walk to work. I am not ready to get a job where I'd need to 1) buy a car and 2) leave Mal in a town alone. 1431 closes down too often, and I am not ready to make an 11-year-old responsible for navigating a forest fire or no electricity when it's 100 degrees out.

Incidentally, I might never have had this worry but in 2021 when we had a bad freeze, there was a guy from across the highway who ran into Cedar Park to check on his jewelry storefront and by the time he tried to get back home, the road was closed and troopers would not let him through, even though he explained that his 10-year-old was home alone. Our electricity went out and the roads were impassable for days. I have no idea how that turned out but I would like to avoid that situation.

So, the "first time for everything": I have gotten every job I have ever really wanted. I have even been told no, they weren't going to go with me and then came back to them with something my dad (an HR specialist) mentioned they did wrong in the interview and rather than deal with a lawsuit, they did end up hiring me. They also tried to frame me for theft, but I outsmarted them (on accident, which I guess isn't "smart" per se but just fortunate that I was as pragmatic as I was and didn't use or take home the key they gave me one day because I never needed it).

For an overachiever like me, a job rejection hurts. I can't imagine the dozens of times James went through it over the past two years. Ugh.

NOW. 

I've been poor before, and while we're not in crisis yet, I want to avoid that. Our expenses outpace what James makes by quite a bit. So here are some things I'm scaling back on that I've done before when money wasn't plentiful:

1) We're back to Supercuts or Great Clips. I'm very lucky that my hair got wavy because it's easier to cut and style now! So it's $25 cuts instead of $60-80 cuts for me. James never gets his hair (except that time I had a mystery shop specifically for a man's salon where they do face massages and stuff; it was cool!) and D pays their own stylist, so it's just Mal and me, and we both get our hair trimmed about every 9 months. 

2) No more boutique food splurges. Piroshky Piroshky is a fabulous bakery out of Seattle. They travel down to Austin once a year or so, and we used to order $100ish worth of items from them to enjoy for a week or so. No more. Same thing with Doughees (which seems to be closed, anyway, but from which I used to order once or twice a year), Fat and Weird Cookies, and any food subscription period. Instead, I try recipes I find online and have recently made conchas for the first time, and a big old cookie with chocolate chunks and caramel chunks. I'm thinking about making an Easter basket cake for Easter. We're not buying expensive treats anymore.

3) I'm not getting energy drinks, even as a splurge. They're $1-2 per can (more usually, but I only got them on sale even when I was buying them). Instead, I get Great Value Energy Drink Mix, which is just under $.20 per serving. What's crazy is that Celsius sells a powdered drink mix but it's still over $1 per serving! Stop!

4) I would grab take-out for the whole family once a week or so, and I have just stopped doing that. Maybe once a month now? But usually, I'm just cooking... unless Domino's has half price pizza and then only Mal and I are usually at all excited about that. With James and D often working full days, I'm having to do lunches, too. D would just suffer without at-work calories, but James works near a bunch of food options, so we're trying to prevent temptation (it helps that his lunch is only half an hour and honestly, it's hit or miss whether you can get a full meal from Whataburger in that time frame).

5) We're definitely cutting back on our trips now that we're back from Mexico. We can't make up the $20k a year I'd have made if I'd gotten the library job, but we can recover a chunk of it by reining this in for a while. I'll be on the lookout for sales and deals, of course. But we'll be staying closer to home for a bit.

One good thing in that regard is that one of Mal's friends moved into our neighborhood earlier this year, and they're having a great time running around being big kids. Yesterday, they'd gone on a walk and when they came back, I was surprised to see a third friend with them... she lives on the other side of the lake, and I was very confused about how she'd joined them, but apparently her parents had driven her over. Having home and the 'hood be a social outlet makes staying home even more appealing.

6) I stopped taking Minoxidil a few months ago. I'd started it when I was losing a LOT of hair, I thought because of perimenopause? I was just going to take it until I'd gotten through to menopause. But what I realized is that I was probably losing hair because of hyperparathyroidism, which I don't have anymore, thanks to surgery 2 years ago.

I went through this whole cycle of when I started taking it, my hair barely shedded! I started having baby hair, and that was a drama. Then after about a year, my hair started falling out at what I'd say was a "normal" rate, and I wondered about whether the meds were still working. I changed to a topical rather than a pill, and I was still losing some hair. So I decided that I could save $175 every 5 months by just stopping and see if maybe now that my hair is wavy, I could absorb some hair loss without it being so shocking. 

I had what I think was an extinction burst where I lost A LOT of hair but now it's stabilized and it's fine. Plus, I've had a lot of talks with myself about how I got to a place of body neutrality where I don't feel like I need to do anything about my weight. I don't wear much makeup (saw a video of me from a few years ago yesterday and it seemed weird that I had eye shadow on!). I dress how I want to. So why was I so caught up in the hair loss, which is also a normal part of aging? I guess I'm just a hypocrite.

Ha ha. Here's a picture of money. I posted it because I was trying to think of something to go with this theme, which is... money. And also, last night Mal was showing James something on his iPad and accidentally dropped it on his face, knocking a baby tooth loose that wasn't ready to come out before. But it's probably going to happen pretty soon! He's currently trying to save money to buy a $80-ish LEGO Star Wars set. This is another change; he's going to have to save up for it on his own because he has so many LEGOs already and we just can't chip in this time. Wish him luck!

CDMX!

I had a whole thing written up about our travel from Jonestown to Ciudad de México, but let's get real: No one cares.

We're having a great time. We've already seen so much and eaten such good food. We've found the people to be kind and forgiving of our meager attempts to communicate in Spanish. 

I'm too tired to do a whole round-up, but here are a few random thoughts I've had:

1) WOW, these people know how to drive. A lot of streets have no lines. Many intersections are crosspoint of 5 different streets. Traffic lights seem to be suggestions. However... everyone seems to be getting where they're going pretty safely as far as we've seen. I'm GLAD we didn't try to rent a car!

2) I feel like I'm seeing a lot more people walking with canes than I usually do, even in densely-packed urban areas. Thinking about that made me realize that Biblioteca Vasconcelos has some of the most overt and neat accessibility infrastructure I've ever seen in a public building like that. There are tactile "rows" on the floor that show where to go for someone with limited vision using a cane. They have ridges but when there's an intersection or turn, there is a tile with bubbles instead of rows. They go throughout the library including into the restrooms. Outside of the braille room, they have a gorgeous tactile sculpture of a seaside beach with very delightful detailing. Yay for accessibility. 

3) Nacho cheese Doritos in Mexico are more peppery than nacho cheese Doritos in the US. Mal thinks they're more spicy, James said he tastes a bite. I only ate one and what hit me was that it tasted more like a pepper tastes.

4) I was prepared not to be able to find public restrooms (at least for free use) but I think it's even harder to find public trash cans! I've located a few, but mostly we just carry our trash until we get home.

5) It's interesting to see how many buildings and homes have their own roof-mounted water "towers" to deal with the inconsistent water availability here. 

6) I don't understand how Uber drivers make any money when the price of gas is more than twice what it is in the US, and the rides are less than half the cost the same rides would be in the US.

7) The Health Ministry isn't playing. 

We got some room snacks and they have big old health warnings about excessive calories, sugar, salt, and saturated fats. Doesn't stop us from eating them, but it is interesting.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts but that's it for now. Que tanga un buen dia!

Or maybe THIS was the "best day ever"?? /s

Today was a day off for James.

It was also the third and final day that D had an appointment before work. 

It was also open gym for Mal.

The kind of stuff I see every morning, but this was specifically today.

I got up, walked, and then was getting ready for my day when I heard an explosion and our power went out. 

As I was reporting that, I got a message from D that the car had crapped out, they'd gotten it pulled over, and once it was off, it wouldn't restart.

They got an Uber to take them on to their appointment, so I started getting ready to go pick them up. I asked James if he wanted to go with me to see if he could restart the car before we had it towed somewhere.

During this, I asked if Mal wanted to go with us or stay home. He decided to stay at the house until I reminded him that without the internet, he wouldn't have a way to get in touch us, so he elected to accompany us.

We went to the restaurant where D had parked the car, we couldn't start it, and I called AAA. James and Mal stayed and had breakfast while I went out to get D.

D's appointment took a while, so in the meantime, Mal and James got the car squared away, walked across the street to a grocery store, then went to the bank to order some pesos for our upcoming trip. From the bank, they could see a frozen custard store and decided they needed that.

Mal and James were walking across a parking lot to find a bathroom to wash their custard-y hands when we found them. We then came home, D went to work, James got some day off rest, and Mal and I hung out in his room for a while. 

Now it's pretty early but I'm very tired. The garage said they'd maybe get to our car Saturday but it might be Monday, so it's a good thing that D doesn't work at Ross anymore and can walk to their work now. 

Oh, and our electricity was restored while we were out and about. I had loaded the washing machine (with the second of 3 loads of wash I needed to get done today) and turned it on before we left, just in case the power came back on whilst we were away. It worked! The basket of clothes was clean and ready to dry upon our return!

What I have done today...

 ... At this moment, I'm standing at the kitchen counter waiting for my Instant Pot to come up to pressure. Because I'm boiling water! Yay! We're under a boil water notice! Freezes in a small town with old water infrastructure are SO MUCH FUN.

At least it's pretty out there!

This morning, I got up and got some breakfast for James so he could take his meds, then was headed out for a walk when I realized that both D's and James's cars were undriveable due to ice on the windshields. I came back in, got the keys, and went to work on both. D and James both worked today, but while I was scraping, D messaged me that their blood draw had been postponed as the lab was delaying opening for a few hours. 

I concentrated on James's vehicle, then moved it to the street so he could go down our walkway instead of having to walk all the way around the house. Problem there is that the walkway had refrozen overnight, but I did not have time to deal with it before James had to go, and told him to use his crutches in the grass. He made it!

D's car was stuck in the ice, a problem for later.

I managed to get in a pretty good walk. I had wanted to go down to the lake because there was a lot of steam rising off of the water, but I couldn't get down the hill safely. I did a big loop of the neighborhood, saw that D's work parking lot was like a skating rink, and came back home.

I made myself some breakfast and was finishing up when D was ready to go to work. I helped rock the car out of the rut and D was on their way.

We were running out of food and Mal was up and hungry, so I started using the three potatoes we had left to make him some oven fries. In the meantime, I used two heels of bread (the only white bread we had left) to make him some cinnamon toast.

D got off of work and headed into town to do labs, and I went outside to try to clear the walkway. Most of the ice was slushy, though some of it still needed a shovel to help it calve off. I spent about an hour banging ice with a shovel, getting up under large pieces and prying them up, and then using a push broom to move it into the grass. Good exercise, and I wasn't even a little bit cold!

The group that usually meets at the library on Tuesdays decided to have a virtual meetup because 1) the library was closed and 2) at least one person couldn't get out of their driveway yet because it's steep. Mal, Canyon, Blake, Kona, and Alota had a nice couple of hours hanging out online!

Leading up to this, Kona had quite the adventure: She'd gone to a friend's house for a sleepover Saturday night and couldn't leave Sunday because of the roads. Things thawed a bit yesterday afternoon, but her parents still couldn't come get her: parents live at the bottom of a big icy hill and friend lives at the top of a big, icy hill. This morning, everything had refrozen and the overnighter had turned into a three-nighter.

Fortunately, Kona's sister has a friend whose dad had realized that by letting some air out of the tires, he could get around in his big truck pretty well. He drove out to Kona's friend's house and waited for Kona at the bottom of the icy hill. Kona packed up her stuff and sledded down to him! 

Back to my day: it was time to start on dinner and, like I said, we had little food. I googled "pantry-friendly pasta sauce" and found this. As I was making it and had decided to do the whole "cook the pasta in the sauce" thing, I received the aforementioned boil water notice, so I spent about an hour boiling 6 gallons of water I had hoarded when I heard our water might be turned off completely. I used the induction burner and the Instant Pot, and can report that the burner wins the speed test on boiling a gallon of water by about 4 minutes.

Good news for Mal is that the boil order means no bath for him tonight (he likes to play in the tub, and I don't want him accidentally ingesting bacteria that might make him sick). They said not to even brush teeth with the tap water until further notice.

Mal spent a good deal of time today walking around the neighborhood, enjoying the last of the frozen stuff. He walked for quite a long time Sunday, to the point that I got in the car to go get him at one point, because he'd been out for almost an hour without checking in, when he'd been sure to pop in every half hour or so before that.

Yesterday, we'd tried to walk and realized it was a LOT worse, having melted and refrozen, so he had to stay in the yard all day Monday.

Today, he got to walk a bit more, and he wore his AirTag this time, in case I needed to verify his general vicinity.

James got home and had dinner, then we watched "Stumble" and are winding down. I'm hoping Mal's gym is open Thursday, because we're at risk of catching cabin fever over here.

Eeeeee! It's almost time!

About a year ago, we started planning what was to be our last "big trip" until James got a job.

Well, he has a job now and this is STILL going to be our last "big trip" because this is such a major pay cut, and I'm not even mad about that part. I'm grateful! But our trips for the next few years will be a lot closer to home, places we can drive, and we're putting Chile off maybe until Mal is turning 18.

Where are we going? Here:

Yay! Ciudad de México!

Hopefully our years of Spanish will pay off, and hopefully our host country won't want to pay us back for what our country is doing to their compatriots who are here in the US. It's infuriating and embarrassing to be from the US right now, honestly. Sorry if that offends anyone, but we are being TERRIBLE neighbors, we are breaking laws, we are violating human rights. 

Last night I was looking at the plan I've made and told James, "I'm really disappointed; we don't be able to see all of Mexico City in the 2 weeks we're there!" Of course, I already know this. But I like to have a lot of options on the table so we can not waste time on the ground trying to figure out where to go and what to do. 

A lot of museums are closed on Mondays, for instance, and it helps to know that before you get there so you can plan other things on those days. Some days there are deals for locals, and that's great to know if you don't want to visit somewhere that might be more busy than usual. Other places are hyped up as "must see" that after some investigation, you realize are mostly tourist traps or for rich people, and that there are better places to visit or try. 

So I enjoy learning things and seeking out the best things for our family to experience. And I'm super excited that after almost a year of planning (I bought our airline tickets in April 2025!), it's right there on the horizon.

Also, as per usual, we have a house-sitter so don't think you're going to come break in while we're gone.

We will be staying at three different spots in town, so we can have bases of operation close to where we plan to visit. We'll be walking a lot and using public transit as much as possible. But some places, where it might be 10 minutes to drive or 45 minutes by bus, we'll just take an Uber or Didi. I'm hoping James's gout clears up ASAP and he's going to be taking tart cherry supplements for it from here on out.

Also, we have to stay ahead of Achilles tendonitis, which acted up when we were in Montreal but not when we were in New Orleans. We learned a lot on the Montreal trip! Namely that we need to avoid steps as much as possible (which is difficult when using a subway, but Mont Royal was the thing that probably really kicked him off), James needs to wear ankle supports, and he also needs to take an analgesic in the morning and with lunch. Doing that, even though we walked a ton in Louisiana, he didn't have a flare-up. 

He didn't bring the ankle supports on our cruise, and he ended up needing to borrow my dad's cane after a few days. I had to run into town at Cozumel just to get him some steroids to jump-start his recovery (which we learned later were 10x the dose he'd been given before, but we didn't have internet access and fortunately he lived).

Anyhoo... Yay for travel and it'll be a different kind of fun to plan the least expensive trips I can plan again in the future. For real!

More about that

I am sitting in the parking lot of The Home Depot waiting for James to get off work. Driving him to and picking him up from work was not on my agenda for the day, but while his knee is getting better, swelling in his ankle and stress on that area from how he's had to hold his lower leg to prevent pain in his knee means that he's wearing a boot. When he got into the car this morning, he realized that he probably couldn't drive with the boot but he definitely could not hold his knee at the correct angle to be able to drive at all.

I think he's a trooper for continuing to go to work, and very fortunate that he still has training to do so they are putting him on a computer to ensure that he won't be walking around all day.

It is helping me realize that I really enjoy not doing anything. Most of my days start pretty early. I usually get out of bed between 6:00 and 6:30, go on a walk, feed the cats, and get ready for my morning by getting some caffeine and doing some puzzle games online while everyone else is still asleep.

Since Malcolm stays up much later than I do at night, this is the one time during the day that is truly mine.

Except for right now. And I'm not mad, but I am tired.

When I first get up, I am making James some breakfast so he can take whatever medications he needs to take. If he has to go to work, we make sure that he is dressed before I leave for my walk. He has trouble putting on one of his socks and also getting his pant leg over his foot. He can't bend his knee very far, and his foot actually hurts now. 

After that is done, I do go on my walk. But this morning by the time I got home, I needed to help James get into the boot before he left. 

When he was out the door, I went in the bedroom to get dressed and ready to start my day with some caffeine and breakfast. I knew that someone had texted me, but I didn't have a chance to check it. He was halfway back to to the house (he is going the long way through the yard because the stairs on the side of the house nearest the vehicles are very deep) before I realized that he was telling me he could not drive the car.

I left a note for Mal and drove James to work, then went back and finally had breakfast at around 10 AM, which is super late for me.

Then I cleaned the kitchen and the bathrooms, my normal Friday chore.

When I finished, the groceries were arriving. I put those up then it was time to start on lunch because I wanted it ready when James came home, and also before D has to go to work at three.

Today, we are having a baked rotini, marinara, and cheese dish with a side of green beans. I had the pasta in the oven for about half an hour before I had to leave, so I did get to sit down and do my puzzles right around noon.

James should be out of the car at any minute, and then we'll go home and have lunch. I need to get Mal to Urban Air at 4 PM today, and then when we get home I will need to clean the litter boxes and feed the cats. This is something that James has been doing for about the past year, but he just can't right now.

When I write this out, it kind of just seems like a normal day. But it helps me see how much James does do around the house, for himself and for the rest of us.

One thing I did get to do this week was visit the newly-reopened Hope Outdoor Gallery.
It's near the airport now, and I swung by on my way to get D, who was coming back from Minnesota.

Caretaking

You guys. I'm tired!

Want to hear something I don't like doing? Talking on the phone! 

Want to hear what I did most of this morning? NOT talk on the phone, but wait on hold. 

And also, talk on the phone.

First, I need to let you know that for the first time in more than 8 years, James has come down with a case of gout. His right knee is so swollen, the doctor measured it at 1.5 inches wider around than his normal knee!

He just started his new job at Home Depot on January 1, and of course it involves a lot of walking around and standing at a register... and he's on crutches.

If I could have blurred this until you clicked on it, I would have.

So. Today.

First, I got a phone call a bit after 9 from my eye doctor. Last week, I'd ordered contacts from them and had gotten a whole year's worth because there was a pretty substantial rebate in that case. I had tried to file the rebate, but it said that my purchase wasn't eligible as the paperwork the office had given me was for last year. I'd left a message asking them to get back with me with the correct code, and they did! Yay! So I talked to their office first.

Then I called my doctor's office because I'm out of a medication I reordered on January 2, knowing I'd run out this past weekend. I realized on Sunday morning that I was out and hadn't even thought to follow up; they were just supposed to be delivered. Walgreens had in their records that they'd ordered the refill on January 5; my doctor said they don't show anything for months (I get a 3-month supply at a time). My doctor's office said they'd send in a new prescription.

I had to call Walgreen's, too, because I had put the order as delivery and now I need them to keep it so I can go in and pick it up ASAP. I've missed 2 days already. Fortunately, this isn't the thyroid meds or I'd be very ill by now! I don't sleep on that one.

NEXT, I got a message from D, who is in Minneapolis right now, asking if I could call their doctor to reschedule an appointment that got auto-scheduled for when they'll be on the plane home. They were out and about and didn't want to have to give personal information out in public. I called their doctor's office but then they couldn't help because D's an adult and I'm not on any authorization list. I tried.

But THAT reminded me that I haven't gotten the ID card for D's new Marketplace insurance, and they're going to need it. Allegedly, I can get it online, but that hasn't worked because they want me to set up a new profile for the plan, but D already has a profile with the provider because that's their existing doctor. 

So I called, and was able to order the ID cards. Again. But I wanted to talk to someone about how to print out a card in the meantime. I was on hold for more than half an hour. Mal showed me some videos, I did some stuff online, and after nearly one full hour... I somehow hung up when I moved my phone! 

Despondently, I called back. This time, I got routed somewhere that an automated voice gave me a group number and an ID, which I've never heard before. I tried adding that to the existing profile and... we wait.

Then I tried to call the VA to see if there were any way that I could come pick up the sleep study that James was supposed to go get today since he can barely walk. But infamously, the local VA clinic does not answer the phones. I still did wait on hold after they tried to patch me through. 

I drove James to the VA, but surprise, his appointment wasn't at our local one. He knew this back when he made the appointment, but he'd forgotten and I didn't even check. We weren't going to drive into far east Austin after all of that, so we just came home and the doctor called him.

After that, the doctor wanted James's old sleep study. He hasn't been to a regular doctor in years, since his primary care physician moved to another practice, so we decided we'd get in touch with their office to have them send EVERYTHING to the VA. I called them, and that didn't work. They had an option to chat online, so I tried that.

They asked me the practice name, so I guess it's a medical group? But then it turns out that since James went there, it's gone through two takeovers and is now managed by a huge hospital group in Austin. I have no idea who to contact or how to get his records now, but I did spend some time this afternoon trying to figure that out.

In the meantime, I made James a crunchwrap for breakfast. Mal just had leftover pizza. 

I had to water all of my outdoor trees and plants because it hasn't rained appreciably since the beginning of November. Mal played outside for a bit while I was out there. We also worked on a diorama of a level of Super Mario U based on Stone Eye Habitat. And played Uno. 

Mal is in a stage of wanting me to get and bring him all of his food, which he had gotten away from and I have to say it's stressing me out. I tell him to take care of himself quite often, but still just being on the receiving end of the constant asking takes some of my energy. 

I'm cleaning out the litter boxes while James is unable to access them. I did them exclusively for a long time, but a year or so ago, James offered to take over. Weirdly, I don't miss it.

I made James a big salad for dinner, and he's up and rattling around now (literally: the crutches). 

Mal really wants me to go look at D's hamster with him. 

We need to listen to a Spanish podcast.

I'm just tired and I want to do nothing/whatever I want to do the rest of the day. But that's not how it's going to go, so it's time to woman up and do all of the things before bedtime.

Did you know that I've been a professional expediter?

It's true!

I hadn't thought about that for years, but James texted me this around Thanksgiving: "I wrote this on Nov 9 when I finally got serious about working on our picnic table: 'Mostly because of Laura. She is the driving force in our relationship. And she's going to visit her parents tomorrow to drive forward all their needs, because that's what she does.'"

It's his nice way of saying that I'm bossy, something he has gently suggested multiple times in our relationship. And it's true.

Bitches Get Stuff Done - Tina Fey & Amy Poehler On Weekend Update GIFfrom Weekend Update GIFs

When I lived in Las Vegas, I worked briefly (maybe a year? maybe less) for a small tech firm that operated out of the back of an accounting office. As such, we didn't really have a "front desk," so I wasn't the receptionist. I did answer phones and did some help desk stuff when clients called in with issues. But my main job was to make sure the three techs we had on staff freaking showed up at appointments. I was really a babysitter, but my official job title was "expediter." I drove things forward.

This is a season of my trying to drive things and feeling pretty good about it.

D needed to get to DPS before going on a trip, and while they usually handle that stuff on their own, I was able to cinch a same-day appointment so they'd get their new license before TSA needed it.

I had James send me his references and just started blanketing the town with job applications (figuratively, online). Since December 11, I've applied for 24 jobs for him, he's had 2 interviews, and he has an interview Monday that will likely lead to a job, as they've already issued a conditional offer. Is it a job making about 10% annually what he made in 2023, the last year he worked full time? Yes, indeed, it is. BUT it's not $0, which is what we're bringing in at the moment.

NOW, if I can just work that magic on myself, I'll be pretty jazzed. There's a job that I've applied for before that I know will be opening up at some point in the new year. It's close enough for me to walk, and it's super part time but, again, it's not nothing. So send me some of that good mojo, and let's have a great 2026!

An Open Letter

Hey, you. 

You randomly popped up in a dream last night (specifically, I was picking you up from jail after you'd completed your sentence??)... well, the you from more than 15 years ago. Would I recognize you now? Would you recognize me?

I can't even begin to detail how much I've changed in the years since I moved to Austin. 

When I first got here, everything was mostly the same. I tried to build a life that was familiar, like the lives we had in north Texas. But pretty quickly, that manner of living started to crumble and without knowing it, I was building a totally different way of life.

Superficially... I have wavy hair now. Can you believe it? All of that time and effort I spent trying to curl my hair. I know you liked it better straight; I guess we always want what we can't have. Anyway, my morning routine was never cumbersome, but it's so much faster now: spray hair to reset waves. Get out. It's pretty great.

Also, I'm not trying to be skinny anymore. You'd probably "still love [me] in spite of it," but, with all due respect, eff that noise, friend-o. I'm happy with myself, and my body has never been healthier. I've seen the future and know what I need to do to maintain maximum ambulation for as long as I can, as far as it is in my power to maintain. I move more and with more joy than I ever have before. And I also unapologetically enjoy the food I've always loved. No shame. No one watching me or my body change. It's amazing.

I have more tattoos (with another in the planning stages), and got my nose pierced a couple of years ago. I believe you would have hated this. It's probably good that things ended up the way that they did.

In fact, there are bigger things that make me grateful that we're not still in each other's lives. Much bigger.

You'd likely hate me now. I don't think the same way or believe the same things that I did back then. You'd think I had back-slidden or been influenced by something dark... but, man, when I read my blogs from 15-24 years ago, I do not like that person. I was a closed-off, judgy, occasionally humorous know-it-all.

I no longer vote the way I voted before. I remember when I first moved, and a mutual friend called me a loyalist to a particular political party as an insult. It worked. I was upset that she would say that. Now? Guilty as charged. What changed? A lot. So much.

You know what has pushed me to change the absolute most? My kids. They have been a blessing, and they have been challenging... and even that has ultimately made me a better person, and hopefully a better parent. If they ask me a question today, I probably have an opinion, but I don't feel like I have to give a pat answer with absolute certainty that it is and I am right. 

I will err every day on the side of throwing the doors wide open and embracing people, and life, and happiness. I wanted this before, but was so limited by unnecessarily strict boundaries that someone else convinced me needed to be in place.

I made so many mistakes, and I hurt so many people. Heck, I've even done that in the past 15 years, despite my best efforts not to. But at least when I do so now, it's because I'm messed up and not because I think I know the only right way and insist that other people do certain things because of what I believe.

All that time I spent trying everything I could think of to make us work, and you absolutely refused to budge. It was that realization -- that you cared more about your own self-preservation than you did trusting me enough to step out on a ledge and try to fly -- that made me leave. And now I see that you were correct. We were NOT right for each other. We would not have worked. We would have gotten to a point just a few years later where things would have come up that would have caused us to implode, anyway. 

So I guess I'm saying thank you for making me so miserable that I couldn't stay in the same place for another day. Thank you for pushing me away so hard that I ended up never seeing you again for the rest of my life. It was a protection to me, and to my kids (one for obvious reasons as he wouldn't exist). 

And try not to get arrested, because I can't come pick you up.

Laura

Our HURRICANE cruise!

We made it in one piece! Or 4 pieces.

Anyhoo, you get it: We didn't die.

We cruised on Royal Caribbean out of Galveston, with the itinerary supposedly taking us to Coco Cay, Nassau, and Cozumel. We knew this was a gamble because it was hurricane season, which is why we got such a great deal. 

Turns out, there were 2 storms hovering over the Bahamas, so instead we ported several familiar places: Costa Maya (home of the best excursion I've ever taken), Roatan (sigh), and Cozumel (thanks for the drugs!). 

It was a great trip, we had good food that I didn't have to make and came back to our room that I didn't have to tidy so I have no notes (other than that everything was too loud, including the notes).

A few highlights:

D came with us! It's their first cruise in 15 years, and their first weeklong vacation in 10. It's also their first vacation since having a job, so it probably means more. Actually, D has 2 jobs now, so it was a double.

Nana and Pappy went, separately from us but we got to see them here and there throughout the day. 

D, Mal, and I swam (waded?) in the pool at Puerta Costa Maya whilst James walked around. We saw wild tropical birds and a huge iguana just chilling out. We saw the Danza de Los Voladores. We caught a peep of the Star of the Seas, which made Mal super happy. We bought some local chocolate and were back on board by lunch. We didn't plan any excursions because we hadn't planned to go there, and I don't like to book with the cruise lines (plus the line on the ship was LONG after people realized our itinerary was changing).

Mal and I swam in the pool at the new (to us) Roatan port. When Mal and I were on Roatan in February 2024, it was at the Carnival dock on the east side of the island. This time, we ported where I've stopped every other time I've cruised there. We were last at Coxen Hole in 2019, and they were just about to expand the port. That included a pool area, which is smart and we enjoyed a great deal. We bought some semi-local chocolate (Honduran, but produced on the mainland), and were back on the ship by lunch time.

I'm the only one who went ashore at Cozumel. James's achilles tendonitis was acting up, and I was able to pop out of the port for steroids, which worked very quickly and for which James will worship me until the day he loses his mind or dies. Maybe longer. We did have a good time watching the storms that were rolling across Cozumel, back a ways from the ship. 

Mal tied with another young boy at Flags of the World trivia. Mal and I both sang Weird Al songs ("Eat It" and "Amish Paradise" respectively) at karaoke. I did the zip line over the boardwalk. Mal and I did an all-ages silent disco, which James joined about a half hour in. That paired with taking the stairs might have been what aggravated his tendon. 

We had a great house sitter who took care of the cats and who fully cleaned our house the day before we got home! 

I remember whether I mentioned this or not, but the transmission in our HHR is jacked up. To fix or replace it would be more than I paid for it two years ago. So we're trying to limp along with it (it runs, but rough, but only sometimes??!) but we did NOT want to take it to Galveston. So we rented a car each way, and since we didn't have to pay for port parking, we broke even on that. AND we had a lot more trunk room! I think we were all more comfortable, as well.

We rented a 2 bedroom townhouse in Galveston for the price of one hotel room where we stayed a week in 2023 (and we needed 2 rooms). I actually washed clothes three times the night we were there, so was glad to have that option!

I realized something when I walked outside the first full morning of our cruise: Every other time I've cruised, it's been during the winter. It only makes a difference of a few degrees and a bit of humidity... but I think I'll probably stick to the winter if I'm doing anything near the equator in the future. 

Theater show: cute and enjoyable, talented cast. Aqua show: unbelievable stunts and very cool and avant garde. Ice show: beautiful, incredible athletes, and the dude with the big hoop must be made of solid muscle.

Now we're home and Mal managed to bring some Influenza B with him, so we've spent the week hanging out whilst he convalesces. I think he'll be fine by the weekend, which is good because I think he's getting stir crazy. He wanted to go to open gym today, but we tested him again and there was still the faintest line. 

And I'm on to planning our Mexico trip in the spring... then we're cutting off travel until we figure out what to do with our finances if James doesn't have a job by then.

He had a series of interviews and successful tests with a company right before they left, but they ended up going with someone else, I guess. Sigh. Onward and upward!

Revving back up

School starts back up this week, and Mal's calendar is about to get busier again, as well.

I have a mystery shop today; we're going to a trampoline park! Yay! I did some shops this weekend, just taking pictures, and those were NOT worth it. But today's will be a great indoor activity to keep Mal entertained without dying.

One of my shops this weekend was here. Let me know if you know what it is!

Then this afternoon, we have a Zoom call with Mal's school to kind of set expectations for the year. It sounds like there was some student drama last year and I'm guessing they want to stop that before it starts. The school is so awesome; they love the kids, and they're so affirming and patient. It's been a real blessing for Mal, and that's why we keep sending him, even though we are DESTITUTE. 

(Not really. It does feel like that sometimes. Anybody want to hire my husband?)

Wednesday, I have my one-year follow-up with the endocrinologist who referred me for surgery. I'm overmedicated, which is suppressing my thyroid-stimulating hormone (which you want to do at first if you've had cancer, just to make sure everything withers and dies), and has my cholesterol absolutely soaring. I am going to ask if after this appointment, I can switch medication management to my primary care office. They charge under $200 per visit, as opposed to my very competent and in-demand endo, who charges (and deserves) more than $450 per visit. Her office has worked with me and been extremely kind to keep pushing appointments back by 6 months while still adjusting and renewing my Levothyroxine prescription. I recognize that this professional bunch should be paid well for their amazing work... I just wish it were insurance and not me paying it! Feel me?

Also on Wednesday, we should be able to check in for our cruise! I know what you're thinking: "You just said you were destitute!" Well, yeah. We have planned a couple of trips expecting that James would have a job at some point, and so we're doing them... but after we visit Mexico in March, we'll put the kibosh on traveling for a bit. When it's been 2 years without a real income, we'll have to reevaluate some stuff.

BUT.

I'm very excited about the cruise because D is going with us! It's their first cruise in 15 years, and I know they're going to love it. It'll be nice to have the whole fam together (maybe not on the drive down or back, but, you know, in general) for a change.

My friend referred me to a sweet woman who's going to stay with our cats while we're away. She charges the same price for housesitting that we paid Rover to come feed the cats and empty the litter boxes for half an hour per day! Yay!

Then next week is the third anniversary of our "library" group! We started LGBT-friendly homeschool meetups because when I see stuff like this, I know they don't mean "us."

We'd had 6 regular members for a couple of years, but one kind of aged out (I wish we had more older kids, but that hasn't panned out yet) and one moved to Washington. It's cool, though, because Mal and Kona talk to him online and they play Minecraft or board games several times a week.

More recently, another kid has joined us, and he just fit right in! I'm really proud of our core group for not being cliquish; it probably helps that the group IS so small. I'm just excited to see what Year Four brings!

Also next week, Mal's classes soft-start with a couple of weeks of self-directed days to get back into the swing of things. And the open gym he attends is resuming sessions.

It will be his birthday before you know it! And actually, it will be MY birthday before that, so mark your calendar!

A New Hope (not Star-Wars-related)

I'd really forgotten a lot.

It was likely a self-preservation tactic my subconscious exercised on my behalf.

In preparing for an interview, I went back and for the first time read through the blog posts I made during 2010-2012. 

I have a few thoughts, and they're all over the place. So in no particular order:

1) Holy cow, I cringed so hard so many times. The things I said as a youngster (pre-40s, but barely)! Your girl has changed A LOT in 15 years, and that's, to borrow a probably-copyrighted phrase from Martha Stewart, a good thing. If you read my blog back then, and you rolled your eyes or gasped at anything I said ("Thanks, Feminism," I'm looking at you), WE ARE IN AGREEMENT. And I'm so sorry. It's bad. It was very, very bad and re-exposing myself to... myself (not in a dirty way, perverts) created quite a rip in the time-space continuum of who I know myself to be.

2) It's easy to believe the people can't or won't change. Good gravy, have I ever changed in the past decade. I like to think it's for the better. I do probably cuss more than I used to. But getting off of social media was a huge improvement. I feel like I am much more accepting and less judgmental than I was back in the day. I definitely don't obsess over my body or my hair or anything the way that I did 14-15 years ago. I'm pretty sure I am NOT maturing, though, so don't worry about that.

3) It was a complete surprise to me to learn that I kept two concurrent blogs during 2011-2012??! I had "Trailer Trash and Proud" for fun stuff like reviews, things we did, stuff I baked, etc. and I kept my older one for all of my angst and preaching and Deep Thoughts™. That one is very barfy and I only read it to make sure that I was remembering timelines and events correctly. But it was a painful read. Bleh. The stuff about my cool pancakes and all of the chocolate I bought in Dallas was a lot more on-brand and enjoyable.

4) After all of the stuff happened in the early 2010s, it was like I was running out of a burning building and didn't have the energy or desire to look back. Now that I have, I feel a lot less... well, just a lot less about it. The feelings aren't a big deal. I'm over it. Things didn't go the way they would have if they'd happened the way I wanted, and apart from my self-esteem taking a huge hit (but refusing to stay down, which actually would have made it easier), it was all really fine. Better in the long run, in fact. Much better.

5) Things I should have done differently: a) Immediately left my church. b) Moved to Austin a year before I did. c) Been more proactive in helping D deal with the huge changes I, too, was finding difficult. It SUCKS as a parent to be barely treading water and therefore not fully notice that your kid is struggling probably worse than you are. A lot of the issues D has had are because I was not thinking properly and didn't notice or realize things I should have noticed and realized. We both have a lot more perspective on this as adults, but it doesn't change that I messed up. I missed a lot. And I can't redo any of it.

6) That said, reading about where I was back then really makes me more hopeful in this part of my life! I was worried about the same things: finding a job, having enough money to make it, where would I end up if I couldn't afford where I was living anymore? Etc. At the time, I had a friend who compared it to swinging on a trapeze and how, for the trapeze to work, sometimes you have to let go and fly and trust that the other trapeze will be there to meet you when you get there. Right now, I have a whole other adult in this with me, and we have more resources than I did at the time. So it helped kind of jolt me out of some doldrums and I appreciate that a lot!

In 12 years, none of us has aged, including the kid. Which is weird. ;)