Why do I keep turning down work?!

As you know, we need moolah! 

Twice within the past month, I have been offered work. Paid work!

And twice I have turned it down.

WHY?

I literally applied for that job at the library. I'm not afraid of work. Believe it or not, I've worked before!

Technically, this wasn't a job; it was a volunteer thing. But I worked!

But I didn't take either of these opportunities because I realized that I really just don't have time for a steady gig right now.

The first one was something that I could have done from home, but it would have required many hours of intense concentration, and it's a challenge to get that in my house. D has a room, Mal has a room, James has an office. I do have a bedroom, but I share it with James and it's kind of open for business when anyone wants to hang out. I don't really have a space where I can put up a "do not disturb" sign and get things done. So I had to turn down the opportunity for a gig in the writing field. I just wasn't confident that I could give it my best.

Then the other one was something here in town, walkable like the library, but would require a couple of full days per week. It was flexible; I could pick what days worked for me. But we have things almost every day of the week and, ironically, I've lined up even more stuff over the summer when Mal's friends are often out of pocket, and when some things like open gym take a break until the fall. He's still young enough that I need to be around at least somewhat during the day. And James's schedule is so random that we can't plan for me to work when he's off; we never know what that will be until a couple of weeks in advance.

I guess this means we're not desperate yet? I do have three mystery shops tomorrow, which is the most I've had in one day in YEARS. We'll get three free meals, and then there are actually shopper fees on top of that. That used to be the norm, but I guess the market is such that companies can basically say, "You'll eat this free food and you'll be freaking grateful!" until they can't get jobs scheduled and are willing to throw more money at it. 

I am also doing gimmicky things like opening a new credit card to get a bunch of on-board cash for the cruise so we save $300 on gratuities. It's not income, but it prevents outgo, so that's kind of the same thing, right? And it's not taxable! Huzzah! My credit score is suffering a bit, but it will rebound.

First time for everything, and how I'm saving money now that it looks like this financial situation is permanent

About a year ago, our local library was hiring a part-time library aide. I applied, the process took months, and I never even got an interview, even though several people acted like I was going to.

Unfortunately, that employee did not work out and got fired just before the holidays. 

I'd learned that he apparently had gotten the job because he was able to do tech support and explain computer stuff to the library patrons. Knowing that, I brushed up my resume to include a WAY BACK job from more than 25 years ago where I... provided tech support to casinos and other clients in Las Vegas.

This time, at least, I got an interview. I hadn't heard anything when we left on vacation (two months after I'd applied, and several weeks after my interview), but when we got back, I saw a social media post and knew immediately that someone had been hired.

I feel like this person is a better fit, but I'm kind of bummed because we could have used the money, part time as it was. Plus, I could walk to work. I am not ready to get a job where I'd need to 1) buy a car and 2) leave Mal in a town alone. 1431 closes down too often, and I am not ready to make an 11-year-old responsible for navigating a forest fire or no electricity when it's 100 degrees out.

Incidentally, I might never have had this worry but in 2021 when we had a bad freeze, there was a guy from across the highway who ran into Cedar Park to check on his jewelry storefront and by the time he tried to get back home, the road was closed and troopers would not let him through, even though he explained that his 10-year-old was home alone. Our electricity went out and the roads were impassable for days. I have no idea how that turned out but I would like to avoid that situation.

So, the "first time for everything": I have gotten every job I have ever really wanted. I have even been told no, they weren't going to go with me and then came back to them with something my dad (an HR specialist) mentioned they did wrong in the interview and rather than deal with a lawsuit, they did end up hiring me. They also tried to frame me for theft, but I outsmarted them (on accident, which I guess isn't "smart" per se but just fortunate that I was as pragmatic as I was and didn't use or take home the key they gave me one day because I never needed it).

For an overachiever like me, a job rejection hurts. I can't imagine the dozens of times James went through it over the past two years. Ugh.

NOW. 

I've been poor before, and while we're not in crisis yet, I want to avoid that. Our expenses outpace what James makes by quite a bit. So here are some things I'm scaling back on that I've done before when money wasn't plentiful:

1) We're back to Supercuts or Great Clips. I'm very lucky that my hair got wavy because it's easier to cut and style now! So it's $25 cuts instead of $60-80 cuts for me. James never gets his hair (except that time I had a mystery shop specifically for a man's salon where they do face massages and stuff; it was cool!) and D pays their own stylist, so it's just Mal and me, and we both get our hair trimmed about every 9 months. 

2) No more boutique food splurges. Piroshky Piroshky is a fabulous bakery out of Seattle. They travel down to Austin once a year or so, and we used to order $100ish worth of items from them to enjoy for a week or so. No more. Same thing with Doughees (which seems to be closed, anyway, but from which I used to order once or twice a year), Fat and Weird Cookies, and any food subscription period. Instead, I try recipes I find online and have recently made conchas for the first time, and a big old cookie with chocolate chunks and caramel chunks. I'm thinking about making an Easter basket cake for Easter. We're not buying expensive treats anymore.

3) I'm not getting energy drinks, even as a splurge. They're $1-2 per can (more usually, but I only got them on sale even when I was buying them). Instead, I get Great Value Energy Drink Mix, which is just under $.20 per serving. What's crazy is that Celsius sells a powdered drink mix but it's still over $1 per serving! Stop!

4) I would grab take-out for the whole family once a week or so, and I have just stopped doing that. Maybe once a month now? But usually, I'm just cooking... unless Domino's has half price pizza and then only Mal and I are usually at all excited about that. With James and D often working full days, I'm having to do lunches, too. D would just suffer without at-work calories, but James works near a bunch of food options, so we're trying to prevent temptation (it helps that his lunch is only half an hour and honestly, it's hit or miss whether you can get a full meal from Whataburger in that time frame).

5) We're definitely cutting back on our trips now that we're back from Mexico. We can't make up the $20k a year I'd have made if I'd gotten the library job, but we can recover a chunk of it by reining this in for a while. I'll be on the lookout for sales and deals, of course. But we'll be staying closer to home for a bit.

One good thing in that regard is that one of Mal's friends moved into our neighborhood earlier this year, and they're having a great time running around being big kids. Yesterday, they'd gone on a walk and when they came back, I was surprised to see a third friend with them... she lives on the other side of the lake, and I was very confused about how she'd joined them, but apparently her parents had driven her over. Having home and the 'hood be a social outlet makes staying home even more appealing.

6) I stopped taking Minoxidil a few months ago. I'd started it when I was losing a LOT of hair, I thought because of perimenopause? I was just going to take it until I'd gotten through to menopause. But what I realized is that I was probably losing hair because of hyperparathyroidism, which I don't have anymore, thanks to surgery 2 years ago.

I went through this whole cycle of when I started taking it, my hair barely shedded! I started having baby hair, and that was a drama. Then after about a year, my hair started falling out at what I'd say was a "normal" rate, and I wondered about whether the meds were still working. I changed to a topical rather than a pill, and I was still losing some hair. So I decided that I could save $175 every 5 months by just stopping and see if maybe now that my hair is wavy, I could absorb some hair loss without it being so shocking. 

I had what I think was an extinction burst where I lost A LOT of hair but now it's stabilized and it's fine. Plus, I've had a lot of talks with myself about how I got to a place of body neutrality where I don't feel like I need to do anything about my weight. I don't wear much makeup (saw a video of me from a few years ago yesterday and it seemed weird that I had eye shadow on!). I dress how I want to. So why was I so caught up in the hair loss, which is also a normal part of aging? I guess I'm just a hypocrite.

Ha ha. Here's a picture of money. I posted it because I was trying to think of something to go with this theme, which is... money. And also, last night Mal was showing James something on his iPad and accidentally dropped it on his face, knocking a baby tooth loose that wasn't ready to come out before. But it's probably going to happen pretty soon! He's currently trying to save money to buy a $80-ish LEGO Star Wars set. This is another change; he's going to have to save up for it on his own because he has so many LEGOs already and we just can't chip in this time. Wish him luck!

Mal has to get used to this

Over the past couple of weeks, Mal has headed back into James's office or our room to tell James something... only to find that James isn't home.

Today, on the way home from meeting a friend, Mal said, "Since we didn't watch that program last night, we should watch it as soon as we get home, if Dad's awake. 

I had to remind him that his dad IS awake and is, in fact, at work.

It's an interesting situation. Mal is 11, and for the past six years of his life (minus about a month), James has either worked from home or not worked at all. 

That's more than half of Mal's life!

Another thing is that James is often absolutely exhausted when he gets here, and at night, like yesterday, he's ready to go to bed as soon as he's eaten dinner. 

One of the traditions that James and Mal have had over the past few years is that at around 10 PM, Mal will go into James's office to announce that he's "ready to talk." (I'm usually well into my night's sleep by then.)

James will go into Mal's room, and they'll catch up for 10 minutes or half an hour or whatever it takes. 

I think this is beautiful. It's something James is going to try to make sure happens whenever he can, even if it's less than when he didn't have anywhere to be.

On the way home from Temple yesterday, we stopped in at The Home Depot because I needed to pick something up (nope, we don't get an employee discount; they don't have one). 

While I ran in, Mal hung out in the garden center with James for a few minutes.

You might notice that James is standing upright without crutches! He was limping around, but able to work without crutches. He took them, and he used them to walk into the store, go to the break room, and just get around in general. But he could hobble out of the little garden center hut to scan stuff, so that's a good sign!

Did you know that I've been a professional expediter?

It's true!

I hadn't thought about that for years, but James texted me this around Thanksgiving: "I wrote this on Nov 9 when I finally got serious about working on our picnic table: 'Mostly because of Laura. She is the driving force in our relationship. And she's going to visit her parents tomorrow to drive forward all their needs, because that's what she does.'"

It's his nice way of saying that I'm bossy, something he has gently suggested multiple times in our relationship. And it's true.

Bitches Get Stuff Done - Tina Fey & Amy Poehler On Weekend Update GIFfrom Weekend Update GIFs

When I lived in Las Vegas, I worked briefly (maybe a year? maybe less) for a small tech firm that operated out of the back of an accounting office. As such, we didn't really have a "front desk," so I wasn't the receptionist. I did answer phones and did some help desk stuff when clients called in with issues. But my main job was to make sure the three techs we had on staff freaking showed up at appointments. I was really a babysitter, but my official job title was "expediter." I drove things forward.

This is a season of my trying to drive things and feeling pretty good about it.

D needed to get to DPS before going on a trip, and while they usually handle that stuff on their own, I was able to cinch a same-day appointment so they'd get their new license before TSA needed it.

I had James send me his references and just started blanketing the town with job applications (figuratively, online). Since December 11, I've applied for 24 jobs for him, he's had 2 interviews, and he has an interview Monday that will likely lead to a job, as they've already issued a conditional offer. Is it a job making about 10% annually what he made in 2023, the last year he worked full time? Yes, indeed, it is. BUT it's not $0, which is what we're bringing in at the moment.

NOW, if I can just work that magic on myself, I'll be pretty jazzed. There's a job that I've applied for before that I know will be opening up at some point in the new year. It's close enough for me to walk, and it's super part time but, again, it's not nothing. So send me some of that good mojo, and let's have a great 2026!

Everybody's Working... (except for James)

As I mentioned in the last post, it's not officially been a year since James got laid off. (And now it's been a year since I had parathyroid and thyroid surgery!)

Actually, right this moment, everyone else in the house is working at least a little bit!

D's been working retail coming up on 2 years. They work D A LOT for a "part time" employee, and I have all sorts of opinions about that (like that D deserves full benefits, a raise, and hours lumped together instead of 4 hours every day of the week) but it's not my job or my business. I'm just proud of D for sticking it out at as long as they have! I don't think I ever stayed at a job for 2 years until I started working for Terra West as a divorced lady.

I've been doing mystery shops, some in-person research stuff, and online surveys. We couldn't live on it, but it's something to do for "fun" money every now and then.

Even Mal is chipping in! He did one online survey video call thing about a year ago, he did a mystery shop with me a few months ago, and he just got off of a call here he commented on some educational products that are under development. 

I don't think I posted this before, but here's what I got out of the mystery shop he helped me do:

He got $20 and I got a free photo that people pay a minimum of $200 for! Win/win.

In the meantime, the money James earned and saved is getting us through this. I hope he feels a little of the pressure off of him from our input. 

Now I have to go transfer some money into Mal's account to pay for the discussion he just completed!

A Note About a Thing that Happened Today (and why my house might smell like ozone)

We had our biannual HVAC check today. As the guy was looking at the attic half of our heat pump, he noticed some "organic growth" (mildew) on the unit. He took a very blurry picture, but you'll get the idea:

The solution is to install this UV light system both on this unit and the other half, so they work together. We could do just one or just the other, and neither was cheap. But there was a small price break for doing both. It really seemed like a no-brainer. Not something we actually wanted to do, but, ya know... homeownership!

Anyhoo, James and I were both talking to the tech, and asking questions. Once we got to the end, I looked at James and asked, "What do you think?" 

Folks, my man looked straight at me and said, in front of God and the a/c tech, "You're in charge of the money, so it's up to you."

When I tell you how many years of trauma that undid for me, please understand that I'm not exaggerating or overstating it in any way.

If you have a man who isn't confident enough to hype you up like that, then I am very sorry for you. I've been there.

I hadn't planned to spend hundreds of dollars on a heat pump repair, but even so... pretty good day. Pretty pretty pretty good.

Public Assistance

James does have a severance package, but it's taking a long time to process... apparently because in addition to the normal "review the paperwork and make sure you're not going to sue us" waiting period, since James is 50+, there's additional time to make sure he's not going to sue them for ageism. 

In the meantime (and, honestly, until James gets another job), we're tightening our belts and trying not to buy anything we don't need to buy. We've been really fortunate so far the past month...

First, Leander Independent School District has free lunches for kids. We've only gone twice, but one meal a week is still better than nothing. They also have breakfast, but that's only from 8-9 AM, which is way early for us! Mal actually tried nachos for the first time and found that he loves nacho cheese (not the spicy kind, of course). Granted, it's not Brussels sprouts, but any new food is good, as far as I'm concerned! He did try a carrot the other day when I was making dinner, and decided it's not for him. I was proud that he tried, though! This is much better than turning up his nose at food he thinks he's not going to enjoy.

Second, a woman in Lago Vista (who must be a saint) goes to south Austin every week and picks up a thousand pounds of food to distribute to at-risk households in Lago. She always ends up with a whole lot of food left over, and so she opens it up to the public on Friday afternoons. For the past two weeks, we've been able to get produce, bread, and some pantry items. It's hit or miss what will be available at all, and they hand out numbers then draw so the order is random. But the first week, James got big bags of walnuts and hazelnuts, dried split beans, rice, everything bagels, cheese bread, apples, a cantaloupe, a mango... And yesterday, we got probably $30 worth of bread (we were close to the end and no one had claimed a bunch of it; most of it is in the freezer), butter lettuce, apples, onions, cinnamon raisin bagels, corn on the cob, and some other stuff. Both weeks, I think we've been able to get enough food to feed a single adult for a week, assuming that adult had some pantry items like salt, seasonings, and maybe butter or oil. It's very kind of her, and I know takes up a lot of her time and effort. 

Waiting to get our shot at some gratis groceries!

Third, I've been getting stuff through the app "Too Good to Go," where businesses sell food they'd otherwise discard at the end of the business day. It tends to be about 1/3 of the price of what you'd pay retail, and we've really enjoyed it. We got two bags from Whole Foods prepared food department last weekend that had amazing sandwiches and salads... one of the ciabatta sandwiches was marked $13.99 and we only paid $10 per bag, where the sandwich was about 1/5 of the contents! We got some great bowls from Honest Mary's last week. I got 4 TacoDeli bean, potato, and cheese breakfast tacos from a coffee shop for $3.99; they're $3.50 a piece on the TacoDeli website!

We're not hard up just yet, but it's kind of fun putting my former necessity-based frugality into action!

Bits and Pieces

Hello, fellow Americans (and any other nationalities, honestly... all are welcome)!

Yesterday was Mother's Day in the US, and my local family came out to my house to visit. We had a nice afternoon hanging out, and I didn't have to do anything because James and Mal picked out snacks, my Dad brought food and plates, and it was just a fun time all around.

Today, I had an early appointment at a radiology office, not realizing that I was getting some nuclear imaging and a CAT scan. Woo hoo. Fun times. Before going into the imaging chamber, I got an IV of radioactive material! About two short hours and I was done. What a psychic workout, though.

First, the radiologist was trying to keep my elbows in place (the camera automatically keeps 1 inch between itself and a body, and she didn't want me moving my arms and making the camera back off). It was kind of like swaddling, and it was comfy enough... until she started lowering the imaging plate to within 2 inches of my nose and my claustrophobia kicked in. I pulled off the sheet and promised that I would keep my elbows tucked under my own power. She offered to try something different and I told her that if I felt restrained, there was no way I could do it. So we kept my arms free and everything was relatively fine after that.

I had 3 different 5-minute scans, during which I could not move. I was kind of restless after those, but THEN it was time for a 25-minute scan! That one did a number on me, as I tried to relax and maybe even nap since I'd gotten less sleep than usual the night before. But my body kept bringing me back into the moment by suddenly detecting an itch in my right ear canal. Then making me hyper aware that the muscles in my leg were clinched and I needed to relax. Then noticing that my pinkies were falling asleep from my crossing my fingers, which was how I was keeping my elbows from flopping around, so I couldn't really move them but I also couldn't forget about how much I wanted to move. However, when the machine beeped that it was over, I'd thought we were only at the halfway point. 

After the long scan, I had to go into a CAT scan machine still without moving because it had to line up with the previous images. The tech had to "stitch" the pictures, and I was trying not to say anything until there was a natural break, but by then I REALLY needed another visit to the restroom (one of the symptoms of the hypercalcemia caused by hyperparathyroidism is that my kidneys are always trying to jettison calcium, thus pulling moisture from my body and causing me to need to evacuate a minimum of hourly). Fortunately, she was able to let me go before we did the 3 final 5-minute scans.

Shortly after I got home, James had deja vu from last spring, when Indeed announced that it was laying off 8% of its work force. This time, James didn't keep his job, and he said he's mostly numb about it, but I think it will end up being a good thing. Morale has tanked since last year's down-sizing (the first mass layoffs Indeed had ever done), and he hasn't been happy for a while. 

Classes and extra-curriculars are shutting down for the summer. Mal has been out of Wednesday classes for two weeks. This Wednesday, we're going to to to the splash pad where we had his birthday party. I'm probably going to plan an activity every Wednesday that I can, just to avoid general malaise (although I love being home). Since Mal is enjoying public transit so much (we took the bus to Urban Air last week and had a great time), I'll see what I can find that is nearby convenient stops (we had to walk almost a mile between the stop and UA, but it was fun).

Thursday is Mal's last homeschool open gym until fall. And our Tuesday group is always lighter in the summer, with people traveling and dealing with summer custody arrangements.

But Mal's looking forward to YMCA movie-making camp in about a month! It'll be his first sleep-away camp, and I hope it's as magical as Camp Coral (a SpongeBob series), which is why I think he was interested in camp in the first place.

This last thing I'm going to tell you about... well, if you're squeamish or just don't like TMI, then stop reading and we'll see you next post. 

If you're still here, allow me to say: I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS! And by "this," I mean continuing my fertility. I, too, had deja vu today. We were in Montreal exactly a year ago (sigh) and the last full day we were in town, I took Mal to an indoor playground. We spent a LOT of time on public transit to get there. On the bus ride, I felt a kind of "swoosh" feeling that was weird. When we got to the playground, I went into the restroom and there was blood EVERYWHERE. I was wearing a menstrual cup (which I've used without leaks since 2010), AND period underwear. And still, my khaki slacks were absolutely drenched in blood.

I had a stain stick and pretty much used it up. It kind of diluted the visible blood, though it definitely looked like I'd peed myself. Oh well. I wasn't going to end the day early and travel an hour back to the hotel room just to change. I moved my stuff from a cloth seat to a leather chair and just dealt with it. It was fine; I didn't make a mess anywhere but on myself. Then Mal and I went to McD's before heading back several hours later.

(It's the next day).

Since then, I've had one overnight situation which hadn't happened since I stopped wearing pads in my early 20s. I determined to remember to change out IMMEDIATELY before bedtime from then on, and have done so.

But yesterday, as I used the restroom prior to my eternal scan situation, I realized I'd started my period. I'd gotten up in the dark so hadn't seen any clues at home. But by the time I made it to the radiology clinic, I suppose I'd been free-bleeding for about two hours. I didn't have on my period underwear (my periods are extremely irregular -- thanks, perimenopause! -- and I didn't get the usual two-day warning of hormone-induced stress this time. 

I had my cup with me as always, but had to do the whole procedure knowing that I'd bled straight through my jeans. Ehh. Got home, changed, was fine the rest of the day.

Then last night, I got the same feeling as on the bus a year ago. Got up and there was just blood EVERYWHERE. I don't understand what or how it is happening, but I'm over it. Cleaned up, went for a walk, could tell I was leaking. Had to change and clean up AGAIN when I got home.

Friends, I am almost 52 years old! This nonsense needs to stop. At least I will probably be at least mostly finished by next week. I don't want to have to do the pad/mesh underpants combo I discussed with the surgical nurse.

Unambitious

Every once in a while, I jump onto LinkedIn to see if a person I no longer have access to through other social media has an account there so that I can check in with them. Today, I happened to notice that an old friend of mine had founded a new business, called Beyond Motherhood. Amy's a very neat person, and it's super cool that she's helping women figure out what they want to do with their lives. But a lot of things I have realized about myself recently have helped me know that this site isn't for me. 

For one, there's this quote: "Motherhood is holy work, but the hands-on, active phase only lasts 20-25 years for most women. If you still have half your life left when the kids leave home, doesn’t that make you think you have a purpose beyond motherhood?" When Mal is 25, I will be 67. I will not have half of my life left, unless medicine progresses ridiculously rapidly over the next couple of decades. (I know this is one reason she said "most" and not "all." Then there's the moms of special needs kids. And the ones who become grandmas raising grandkids. Etc.)

Beyond that, though... I have this pattern of basically not caring about jobs. I mean, I'm an over-achiever and if I have a job, I'll do what I need to do, and I will try to do it very well. I will probably even do more than is strictly necessary. But I've never had ambitions, or fantasies about a dream career.

Well, I wanted to be an astronaut until I realized that you had to have uncorrected 20/20 vision (at the time; this has changed) and it broke my heart. Then I wanted to be an actor until I was in college and saw what some people had to do to get jobs. Then I realized, "Oh, I don't want it *that* bad." And I'm not talking about anything super shady, just the networking and knowing who to know and interrupting someone's dinner plans to insist on an audition.

My first job, at age 16, was at a Kentucky Fried Chicken, or KFC for you young 'uns. I was very bad at being able to tell the chicken breasts from the chicken thighs, and I got so stressed working the drive-through. I could not focus on a conversation with the person in front of me while also taking an order over the headphones. And I could NOT upsell. "Would you like a hot buttered corn-on-the-cob with that?" If they wanted it, I'm sure they would have ordered it. Fortunately, I got strep and my doctor told my mom it was probably from the filthy environment there, so I got to quit after six weeks.

Next, I worked at a grocery store. I did bagging at first, then went to (I kid you not) checker's school. I learned the codes for 200 different produce items, how to count up change in case something went wrong with the register's calculations, and also that I had to call someone to help me when someone bought alcohol, because I was too young to sell it. I worked with a good friend, and that was fun. 

Then I got what I felt was an upgrade and worked at TCBY for the remainder of my high school years. I adored that job. People who are going out for frozen yogurt are rarely in a bad mood. And we got to eat as much yogurt as we wanted, for free.

When I was in college, I worked at a baby and pregnancy clothing boutique, then a day care, and finally at Sonic. I LOVED working at Sonic. I was a carhop, so I got to be outside. I learned that if you're really nice and they're having a good day, sometimes people will tip you a generous amount. Man, what a wake-up call that was, and I apologize to every carhop I had as a teen because I genuinely had no idea.

After I graduated college (with a BA in theater, so that was a lucrative choice), people seemed shocked that I didn't immediately quit Sonic. I got tired of being asked, "When are you going to get a 'real' job?" so I applied for a starter position with the local newspaper, which was owned by the media group for which my dad worked as their HR director. In my interview, my boss told me, "I'm going to be honest with you: you're getting this job because of your maiden name."

So I was working in an office... but because of the Sonic tips, I was making LESS money. I felt like I'd been duped by the idea that somehow office work was more mature or honorable than running food.

The next job I had was because we moved, and I quit the newspaper. I signed up as a substitute teacher in the then-small town of Siloam Springs. It was irregular and stressful, and after one day subbing at a junior high, I called the office and told them I'd do elementary or high school but NEVER jr. high ever again.

Then we moved to Las Vegas, and I got a job working at Sam's Club. I was at the registers first, then worked freezer/cooler for couple of years. When the company decided that I was too much trouble and wanted me out (I had a problematic coworker and kept reporting him for creating a hostile work environment with his incessant sex talk), they moved me to electronics with no training, and let me flounder answering questions about computers about which I had no specialized experience. Then they wrote me up when I wasn't "the same employee" I'd been when I was helping customers locate the frozen chicken I'd just stocked an hour beforehand.

The job I got after this was the one I had the longest: I started in a temp-to-hire position as a receptionist for Terra West Property Management. I got fully hired, served as the receptionist for a few years, took a blip of time off to work as an "expediter" for one of our tech vendors (I had to call the lead tech up every morning and make sure he was awake and out of bed to be on time for his appointments). Then I returned to Terra West as a property manager. I got my real estate license, and enjoyed the work enough... but I didn't take it nearly seriously enough for one of our biggest clients. He insisted at one point that the company fire me, which they did not. But they did bury me far away from him in a completely different department. I worked as the main internal tech person at the company for almost a year, before I had D and quit work entirely.

Kind of.

The idea was that I would stay home and D's dad would find a job to make up for our shortfall, as I was the primary bread-winner at the time. That didn't really pan out, so we got a job together working as house parents for Girls and Boys Town of Nevada. Staring a job like that with a 2-month-old was stupid. We lasted half a year.

I was mostly home for 9 years. When we moved to Texas, I signed up to do some mystery shopping. Over time, I signed with more companies and typically had at least 6 jobs a week. I loved it because D could come with me, and I could accept jobs as I willed. I often didn't do the jobs that didn't seem worth it, and I relished the jobs that included things like spending a night at Great Wolf Lodge; or having dinner at Rainforest Cafe, then doing their internal Build-a-Bear. We got to go to Ripley's Believe It or Not! and Mme. Toussaud's Wax Museum. I did a battery of mystery shops at Six Flags once. I'd pack a bunch of fast food jobs in a big old circle around north Texas, and D and I would get food and listen to the Harry Potter audiobooks.

And then something kind of unbelievable happened. I'd been writing skits and things for church for years, and from that ended up with the opportunity to write for commercials and even a television trailer for a reality show called "The Shot" that was to feature former athletes who'd almost made it, and were competing for a second chance. 

But something interesting happened during that time: 1) I didn't really enjoy the writing when I was getting paid. It wasn't as fun as, say, writing this blog. 2) When the paid gigs came, that was cool... but when they didn't I wasn't upset. I'd written some for "Travel Weekly" when I lived in Las Vegas. That was very lucrative. It was infrequent, and I just never thought, "This writing thing is great. I could totally freelance for a living."

When I got divorced, I needed to work. I didn't want D to have to go to school amidst all of the other upheaval, so first I just had friends hire me to do cleaning and organizing. That was going pretty well, and then I got the call from the insurance agency offering me a job as... a receptionist (again!), and with an empty adjoining office for my kiddo. It was perfect.

After I'd been there a while, my boss started encouraging me to get my insurance license. I couldn't legally sign people up for policies unless I had my license, even though I was doing most of the practical work up to actually starting the policy for auto insurance at the time. Eventually, I dragged my feet enough that he gave me a deadline. I studied, and I passed the test on my first try. Minimum score to pass: 70. My score: 70.

They were kind enough to retain me when I moved to Austin, which, as you might imagine, put a dent in my "reception" abilities. I did customer service, virtual filing, and some newsletter and website stuff remotely. My boss again encouraged me to try to sell here in Austin, and he'd move me to commission, and I had the potential to make a lot more money. But I was satisfied with my reliable pay and familiar work.

Once again, I just didn't have higher aspirations. I was content.

I quit that job shortly before I had Mal, and have been full-time mumming ever since.

Then over the past few months, a friend of mine who is a copyeditor has been dropping hints about throwing some work my way. Finally, she told me that she had a book she thought I could help a guy with. I thought about it and talked it over with James, and realized that I had some editing baggage left over from another situation. But when I talked about this with my friend, she took it upon herself to decide that she'd pressured me too much (she hadn't) and that she wasn't going to mention it again.

I was *so* relieved. I wanted to want to do it. I thought the extra money might be nice. I wasn't confident I could commit any more than about 2 hours per day to it, and even then I wasn't sure where I was going to find those 2 hours. 

But I am just pretty satisfied with the pace of my life, and my responsibilities, and don't have any kind of drive to add anything new.

I have another friend who was very frustrated about having been put on light duty with a fire department where she worked after she'd had a baby. She could have stayed home on leave, but she wanted to get back into the action. She told me, "I am not the kind of person who can be satisfied with having gotten a load of dishes done during the day. I need something more." She ended up moving to another fire department so she could do actual fire stuff instead of just dispatch. And I'm glad she's getting the workouts and professional socializing that are so important to her.

I don't have that. I don't have the drive, or the need, or whatever it is that makes people antsy about being home.

When (if) my kids are up and out, I'm not particularly worried about what I'll do. I won't feel "aimless." I can think of MONTHS worth of stuff I could do if my time were strictly my own. I don't feel overwhelmed by the possibilities, or the unknown, and I am not worried that I need to be "more" than I am. I'd say that maybe I'm just lazy, except I'm not. I work hard every day. I guess I'm just not entrepreneurial or ambitious. I don't care what job I have, much, as long as it's not soul-sucking. If we need money, I'll go out and do something where I can work for a day, and come home and do whatever I want. If not, I can volunteer, and to out and take pictures, and maybe live in an RV again. 

I don't think that all people are called to be parents. I am glad that some people have work that they absolutely love so much that it's a big part of who they are. I definitely want my services and food and healthcare and everything else delivered by people who can't imagine what they'd do without their jobs. I appreciate that in the folks who have it. I'm just not one of them.

Speaking of taking photographs, I wanted to share this one because I love it so much. These are a trio of young ladies at a homeschool hangout. I love how "Texan" it looks. And I love how it shows that you can do mostly nothing and have a great time doing it. 

Welp, that was fast

As I mentioned recently, both James and I have both recently started new jobs. One of us has already quit.

Fortunately, the quitter was the one who was only going to make about $30 a week, so you don't have to worry too much about our financial outlook. I'm actually seriously considering starting to do mystery shops again. Not the ones that say "no children," which I did when D was little because D was zero distraction. Just the other ones.

Anyway, why? Why couldn't I do childcare for two-three freaking hours a week?

This wasn't a matter of my not liking other people's kids, because although that's often true, these kids were great. There were two other things. The first thing was on me, and I was prepared to suck it up if Mal loved it and kept wanting to go. But he spent the last half of the time last week begging to come home (they didn't meet today, which is the 5th Wednesday of the month), and then when I've asked him if he's looking forward to going back to the "new" church and playing with kids, he's said either, "No thanks" or "I don't want to go back."

I think the reason is that there were just TONS of kids, and Mal isn't used to the cacophony.
So that did it. I told them today I couldn't commit to it. D was (and REALLY is, but even when little) the same way. The main problem D had with the Disney cruise was how busy and loud and high-energy all of the kids' stuff was. On Royal Caribbean, they were so laid back that D wanted to spend time every day in there. Apparently Mal is the same way. It's just a lot of kids. Lots and lots of noise.

And then here is the part where it intersects with what bothered me.

They are just starting up for the semester, and are trying to get more organized, by repeating the Sunday school lesson from the previous week. I think they expect the kids to wait way too long for them to get their stuff together.

Last week, they had all of the 4+-year-olds line up at the wall to get ready to go across the campus to a portable. But they didn't really know exactly what they were doing yet, so they kept the kids standing there for a good 5 minutes before I finally just said, "Okay, let's go!" and took them over before they started wandering off, as they were clearly wanting to do.

Then they have a Bible story program that is, frankly, very boring (it's not Moppets, with which I have no experience; I just know it's whatever they're doing on the weekends). And long. And a few of the kids had no problem sitting for it, but a couple wanted to wander. The lady telling the story kept calling them out, but they weren't distracting anyone (else). They were just getting up. And they're 4 or 5. I would have let them quietly do their own thing.

Later, the lady who was "training" us told us that "any discipline needs to be handled positively; we want the kids to have a good time and want to come back." I appreciate that attitude, but what she considered as needing discipline directed at kids, I considered adults needing to get it together and be more organized and concise.

So, with all of that, we out.

Oh, plus I would start having anxiety about getting Mal up in time about 7 PM the night before. When I did BSF with D, we could go to breakfast before class started at 9. That child was always up and at 'em by 7. Mal is just starting to get moving around 9 AM, so trying to get somewhere by 8:30 was a challenge I don't mind passing up.

I had this same issue when D was little, too: After you don't have anyone to answer to for your time, it's difficult to submit to that again.

If you need us, this is where Mal and I will be.

And, in case you're wondering, James's first three days have gone well. They've fed him two of the days, and that's the most important thing.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

This is going to come as a shock to you, but I recently made a big switch-up in my life: I learned that eMeals now has a Paula Deen menu and switched from 30-Minute meals to that for a while. I know, I know: How are we going to make that work with James's gout? I'm not sure we can! So maybe I'll just save a few weeks' worth of menus while using these vegetarian meal plans I found and that we are using this week. Note that if you choose to do it, you can start at the bottom, like I did, so it will be seasonally appropriate. Also that there is a shopping list at the end of the menu; I realized that after I'd hand-written my shopping list like a Neanderthal.

Okay, so that's not the only thing. Though I'm a little offended by your lack of enthusiasm.

Also, the Lakeline Disney Store closed Monday, so I'm not sure what we're going to do when Mal wants to spend hours browsing toys now (and, yes, I realize that's probably why they closed). I wish this area had a cool local toy store, but I haven't found any closer than a 30-minute drive.

Waiting for the store to open the last day; watching the animated window for the last time.

A serendipitous thing happened this weekend, too: a woman in a local homeschool group posted that their church needed childcare help for MOPS. They're too far away, but I thought that'd be perfect for Mal and me: a place to go with new toys, friends to play with, and I would actually pull in a couple of bucks in the meantime. I found the closest church with a MOPS program and it turns out that they actually have something at the same time every week (instead of every other week) and they were pretty desperate for people, so we started this week!

Where James used to work, the employees could purchase company stock at a slightly-discounted price. They'd withhold from each check, saving it up for 6 months, then buy the stock. Even if we sold it immediately (we didn't), we'd have been ahead because of the discount. Two things: That has saved our family butt, as it were, during this season of unemployment. But also... James didn't receive the money that had been collected from the couple of months before he stopped working for this company, so we were waiting for the stocks to show up at the end of the year. They didn't. James ended up having to contact them, and they're cutting him a check. This seems shady to me. They're legally obligated to return all monies owed to employees in 48 hours, and no one should have to follow up to make sure they got ALL of it. Oh well. It'll be nice to have a little cash infusion in a couple of weeks.

James has received a job offer, and should start work toward the end of the month. So yay! Mal will be terribly disappointed that his dad isn't here during the day, though. Maybe the weather will warm up so they can have a special day together. I say this because I think it'd be cool for them to spend a lot of time bonding, not because I want a day to myself. No. That's not it at all.

Speaking of that, though... The night before last, I'm pretty sure Mal slept through until 6 AM before asking for "deedees." And last night, he sat straight up in bed, crying and whining, and let me lie him back down and cover him up without nursing. Baby steps, I guess.

Mal has been watching portions of Star Wars for months now. He usually only watches certain parts of certain movies, so I have those parts memorized, then really don't remember much about the rest. For instance, his favorite scene in "A New Hope" is where the Sand Person (Tusken Raider) attacks Luke. He'll literally back that up and watch it 15 times in a row. But he'll watch that movie until just after the scene at the Cantina, then he's about done. I think he's only seen the Death Star blow up once, because we made it a point to fast forward it to that little chunk for him to watch.

With "Empire Strikes Back," he'll watch more of it, but his favorite is Hoth. He's watched the Hoth segments of the movie repeatedly, mostly when Luke escapes the Wampa and when they take down the AT-ATs. When we play these scenes out, he gets frustrated that we don't know the exact words. He also thinks "Seagulls" is canon, because, you know, he's 3.

For "Return of the Jedi," he watches until the gang escapes Jabba the Hutt, then he's sort of done. He likes where Wicket meets Leia, and because he has an Endor Micro Machines set, really wants to see the logs take down the AT-STs. That's about it.

And he's watched the opening scene of "Phantom Menace" several times, losing interest after the arrival at Thede. Then he has kind of played around with the other two prequels, but he doesn't know anyone but Amadala and Jar Jar, so he doesn't really care.

Actually, Mal wants to play AT-AT take-down right now, so I must go rope him until he falls. Isn't being a mother fun?

Catching Up

It's been a hot minute since I blogged, I suppose. Heck, James wrote an entry about a week ago and I never saw it until just now.

Anyhoo, I was kind of waiting for a dramatic statement and the moment came and went, so it seemed like time to check in.

James lost his job the week before Mal's birthday. He had quite a lot of PTO, so I was thinking it'd be really cool if he got another job before that time elapsed, and we came out square, or even ahead. But we didn't. This time of year is a bugger for finding tech jobs. We're fully prepared to have to wait until after the new year. We'll be fine, we just have to dip into stuff that's supposed to be for our future... but I'm grateful that it's there to fall back on!

Incidentally, this round of job-hunting has been ridiculous. Tech jobs are a bear to acquire. There's typically a phone screen, then some technical test(s), then Skyping with people, and THEN an in-person interview, which might also have more tech stuff. Or variations on that model.

James has been applying mostly for remote jobs, but did have one live interview in Austin, about two blocks from where we used to live off-campus. It was a 3-hour interview, and he drove allll the way into town, and the guys who were supposed to interview him had apparently skived off early for ACL Fest. Another guy did interview him, but he was convinced that the "nice to have" portion of the job description (which James has never done and told them this before he ever went in) was actually mandatory. Then another guy in San Francisco did a video interview, but because it was two hours earlier than it was supposed to be (since he was supposed to finish up after the other couple of interviews), he hadn't actually looked over James's resume, and asked fluff questions that he wouldn't have had to ask if he'd been prepared.

Other than that, four different interviewers have canceled/postponed lengthy phone screens the day of, sometimes within half an hour of when they were supposed to start. In fact, one company who had scheduled James for a three-hour call first thing on a Monday contacted him early in the morning and said they'd decided not to hire until after the new year. Don't tell me that they didn't have that information before the weekend and just impulse-changed it at 7:45 on Monday. No. They could have told him earlier and saved him hours of preparation on Sunday night.

Also, there's the Mal factor. I've been getting him out of the house well before the calls are supposed to start, so James can have some mental prep space. And we get involved in something, then James messages me to say, "They're postponing until next week." Ugh.

That's a potential issue: We'd LOVE for James to work from home. One of the companies he's in process with right now (I think he's completed three of seven (!!!) steps, and had a second phone call postponed yesterday) says their guys only work 40 hours a week. If you are in tech or know anyone in tech, you know this is unheard of. It would be so cool for him both to be here AND to be able to turn it off after 8 hours per weekday!

However, Mal doesn't totally get the "I'm working" boundary yet. He gets it if James's blackout curtain is closed (yeah; the office doesn't have a door). But if James gets involved in something unexpectedly and doesn't shut himself in, Mal can't read body language and will go in there and start chatting, or playing guitar, or asking the name of an obscure Star Wars character.

So it falls to me to manage that.

Usually, if I'm involved in starting dinner or paying bills online or whatever, and Mal disappears into the back of the house, I don't have to stop what I'm doing to follow up. If James is working at home, I'll have to. It'll just take some getting used to.

With Mal and me getting out so much, we ARE eating out more often than usual, at a time when we are otherwise cutting back on spending. But I'm trying to be frugal about it, anyway.

Today, for instance, we went to Toys R Us first thing, with Mal understanding we weren't buying anything ("But I'm going to play with everything!" Great!). He played there about 45 minutes, then we left, and we did pick up a box of Cars fruit gummies for $2. Then we went to Chuck E. Cheese where we spent about 45 minutes and zero dollars. I had 33 credits left over on an old card, and Mal played enough to get a little rainbow lollipop and a few gummy Ring Pops. He was happy, and didn't mind leaving.

He DID want pizza, but now that he's 3, we'd have to pay for him to eat the buffet, and he doesn't eat $6.49 worth of pizza. However, I looked it up, and Cici's lets kids eat free until they're 4, so we drove over there and, even with my getting a soda, only spent about $8.60 for both of us to eat lunch.

We stopped at Target on the way home, for some lunch meat and household stuff I don't count as a "day o' fun" expense, plus Mal got to see more toys, so it was a bonus visit.

All told, we killed four hours at about $2.50 per hour, and came home really full. Not too bad.

Toys? Who needs toys. This Swiffer is my best friend!

So, that's what's going on around here. No cool stories about how we beat the system and made money doing it. But cool stories about, you know, it getting cool! Loving the weather and looking forward to Thanksgiving. And putting up the new tree for the first time. And Christmas. And a new job adventure for James.

How We Got Here

Wanna know a secret? We were planning to move to Montana. Or Washington state. Away from Texas. Away from 82-degree Boxing Days and 90+ degree/humidity months without end in the summer.

We'd been planning it for a year. D already had winter clothes picked out. I had looked at snow suits for Mal on Zulily. We had a mortgage officer. We were READY.

And after months, we realized something: James can't find work in quaint little towns in the Northwest. Kalispell, where we looked originally, doesn't have much tech. And if James found a job where he could telecommute, we still couldn't get internet fast enough to do what we need to do. Spokane has more tech jobs, but two things: One, pay. It's like 60% what James makes here, and housing isn't 60% cheaper (it's less, but not THAT much less... as opposed to Kalispell, where housing is as much or more than here). Two, lots of places out that way still use Microsoft in their programming, and James has zero desire to work for a MS house ever again.

We really had researched everywhere, determined not to move anywhere that the comfort index wasn't at least a little better than here, because, why else go? And after seriously 13 or so months of this stuff, after discussions about how much James actually likes Austin (when does he have time to enjoy it?!), we realized that it made sense to look here, but closer to his office.

At the same time, our apartment complex was getting more ridiculous with their stuff, including a call asking me to make sure our kid didn't come into the office (which is attached to the clubhouse, which is open to residents) in just a diaper because it WAS a place of business and he was being "distracting." Even after one of the assistant managers had told James it was no problem. We wanted out, and soon.

We found a house we really liked near where we were living. It backed up to some trails that lead to a small park, and it seemed to be within our price range. We called the mortgage company we'd been working with when we were considering Seattle, and asked if they could help us in Texas. Turned out, they could and even though we worked with a guy who is in Bellevue, WA, the local office is actually in the same building where James works! He never realized this until a visitor to his office walked him out a different way and he saw it then.

Before we looked at the house we really liked, we had a "come to Jesus" moment of sorts. We were told that, yes, we'd been approved for actually a little more than the asking price of the house. However, we are not young people. If we took out a 30-year loan and paid it off exactly as timed  (and we're REALLY hoping to pay it off earlier), we'd be in our mid-70s, still trying to come up with this giant payment. Plus, we could do it now, but it would have meant tightening the belt on some fun and maybe even some generous things.

So we recalibrated.

We dialed it back. WAY back.

And we started looking nearer James' work instead of down where we were.

The first weekend in November, we went to see two houses and really liked one. Enough to make an offer on it. It was kind of quirky, and neat, and literally right off of Mansfield Dam. It was likely the least expensive house on that street, with most in the half-million and up range. We made a super lowball offer, though, because it was obvious that it needed a bit of elbow grease to make it habitable and comfortable... And we don't do elbow grease, so we have to pay people.

The seller took offense, at first answering with a "No, thanks," then when pressed by our Realtor to make a counter offer, said, "Come back with a serious offer and we'll talk."

Which we were prepared to do. We offered much less than we were willing to pay. I don't know why we did that, but in the meantime, I'd found the house we ended up buying. We came to see this house on the following Tuesday, and... the house was fine. Adequate. Not bad. Pretty nice. But it was the yard that made me tell the Realtor, "I think we just bought this house."

After we saw the house, my older niece, who'd come to watch Mal so we could concentrate on the house (he immediately fell in love with his room, playing "peek-a-boo" in the closet the whole time), Mal, and I had a picnic lunch at Jones Brothers Park. It was raining, but we were under a pavillion. It was beautiful. Knowing how close that would be... It just added to the house's value.

The sales process was riddled with frantic hurry-ups and unbearable waits, as per usual... but buying a house in 2016 is so much easier than buying a house in 1999! Legal digital signatures save so much time and gas, it's just incredible.

Our house is on two lots, and there was a third we wanted, too. So the big hold-up in our process was the site survey. The lot is extremely wooded, and he had a difficult time getting in there and getting everything staked out. They expected the survey to be completed the day after Thanksgiving, and it didn't actually come back until about 8PM on December 14, nearly a week after our contractually-named closing date.

We'd rescheduled so many things (moving box delivery, movers, carpet stretcher, etc.) several times, and were looking at a December 27 move-in, when the planets aligned and the VA appraisal came back in like 18 hours, then the mortgage company funded and the title company scheduled everyone so that we were able to close on December 16. We moved December 22, and have been unpacked since Christmas Eve (I'm a little manic about that whole thing; I hate living out of boxes!).

James' office is closed the week between Christmas and New Year's, which is cool because it's like a paid vacation that doesn't count against his time off, so it's nice that he's able to rest so much of the week, instead of busting it like we did over the weekend!

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who's been excited with and for us. It's a pretty big deal. My husband has never owned a home before, and it's seriously bringing out a side of him I didn't know he had! He has gone to the hardware store pretty much every day but today; he got a work bench; he is talking about all of this stuff he wants to do. It's darn sexy, if you asked me. Which you didn't. Moving on.

D is settled in and drawing. Mal is finding so much to explore, and asking every day for "Star Wars and slide," which is the park, where there are 2 Darth Vaders up for Christmas... and a slide. We are exploring the town and neighboring areas, and meeting our neighbors. So far, so good.

Lots of handyman visits this week. Hopefully by Friday, the money hemorrhage stops, as we'll have everything paid for and handled. Oh, one delightful (?) thing we've found is a lot of the local companies coming out only take cash or checks. Who still has those?! James has to drive in to Cedar Park in the morning to get a money order from our bank. We're going to open up an account with the local bank tomorrow or Friday, too.

So that's it. I'll shut up about it now. Maybe. :) Again, thanks for hanging in with us during this big transition! It's nice to be home.

Why I'll Never Get Into "Direct Marketing" (AKA "MLM")

There are so few things I can't say I'd never do. Honestly, I make it a point pretty much never to say that, because, holy cow, I've done some things in my life that I never would have imagined my doing.

However.

I can promise you, friends and family and all of the internets, I will never get into "sales" with a multi-level marketing format. I just won't. There is literally no life situation in which I could be that would entice me to do direct sales. None. I couldn't. I can't. I would suck at it. And here are some reasons why.

1. "Shamespiration" makes me physically ill. I have friends who post inspirational things on social media, because this is what flows out of them. Some post inspirational things in general. Some about the LGBT community. Some about working out and fitness (to each his own). Some about parenting. Awesome.

But there is a "tone" that comes through certain posts that is a flashing warning signal to me that someone just drank the MLM Kool-Aid and although they're not ready to show their cards yet, they're going to give you a freaking "higher plane" smackdown that's supposed to ripen you for the picking when they're at that place and want to reel you in, if you'll excuse me for mixing metaphors.

Listen, guys, we know this is a thing. A quick Google search, or a look at this cringe-worthy Pinterest page confirms it. Some of those sound great, right? I mean, what's wrong with starting a home-based business? Nothing. But are you really starting a home-based business if you're buying into someone else's business and moving merchandise to your friends and neighbors, really? To me, starting a business means finding a need and meeting it using your own mojo, but I majored in drama, so what do I know?

What's wrong with loving your work? Nothing. But you know who loves his job? My husband. You know what he isn't doing? Shaming people on social media who don't love their jobs as much as he does. Why? Because he's not a douche nugget. No one voted him their personal coach, so he doesn't have to send these malcontent vibes vaguely disguised as "helpful" quotes out into his social circles.

Anyway, this "tactic" is not stealth. We can smell it from a mile away, and if people are at all like me, it just makes us want to run in the other direction.

2. I'm not materialistic. Do you have to be materialistic to get into MLM? Probably not, but, gosh, they sell it like you do.

First, at almost any MLM pep rally, they seem to have a very targeted valet policy, which involves parking all of the Maseratis and Porches and whatnot in front of the venue, lined up nicely, so that "ambassadors" or whatever can take pictures of the amazing wheels, the purchase of which selling Company XYZs whatever facilitated. So they post these pictures to the tune of "See what you could have if you were doing what I'm doing?"

Second, photos of income checks. Seriously, people?! Did your parents not teach you that some things are just gauche? Think about it: There are LOTS of self-employed people. Does your independent insurance agent post his paychecks online? Or talk about how much money he makes? Your doctor? Your kids' teacher? Besides, if someone who provides a product or service to you is bragging about how very VERY much money they're making, wouldn't you be suspicious about what they're charging you?

I know, I know. They're not posting for the customers. They're posting for the down-link. It's really sleazy, if you asked me. It's like taking your privates out in public and bragging about them. If you're the real deal, and you're actually confident, and you have something worth having, you don't need to show it off. It just is what it is.

3. I'm content. Or maybe I should say that I'm not ambitious. My life is not extraordinary. It's pretty low key and I'm sure not many people notice it. I influence my immediate surroundings, but that's about it. And you know what? I'm good with it. A lot of direct marketing people talk about dreaming big, scary dreams. Well, maybe I have some of those in the pipeline, too, but you know what? They have literally zero to do with selling crap, and they have literally zero to do with raking in a bunch of cash at the expense of my relationships, counting on former friends and family either to buy from or sell under me. They have nothing to do with how much money I can make to buy my "freedom" to do what I really want to do. I want nothing but a full night's sleep, and obviously I could have someone manage the kid so I could sleep through, if I REALLY wanted that more than anything else, but apparently, I have different priorities. So even my most basic dreams are tempered by the fact that I'm not willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want.

According to the MLM machine, I'm to be pitied for the small life I'm willing to accept. Whatever. I'm pretty happy. Guess I'm just dumb and ignorant that way. There are worse things.

4. I am not willing to alienate my true friends and family. I'm just going to be honest here: I've noticed that, while it seems like most friends have longtime friends who try to be supportive when they first start with "direct marketing," over time, the only people responding to their tired old posts about their incredible lives with this company are other people involved in the selling. Where did their old friends and family go? It's just exhausting to feel "sold to" all of the time. There are the "informative" social media posts (which are actually touting whatever product it is, and/or bashing alternate products), the aforementioned "shamespiration" posts, the sales notices, the party notices... oh, and speaking of that...

THE "PARTIES," man. Those are the worst! "Free food" and "you don't have to buy anything" have to be the most disingenuous phrases ever. A party should have food, and you shouldn't have to buy anything. Those things aren't parties. They're sales conferences. I've been invited to so many "fun nights with some friends" to "help" a mutual friend with their "business" by acquaintances who have never before and not once since ever tried to get together with me on a personal level. Not one-on-one and not with several friends. It's not a party. It's not a social event. Don't insult us by pretending it is. I would never do that to people I respected and cared about... well, or to anyone, because... ugh. And that's why I can never do this stuff.

Once, a lady in Las Vegas invited me to a girls' night at her house. She'd hosted one or two before, but this time, after everyone had RSVPed and signed up for what food to bring, she let us know that she'd told one of the guests she could make her Southern Living Home presentation at the beginning, THEN we'd all party and head out to the pool, and don't worry, you don't have to buy anything, but, hey, let's all spend 40 minutes gushing over the cool stuff while the sign-up sheet goes around, anyway, and some of us are just fuming that we got bait-and-switched. Scummy business practice.

5. I'm too frugal (cheap?). I do not care what anyone says. I just don't. Whether it's Pampered Chef or Jamberry or Scentsy or Avon or anything... I know people have their favorite products from those lines, but I'm going to tell you something: You can get all of that stuff from other stores, usually cheaper and often much, much cheaper. The company line is that somehow, their products really are different enough that the ones at the stores are somehow inferior. There have been tests done. Yeah, I'm sure that there have. Whatever. No. I can't spend $25 on something I could get for $8.50 just because someone would rather push that stuff than work at McDonald's. I couldn't buy it myself as a distributor, either. I'm just way too conscious about what things costs and how much I spend.

6. I don't like being played. Here's the deal, guys. Did you ever go to church camp when you were younger, and you felt very close to God and then came home and after a while, you just felt achingly "normal" again? You learn that these are "mountaintop experiences" and while they're meaningful and all, that kind of emotional enthusiasm can't be sustained; you have to have something deeper. (And if you don't have a faith story like that, it can really be anything: when you won a spelling bee and felt super smart and loved school, or when you finally kissed that guy for the first time after having dreamt about it for twenty-plus years, or whatever.)

The "pep rallies" those companies have are exactly that. They have to keep whipping their distributors into a frenzy, reselling themselves over and over again so people don't get fed up and stop. When friends post pictures from their "awesome" weekend, I don't think, "Gosh, what a great life!" I think, "Gee, how are they getting caught up on their weekend chores, like ever?"

There's a scene from my favorite show, Scarecrow and Mrs. King, when they travel to a franchisee meeting for Marvelous Marvin's Hamburgers, and everyone very heartily sings this really stupid song that goes, "Let’s go to Marvin’s, and bite into a smile… We know you love burgers, so we go that extra mile… With juicy double patties, cheese, tomatoes, onions too. Served any way you like them, ‘cause we make them just for you…" That is what I picture in my head any time anyone goes to one of these things.

And what makes it *worse* is when God is mixed in. When a company leader hires a famous Christian musician to come "lead worship" at their sales convention? I'm sorry, people, but that's disgusting. I'm not judging any one person's experience here, because worship can and does happen anywhere and everywhere and that's fine. But to me, a company calculatingly uses (and abuses, in the Ten Commandment sort of way) God's name when it tries to create a camaraderie based on a common faith. It's wrong. They know what they're doing, even if the attendees don't. Please don't argue with me about this. Just because I'm cynical doesn't mean that I'm wrong. I'm 100% not wrong.

7. I can't play the games. In addition to the social media posts that don't come from the heart (I never ever do throw-backs, or change my profile picture in solidarity, or repost something I've been told to do, or participate in challenges, etc. so you can darn well bet I'm not going to post something my "boss" tells me to post on MY social media account), and the "acting like we're friends, but I really want to be your business associate (read: make money off of you)", and the general smarminess of hitting up friends and family, there's something else lots of MLM people do: Hit up strangers in public places.

I actually was asked in a Walmart to do a makeover for Avon, because of my beautiful skin, back when D was a baby and we lived in Vegas. I knew it was a sales thing, but I wanted to go because it was an excuse to get out of the house and have a few minutes to myself.

First, this lady had a legit cosmetics counter (think Dillard's) in her living room. She had drunk the 10-gallon Coleman cooler, man. Also, everything but that counter and the kitchen table had dust on it. Lots of dust. Even the kitchen cabinet doors. Vertical dust. She asked me if I wanted a drink, but I was too scared.

So she did the facial, then explained that she'd need to do the make-up part at a separate visit. I didn't buy anything that day because I was annoyed by her stupid game. I'd gone fully prepared to make some purchase, but instead told her I'd wait to see how my skin looked later and let her know.

When I went back for the make-up part, that was when the fun really started.

Toward the beginning, she handed me a concealer after putting some under my eyes, and she told me I could put it anywhere I had problem areas. I think I had a zit or something at the time, and I covered it. I handed it back to her, and she seemed disappointed, "That's it?" Well, yeah. Sorry I like my face.

Then she put on the foundation. She turned me away from the mirror to do the rest of it. When she got done, she was like a preschooler at Christmas. She turned me back toward the mirror, and... I thought, "This is too much makeup." But it didn't look bad. She'd given me a couple of tips I was able to use later, in every day wear, as well as a couple of things I used when we had pictures made. So I studied myself, smiled, and said, "It looks nice."

Once again, I apparently crushed her expectations.

"'Nice'?! Most women CRY when they see themselves for the first time."

Again, my obnoxious contentment with the normal, less covered-up state of my face just ruined everything for this woman.

In the end, I bought a couple of things, but I really hated the foundation. I never wear foundation, and the Avon foundation in particular, I could smell all day. I never stopped smelling it. It was not good.

Anyway, I wouldn't invite strangers into my home. I wouldn't approach a stranger under the guise of doing them some solid. I hate it when it's done to me, and maybe that's the thing: I have actual empathy and a desire to see people go about their lives happily instead of that "I know what would make you happy; do what I do, dammit!"

8. This attitude:

So, that's it, then? It's all about getting paid. It's about someone making money, honestly, even if it IS a scam (and pyramids always are, because someone's always at the bottom and gets screwed... which is why I also don't do those "mail one person a book and you'll get 36 books in two months" things, because they break down and someone loses). Even if it alienates friends and family. Even if it's just a flash in the pan and doesn't amount to anything ten years from now but a waste of your time and relationships. Even with all of that, at least for a while, you still get paid. Congratulations. And no thanks.



P.S. If you're in a direct marketing situation and you want to argue with me about how none of this is true, don't bother. It's true in the experiences I've had, so you don't need to defend a specific company, or try to convince me that it's different, better, the ambassadors are happy, etc. If you want to make a difference in the reputation of MLMs, then DO STUFF BETTER. Do it differently. The structure makes me skeptical that that is a possibility, but that's the only way you can change my mind. Words won't. I've experienced this for more than half of my middle-aged life.

Professional Renewal

My insurance license is up for renewal, and over the past couple of years, I've had the "opportunity" (responsibility, duty, state mandate) to take some continuing education courses. Of course, I've learned a lot, and some of the classes are really interesting (and some are like those defensive driving classes you have to take when you get a ticket... or so I've heard, because I have never gotten a ticket - at least not according to my driving record), but what has often struck me most is something about me. (Are you surprised? This is my blog, after all.)

Somehow, over and over in my life, I find myself involved in what I consider to be "professional" careers. I have a great phone demeanor; seriously, I have won an award for it. But I'm not what I would consider to be a serious, business-minded person. I don't know how I kept my job at Terra West for as long as I did. I have a hunch that I amused Darlene and she kept me around to see what I'd do next. How on earth I ended up with a real estate license, managing properties, is beyond me. I was way out of my league. I always knew that it was just a matter of time before I was discovered to be a fraud and lost my job. Which did happen. And when it did, Darlene just moved me over to technology instead of property management.

Now, a decade and a half later, I have my insurance license and am again an agent. People have to have insurance, and I want to help them find the best deal for the best coverage, because that is my job and I do take doing a good job seriously. But I'm not a salesperson. I won't call you if you don't call me first. If you don't buy from me, I don't lose sleep over it (and not just because I'm hourly, so it doesn't matter to my personal bottom line). When there's talk of upping retention and percentage of new customers, my mind doesn't jump to ways to make that happen.

And, today, sitting in a room full of grown-up people, I did feel like the one dork kid who showed up wearing bright spring colors and without a shiny purse and clacking heels to show how very serious I am about the whole enterprise. (Then there's my Quidditch backpack I always use when I ride my bike... which was the lone bicycle at the Convention Center bike racks.)

When it comes to business crowds, I truly feel like an interloper. When a man walked by saying, "You can't expect a harvest if you don't till the ground!" excitedly, as it refers to sales, I had no context because, first of all, I don't garden (although I did trench a bunch of caliche in Las Vegas to save $900 on our landscaping... and wished very much 1/3 of the way through that I hadn't). And, second of all, because I can't imagine what "tilling the ground" might mean metaphorically in terms of preparing a field of customers.

I got some cool new information I'll be happy to implement, but I was most excited about the fact that the breakfast buffet had grilled pineapple and apple slices. This is the reality of who I am.

Who knows what's next? I might be in my 60s and find myself on a college board of directors somehow. If that is the case, I have no doubt that my priority at every meeting will be browsing snacks and maybe tucking a can of complimentary soda into my purse to take home for later. And I'll probably be wearing high-tops, too. And feeling out of place. Wondering why I'm not raking in the acting offers and whatnot. Seems like that's what I should be doing, right?