Shopping With Mal

I'm building a thing called a Moxon vise.

It's basically a really big and powerful extra hand you can use to hold your wood while you're shaping it.

I was stupid enough to decide to build it out of hickory. Or maybe it's pecan...lumber yards treat them interchangeably.

They make baseball bats out of the same stuff. This wood is ridiculously hard and difficult to work which is probably why it's so beautiful if it's worked well.

I know it's good exercise, but my back really regrets the decision to tackle it.

I have the basic shape in place. I'm in the process of shaving the main parts from 1.75 inches thick to a measly 1.5 inches.

I looked it up. The power tools to do this sort of thing start at $3000. They're really heavy, and they take up a lot more room than a little hand-plane cabinet would.

I'm not sure the few hundred dollars I've spent in this direction, along with all the blood and sweat (no tears yet) that I've poured into this really tiny piece of the puzzle, were a better choice.

They feel better to me. I'm getting exercise and activating creative parts of my brain. And I've learned more about wood than I ever imagined there was to know when I was mangling it using power tools. I could wax poetic.

Laura assures me that the hand tools are basically silent, even though she's rightfully concerned about how much it's costing us for me to get started on this new project.

And none of that matters for the point at hand.

I wanted to buy a couple of things on Saturday. I wanted a little can for dispensing oil. And I wanted a couple of carriage bolts so I can screw in some tabs to make that vise sit flush with my work table.

I invited Mal to come along. His first reaction was some nonsense from a video. I was shocked to discover that he meant "Yes."

Home Depot didn't have oil cans that I could find.

I did ask.

Mal really hated their Halloween display. He doesn't understand why people enjoy anything that's scary.

He fixated on 

1. a Mickey/Minnie Mouse display, where there's a witch running from Ooogie-Boogie from Nightmare Before Christmas and 
2. a really creepy clown in a giant jack-in-the-box display.
   

We walked past them a couple of times before he decided that was enough. 

I tried to explain that it helps to laugh at things that seem scary when you know they can't really hurt you. He doesn't seem get the distinction.

Just before we left, Mal decided that he was tired and that his mask hurt.

Hey, I found the carriage screws and matching wing nuts.

We moved on to Harbor Freight.

I know their products are not exactly top-notch. But their website claimed they have something that resembles an oil can for $4, if you go to the physical store. I also thought about buying another set of files plus a light while I was picking up that oil can.

The one employee I could find thought they might be in the automotive aisle, assuming they sell such a ridiculous item.

While I hunted, Mal decided that it would be fun to run around in different aisles.

Until it wasn't. He tried to tell me that he couldn't find me, but I didn't hear him. He got pretty upset by that.

They didn't have an oil can either. I wound up buying a vintage one from ebay for $5.

 Later, I thanked Mal for going with me. His company had made it much more enjoyable.

He told me not so much.

Laura explained that his love language is disdain.

A birthday celebration, COVID-style

 We have a six-year-old! Here he is.

We usually have a party for him at a place where I don't have to do anything but pay people to host his birthday party, but, you know. This year. I mean, Chuck E. Cheese and Urban Air and all of those places actually ARE hosting birthday parties, but everyone has to wear masks unless they're actively eating, so... meh. (Again, I'm pro-mask but hate wearing them.)

SO... for my niece's son's birthday, his dad rented a bounce house from Austin Bounce Rentals, where they have a 4-days-for-4-hour rental rate. This seemed like a cool idea, and we decided to do it for Mal, and then invite one friend over every day that we had it. I mean, it was a cool idea. But we're just really tired and ready to stay home and be potatoes for the next week!

Anyway, they brought the bounce house Wednesday, the day before Mal's actual birthday. His friend Alexei came that day, and brought his little sisters Anya and Adelina. It was our first chance to see baby Adelina, and she's super precious! The kids had lots of fun; we haven't seen each other since February. They've all grown up so much!

They brought Mal a cool foam ball slingshot and a bunch of Mario magnets. Mal has had a blast creating "scenes" for us on the refrigerator.

Thursday, on the actual birthday, Fox came over with his big brother, John Paul, and his little brother, Rex. The bounce house wasn't wanting to stay up, and after a while we just shut it off. The boys found plenty to do, and had fun running around half-naked and then spraying each other with the garden hose.

Fox brought Mal a BUNCH of Hershey bars (which is what I'd told his mom Mal liked when she asked) and also a Star Wars LEGO set and a couple of Star Wars books. One of them is kind of a who's who and the other is an Eye-Spy-type book where you find Chewbacca and a bunch of bounty hunters on every page.

Friday was family day. Ken, Travis, Tian, Hannah and Chance, and Pappy and Nana came out. The bounce house place had brought us a second blower, so we were going strong again.

The Brownies got Mal four Super-Mario-themed Hot Wheels, and Nana and Pappy brought him some Sonic LEGOs (which they're building in the picture above). We'd actually given Mal a set of Super Mario LEGOs, so he really has an embarrassment of riches, building-bricks-wise.

Today was the last party day, and it went so well. I was basically exhausted this morning, and not terribly excited to have more company. But Mal and Harrison played together beautifully, and it was the first day that it was hot enough to turn the water on in the bounce house and have it feel REALLY good.

It was a great week, catching up with friends we haven't seen in a while, and playing outside SO much. It was fun celebrating with Mal!

In the midst of all of this, we had another episode of needing Mal to take magnesium citrate, and he's gotten to be such a dang trooper about it. Also, no, his tooth hasn't fallen out yet.

The bounce house goes away tomorrow, and when I reminded Mal of this, he cried. A lot. He thought I'd bought it. I tried to calm him down by saying we could certainly look for a bounce house (although a toddler-sized one I looked at earlier this year was $700; the one we rented would be about $1200 used and more than $2000 new) later, and I think Mal's onto my stalling tactics. He said, "Mom, I'm afraid you're not going to do what you are saying." He's not wrong. I don't lie to him, but I do sometimes say things to calm him down like this, even though I know there's no way we're buying a bounce house. Sigh. He's getting so big. And cynical. Just like everyone else in the household. I'm both proud and concerned because now I have to think of something different to do.

Further (Non)Adventures in Dentistry, and also Homeschooling

In case you're wondering, Mal has not lost his tooth yet. Nor has he gone to the dentist. It got loose enough that I canceled a tentative appointment I had scheduled for yesterday.

I have a friend who'd highly recommended her kids' dentist, saying that her older child is a lot like Mal, and that they managed to fill his cavities without his really even noticing. I looked them up, though, and they had a lot of 5-star reviews, and a fair number (maybe a third) of 1-star reviews. A couple of the 1-star reviews said things like, "The technician was taking x-rays and wanted my child to get her tongue out of the way, but wasn't explaining it in a way that a 6-year-old could understand. Instead, she got impatient and shoved her tongue out of the way. My daughter didn't say anything, but had silent tears pouring down her cheeks." Uh, hard pass for that one.

I found a closer dentist with all 5-star reviews, save one who was charged by his insurance more than he expected for an extraction, and I'll deal with surprise billings all day long over having my kid's trauma at the dentist's office magnified by personnel who don't deal well with children. The receptionist was extremely kind, and I'll take Mal in eventually. If I didn't think his tooth would fall out on its own, I would do it now. But the COVID waiver we had to sign, specifically noting how dentistry uses spray that creates more water droplets and therefore increases the risks, gave me pause about visiting for a non-emergent situation.

In other news, we've visited Lakewood Park a few times since we went to the grand opening. Mal told me yesterday that it's "my new favorite park!" We met a homeschool family there one of the days, and... Maybe it's just having been home for so long with just a simpatico family, but, man, people are a lot.

Since we've been social distancing (which has now been in excess of 6 months, for those of you reading this in the future who do not have the context that all of the present-day pandemic-weary readers have), there have been two times that I've just thought, "WHY. Why do I need to know people?" And the real reason for now is that I want Mal to have friends, and without my driving and organizing, that won't happen.

But in one case, a child's adult caregiver said something to me that was SUPER racist. I, of course, immediately pushed back on the idea, and in time this person acknowledged the mistake. But good grief! I know this person and cannot believe that's truly how they think. Or thought? Hopefully it's in the past now.

Then another time, it was with a newish friend Mal was making, and Mal was playing well with both the younger daughter and the son. At one point, he wanted to go into the girl's room, and she didn't want him to. He complained to me, and I said, "That's fine. Just play in his room." And the parent said, "You wouldn't want to play in there, anyway. It's just a bunch of girl toys." I noticed that the girl had a Peppa Pig camper van, which also has. 

Later, I overheard Mal say something like, "That makes you sound like a girl!" I remarked to the parent, "He will say things like that, and I'm always on him with, 'What does a girl "sound like"?'" Then the parent said, "Oh, I always show them girl and boy stuff because I don't want them to be... you know..." Now, I know what I thought might be coming, and it was not this: "Gay." I almost exploded laughing. I wanted to say, "That's not how it works!" or "You don't get to choose that!" But then I was immediately saddened because I realized that it would be very hard to have our children grow up together with such divergent views on gender roles and child autonomy.

Or maybe I'm just too emotionally spent to put out any further energy on dealing with people I don't have to deal with.

Which brings us back to the family we met with last week. 

They were very focused on academic achievement. VERY. The things that their objectively adorable and bright child said made it clear that excelling in this area is a badge of honor in their household. Also, the child mentioned to me that the parents do not allow one of Mal's favorite shows to be viewed in their home. Wheee. Fun.

Fortunately, these kids AND their moms get along just fine.

I definitely want to have a variety of friends who don't necessarily think exactly like I do or believe the same things I believe. But here are some things I have problems with: First off, excluding anyone out-of-hand isn't okay. And I don't want to talk negatively about others, especially in front of kids. Like, cool that the way you're doing things works for you and your child is thriving. We can talk about that. But I don't want to talk about how miserably the public schools are failing everyone, because they're a great choice for a lot of parents and kids. Public schools can be good, and private schools can be good, and homeschooling can be good. It's not a zero-sum game. 

Secondly, the way you school, and the way you eat, and the amount of hands-on/hands-off parenting you do, etc. is all great. I'm glad it's working for you! But I also don't want to judge other people or feel judged because I'd be nervous if my kid climbed up an open-air 40-foot structure that was not intended to be climbed, or because I brought soda instead of water, or because I do not care at all that my son just misspelled "egg" aloud. Whatever. I'm not going to look down on anyone because of what they're wearing, or what their hair looks like, or the fact that their elementary-aged child still doesn't know how to tie a shoe.

I don't assume that I have the parenting thing cornered, or the schooling thing cornered. But I know myself, and I know my kids, and I know what works best for us. It's true that I breastfed longer than "normal" and that my friend who decided that once her kids turned 4 that she was out of the butt-wiping game would be horrified to know how much help Mal still needs in the restroom. He also has, as you well know, some "issues." But he also refuses to "learn" how to brush his teeth. And it's not like we can just say, "Fine, then; we just won't do it." Because I'm concerned enough about dental decay and neglect that I'll brush his teeth until he's 8, if I have to. That's my choice because of our circumstances, and maybe that seems repellant to others (it would have to me 10 years ago, too!), but... we're all on our own journey, and I'm not going to look upon with disdain parents who are choosing to send their kids to school where they have to wear masks all day and be exposed to "noxious chemicals." We're all trying our best!

That's it. I just don't have patience to deal with creating arbitrary hierarchies where the choices I or a group of which I am a part are making happen to be at the top of that structure, with everyone else well below. And sometimes it takes several times of meeting and conversing for that to pop up, but sometimes it's just right there on the surface. Those are a lot easier.

To end on a positive note, I'm super grateful for two friends I have, one a parent and one not, who like to talk about ideas and about getting better and about being humane and gentle with each other.

Now I have to go because Mal wants to flip over me because the phrase "almost 50" means nothing to him. 

Cooking by Moonlight

Background

Part of my exploration into wood working has been delving into the question: "How do I keep my tools from rusting?"

I really should have links for reference. If I were a conscientious writer, I'd go back and look up my sources.

One video I watched boiled it down to this:

For the bulk of your tools that you actually use, the key is to oil your metal surfaces and then apply paste wax.

Well, it's actually quite a bit more involved than that. Step one is to control the environment in which you store your tools. Oil and paste wax is probably step two.

But, for purposes of this blog post, I want to focus on the "oil and paste wax" portion.

What does "oil" actually mean?

In this day and age, to almost everyone in America, it means a little 3-in-1 oil. Which really is just a variant of mineral oil.

Mineral oil is an extremely pure petroleum distillate. It's the base product for a long list of light machine oils. It's also the major component in baby oil and a lot of cosmetics.

I'd rather avoid petrochemicals. It's probably a stupid hippy thing. Putting mineral oil on my tools to keep them from rusting isn't going to destroy the environment.

But I want to do whatever I can to be a good steward of the earth.

And it isn't like Charles Ingles had ready access to extremely refined petroleum to keep his tools from rusting.

So I dug a little deeper.

Boiled Linseed Oil

I wound up in a blog post from a blacksmith who insists that mineral oil is ridiculous. Use boiled linseed oil (aka BLO) instead. It basically builds a waterproof plastic coating around the metal. Wood workers complain that it leaves a gummy residue, but that's because they're doing it wrong. The trick is to apply a light film and wipe off the excess. Otherwise the outside hardens from air exposure while the inside remains gooey.

I was almost convinced, until I ran across a post by a wood worker who'd tried this specific technique.

After a few years, he has a grimy build-up on all his tools.

I read a few other blog/forum posts that talked about the technique. It seems like you really need to apply it hot, sort of like seasoning a cast iron skillet. Coat the iron after it's cooled down to around 250F, and apply the BLO when it will smoke off.

I don't believe that 250F would ruin the temper of any of my tools, but I still don't want to bake them in our oven. Aside from the smells and the fire alarms, that can't be good for the wooden handles.

Besides, BLO isn't really what I'd consider something as pure as simple oil of linseed (aka flax) that had been boiled for a while.

It's actually been mixed with noxious chemicals that help it dry faster. In fact, they work so well that the rags used to apply it can self-combust.

I don't know whether that happens with the "more natural" version. Assuming you can find it., it seems safer to assume it's possible.

Walnut Oil

The same (blacksmith?) blogger who recommended BLO so highly also recommended walnut oil out of the salad dressing section at your local super market.

This approach is really tempting to me.

It's both natural and food-safe.

Several people warned that this and any other plant-based oil will turn rancid. That blogger insisted this was nonsense.

I should explore this option more thoroughly.

Turpentine

Another poster raved on and on about the wonders of using turpentine. No one has an explanation for why it works so well, but his tools remain rust-free, and he can tell a difference.

Lanolin

I felt like I hit a breakthrough when I ran across a Ren Faire knight who was looking for more historically authentic ways to protect his weapons and armor from rust.

The historical record seems to be very limited on this subject.

People were interested in the results of what things like swords and knives and chisels and hammers could do. They weren't all that interested in writing about the tools themselves, much less their preservation.

Actually, all those details were heavily guarded trade secrets that were passed from master to apprentice and seem to be lost to history.

I ran across one really long conversation thread about this. Pretty much every post in the thread had been moderated away as "citation needed." This was from historians.

However:

It does seem to be widely accepted that knights used wool-lined sheaths for their swords.

And the rich ones had an army of servants to care for their gear.

There are a *lot* of stories about iron gates into sheep paddocks. The sheep like to rub up against them. The parts the sheep can reach have remained pristine for centuries.

The rest are rusted-out garbage. 

Someone reported excellent results from a mix (by volume) of 5:1 mineral spirits  to 1 lanolin.

He managed to find the paywall for a peer-reviewed scientific paper that established that this mixture needed around 12.5% lanolin by weight.

The original mix was somewhere around 22% lanolin by weight, which was plenty.

The Poor Version

It seems like poorer knights used animal fat to keep their weapons oiled. I'm sure that smelled even nastier than the rancid vegetarian version.

And So I Found a Plan

I decided that, for "oil," I'd use a 4:1 mix of turpentine:lanoline.

Chainsaw Oil

We rented a chainsaw the other day (another long story). These spew oil as part of their standard operations. The instructions warn to keep the reservoir topped up. And be sure to use real chainsaw oil rather than something like brake fluid.

Chainsaw oil is specifically formulated to not sling off the tip as the chain spins around the blade.

It's also bio-degradable and environmentally. And specifically designed to not mess up the wood you're cutting.

I'd already ordered the ingredients I wanted for my original plan, but I want to do more research into this.

What About Paste Wax?

This is a mix of wax and oil.

There are a ton of different options here.

What comes to my mind is "Turtle Wax," which was a brand when I was a kid.

It boils (heh) down to different proportions of BLO and some kind of wax.

There are some really involved recipes available.

What about non-noxious BLO?

This one was surprisingly tough.

It's rare enough that they don't even call it "boiled." Now the plain boring boiled kind is called "polymerized."

The basic point is the same either way. Raw linseed oil takes forever to dry. BLO is going to dry faster than the polymerized version.

Tried & True Danish Oil is supposed to be just about the cleanest and purest source of BLO that's available. Supposedly they "just" boil it and then do very light processing. Reviews are extremely mixed. One explanation I've found is that quality control is extremely erratic. My personal guess is that it isn't as heavily processed as what we're used to getting, so fine-tuned quality control is nearly impossible.

The only alternative I've found is boiling your own. Which is supposed to be fairly involved. I found one recipe that involved heating it to 300C for a few hours in an air-tight container.

I don't have any idea how this actually works yet.

What About the Recipes?

These are the simplest that I found.

Medium Thickness: 1/3 cup wax, 1/2 cup oil

Hard Mix: 1 cup wax, 1/2 cup oil

"Fluid" mix: 1 cup oil, 1/3 cup wax

I went with beeswax. I heated it in a double boiler I improvised out of a brownie pan and soup can on a little portable stove thing. (For some reason or other, Laura didn't want me doing this in the house). I've never used a double boiler this way. I was really surprised that the water never actually boiled. It got really close, and there were a few times that it did bubble, but I think the extra heat it could have used for that got transferred into the can for the wax's state change.

It seemed to take forever to melt the first 1/3 cup of wax.

Then I sat around waiting for an entire cup to melt. I didn't think it was actually going to happen.

After it finally did, the second 1/3 cup seemed to happen very quickly.

The liquid wax congealed very quickly into the BLO. It was similar to adding lemon juice or vinegar to milk to curdle it.

I'm waiting to see how these turned out. 

What Happened to that 4:1 turpentine:lanolin?

When we uncovered the basic pieces last weekend, I had an extra jug of mineral spirits available.

The can is pretty rusty. I suspect I may have bought this back around 2002 when I briefly flirted with candle making in Nederland.

It seemed to make sense to get rid of this first.

Compared to the wax, the lanolin melted pretty much instantly. Then again, I also made a very small batch.

Where's the Story?

This part really wasn't all that interesting.

I started to set things out as a guy showed up to mow our yard. We got a break from the drought, so our grass got delusions of grandeur. We can't allow that.

This was around 4 pm, so it was hot. I decided I'd rather wait for him to finish up than force him to work around me. Plus I needed a nap.

Laura decided to go for a ride on the bike she got for D's birthday. It was supposed to be for D, but it's been sitting in our shed gathering rust for almost a year now. We broke it out the other day when we freed up space for my supplies (which is a different story). So Laura's decided that she's going to take advantage of it.

I warned Mal that we were both going outside, to try to avoid a freak-out. He vaguely acknowledged that I'd spoken.

I went outside and started puttering.

Laura's legs were jelly when she got back from her ride. Mal tried to convince her to come inside and play with him. She promised that she would, as soon as she felt like she could stand up safely.

She was in sad enough shape that she managed to convince him to go inside and fetch her some water.

Then he joined me on the back porch for a while.

After a while, he disappeared. She joined me, and we chatted until about sunset.

She turned on the porch light and brought me a headlamp so I could see what I was doing.

The bugs really liked the lamp. We've used these on walks a few times, and it's never been that bad. I don't know whether it's because we have something like a real green belt right behind our back yard or if it was due to the recent rain.

Whatever the reason, they were thick. At one point, I had at least a couple crawling on my forehead, another buzzing in my ear, and another flew up my nose.

A couple landed in the nearly boiling water. If I hadn't been so irritated with them in general, I probably would have felt worse about that.

All in all, it took about 3 hours to go from "I'm heating up the water" to "Everything is cleaned up and put away."

Sources

BLO and paint thinner vs rust

A New Hobby

A while back, Laura pointed out that we could use another set of bookshelves to get a bunch of stuff off the floor in my office.

We shopped around a bit.

I was overwhelmed by the price tags.

We could spend anywhere from $100 to $300 at Ikea. That stuff seems to all be made out of particle board with a thin veneer, which offends my sensibilities. And gives Mal something else to destroy.

Or we could spend $600+ on something nice. Which seems a little ridiculous for bookshelves.

I came up with the brilliant idea of making my own.

This is something that both my father and maternal grandfather really loved to do in their spare time. Our family never had much money, but they were skilled enough craftspeople that we had nice wooden stuff. And my mom was good enough with a sewing machine that I always had nice clothes, before she switched from making them to buying them off the rack. (Probably because I was an idiot who didn't appreciate what I had).

Wood working is something with which I've dabbled over the years. But I've only ever really built very rough pieces (like a frame for a trailer that we used to haul a bunch of stuff from Dallas to Boulder).

Somewhere along the line, I've convinced myself that I don't want to use power tools. They're loud and dangerous. And very imprecise.

Laura, ever practical, asked how long this was likely to take.

I recommended that she keep an eye open for shelves on our local "buy nothing" group.

It turns out that I was pretty realistic there. She found the shelves weeks before I was ready to build anything.

At this point, I feel like I have more than enough tools and knowledge to start on a real project. I still need more practice before I risk expensive wood, but not a lot.

I think my biggest impediment now is actually buying that wood. The nearest store to get decent wood is about half an hour away. And they're only open from 8-5 during the week.

Well, that and picking out a starter project.

We're still discussing options there.

I'm leaning toward another bookshelf to replace one of the particle board ones that's served us so well for so long. Laura's angling for a pergola that runs down the walkway from our front porch to the street.

Saturday in the Park, think it was September the 5th

Yesterday was the grand opening for a neighborhood park in Leander. Because of COVID, they were taking reservations for two-hour spots, and since they had a splash pad, I hopped on that puppy.

An aside -- Having to preplan to use the greenbelt or water features has been a major pain in the rear for a lot of people, but for myself, who rarely just thinks, "Let's get in the car and go hike!" out of the blue, this has been absolutely one of the best things about enforcing physical distance between people. I loved it at Jellystone when the pool was at 1/4 capacity, and it turned out GREAT for us yesterday at Lakewood Park.

So much room, so few people.

It's a neat park, too. Will likely be packed with folks when we return to "normal," so I appreciate our getting to explore it with a dozen or so families instead of the whole town. They had vendors, too, and we made sure to buy a drink from one because I'm sure they would have had a better time with it packed out.

The limiting admittance thing has been my absolute biggest plus of the past few months. I do not say this to be callous; I realize people are struggling and that there is illness and loss. It's seriously the luck of privilege (our circumstances, location, etc.) that has minimized the true suffering in this pandemic. I do not take that for granted.

But a lot of people have been quite vocal in advocating that we return to full open to all green common spaces (and when I say "we," I really mean Austin) since tax dollars pay for it (and the same could be said about our local park, which is closed on holiday weekends to minimize excessive wear-and-tear as well as outsized burdens on our small local EMS and police force). However, we're seeing that just hordes of people "enjoying" nature also harms it. There is garbage, foliage trampled, and dog feces in and around the trails and in the water. Noise pollution doesn't irreparably damage those spaces, but for the people who are there when a couple of other folks have music playing on their phone speakers, it definitely blunts the quiet communion with nature.

So if, going forward, they decided to open half of the spots up for reservations and the other half walk-up, but then close entry until other people had left, I would not complain. 

One more kind of cool thing from the weekend:

Friday, the live-action film of Mulan was released on Disney+. We certainly would have gone to the theater if that had been an option, so we went ahead and paid for premier access. It was great (except that the trope of scarring the bad guy is lazy and needs to go away; there were plenty of warriors in the film, and somehow only the villain has facial scars? Do better.). Really a beautiful film that I look forward to watching again soon.

After that, we went to Moonie's to get burgers, and then took them to Veteran's Memorial Park for a picnic. The sun was going down, it was a relatively cool day, and because we've just been home for so long, it felt like a really big deal. 

The Trials and Tribulations of Mal's Teeth

Catching you up: Mal had a couple of cavities that involved 4 teeth, and so in January 2019, he went under anesthesia to have them fixed. He is an absolute wreck at the dentist, and would never let them examine his teeth too closely, much less actually clean them. I had been concerned about the anesthesia part, but it went very well.

The dentistry? It sucked. They ended up putting silver caps on all 4 of his bottom molars (two teeth didn't have decay, but I guess they were trying to pre-empt damage?), and his top two front teeth had roughly-tooth-colored treatments.

Problem was, the front teeth quickly discolored. They're yellowish and just unattractive. About a year ago, the right one appears to have slipped loose just a little, but it's still hanging on. Then in early 2020, one of the silver caps got a hole in it and fell out!

As I've mentioned, we have issues with the dentist, so we just decided to brush and try to keep any decay at bay. It was a tooth that didn't have existing decay, although now it has "cavities" in it, as they drilled a couple of holes, and who knows what they were thinking... 

Anyway, his mouth area is pretty dicey and we live in fear that he'll have a problem that requires professional intervention, because... it's just a whole big thing and I hate it so very much.

There have been a couple of times recently when Mal has complained that we were hurting his teeth in the back when we brushed; one of them is on the cap-less side. After a week or so of trying to figure out what to do, we realized that his 6-year-molars are coming in and the pain was probably from teething.

One tooth erupted, on the opposite side of the tooth that lost the cap. We're watching the other side.

Then guess what? Yesterday, Mal told us, "I have a tooth behind my tooth!"

Sure enough, his bottom front right tooth has the adult tooth growing in already. I've asked him over the past probably six months whether he has any teeth loose, and he has been totally disinterested in wiggling to see. Now this. The tooth has broken through all the way, and his baby tooth is a bit loose, so I've given him a week to work with it and try to get the baby tooth out. Otherwise, we'll have to go to the dentist because his adult teeth need room to come in correctly.

Grr. I had teeth that just fell right out because the adult tooth had absorbed the root and pushed them out. OF COURSE this couldn't happen to Mal, because it feels like most things have to be extra difficult for him.

Wish us luck this week. None of us wants to open up the can of worms at the dentist again.

The Penultimate Year of My 40s

My birthday was Sunday, and it sent me down memory lane, thinking about past birthdays:

The one in Las Vegas where my parents took us (and my sister's family and my dear friend Adrienne) out to dinner at P.F. Chang's (remember when you could eat at a restaurant with a bunch of people and no masks?!). On the way to the restaurant, we got a flat tire on I-15, and so I changed it on the side of a busy highway in August while the sun was still up. It was terrifying and sweaty, but somehow I still look fine in the pictures so... ah, youth, I guess?

Then I remembered the year I turned 5 and got Donny and Marie dolls for my birthday. It was in Arkansas, but still late August, so pretty hot, and we had my party outside at a park. It was fun, but when I opened my gifts, the first thing I saw was Donny. And I was MAD. Why the heck would my parents just give me a Donny doll? He didn't even have any hair to brush! I realized as I opened it that Marie was in there, too, just underneath the Donny package. But my mom caught a picture of it, and captioned it as though I were puzzled. I wasn't. I was trying not to cry. 

Whoo, remembering this helps me have grace for my own (and others') children who might not have a polished gratitude game. 

Then there was the birthday 8 years ago when my sister threw me a party and had collected a bunch of letters and cards from far-flung family and friends, and had a party with an intentional Cake Wreck for me. 

After the party, I was to drive to Dallas and take D to see Ken, while I spent the weekend with James. But first, Ken had car trouble and couldn't get to Dallas. D was happy to spend a couple of days with the Brownies. So I made my way north, and the 3.5-hour drive ended up taking 6 hours because a motorcycle had driven off of the Adams/Central overpass to 35 in Temple. While I was extremely sad for the loss of the person who was killed, I was also stressed about driving alone and getting into Dallas that late. I did manage to pull into the parking space at James's apartment at about 11:40 PM, so we got to see each other on my birthday.

It's kind of funny, though... going back in time in my mind made my emotions really raw and I spend a couple of days remembering every time I've said or done something that might have embarrassed or hurt someone, and each time I do that, I contemplate writing apology letters as blog posts. It would take me MONTHS to do all of them. And, I know from experience when I didn't have any more words to write for a novel I was working on during NaNoWriMo 2012 that writing for catharsis is EXHAUSTING. So if I've ever wronged you, please reach out to me and I'll own up to it privately. That way I don't have to worry about the people who don't remember the slights that still weigh heavily on me.

Oh, one final picture and it's from my birthday this year. When I look at it, I think, "If my hair grows this much in one year (and a few months; I stopped coloring it last June), then I feel like it should be A LOT LONGER. I'm not getting it trimmed anymore, and not just because of COVID. I bought the Split-Ender and have used it twice. I'm trying to keep my hair in some shape without getting 2-3 inches chopped off every time I go in for a haircut (which is maybe every 6-9 months). I know it probably makes it healthier, but I want it to be VERY long, then I'll cut off the crap at the bottoms and still have plenty long hair.

P.S. The people in the Split-Ender ad have had their hair razor-cut. It does not make that even a trim, because your hair grows unevenly and it trims off the bottom 1/4 inch, which means it is going to stay uneven and get MORE uneven as your hair grows out. I don't care about that. I rarely have a uniform cut more than a week or two after I get my hair professionally cropped, anyway.