The Trials and Tribulations of Mal's Teeth

Catching you up: Mal had a couple of cavities that involved 4 teeth, and so in January 2019, he went under anesthesia to have them fixed. He is an absolute wreck at the dentist, and would never let them examine his teeth too closely, much less actually clean them. I had been concerned about the anesthesia part, but it went very well.

The dentistry? It sucked. They ended up putting silver caps on all 4 of his bottom molars (two teeth didn't have decay, but I guess they were trying to pre-empt damage?), and his top two front teeth had roughly-tooth-colored treatments.

Problem was, the front teeth quickly discolored. They're yellowish and just unattractive. About a year ago, the right one appears to have slipped loose just a little, but it's still hanging on. Then in early 2020, one of the silver caps got a hole in it and fell out!

As I've mentioned, we have issues with the dentist, so we just decided to brush and try to keep any decay at bay. It was a tooth that didn't have existing decay, although now it has "cavities" in it, as they drilled a couple of holes, and who knows what they were thinking... 

Anyway, his mouth area is pretty dicey and we live in fear that he'll have a problem that requires professional intervention, because... it's just a whole big thing and I hate it so very much.

There have been a couple of times recently when Mal has complained that we were hurting his teeth in the back when we brushed; one of them is on the cap-less side. After a week or so of trying to figure out what to do, we realized that his 6-year-molars are coming in and the pain was probably from teething.

One tooth erupted, on the opposite side of the tooth that lost the cap. We're watching the other side.

Then guess what? Yesterday, Mal told us, "I have a tooth behind my tooth!"

Sure enough, his bottom front right tooth has the adult tooth growing in already. I've asked him over the past probably six months whether he has any teeth loose, and he has been totally disinterested in wiggling to see. Now this. The tooth has broken through all the way, and his baby tooth is a bit loose, so I've given him a week to work with it and try to get the baby tooth out. Otherwise, we'll have to go to the dentist because his adult teeth need room to come in correctly.

Grr. I had teeth that just fell right out because the adult tooth had absorbed the root and pushed them out. OF COURSE this couldn't happen to Mal, because it feels like most things have to be extra difficult for him.

Wish us luck this week. None of us wants to open up the can of worms at the dentist again.

A Whole New World

It's getting hot. Next week, we should hit the 100s for the first time this year; it's a couple of weeks later than last year, I should mention. As hot and yucky as it was last summer, it was a mild one, in terms of Austin weather. Even this year, our newish across-the-street neighbor has her windows open almost every day, but she's from Florida, which is even worse than Houston, which is apparently a lot worse than here. So I guess we should count our blessings on our sweaty little fingers.

We've been saving quite a bit of money staying home the past few months, but today we took our car in for $350 worth of stuff to have done, only to realize that our brakes are almost shot and whoever installed the rear tires stripped two of the bolts that hold the hub on, so they can't just sell us new tires... we need one new hub. So now we're looking at $1500 worth of stuff. That needs to be done, so we're sucking it up. But still. Saving money was fun while it lasted. (Losing more than that in our 401k wasn't fun, but that's not a "felt" loss the way that forking over money from the checking or savings accounts is. [That was a grammatically correct sentence, even though it sounds awkward.])

Yesterday, Mal mentioned that he wanted to go see the birds at the aquarium, because he was remembering one of them saying "Hello" to us and was convinced that the bird could full-on talk.

We looked it up today, and the Austin Aquarium just so happened to have reopened on Monday. I bought a Groupon (saved $11!) and we headed over, planning at first just to see how many people were there before making a decision about today.

Turns out there were only 2 other groups there; a largish family of maybe 6-8 folks, and a two-parent/one-kid family. We were never in the same room with another person the whole time we were at the aquarium. They've stopped the "interactive" things like feeding the lemurs and whatnot, but Mal doesn't like animals close-up in that way, anyway, so we've never tried that and didn't miss it. They also had the playground and the interactive floor game thing shut down, which we were expecting.

However.

Mal was freaked out the whole time and begged to leave on multiple occasions during our visit. We had a season pass last year, and while he never really enjoyed the tanks with the big old Texas river fish, he was pretty used to everything else. Today, he vacillated wildly between delight -- the birds! the new otters! the stingrays! -- and sheer terror -- the bearded dragon! the giant tortoise!

First, a few things have changed: The kangaroos are gone, and in their place are two other kinds of lemurs (the ones in the front are ring-tailed, and the new ones are black and white, and brown ruffed lemurs). They built a neat hollowed-out log slide and pond for the new otters, which cheeped at us but didn't feel like swimming when we were around.

There were a couple of added tanks of pretty colorful fish toward the end that I don't remember having been there before.

And they got a pair of toucans!

But back to Mal...

When we paid and walked into the first room, he saw the boat where the bearded dragon sits (and literally does nothing, because... lizard) and said, "I can't go in there!!" When I told him he could hold on to me and I'd stand between him and the display, he was equally chagrined because walking through on my other side would position him near the river fish. Fortunately, I was able to distract him with what I think is a pretty freaky eel, but which happens to look just like the eels from Super Mario Odyssey, so he was willing to look at the eel, and I subtly walked him around the displays he didn't want to see while he focused on that.

Mal did have fun in the stingray room, waving and saying "hi!" to the creatures who were used to having hordes of school children feeding them all day, and seemed energized by the company. But there was a fiberglass shark in this room, and Mal didn't want to walk over to see some coral because of it. He finally did, but I had to finesse that, too.

Posing. But also kind of freaked out by the pirate.

We went through the room with the koi and ducks, and Mal did pretty okay there until he noticed the giant tortoise. Granted, that thing weighs more than Malcolm does, but at least today he wasn't trying to climb the wall and escape like he was the last time we were there.

Mal did get to see the birds, and the one that usually says "hello" was not there. But one was very vocal, and would respond to us when we talked. Of course, it was LOUD. I explained to Mal that they have to be loud to communicate in a dense rainforest.

I also realized that I'd left the earphones in my car, and wasn't super pumped to remind him that those exist.

After he chatted with the birds for a few, he was ready to walk out... but then he saw the albino python. We've seen it MULTIPLE times, but this time, it was too much for him. He started yell crying and put his hand over his ears. I told him he could just walk quickly out of the room, and he said, "How about run?!"

He ran into the next and last room, then looked over to see a life-sized replica of a shark's jaw. He FREAKED OUT. It wad like in a horror movie when the protagonist just keeps running into things at every turn.

I had him look at the baby sharks before we left, because I never like for him to end an experience on a bad note. He said he was glad his younger cousin Chance likes "Baby Shark," and all seemed forgotten.

Until we got into the gift shop. He wanted to look around, then I pointed out to him a pretty big orangutan stuffy on the top shelf. He saw it, blanched, and announced, "We're getting out of here!"

So we did.

He's going to have to relearn how to interact with the world.

Cavities

Hey, so remember last year when Mal had a bunch of cavities and I freaked out and we didn't really do anything about them but up our cleaning game?

Yeah, they've progressed.

I went to a different dentist and while they were able to get x-rays (and only 1 was blurry!), they recommended the same thing: general anesthesia.

I don't like it any more now than I did in September, but: 1) I see how quickly that one tooth is deteriorating, and now one of the surface caries is an actual cavity (there's a difference; feel free to Google); 2) I feel zero anxiety about this office like I did the other one.

I'll be much happier at about 6:30 Monday morning when Mal's securely out and getting fixed up, but my normal parent nervousness about helping him transition to sleep with a scary, weird-smelling mask on his face is not the overwhelming panic and intuition to "STOP!" like it was at the other place.

Also: James made a decision in November to leave a job he'd only had 3 weeks for the job he has now, and I'm SO grateful. He was a contractor at the first job, and the insurance was prohibitively expensive through the tech recruiter.

We are so fortunate to have really good insurance with a low deductible. We are able to process the anesthesiologist through our health insurance, and even with a low $250 deductible after which we pay 10%, we've paid them $900!

The rest *should* be covered by dental, but I think there's a $1500 limit on that, and we might just exhaust our benefits for the year on this one thing. I guess the good news is we've hit Mal's deductible and half of our family deductible, and January's not even over yer.

So wish us luck on Monday! And NO MORE CAVITIES.

Super Sensitive, but Super Sweet

D was fairly easy-going as a little one. Puberty brought on some stuff, but it's a lot easier to deal with a verbal child in distress than one who can't speak (although it still took me a couple of years to really plug into what was happening).

You may remember (I SURELY DO) that Mal just cried for 4+ hours every day for the first 4+ months of his life. They kept asking me when I wanted to rejoin some volunteer stuff I was doing, because once a newborn isn't a newborn anymore, you expect that they don't "need" as much. I never went back because Mal never stopped needing.

He wants so much. He feels SO MUCH. He has so many opinions. He isn't super open to alternative ideas. He's, frankly, exhausting but I'm very grateful I came upon gentle parenting as he was born. If I'd tried parenting him the "I'm-not-taking-no-nonsense" way in which I parented D, I can't imagine what would have happened.

As Mal has gotten older, it's both easier and more frustrating to deal with his moods. On the one hand, we know what he wants. On the other hand, sometimes he wants things that aren't even physically possible, and he cannot understand that we're telling him the absolute truth; there IS no way to do it, and an hour of cajoling, asking more politely, crying, and whining won't change things.

He has a thing he does now where he will say, for instance, "I want to go to the Disney Outlet." "We can't because I have to take the car into the shop since the 'check engine' light is on. If we drive it too much, it might break." "I like the car being broken." "No, you don't. It means you can't go ANYWHERE any time."

"Don't be rough like that or you'll break your mirror." "I like broken mirrors." 

"I like to scare the cat."

"I like you being sick."

"I like not being nice."

Etc.

I know it's just his way to steamroll what we just told him is the barrier, but, guhh, you can't reason with someone who... can't reason. And it is taxing.

In as much as it is possible, I try to accommodate Mal's requests. If he asks for baked potatoes and I make them, then he says, "I wanted broccoli!" I will make broccoli. Whatever. He'll eventually eat both.

And there are times when I genuinely cannot help him out. Those happen frequently enough, I typically don't dig my heels in if I don't have to.

To that end... we have recently decided to take a break from hanging out with a child Mal always is excited to play with, but who delights in upsetting him. I acknowledge that my child is easily upset and dramatic. That's something he will hopefully mature out of. In the same respect, this other child will hopefully mature out of purposefully pushing Mal's buttons.

Every time we get together, within ten minutes, the other child is telling Mal something he can't do (and this child has no right to tell Mal what to do, but Mal takes it seriously and then tattles to me that this other person just told him he can't whatever) or that this child doesn't like Mal anymore and doesn't want to be his friend, or teasing him with "You can't" play with a toy or have my snack, when Mal hasn't asked for either, but then being told "Here's this cool thing you don't have access to!" upsets Mal.

It's just draining, and I deal with it enough with Mal alone. I don't need someone antagonizing and stoking the fires.

So.

Last night, Mal looked SO tired. He'd looked fatigued most of the day. By about 8:30, I had pulled out the trundle bed and was snuggling in with some new blankets we just bought to deal with the fact that our house is drafty. We played for 45 minutes or so, then Mal said he was ready to watch TV. Great. It was plugged in 3 feet from where he was. He didn't want to get it.

He hopped into bed with me and covered up, saying his legs were tired and he couldn't get the computer, but that I (still further away) needed to. I said I was not getting up.

For literally 45 minutes, he cried, begged, opened the closet door so a light would shine in my eyes, got up and grabbed something that was right next to his computer, and was generally a mess. Like I said, I usually will try to keep things easy-peasy, but this night, I was just not going to do it. I wasn't unkind. I wasn't harsh. I chatted with him about other things. But when he fell back into that, "I need YOU to get me my computer!" again, I just laid down.

At one point, James came into the room to chat, and Mal said, "No, Daddy! I don't want YOU to get my computer! I want Mommy to get it! I don't want you or me to get it! MOMMY!"

James went to the store, and when he got back, Mal was still on about my getting his computer. At 9:48, he sat up, eyes rimmed with purple, and cried, "I just love you so much!" He buried his head into my neck. He was snoring in 15 seconds.

THAT KID, guys. 

It's the earliest he's gone to sleep in weeks, so it was a nice chance for James and me to catch up.

Today's been easier than yesterday. Then again, at 5:15 PM, the night is still young...

PS One time recently, when Mal was aggressively demanding something, I asked him, "Can you say 'Mummy, *I* want an Oompa-Loompa! Get *me* an Oompa-Loompa!'" He did, and it was HYSTERICAL.

When to Visit Kids' Spaces if You Have a Sensitive Kid

Twice now, we've made unfortunate timing decisions in visiting local kids' destinations.

First, last month, when school was still in session, we tried to visit the Austin Aquarium on a Friday (May 11, specifically) at about 10:30 AM. Oh my goodness. Well, we waited in line while two field trip groups checked in, then bought our admission, and went into the first room.

Cool cool... but no sooner had we looked at this first tank when a whole school group came in and circled one of the displays. A tour guide with a mic and speaker started talking to them, and Mal ran for the gift shop. It was SO LOUD.

We hung out in the gift shop for a few minutes, but the spiel didn't seem to be winding down, so we decided to go in the "exit" side of the loop to see what we could see there.

See these fish? This is how it felt. Unfortunately, we found that every single display area: sting rays, sharks, these guys, the birds, etc. had a school group so kids were packed in with no room for us to look at anything. Also, more guides with more amplification systems.

I'm not overly-sensitive to noise, but the volume both in terms of sound and of people nearly made me cry with panic. There was no way to navigate the space in a stress-free way.

Finally, I appealed to the admissions desk, who told me my admission was good for the whole day, and I could come back. When I explained that I had afternoon plans, they were gracious enough to give me two tickets to come back another time. 

I've learned that if this is what we see outside of a venue, we might as well keep driving.

Incidentally, that was two of four ISD buses, and there were at least four day care/private schools there, as well.

Our intent is to try to go back next Monday, after 3 PM. Google has a great feature that is hopefully accurate. We're going to test it and will let you know.

We do have reason to be skeptical, however.

Because today we tried to go to Mt. Playmore for the first time. We got there at about 11:15. Good. Gravy. Okay, first, here's what Google says about Saturdays.

Which is why we never do any of these things on the weekend.

And here's what it said about today.

No. Maybe that was just during the school year and they haven't had a chance to factor in that it's summer.

There were HUNDREDS of kids there. So many kids in matching T-shirts, part of schools or summer camps or day cares. And then there's a reptile show on Wednesday, so that lady had her, of course, mic and speaker up loud to talk over the hubbub. Then we got there at around lunch time, and a bunch of the child care people were trying to get kids out of the play structures and over to the eating area for lunch, so they were walking around YELLING AT TOP VOLUME into the tubes to get the kids out.

GOOD LORD NO GET ME OUT OF HERE.

So we cheated a little.

There's an area called Kiddie Kanyon that has contradicting signage regarding the height limit. Several signs say 42 inches (we're good there, but barely) and several say 36 inches. Thing is, there's a measuring stick that SAYS 42 inches, but it's at the 36 inch height, because it was much shorter than Mal, who is probably right at 40.5=41 inches.

Regardless, the toddler area wasn't busy, and they do allow bigger siblings, and it was quieter in there, so we happily killed enough time to make the $6.95 combined admission not seem like such a waste in there.

We plan to go back to here literally never, as it's 35 minutes away on a low-traffic day, and if we're driving that far, we're just going to go to Catch Air, which is HUGE but somehow manages not to be overwhelmingly loud, and is much cleaner and more imaginative in the general play area. (This toddler area is a lot more decorated and fun-looking than the general play area, which I did not photograph because I was running away as fast as I could.)

Another fun facet about our trip to Mt. Playmore is that the girls' restroom was out of order. They had two single-family-use family restrooms, but that was it. So when Mal needed to go and the family rooms were occupied, I sent him into the boys' alone. He emerged a few moments later having not gone and generally freaked out. I'd seen the only kid I'd seen walk in come out, so I just marched into the guys' room with Mal and helped him use the urinal. When we walked out, a kid waiting in a LONG line for the water fountain said to another kid, "Look! That girl and that lady just came out of the boys' bathroom."

I have two bonus thoughts to add: If you decide to go to Catch Air in the Austin area, the one in Round Rock is larger, quieter, and seems better maintained than the one on Anderson Mill. There's a lot more to do, and neater options in Round Rock.

Also, I get a little weird feeling in my stomach when I see kids all dressed the same and waiting in lines for literally 10 minutes before they can change activities and who are involved in loud, constant activity. I know it's summer and they're out of school and parents work, and I'm glad there are options for kids to get out and do stuff... but, man, it was overwhelming for us for an hour. I can't imagine either of my kids being able to handle that for hours a day all summer long.

I'm sure not all kids are as sensitive to stimuli as mine are; I think it's rubbing off on me, because it not only makes me nervous for them, it's starting to stress me out of my own accord!

If you have sensitive ones like I do, I've found that once people start getting ready for lunch, public kid spaces clear out a little. So at about 12:30-1. Then again, after 3:30ish when day cares need to get their kids back, and families are heading home to plan dinner. We just have to remember to plan to get out and about then instead of doing things earlier in the day.

Here's to a peaceful summer!