Am I Even a Woman Anymore?

 Well, friend-os, it's apparently finally happened: I am hormonally infertile. 

Despite the fact that my test results say I'm "postmenopausal," as far as I know, "menopause" is defined as being a year after the start date of your last period. My last period actually started in December, but I've been dealing with 100-200-day gaps in my cycle since 2022. I'm only slightly older than the average onset of menopause, but it has felt like a long time coming.

By the way, the title of this blog post is a joke. I don't feel less like anything now that I'm not able to get pregnant (allegedly). I'm excited about a new phase of my life! And I'm determined to live long enough that I'll have had well over half of my life without having a period. 

Although my body has been playing games with me for more than three years now, I am extremely fortunate in that I haven't really had terrible symptoms (so far). Even when I haven't had a period, I've still been aware of cyclical hormonal fluctuations, to the point that for the first time in my life, I'm able to tell myself and the people around me, "I can tell I'm going to be more easily irritated than usual for the next couple of days. Just making you aware." Of course, I do try not to be a menace during that time, as well.

I thought I was getting a kind of "morning sickness" for a few months earlier this year, but think I figured out and fixed that and it was digestive.

I haven't had any "hot flashes/flushes," although I do find myself getting uncomfortably warm after I've had a burst of activity and finally sit down. I've been taking care of that with a little hand-held fan that I sit on the table and blow into my fact for about 10 minutes, then I'm fine.

Here's something you might not know about me: I didn't really want to have kids at all. 

However, I was married to two different men who very much wanted to have children. 

I'm grateful that they did, and thankful for how my life turned out, even if it's nothing like what I thought it would be. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever did think about what my life would look like... a lot of times, it feels like life is living me, but that's just fine because so far, so good. 

Here's to the next chapter...