Wherein I throw in my two cents about "Frozen"

In addition to the ubiquitous saturation of the radio, internet, and our very brains by the soundtrack (particularly one song to which I will not refer, lest I inadvertently hand you an ear worm) of the Disney movie "Frozen," there has been much written on what message the show presents at its core.

"It's about how women don't need men to save them." "It's about how only love can melt a frozen heart." "It suckers you in by thinking it's feminist, but then when Elsa becomes fully 'herself,' she vamps it up with more make-up, a painted on dress, and pole dancing."

As a parent, I probably took away a message that was different than anything my daughter might have noticed.

Basically, what was important to me, was that Elsa's parents learned something about their daughter that they did not understand and feared. In their fear, they took poor advice and told her it was something dangerous and shameful, and that she needed to hide it. And that's what sets the movie's plot into gear.

How many times do we reprimand a child with, "Don't say things like that!" Period. No explanation. We just want to stop an embarrassing behavior, so we put the kibosh on it without teaching to it. Say, you're at someone's house and they serve asparagus for dinner. Your child says, "No, I don't like asparagus." *cringe* "Rude! Don't say that."

What does the child hear? "Don't be honest about my feelings"? "Don't dislike things"? "Hide the truth from my parents because it makes them mad"?

It's a totally different thing to teach to that. "Our friend went to a lot of work to prepare dinner. When you work really hard on something, how would you feel if someone just shrugged and said, 'Eh. Don't like'? It would probably hurt your feelings. Especially if you were proud of yourself, or knew that what you'd done was difficult. If you don't like a food someone serves us, you can say 'No, thank you' or you can take some and try a bite or two. Then we can talk about why you don't like it later, in private. Is it the smell? The taste? The texture? I love to know about your likes and dislikes, but not at a time when it might hurt someone else."

That is a lot of words. It can be exhausting. I get that. But to assume, "That kid's just being a jerk. He knows better" is foolish. Sometimes they do; sometimes they don't have a clue. And I get it that sometimes, no just means no and your kid has to accept that. But those times should be so few and far between.

Same thing if your child appears to be bossy (different from bullying) or outspoken and fearless or just plain weird. Character flaws require training and discipline to remedy. But sometimes, behaviors we find unacceptable might just be indications of a strength or personality bent that God put there, and it's our exhausting responsibility to help our children control and direct that strength somewhere positive.

Stop saying that! Oh, you think you're in love but you're too young to know what love is. You are not leaving the house dressed like that. Don't look at me that way. Stop that sighing. Stop biting your nails! It's disgusting! You just think you have problems; you have no idea. You're not going and that's that; don't talk to me about it any more.

I want to protect my daughter from actual harm. I want for her to make wise choices, and do things that will ultimately benefit her. But she will make mistakes. And she can make mistakes while she's at home with a safety net of love and acceptance and parents who will help her navigate the consequences of those choices, or she can be hemmed in on every side and when she finally leaves, sing: "No right, no wrong, no rules for me! I'M FREE!" and nearly destroy herself and the people she loves.

So, that's what Frozen was "about" to me, as a mom. None of the other stuff would have happened if the parents had made better choices. But then, what would they be playing on the radio?