"You have to take care of yourself first"

I get that moms need a break now and then. I mean, I understand it AND I feel it. The bathroom is not a place of solace, so breaks usually involve getting out of the house (because when you have a
"still-nurse-to-sleep"er, even nap and bed times aren't "get out of jail free" cards). Today, I ran to the grocery store while James played with Mal. It wasn't exactly the spa or a night out with the ladies, but it was a lot easier than trying to get the stuff I needed to get while also trying to make sure Mal doesn't stand in the cart, or doesn't wander off in the .78 seconds it takes me to decide between the colby jack cheese or the mozzarella, or doesn't put anything in his mouth, or doesn't meander into the path of an oncoming cart, or doesn't try to commandeer a cash register.

Before that, though, Mal and I had gotten out to meet with a group of over-40 moms, exactly one of whom (besides myself) showed up. Her little was in school, so it was just us. And Mal. We got to talk, but it feels weird being the one with the kid, and she might have felt weird being the one without the kid at a park where there were a lot of parents and kids.

Anyway, while we chatted, she mentioned that it'd be neat to do a non-play-date get-together, and this is where I start drifting off mentally to some other place, because, frankly, the idea of organizing a bunch of people to meet at a place where you're going to eat or hang out over wine or whatever... That thought is EXHAUSTING to me.

I have limited "free" time. I don't have a babysitter. Mal will only stay with select family members, and I try not to overuse that. And if I'm calling in any favors, honestly, just going somewhere with my husband or my sister and hanging out and talking in actual full sentences is preferable to me at this stage in my life than trying to get to know other people.

Plus, I don't think this is just in Austin, but I think it's maybe worse in Austin than some other places, there's this whole, "We should TOTALLY do something!" excitement that happens in the early planning stages of get-togethers, that, by the end, turns out to be only 1 or 2 people actually following through.

Or no one. That happened about a year ago, when I tried to host this same group in my home, after we'd met at Central Market and I hadn't really gotten to chat with anyone because my then-not-quite-1-year-old would not play on the playground like all of the other kids did. He ran all over the patio, and kept going inside. Finally, I just gave up and went shopping. 

Wasn't he a bald little dude?

Thus, we decided to have it at my house the next time. Lots of people were excited, but in the end, I think only 1 said for sure she'd be there. And then she wasn't. She never contacted me, just flaked. About half an hour after it was supposed to start, Mal and I went somewhere else. I was just kind of waiting for someone to message me with, "I'm here, but you're not answering your door." No one did. Nothing. Like ever. No one followed up.

So now, a year later, the group tries to get together again, and it's just the two of us. She is a lovely person. She thinks we should meet without the kids since "especially during the school year, all of the kids are in school." Well, mine's not. And he probably won't ever be. And the truth is that I don't want to spend my precious "no kid" time just hanging out with random other older moms. Maybe if we got to know each other well enough that we became friends. But we're not. We're barely socially thoughtful of each other, at this point. And it's been two years since I've been in this very loose group.

Maybe some day. Maybe when it's easier. For now, I think we're doing okay the way we're doing it.