This is Going to Make You More Uncomfortable than It Does Me...

This summer, I'm having a pretty big birthday. It's the one that will move me into a whole other echelon when I am filling out questionnaires. That's right: 45.

After the whole back injury thing that was ushered in with my 40s, my other effects of aging seem tame, but I'm experiencing some, nonetheless.

For instance: I'm probably within a year of needing reading glasses. Only when my contacts are in; correcting for myopia renders my close-in focus difficult. When my contacts are out, I have super amazing microvision. So, basically, I'm going to need to put on glasses to read when I'm wearing contacts, and take off my glasses ot read when I'm not.

My hearing is still right on, but you can bet that as soon as I seem to be losing it, I'll fix that right up with hearing aids. I have a young kid, and I don't want to miss a thing. I want to hear it all, not just pretend to kind of get what's going on.

My point, I guess, is that rather than stubbornly denying "signs of aging," I plan to lean in and use whatever technology is available to me to allow me to thrive as long as is possible.

And it's interesting to me how we, as humans, tend to treat these physical changes as something almost shameful. Why do we do that? We're persevering, but we act like wounded pack animals, seeking to hide any perceived weakness from everyone else.

All of this to say that what I'm about to tell you, some people are going to feel is TMI. If you're prone to wonder, "Why is XYZ talking about THIS?!" then you might just want to check on out right now.

Okay. Everyone else still with me? Great.

You might remember last year I ordered and reviewed Thinx. They've been remarkable. Really, as much a game-changer as the Diva Cup. So, I ordered this week from Thinx's sister company, Icon.

I have done a bazillion Kegels in my life, especially around the times of my pregnancies and deliveries, but a combination, likely, of having Mal and being in my 40s has resulted in a miscommunication between my body and my brain. It's like my brain will realize, "Oh, hey, I need to go to the bathroom" and something about consciously thinking of the place makes my body go, "Okay, so right now?" Nooo!

It's interesting: The only time we talk about incontinence is when it's in a medical context, or when it's being joked about. Like, "I laughed so hard, I peed myself a little" or if a comedian is riffing on getting old... However, when it actually happens, and especially as it becomes obvious that it's not a one-off or a two-off, it's not funny at all. It's confusing and frustrating and more than a little embarrassing. Because, like, yeah, I was potty trained for all of these years, so why is my body betraying me now?

When my Pepa was alive and I'd offer to get things at the store for my Mema, she'd ask me to buy two things usually: Ensure and adult diapers. After Pepa passed away, though, I'd offer the same and she might have me pick up several things for her... but once, the day after I'd gone to the store, I saw her at Walmart with adult diapers in her cart. She quickly threw her jacket over them and I, of course, didn't say anything. But why are we like that? Why are we shamed by what's obviously normal bodily functions?

So I bought the "pee-proof" underwear. Because I will need to start carrying an extra set of pants for Mal pretty soon, and I don't want to have to do that for myself. 'Cause stuff happens when you're out and about: You're heading to the restroom and find it's full, or one of the stalls is unexpectedly locked. You have to walk through the detergent aisle to get there, and you have a sneezing fit. Or you're just suddenly surprised by the realization that you really need to go. Like three minutes ago.

And I'm sharing this with you, why? I don't want it to be a "deal." Stuff is big and scary and embarrassing when we're trying to hide it. So I'm just putting it out there. I think it'll be great, and turn this into a non-issue. The Thinx really has! Which is cool, because it's freaking expensive. But it's cheaper and easier than the disposable alternatives.

You guys have to promise to tell me when I need to stop driving, too. I want to be graceful and easy on myself as I age. Actually, I probably should never have started driving. But it's too late to fix that now.

I plan to stay around as long as possible, and I want to be fully present in each minute, so here's to being realistic and leaning into the stuff that will help!