Newborn Feeding

I started this in response to a really important question: how do you keep a newborn fed in the night?

My answer got too big to fit there.

My personal experience has been that every child's life is different. Each one is an individual with their own personality.

Especially with a new-born, I advise you to get sleep whenever you can.

They have spent their entire life in this warm, happy, [hopefully] healthy environment where everything they ever thought they might possibly want was just there.

Then there's this horrible trauma of birth, and splat: they're cold, they're hungry for the first time ever, there are awful noises and lights and smells. There's this crazy sensation of getting poked and prodded (and probably stabbed!) and gravity and isolation and the sensation of cloth on skin, and rashes from allergens.

Heck, even breathing is new!

Each baby is unique and different. We probably all think that puberty was a rough time, but it doesn't hold a candle to being born in the first place.

So cut your baby some slack. While you're at it, cut yourself some too.

You may get a baby who will be perfectly content to fall asleep in a crib when you put them there.

My experience is that that probably isn't going to happen.

Lots of parents will tell you you're doing something wrong if it doesn't. You aren't. They're wrong.

This is about you and your child and the relationship among your family. This is not about anyone else. This isn't about what some "expert" tells you will or should happen.

Do what's right for you and your baby.

We have millions of years of evolutionary experience in our genes to guide us. Our ancestors were raising babies long before we figured out how to offer advice about the subject.

Other people are offering advice based on assumptions like "of course you're doing this" or "well, every good parent does that."

That advice is perfectly valid, based on the experiences they've had with their own children.

Your mileage may vary, and that's OK.

Our experience has been different. That's OK too. Different children have different needs.

There are lies, damned lies, and then there are statistics.

Your individual relationship with your child may or may not fall within any of those categories. If you play your cards right, you may even manage to hit that sweet spot where you and your child wind up being truthful to each other.

Laura bought into the garbage science of a bunch of books she read before she had D. She went for the "cry it out" kind of thing to get D to sleep alone.

She understands now that she (and bio-dad) did irreparable damage to D. They taught D that Mommy and Daddy aren't around after bed-time when you're tired, cold, scared, and hungry.





I don't mean that as an indictment of their parenting choices, by any means. I recently walked Mal back to our bathroom to brush his teeth before bed, and he told me that he was scared. I promised I'd keep him safe. He asked me to not do anything scary.

I'm not sure what he might have had in mind, but I've obviously totally screwed up.