Good NEWS!

 ...No one is dead, though, so don't worry.

You might have read my last post. It's been a crazy couple of weeks.

Today, Informed Delivery told me that I would be getting a piece of mail from my mortgage lender. I was hopeful that it was an updated escrow calculation, because I'd just looked last week to see that our payment amount changed last year in May and knew we were getting close to that time.

I was excited because we had finally managed to merge our three lots last year (after asking about it in 2018 and being denied due to a snafu, then thinking it was impossible until someone recommended I try doing it in 2023 when I was protesting our value -- as I have every year).

WELL, I was right. That's what it was. And the good news is that our monthly payment is going down by $350! We're within $200 of what the original payment was, before property values soared, then we refinanced it and got it down a bit, and then it went way up again. I'm grateful. This will be a huge break for us.

BUT what I was not expecting was... A FAT REFUND CHECK FROM LAST YEAR.

I suppose that makes sense: We underpay and we have to make it up. But I guess I just assumed they'd keep the overage in escrow to pay next year's. 

Oh my gosh, what a giant relief.

It covers the car, all of the maintenance guys, and the trip we're taking very soon.

But don't worry; I'm not going to get too big for my britches.

Even as I opened this up to write this awesome post, the keyboard on my laptop stopped working, so this is how I'm managing at the moment:

It is always something, is it not??

Still... a pretty uplifting afternoon, all things considered.

Mo' problems... Less money

AS YOU KNOW, with James out of work, we've been taking it easy on the cash outflow side. But the past two weeks has just conspired against us!

First. the week before last I had not one but two fender-benders. Well, the first one was actually just that I pulled up at a stop and a tow hitch went through one of my headlights. I bought a new one and was going to put it in myself, but then I had a side-swipe event and had to get a couple of panels banged out, anyway, so I had that guy put the new fixture in. $$$$

 

Then the other night, our dishwasher stopped draining. I couldn't see anything wrong with it, so we had a plumber come out yesterday. He said that everything was fine, plumbing-wise, so we needed to get an appliance repair person. He also said that we need a new garbage disposal, and estimated that he could replace it for the low low cost of $700. No thanks. We'll get a cheap one and find some dude to install it. Anyhoo. $$

Today, an appliance guy came out and fixed the dishwasher. He told me that I kinked something up when I took it apart to clean it, then showed me the only two pieces I should ever take off... which are the only 2 pieces I ever take off. Granted, I'd taken more of the drain assembly apart yesterday, seeing if I could clear the drain myself. But until that day, when it already WAS NOT DRAINING, I'd never touched anything but the spray arm and the filter. Sigh. WHATEVER. $$

AND TONIGHT AT 6 PM, I just noticed I felt a little warm. I looked at the thermostat... and it was blank. I did a couple of things, like turning the breakers on and off, and adding batteries to the thermostat... which did make it come on, but when I turned the air on, it showed that it was going but it was not. Breakers again. 

I called our a/c people, and they're coming out tomorrow morning. In the meantime, I went to see if the drain line might be clogged. We've had thermostat issues like that in the past when the drain line was clogged. We clean it monthly, and I'd just done it recently. But I did it again, and I put our shop vac on the clean-out and blew in case there was blockage. It didn't seem like there was.

A couple of hours later, the a/c came back on and that probably means that it was frozen up and needed to defrost. We're keeping the service call because they can pull codes and see what happened. It shouldn't be freezing up; it's been in the mid-80s for the past couple of days, but nothing terrible. We'll see how much it is, but let's just say $$.

DID I SAY "SIGH" YET??

Remembering Sondra and Jude

In 2018, I got off of Facebook for mental health reasons, and it worked! Unfortunately, I have missed some major life events in the lives of people I consider dear friends. I'm going to tell you about two of these people.

Sondra, Jude, and I met (along with others like Jennifer, Jade, Amy, Stacy, Liz, Angela, April, and Aura) on a Yahoo! Groups page dedicated to Rockapella in the late 1990s. I have SO MANY stories I could tell you about the Rockapella days, but we're going to stay on track here, starting with Sondra.

Sondra lived in the midwest and had been in a small orbit of the town she grew up in her whole life. She was several years older than I was (I remember feeling weird when she turned 40 as I was still freshly into my 30s), and had worked at a big box retailer her whole adult life. She lived in an apartment over a convenience store, that also had a view of a major waterway. 

Sondra was a photographer and loved doing portraits and candid shots of friends and family. She would also capture unusual boats coming down the river by her apartment. She had an old cat she loved very much.

Her family had been through a lot, including the death of her mother when she was young, and the loss of a house to a fire before she lived independently. She adored her father, and was close to her sisters and their families. She loved kids so much, though she never had any herself.

At some point during my late 20s, Rockapella was coming through Las Vegas, where I lived at the time. A lot of people I'd only met online were coming into town to see them, but Sondra couldn't because she didn't have the money. I knew that not having money was a recurring theme in her life.

We didn't have a lot of money, but this was pre-kids, so I figured that I could swing the airfare and get her a ticket when I bought mine. I floated the idea, and she thought about it. She'd never been on a plane, much less traveled that far from home and alone.

After talking to her family, who discouraged Sondra from visiting me because I might be a man and regardless would probably kill her and bury her in my back yard (remember, this was before it was normalized to try to meet people you'd only interacted with online), Sondra decided to come out!

We had a great time! I think my ex-husband didn't want to deal with anything remotely related to Rockapella, so he left town for a few days (I had and still have no idea where he went, and honestly couldn't be bothered to think about it at all). I had just found out I was pregnant, and was a little nauseated and sleepy most of the time, but we went to the Fremont Street Experience (when it was new), bummed around on The Strip, spent time with my family (she was enamored with my niece Hannah), and chatted a lot.

I did not kill her nor did I bury her (alive or otherwise) in the back yard.

Several times during the week, she "spoke" online with the aforementioned Jude, another Rockapella fan she'd started to kind of long-distance date. They were super cute, but I also remember one night being just beat and ill and lying on the couch, grateful that she had something besides me to occupy her. But she was having so much fun chatting that she kept yelling to keep me apprised of their back-and-forth.

Sondra and Jude had a lot in common. Although they were only a few years older than I am, they were both old souls. They loved Lucy and other contemporary television series. I guess an acapella vocal band is kind of old-school. But they were both sort of unimpressed with more modern entertainment, and really bonded over nostalgia. 

So... I thought it might be neat to post the one picture I have that Sondra took of her and me at Red Rock Canyon, and I don't have it anymore. Not to go on too bleak of a tangent, but I'm not kidding when I say that my ex-husband hated anything to do with Rockapella. At some point, I think I got rid of anything remotely related to that in order to try to "save" a marriage that was never going to be fixed.

After the concert and meeting so many new faces who would go on to be long-term friends, Sondra flew back home. That trip gave her the confidence to make plans to go see Jude in person. They saved up for a long time. She worked in retail, and he worked at a local grocery store.

Jude lived in Louisiana. I probably got to know him better than I would have otherwise because of our mutual friendship with Sondra. He was a little sillier and more light-hearted than she was, though he'd certainly seen his fair share of adversity. One of his two brothers had died pretty young. Like Sondra, he had grown up and remained working-class. 

I do have pictures of both of them, from a cheesy pre-Photoshop (to me, anyway; apparently PS was already 13 years old at this point) thing I made to hype Sondra up for her trip. I scoured the internet for pictures of them separately and did... well, this monstrosity.

 

Over the years, Sondra visited Jude a few times and he might have gone to see her once. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but they eventually split up and it came out that Jude was gay. When we spoke, he insisted that he'd told Sondra "exactly what I am" from the beginning and either she didn't fully believe him, or thought love could "fix" things.

Jude and I actually got closer after this, because at least one member of Sondra's family had reached out to him and been very accusatory and chastising. She told Jude that he was bad to break Sondra's heart and that he needed to change his ways or he'd end up in hell. 

First, I thought Jude was a stand-up guy and I liked him. Second, I unknowingly dated 2 gay guys in high school, and I could totally empathize with him in a way that I wish I'd had my "gaydar" up and could have empathized with the young men I dated. But it made sense: Sondra was a woman, like me, whose femininity isn't performed over the top. And having a long-distance girlfriend/fiance is very comfortable for a man who cannot, for whatever myriad of reasons, live a fully authentic life.

I knew that Jude had loved Sondra in his way (the same way I think the guys I dated cared about me and had no intention of hurting me). And I knew that he didn't deserve to be attacked or condemned by someone who had maybe only ever met him one time.

As time passed, of course our Yahoo! Group slowed and shut down. Everyone was on Facebook, so that's where we kept up with each other. Less frequently, of course, as we all matured and had busier IRLs. 

One day, Sondra was at work and this guy she'd gone to high school with turned up. He was expressly looking for her (they were both well into their 40s at this point). He told her that he'd had a crush on her and very quickly asked her to marry him.

He was a kind and generous guy who ended up telling her that she could quit the retail job she had hated for three decades to concentrate on her photography. They still lived in her little apartment over the store, and they seemed very happy.

One thing I noticed about Sondra, though, was her predisposition to kind of having a "Debbie Downer" way about her. Maybe she always did, but as I loosened up, I saw it more .There was a time or two she'd comment on something I put on Facebook and be negative about it in a way that got on my nerves. I sniped back a time or two, and we'd go for a while without communicating, but we were still always friendly.

Jude went on with his life and started to come out of the closet a bit, at least online and kind of away from his home circles. I never asked too much, but he seemed like he was happy enough, just that he wished he could find someone for a real relationship instead of someone who was just looking to use for whatever. 

After 2018, I pretty much lost touch with both of them. I do sometimes check in on old friends to see what I can see from their public profiles. In 2023, I sadly put together that Sondra had been in treatment for cancer during the second half of 2022. She had posted something like, "I am hopefully going home tomorrow. I miss my cat! It's going to be hard learning how to live with diabetes and heart disease alone with the cancer, but I'm taking one day at a time."

She never made it home. 

I scrolled through hers and her husband's profiles. It looks like she'd had a great support system, with the volunteer fire department holding a benefit to raise money to help with her medical expenses. I am so sorry that she's gone. She was still in her 50s. I never met nor interacted with her husband, but I hope he continues to be happy and do well.

One of the last times I interacted with Jude, he was telling me that his phone had just died and he didn't have any money for a new one. That's how he was using apps to meet like-minded folks in the area, and it really cut him off from a social window that was hard to come by. 

James had just upgraded his phone (which was rare; we don't usually get a new phone until an old one dies, but he'd done a lot of research on PlusOne and had to make the leap). so I asked Jude if he wanted James's old phone. We sent it to him and made sure he got it up and running. It never occurred to me to tell him to grab my phone number while he was setting it up.

We're going to Louisiana soon, and I thought it might be cool to finally put a face with the name and voice I have for Jude. I figured I could find him on FB and try to send him a message, but I was surprised with how many people have his name. I googled his name and city, and found... his obituary. He just died last year, from complications of diabetes. He was 55.

Aside from the normal sadness that comes with having friends die, I firmly believe that ZIP codes and household incomes growing up have a lot to do with the fact that I'm still alive and my friends are not That part makes me mad. I don't know what to do about that, so I'm just sitting with it for the moment.

I do take comfort in the fact that Jude, too, had a support system. There was a barbecue fundraiser for him a few years ago to help raise money for his medical expenses.

Both of my friends were well-loved.

Both of them had to raise funds for their medical care, though, which is extremely cruel and should offend anyone who believes that life is sacred,. Access to preventative and ongoing care should be a human right. If you don't believe that, then you are one of the reasons my friends are gone from this earth much too soon. They worked hard. They simply could not afford the care that they needed to ward off problems before they started, nor to combat disease once they were ill. 

And so I remember them both with sadness that our system works like this, but with a heart full of beautiful, complicated memories. I'm better for having known both of them.

...

OH! And I just remembered: I don't think my ex-husband knew that Sondra never paid me back for that airline ticket. I lied out my ass about it, because it was one of my little rebellions. So if you are reading this, sir... well, I won't type it in case my mom comes across this post.

Real Question: Do people actually LOVE LinkedIn??

Okay, here's the situation: 

(My parents went away on a week's vacation and they left the keys to the brand new Porche...)

I have an account on LinkedIn because apparently that's what one does. 

When I first set it up, I saw it as a joke so my profile picture was a snap from play rehearsal where I was a convicted arsonist, wearing an orange jumpsuit and everything.

Still one of my favorite pictures ever taken of me.

Anyhoo, I made my profile with absolute irony because the idea that there would be a "social media" site dedicated to people's professions just seemed impossible to me.

Over time, it's gotten a lot busier over there. I'm more plugged in at the moment because James is looking for a job, and I like to keep on top of contacts' businesses who might be hiring.

The thing is, NO ONE over there is doing anything ironically. People pontificate about their professional life and the culture around their careers with an absolute earnestness that is completely foreign to me. 

This is probably a personality flaw in me and if you've ever worked with me, you probably already know this: I have never given much of a crap about any profession I've ever engaged in.

I mean, I am an overachiever and believe that if I'm being paid, I should do my absolute best. I'll sometimes even go above and beyond. AND it's devastating if you have a reliable source of income that dries up.

In that way, I'm kind of a model employee. 

But am I passionate about private home rentals? Do I want to read more about the trends in residential leasing? No never not one bit and the only time I've pursued this type of thing is when it was required for continuing education credits.

Now... I understand about networking. D is wanting a more administrative job than what they're doing at Ross. When I was thinking about the office job's I've had, they were ALL gotten because someone knew someone: Boyfriend's mom knew architects who needed a receptionist; dad was the HR manager of the parent company where the newspaper advertising department needed a gopher, mom's friend from church worked at an employment agency who placed me at Terra West, and a friend saw online that I was needing work so invited me to join their insurance agency.

Is that basically what LinkedIn is? 

And if so, why are people so adamant about creating consistent and lengthy content?

Does that really help when you're job searching?

If you're a LinkedIn connoisseur, I need to know: Is this an enjoyable part of your career building or is it just a necessary evil? Please enlighten me.

 

MY DAY DID NOT GO AS PLANNED, and I'm not alone

This morning, the younger of our two old cats (she's almost 15) continued to act weird as she has all weekend. She's nervous and trying to mark and pee everywhere, which is quite unlike her. I had locked her into the bedroom with James as Mal and I were heading out to meet Mal's friend as usual on Sunday.

I decided to get a car wash on the way. 

As I was pulling out of the car wash, I rear-ended the car in front of me, which I thought was pulling out so I moved forward and guess I was just zoned out. It didn't damage either of our cars, so it was fine, but it shook me up.

LATER: In thinking on this, I'm not 100% sure that I hit her; it's possible that she backed into me? She said something about how she was trying not to pull out in front of a truck as I hit her... which makes me wonder exactly what did happen. I was a little shocked that I didn't realize I was running into another car. But I digress...

When we got to McDonald's, Mal wanted hotcakes instead of his usual chicken McGriddle. One of my favorite things to do when he wants pancakes is to get their full homestyle breakfast for $2 more than just the hotcakes, and then use the other stuff to make me a breakfast sandwich.

The employee delivered the plate, and there were no hotcakes! It turned out that I had ordered the homestyle breakfast WITHOUT pancakes. So I had to order Mal pancakes separately, and instead of saving $2, I spent $3 extra. Sigh.

When we went out to the car to drive to Temple, I realized that both driver side tires were very low. Fortunately, I have a pump in my car and aired up all of the tires. The two low ones were about 15 PSI! I'm not sure when or how that happened!

At last, we drove up to Temple. We were supposed to meet my parents at a restaurant where my niece's husband works. However, there was an accident and we were running a bit late.

My dad messaged me that it was fine that we were running late, as his car had a flat tire (tyre, for my UK readers) and they couldn't loosen the lug nuts, so were waiting for AAA.

Fortunately, they were in the parking lot of my niece Hannah's apartment, so we headed that way. Between Hannah and a neighbor, they'd managed to get the nuts loosened and were well on the way to changing the tire to the spare. Hannah and I finished it up, then we adults and three kids piled into 2 cars to go to the restaurant.

We were still full and only going to see and support my... nephew-in-law?? I did get a brownie, though, and then Mal was too full to eat the cookie he'd ordered so I took that one for the team.

Then my mom drove my dad to Sam's Club to get a new tire; then I took her and the two older boys back to her house.

I called a Lyft to take me back to Sam's Club since my dad can't drive anymore (it wasn't a DUI or anything, as you were probably assuming; it is because of his "vision impairment," as he calls it). 

The Lyft driver was a chatty one. He asked how I was, and I returned the question. He said, "I'm always having a great day. Even when I'm having a bad day, I'm having a great day. Even when I'm having a bad day, it's a great day in the Lord."

As we made our way the 2 miles ($6) to Sam's Club, he told me about how a friend of his called him this weekend and said that he (the friend) had been suicidal but thought about all that he (the driver) had said and done for him, and that turned him around. The driver told me that he had many friends who'd reached the brink and told him that he'd turned it around for him. "I can do that for my friends, but I can't do it for myself... I can't turn things around for me."

I was a little concerned that his mental health + driving me somewhere = suicide with a side of manslaughter, so I said, "Well, it's really good that you know you have that kind of positive affect on people!" He said, "It's not me; it's all God. God really does just change everything for you. He can take the worst things and make them good. I just have to trust in him. I am ready to try to just take a dive and say, 'It's all you, Lord. You can take it all' and see what he'll do."

I didn't respond; I was too busy willing him not to pull a "Jesus take the wheel" during my fare.

"Yeah," he continued. "I have two little kids. Of course, I haven't seen them in a long time. Nothing happened, though. I just have a crazy baby mama."

I told him that he could just pull over as we were parallel to Sam's Club. He told me that no, he was going to take me all the way to the door. Which he did. No one died.

The tire change happened quickly. My dad bought the stuff I wanted at Sam's Club, which I wasn't expecting and was very nice.

We got to their house and I pulled the weeds in their back yard. Then I went to do the ones in the front yard and realized that actually, that lady from this morning... her tow hitch had gone through my passenger-side headlamp. 

Sigh.

I ordered another one, and that's $60 I hadn't planned to spend. Fingers crossed that I can change it out myself. AND then whatever it's going to take to get Aish checked up, blood tested, and medicated (probably antibiotics). 

Hopefully all of the excitement for the week is over now.

I'm too tired for any more!

Favorite --------> Most Hated!

D was a hard kid to buy clothes for. Mal is a hard kid to buy clothes for.

They both have sensory issues -- no bands, tags, or anything very fitted -- and have had STRONG opinions about what they want to wear from a very young age. 

I was so sad three summers ago when Mal said he wasn't going to wear tank tops anymore. I tried calling them "muscle shirts," but he wasn't buying it. He also swore off of v-neck Ts about the same time.  He will not wear denim of any shape, form, or fashion. And anything shorter than basketball shorts is "too small" for him, regardless of fit.

D was also a fan of the "long short." It was hard find them shorts that fit well, were the right length, and were comfortable enough to pass muster.

In mid-2011, I found what I thought was the answer to everything for D! At a Goodwill in Sherman, TX, they had a pair of corduroy shorts in both blue and green! D tried one of them on, they fit, and it was a go! I looked back on the rack and -- gasp! -- they also had orange, brown, and pink! We bought FIVE pair of identical shorts that I knew D would wear! YAY!

It was so easy; D wore a different pair of those shorts every day. 

Every. Day.

Every day until they started wearing out.. TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER. 

I had loved them and been so happy to have found them, but by the end of those two years, I hated them with a passion.

 

Now, I did learn something from that ordeal, though, and I typically order Mal the same pair of shorts or "fancy" joggers (that hopefully don't look like sweatpants) every season. He can usually wear them for two seasons before he outgrows them, but he's getting to be the age D was when their growth took a break for a couple of years.

But it's okay, because I already have an article of clothing that I bought Mal last year and ADORED that I literally never want to see again because it's almost all he wears.

 

This is a sentimental one for me, because it's the only wearable souvenir we got on our trip to California: a T-shirt from the awesome Museum of Making Music in Carlsbad. Maybe I just notice it because it's such a bright color. But he LOVES it and puts it on the minute it's gone through the washing machine.

Objectively, all of these articles of clothing are fine, cute even! 

I wonder what I wear over and over again that ticks off the people around me. I think I'll ask... I'll report back later!

When I tell you what I was doing as I received this message...

 ... you might not believe it.

There are so many options.

Was I watching my favorite television program?

Was I playing a video game? 

Was I lying in the hammock eating bon-bons?

Was I taking an overly-long break in the restroom and needed to be shaken out of my quiet reverie?

 

It might look like I'd been drinking, honestly.

But, no. 

I WAS PUTTING EVERYTHING AWAY FROM HAVING JUST MOWED THE LAWN.

This is why moms go crazy, you guys. 

This. Is. Why.

PS. My kid knows punctuation and usually uses it in texts, but in Among Us, you can't use apostrophes, so "he's" defaults to "hes" and that's what his iPad does now.