Fat and Valuable

Today, I was reading an article about Melissa McCarthy's new clothing line for Home Shopping Network. Well, first of all, the pieces are way too expensive. I was pretty excited about the whole thing until I saw that a t-shirt is $60 and a kimono is $160. I'm sorry, to whom is she selling?!

Anyhoo, there was this whole thing about how she hates that the clothes, which are made in sizes 4-24 are advertised as including "plus size." She thinks it's an insulting term, and you can agree with that or disagree, whatever.

What got me, though, were some of the comments on the stories.

Usually, I don't read comments because they make me sad about us as a humanity. For some reason, though, I scrolled down a bit. Maybe it was because I wanted to leave a comment about the stinking unaffordability of the outfits?

Regardless, there were comment after comment that can basically be summed up by one person's question:

"Why don't fat people realize they're fat and get to a gym?"

Oh, I'm so glad you asked, internet person. I've heard variations of this a lot over time, and I, a fat person who realizes she is fat, would love to answer your question.

I don't get to a gym because there are so many other things in life that are a bigger priority to me than spending a good 1/24th of my God-given hours inside a building with work-out equipment.

I did do Zumba when Daphne was in gymnastics, and I love dancing. But I'll tell you what; I did it because I thought it was fun and it was a way to relieve stress. I did not do it because I felt I owed the world a more trim version of myself. I'm not a self-conscious teenager. I don't buy into that whole thing anymore.

Here's what people who ask craptastic questions like those above don't seem to understand: Fat or skinny are labels that do not have values assigned to them. Fat is not bad. Skinny is not bad. Fat is not good. Skinny is not good. They are labels, and they might be true, and they might be used as insults or compliments.

People who are fat do not need to be fixed. People who are fat are not automatically unhealthy. Most of us don't sit around feeling ugly and wishing things could be "better." Most of us have romantic partners and vibrant, full lives, and we're not cowering in a dark shadow being jealous of how awesome other, smaller people look.

I would never suggest to a skinny person that he or she needed to eat a sandwich. I don't believe any of us has the right to voice an opinion about someone else's body (unless that person is a dear friend of yours, and you know something is wrong, and you're always going to be friends with them whether they listen to you or not) at all.

The other day, a friend had mentioned that someone had referred to her (tall, lithe) as a "beanpole" and that she didn't like it any more as an adult as she did as a kid. Well, one of HER friends mentioned that someone called her daughter "skinny" and when her daughter asked what "skinny" meant, she said, "It's what some people call trim and healthy people when they're not." Then other people tried to ease the sting by saying this was "better than (being called) Fat Ass." UGH, folks, NO! First, you don't try to teach your daughter about healthy body image (hashtag "no eating disorder," she'd written) by insulting someone's body type when they've just made an unsolicited and rude comment about body type. Second, FAT ASS and BEANPOLE aren't value-specific and neither is "better" or "worse" than the other!

Anyway, when people who tend to be thinner say that they eat whatever they want, and they just tend to be thinner, no one questions that or calls them "gross" or suggests things they might try in order to be "better."

So why, when people say that they're prone to carrying more weight, is that met with skepticism and derision and they're then treated like disgusting slobs who can't control themselves and just need to put down the mayo and get onto the treadmill?

Why do people even care about it?

But back to the original question: Why don't fat people just realize that they're fat and get to the gym?

1) The gym is not the only place (or even the ideal place) to get exercise. I ride my bike. I carry my kid. I walk and hike with friends.

2) Most fat people know they're fat. Some care, some don't. Some are motivated to change; some don't feel any need to change; some want to change and don't know how and are already miserable, so don't be a jerk and make it worse; some are on a road to dropping weight, and good for them. None is more virtuous than the other. They're just different.

3) My body does what I want it to do. There is nothing that doesn't work. I don't have to take breaks walking up the stairs, and my knees don't bother me, and my blood pressure and cholesterol are both great, thanks for your concern. I don't need to go to the gym.

4) I have a daughter, and a son, and a husband, and an extended family, and books to read, and meals to cook, and, yes, dang it, desserts to bake... and I can't imagine why I'd want to try to squeeze in time at a depressing (to me) gym into my day, taking time away from things I actually love.

5) Why should any of us fat people feel like we need to alter our body type for anyone else?

I'm on a great website called Fit Fatties where you can discuss fitness separate from dieting, weight loss, etc. It's super incredible to have that freedom. Also, on the site, you can meet, for instance, women who are 5'5", weigh 250 pounds, and who run marathons. So don't make assumptions and don't try to fix something that might not be broken. In short, mind your own business. Don't worry your pretty little head. Go do something productive. Heck, go to the gym if you think that's the answer. But don't assume I need or want to. I don't owe you anything.