The Randomest Set of Randoms Ever

I've had a lot of thoughts lately. I was going to start taking notes so I wouldn't miss anything, but I have this whole kid thing going on, so that never happened. Plus he could wake up from his nap any time, so even if I remember everything, I might not get to it. Let's just start and see what we can accomplish, okay?

First:

That cat is straight-up balling.

Okay, NOW without further ado...

ITEM 1:

Lyrics on the radio: Is it too late now to say sorry?
Me: Aww, no. That's swee--
Lyrics on the radio: 'Cause I'm missing more than just your body.
Me: Oh, yeah. Too late. Stop talking. Walk away.

Lyrics on the radio: Bandaids (TM) don't fix bullet holes.
Me: But tampons do.

ITEM 2:

We have all of our tax forms and "owe" the government about three hundred bucks. If we all had health insurance, they'd owe us over a grand of our own money back. If we weren't planning to try to buy a house about this time next year, I'd let them urinate up the proverbial rope about the whole thing, as they have no way to collect the money we "owe" them for the penalty. However, we have to keep our stupid credit (as it were, we really have none) squeaky clean, and even though the IRS can't put liens on anything for the ACA penalty, they can report it. Blehh.

But something struck me that I'd like to share with you. This is part of James' W2 from his current job. He's been there since May 2015. This DD is not a bra size, no. It's a code that represents what was paid for his health insurance. James pays a small amount from each check, but it's really negligible; something like $50 a month. The vast amount is paid on his behalf by his job.

So, for eight months, the cost of James' insurance was $5300. Do you know how often he used it? Not at all. Not once. So that five-thousand bucks is gone. We don't have the option to have that paid to us and for us to save it, so it's a no-brainer that he has insurance. But for the rest of us... Zero out of four of us went to any kind of doctor in 2015. I understand the "it's for catastrophes" reasoning. If any of us has a big thing, we'll have to work out payment plans. But if we could just save our nearly ten grand a year, we'd have a leg up on those emergencies. Which is what we do with the rest of us. And the $1600 penalty? I'd rather pay $1600 for nothing than $6000+ (what it'd cost to cover the three unemployed people in our household) for nothing. Although I'd REALLY rather pay $0 for nothing.

/endrant

/except

James' insurance isn't even good. High deductible, then something like 80%/20%. We could easily still be "ruined" by something serious or chronic, even with insurance, so I don't see the point.

ITEM 3:

Mal has been climbing a lot lately. I'm tired. He was particularly upsetable (yes, spell check; it's a word... it's appropriate, anyway) yesterday and then had a miserable night. Probably not miserable for him because I don't think he remembers it. But he basically nursed all night, except when he woke up and cried to nurse... even though he was already nursing as he woke up and so I'm not sure if he wanted both at once or what he was expecting, since I was already giving it as much as I could.

Anyhoo,we'd planned to go to Chick-fil-A this morning, but basically I ran out of here with him this morning like our booties were on fire, because I didn't want to hang around the house and start the "get down get down get down" party again first thing.

After free chicken biscuits (different entree gratis each Wednesday in February!), we walked over to Walmart for trash bags. If you've been following, you'll know that I used Instacart almost exclusively for the first year of Mal's life. Now that he doesn't mind too much strapping into his car seat, it's getting fun to go to the store again. Today, Mal had enough of the cart after about three minutes, so I put him down. He immediately ran into the clothes, where I couldn't see him, so I called him... and he came right back. Wow. That was new. Also, used to, whenever I let him run around, he'd just take things off of shelves. This time, he was just looking, so I consider that progress.

There was a bin of clearance items, and I was looking through that stuff. Mal made his way to my other side and was walking toward the produce department. I couldn't see him, but I could hear him. Then I couldn't.

I walked around to the side of the bin and saw a bakery employee carrying him toward the bakery, away from me. He was looking at me, very confused but not upset (yet). I said, "I'm right here." Then I noticed two other ladies standing there with their carts, looking very concerned. One grabbed her heart and did a "that gave me the vapors" thing. What? One lady said, "Oh, thank goodness." The bakery employee handed Mal to me and asked, "Would she like a cookie?" Heck, yes, she would love a cookie. We were following the magic cookie lady when the third woman said to me, as though this would give me pause, "He was just about to toddle out the door." What I said was, "That wouldn't surprise me at all!" But what I thought was, "Bull crap. We're 250 feet from the door. He might have been heading that way, but he wasn't 'just about to toddle out the door'."

They were all nice. Their concern, though unwarranted, was kind. The judgy thing I could have done without. I knew where my son was the whole time. I let him wander a bit on purpose. He NEEDS to build confidence without being glued to my leg all of the time. That's one of the best things about going out: whereas at home, he's super clingy, out and about, he's Mr. Social. What about child abductions? I'm zero worried about that. Here's why. I'm totally concerned about his getting hit by a car, but that's even when I'm standing with him. Daphne and I used to have very heated discussions (my heat) about things when she'd see something neat on the pavement and squat down in a parking lot. Scared me to death. But his wandering and some child predator randomly being in the same area at the same time? Unlikely. Ridiculously unlikely. It is more than twice as probable that my children will die in a plane crash than be abducted by a stranger. Whoops. Guess we got out of our Christmas trip lucky, didn't we? Also, struck by lightning. But Daphne already tested that one in Dallas when she was younger. We literally dodged that proverbial bullet.

Anyhoo... I think people are just taken aback by a kid walking around. I mean, I get it. He's 16 months old. When Daphne was 5ish, I started letting her sit in the book aisle at the grocery store while I shopped. We started it with letting her grab a couple of books and read them in the cart. However, she would consume those in an aisle or two and I got tired of going back to put the books away and get more books, so this was more expedient. She knew to stay there until I came back or to come find me if she needed something. More than once, a well-meaning stranger (always female) would walk her to me. I'd thank the lady, then walk with Daphne back to the book aisle. And leave her. She was fine. And she learned to smile instead of rolling her eyes. She did get to answer questions, too. "Where's your mom?" "Shopping." Duh. 

ITEM 4:

I was thinking the other day about why it might be difficult for me to find a niche in which to fit, socially. I'm a paradox, I think. I mean, most of us are. None of us is a caricature. But the things that might help me fit in one place make me a bad match elsewhere, and that first place... well, I have really divergent other things that make me a poor fit there, too. Off of the top of my head...

I'm a homeschooler, but I don't think everyone needs to homeschool. And I'm not conservative. But I am a Christian. And I believe strongly in equal marriage rights. But I have no problem eating at Chick-fil-A. I'm not a complementarian; I'm an egalitarian. But my husband and I both have very "traditional" domestic roles. Except that I handle the money! Woo hoo! (Mostly because he can't be bothered.) I hate the terms "child-centered" and "parent-centered" when describing a family because there are so many nuances to be considered. I prefer "family-centered." I have a toddler, but I'm almost in my mid-40s. I was listening to some young mothers talk at a fast food restaurant one day, and they sounded like high school kids to me. I couldn't. I'm not cool enough to say "I can't" without an object, but I do it, anyway. I want to have close friends. I get a little tinge of jealousy when I see that others have been on "girls' weekends" and the like. But that kind of friend-making and keeping is exhausting to me, and if I'm going to go somewhere awesome, I really want it to be with my family. I believe in gun ownership rights for the non-criminal; and I'm not worried about immigrants one little bit, legal or illegal, refugees, opportunists, etc. Bring 'em. Also, going back to the Christian thing... I'm a gentle parent (Ha ha haa! I mean, that's the goal. I'm trying, you guys.) AKA radical unschooler, which means partnering with my kids, mentoring them, discipling them, in all aspects of their lives, not just educationally. There aren't a lot of us, from what I can tell. For some reason, people who love Jesus also tend to be more authoritarian than authoritative, parenting-style-wise. And I can say that I don't care how other people parent, and they don't care about how I parent, but the truth is that I hear a lot of stories that hurt my heart. From people I know and love. So it's difficult to be really close to those people, on a day-to-day "life together" basis. I'm a girl, but I hate shopping. For clothes. I love shopping for food. I live in Austin and I had a midwife and natural birth but I don't have any special diet I follow (Paleo, gluten-free, etc.), nor do I run or go to the gym or work out at all, AND I don't feel guilty about it in the least. 

So. That was incredibly self-indulgent. Thanks for hanging around to read it. Self-indulgence might be another reason I don't have many friends. It might be the biggest reason. 

ITEM LAST: 

Baby wakey.