The Feed

Even among those of us who consider ourselves "whole life unschoolers," there are authoritarian hold-outs, typically in those areas parents consider "health and safety" issues. These most often present themselves in the form of: use of technology, food choices, seasonally-appropriate clothing, and hygiene. There might be valid reasons for a parent not to partner with their child in these areas, but to dictate what must or must not be done, but it never hurts to take a look at these and question why we are holding them so tightly and whether or not it's working for our families.

I want specifically to address the food choice topic, as it's come up frequently with Christmas, Valentine's, and Easter tumbling on top of each other.

First, there's this: There's no such thing as "healthy" or "unhealthy" food. Food can't be healthy. It can be nutritious, more or less or not at all nutritious. But not healthy. WE can be healthy or unhealthy, and "healthy" is about more than what food you consume. It's about activity and environment and attitude and so many other things. Some people genuinely take joy from making brownies that contain only dates, cocoa, spinach, and black beans (and insist, "You can't tell the difference as long as they're cold!). That's great for them! For me, I'd rather make fudgy brownies all the way, with a chocolate chip cookie dough crust and homemade marshmallows on top. That is a lifestyle choice that brings me great joy and contributes to my health, even though the food itself might not be incredibly nutritious.

Because of my outrageous sweet tooth, we often have desserts in the house. My kids know about them. I don't restrict what my kids eat. At all. Well, I have a fourteen-year-old and an eighteen-month-old, so the younger one is automatically restricted by his height, his inability to open some (but not all) doors, and other procedural things like that.

But I decided when I knew I was expecting my first that I was not going to hand down the food issues with which I'd struggled most of my life. Nothing was going to be off limits. All food had a noble purpose, even if it was just to look nice in a bakery case.

This bothered my firstborn's dad a bit. He insisted that we shouldn't have tempting items around on a regular basis. He cited some relatives who were nutritionists both by vocation and avocation. Once, when we were with their family, he asked their two older teenaged daughters if they felt that being raised as they were, with access only to nutritious, meticulously-planned food had kept them from falling prey to tempting junk.

They both laughed and looked a little guiltily at each other before explaining in very good humor: "On the one hand, when we'd come back from summer camp and all of the other kids would be begging their parents to take them to McDonald's, we knew better than to try pulling that! But on the other hand, we'd hide candy bars in our bedroom and eat them when our mom was outside mowing the lawn or something. We'd listen in fear that she'd come in and catch us."

Those girls are both adults now, and are extremely healthy, like a wide variety of foods, and take care of themselves. So their parents totally did right by them by introducing them to all of the flavors and options that they did. That's one way to do it. But it's not the only way to ensure that your kids will make wise food choices on their own.

For Easter, my older got a *lot* of candy. I guess because sweets are my love language. At the end of the day, I suggested that she take it to her room to keep the toddler out of it. The following day, she brought it into the kitchen and found a safe place to stow it up and toward the back of the pantry. She said, "I knew that wouldn't work when I put it in my room. I don't know why I did it. I don't want to think about it all of the time."

Is that interesting to anyone else besides me? My daughter knows herself and what she needs. She has listened to her body, and knows enough not to totally trust her own willpower, so put her candy in a common area. Now, we don't care if she goes in there fifteen times a day to get a bite, but apparently just having to parade up to the kitchen in front of us is an external accountability... that she put in place by her own choice.

Like her cousins, my daughter has been exposed to a wide variety of foods and cuisines. Not on the same level as her cousins, of course, especially not when we're talking homemade. But I love that she will frequently ask me, "Do we have anything even vaguely nutritious?" when she's snacky (even as I roll my eyes, because a) of course we do and b) you could totally look yourself), and that she is in tune enough with her body to know when she needs some veggies.

And I love that, rather than hiding "comfort" food from me, my daughter's biggest concern might be that I'd want her to share.

Incidentally, more than one pediatrician has told me that a balanced diet for a child isn't what they eat every 24 hours, but over a two-week period. That gives you some breathing room, doesn't it? Some days, my little boys eats only fruit, and other days, he only manages crackers. But over a two-week period? Yeah, he's getting a bit of everything. He's a little light on protein, so I keep trying new things with that until we hit on something he likes, but I plan to do with him what I did with his sister: Let him eat what (and when) he wants.

It's what works for us.