My Apologies to the Parents I Judged

Oh, you sweet mamma and dah-dah. I was wrong about you. I was so wrong. I might not have said anything to you, but I totally judged you in my heart, and that was a huge mistake. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.

When your toddler was running around the restaurant and I assumed that he behaved that way because you let him, that was some now-laughable hubris. I hope you'll forgive me, understanding that at the time, I had a kid who just naturally sat in a high chair for upwards of an hour with no problem. I didn't understand that some kids just don't. sit. still. Or that no amount of training can "fix" them, that it just takes time and maturity. If I rolled my eyes, I hope you didn't notice or that you just didn't care.

When you mentioned that your child slept with you, and I genuinely thought you were "creating a monster," oh my goodness... I did not get it. The study about genes playing a role in how babies sleep hadn't been conducted yet. My own anecdotal experience was that, sure, babies might not love sleeping on their own in a crib, but after a while, if you just insist, they'll get used to it and be just fine. For this one, I am so humbly sorry and hope you will accept this apology, knowing that I get it now.

When I saw this cover, I was certainly opinionated enough about it. I'm very sorry. I wasn't able to breastfeed my first, so I never thought about nursing for a year, or past a year, or all the way to the age of three or four, and this picture was way too evocative for where I was at the time. I am also sorry that the magazine didn't portray you and your cohorts the way that you thought they would; you seem like very thoughtful women, wanting to normalize breastfeeding. I get it now. I'm there now. And I would resent being judged the way that you were, the way that I judged you.

When your kid was running away from you, throwing a fit, doing that thing you'd asked them not to do six times already, you pleasantly picked them up, you were smiling even, and I thought you were obviously not taking this parenting thing seriously enough. I repent in sackcloth and ashes for this biggie. I had no idea how much determination it took to keep a pleasant demeanor when your kid isn't listening and won't do the safe thing. I didn't realize how much easier it would have been for you to show your frustration, make sure your kid knew, and use that anger to bully your kid into "minding." I never thought that you might have made a deliberate choice at some time in the past to treat your child the way you were treating him, and that it might take huge sacrifices and self-discipline to do that.

If it makes any of you feel any better, I am experiencing all of everything now. So much of what I thought was just good parenting was actually having an easy kid. I realize that now. I guess I'm glad that I realize it? No, I am. Glad. It's humbling, and I needed it. It is making me a better person. It is making me a more sympathetic person. It's making me less judgey. Sorry I ran into you before the change.