When Your Kid Makes You Grow Up

Friday, I was in the car on the way home from a movie with both kids. A song came on the radio to which Mal reacted positively.

D asked, "Can I change this?"

I said, "No, Mal and I like it."

D waited a moment, and said, "The reason I want to is that they use a slur at the beginning of the song."

"What did they say?"

"'Gypsies.'"

I thought about it for a moment, about how "gypped" is definitely a racially-insensitive word, but, in this case, "She says 'travel like gypsies.' I think that nomadic aspect is literally the definition of a gypsy."

D visibly hardened and requested, "Can you not argue with me about slurs? Neither of us gets the last word about that, anyway."

It stuck with me, so later in the day, I asked James about it as I hadn't had the chance to research yet. And then I had time to I look it up. We both found article after story after encyclopedia entry that confirm D's assertion. The first one James found is here.

Well, dang.

The next time I saw D (who's nocturnal, so it's not always a given), I apologized. I said, "You were right and I was wrong. You were being thoughtful, and I'm sorry I shut you down instead of listening."

I could see a loosening this time. "I understand; it's easy to get defensive about that kind of thing. Thank you."

This kid. There are so many things I might never think about if not called out by my older child. It's often uncomfortable, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to examine what I think and why, and how frequently this results in a change.

I hope, and am pretty confident, that D will carry into the world this obstinate refusal to quarter nonsense or to allow people to speak in a way that hurts others. Pretty proud.