Just a Little Detail

Today, we went to get Mal's hair trimmed for the second time in his life. I'm not going to tell you where, because I have a gripe and we LOVE this place. But here's what happened:

When we walked in, Mal looked past the toys at the front of the salon to the seats, realized what was going on, and ran out of the store. I tried to grab him, and he just dropped onto the sidewalk, yelling, "I don't want to get my hair cut! I'm scared!"

I picked him up and told him we'd just browse at the toys, to start. He went back in and eventually found three toys he wanted. I said I wasn't buying anything until I paid for the hair cut, which he still said he did not want. So I invited him back to the back of the salon to play with the train set.

He was happy to do that, and while he played, "Moana" was on the televisions in the store. He was chill and having a great time. I was so glad we'd arrived a good 10-12 minutes early. When his stylist was done with the previous child, she invited Mal to come over. Once again, he flopped down on the floor.

I said, "It's fine; you can stand up. Listen, she has a soft brush like you have at home." And she, who had cut his hair the first/last time, said, "Do you want a sucker when we're done?" That got Mal, and he hopped up and started toward the chair. Another stylist said, "She's just going to brush your hair."

In my head, I thought she meant, "We'll start with just that." I'd told Mal already he wouldn't be subjected to the razor or blow-dryer.

He sat in the fire truck chair and had a super hero cape put on. The stylist got detangler and a brush. She was very gentle, moreso than I am. Mal's hair was really long. At this point, she asked him to look down and said, "You have a pretty big tangle I need to work on." I believed her. But in a minute, I realized what she was doing.

After a few moments, when Mal could look up again, I said, "It's going to be so great; she's cutting off the thin bits at the end that get so tangled." The stylist said, "I'm not cutting it; I'm just brushing it!" That's when I finally clued in that they tell nervous kids they're not getting their hair cut; it's just getting brushed. I assured her that the brushing is what worries him, and he was fine getting his hair cut. He was actually not at all concerned the rest of the time.

So... lying to kids. I get why they do it here. Kids are scared. There's no reason to be scared. But instead of being empathetic and talking them through the process, they lie to them.

I guess whatever, but I don't want my kids being lied to. And I think another adult should take the parents' lead, testing the water if they want, but then when the parent tells the kid the truth, go with that. Don't "correct" the parent's truth-telling to make it jibe with your lie.

Last time we were there, Mal had me hold his hand the whole hair cut. This time, he was scared at first, but by the time he was in the seat, he was great. Next time, he might only be mildly nervous, then remember it's fine. That's how I choose to address fears. Not by avoiding them with untruths.