Control Freaks and Passive-Aggression

Today is Palm Sunday, and some churches have a procession into the building with people waving "palm" branches (ours were not, but were some lighter frond-type plant) which are placed around the "altar' (table).

This morning, we went back to our church after having visited a new church last week (it was fine, but not many kids; Mal wanted to go back today, so we might try to go again sometime soon, but... I really want him to go to church where there are kids his age), and here were more kids there than usual, I'm guessing it's because we're leading up to Easter.

There was one older boy, with whom Mal enjoys playing. Then there were two little girls (and their very small sister) who come occasionally, and another little girl who might be related to those girls but whom I don't remember having seen before. She was probably 5 and was there with her grandmother.

So... we were inside the sanctuary when a lady requested we head outside for the palm event. Mal and I were among the first outside. He got a palm branch and asked for mine so he could "fly." He ran around the giant front lawn of the church, and when the other kids came out, this girl ran out to follow him. Her grandmother asked her to come back, but she didn't. The other two little girls stood with their grandparents.

Mal and this girl continued to run around, while the grandmother asked her child to come back and stand with her. I didn't intervene, because we weren't actually doing anything, and people were still coming outside, and the accompanist had not arrived yet, and we all know church doesn't start until she gets there.

One of the two little girls who wasn't running around started yelling at the other girl to come stand still, and her grandparents instructed her not to boss the other kid around.

Eventually, the grandmother said something to the extent of "resist peer pressure!" in order to get her child to come back. And a moment later, "Be a good example!"

Finally, the older boy Mal likes to play with came out and they tore around like crazy people until the service started. At that point, I called Mal over and he stood with me. The end.

I'm sure that lady (who doesn't normally go to our church, and might not understand how people welcome kids as kids instead of as miniature adults) saw Mal and this other kid running around and thought something about wild and crazy boys, but I'd have let Mal enjoy the outdoors and the space up until we were organized even if he'd been a girl.

In hindsight, I wish I'd spoken to this lady. Maybe. I can't decide whether it would have mattered.

First of all, "peer pressure" was an inappropriate label. No one was pressuring this girl to run around. Her sense of fun was stimulated by watching a free child enjoy himself. Mal didn't invite her to play with him. He didn't notice her at all. I should add that he was doing absolutely nothing wrong or inappropriate. And neither was she. I mean, I guess eventually she wasn't "minding" her grandma, but it was a pointless request, all for the sake of needlessly controlling a child's behavior. There was no good reason to stand quietly in a line seven full minutes in advance of the actual event.

Secondly, "be a good example" to whom? The other two children out at the time were standing quietly. "Obediently." So the only one who she might have felt needed a "good example" was my son. WHO WAS NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG OR IN NEED OF CHANGE. Again, the moment it was time to stop being distracting, I called him over, and he was fine. This was extremely passive aggressive, and it's the thing I kind of regret not asking her about.

I wish I could say that I was a grown-up and blew it off, but I was frustrated. So when Mal asked to leave after the passing of the peace, I took him. I was in a bad mood. My pastor wasn't there today, as she was injured in a car accident on the way to a debate on Thursday. She's recovering, but it felt "off" with someone else leading, and so many different faces there, and someone treating my happy kid like a menace, that I was ready to get out, as well.

Rest assured that if you're judging me for my letting my kid harmlessly enjoy himself, I care not one little bit. In fact, I'm judging YOU for needlessly reigning in a child. Loosen up, be happy, and let your kids be happy, for the love of all that is good and holy.

This wild child has my heart.