"The Talk" (But Not That One)

MAL: When I'm a grown-up, I'm still going to go to Urban Air.

ME: Cool! Grown-ups like to jump on trampolines, too. You always see them at Altitude and Jump Street.

MAL: When I'm a grown-up and I go to Jump Street, I'm still going to use Earthquake only.

ME: Well, you can do the bounce houses, but you can't do the trampolines once you're taller than 48 inches.

MAL: (bursts into tears) I don't want to get taller! I hate changes! Changes are terrible!

ME: Changes can be difficult, but change can be really good.

MAL: No! If you love me, you'll say that change is bad.

ME: I can't say that all change is just bad.

MAL: Then you don't love me!

ME: I love you a whole lot, but I also appreciate change. For instance, if it weren't for changes, I'd still be married to D's dad, and your dad and I wouldn't have gotten married, and we wouldn't have you!

MAL: (hollering in grief) I wish dads didn't even exist!!!

ME: What? Why?!

MAL: So I could marry you!

ME: I love you, but you couldn't marry me, anyway. It's against the law for parents and their children to marry. Do you know what getting married means?

MAL: *noncommittal mumbling*

ME: It means that you find someone who's not already part of your family, and you say, "We're going to be together forever and be a family." And you got born into our family, so we'll be together forever, anyway!

I have no idea how these conversations get from Point A to where they end up. The night before, I was cleaning up the kitchen while Mal stood beside me with his computer, wailing about something hypothetical that had saddened him. I literally said, "What is happening? I don't understand what is going on here" about six times, but I think it probably fifteen times a day.