Happy Very Special Day to Me (and James, maybe?)

 

When you have been married three times, it seems like a lot of people think you don't take marriage seriously.

I do, and what I've learned over the last decade and a half is that being a partner who's trying to make a relationship works doesn't go far enough if the other person in the equation is checked out.

That's why I'm so grateful to have James to spend the rest of my life with, because for all of our faults and foibles and mistakes and difficulties, we're both equally committed to each other. 

The past 13 years and some change have been challenging at times. We've had issues with one or both kids at different times (and the same time). We've had pet stuff that has been maddening and devastating. We've hurt each other, and we've been too tired to put much of an effort in at varying moments.

But ultimately, we care about each other and respect each other. We love each other, and we even like each other. 

A lot of people encouraged me as I was proceeding with my divorce 15 years ago not to give up, and to keep trying to hold it together. But I was experienced enough to know that this was fighting a losing battle. I've never had that weight of hopelessness last more than a couple of minutes since I've been married to James.

We have both cared deeply for each other, and we've also hurt each other maybe even deeper, on accident. We've had misunderstandings and times that different people at different times might have considered deal-breakers. But we've also supported each other and lifted each other up and overlooked so much because ultimately, we know what we want out of our lives and we want them intertwined.

As of August 1, 2026, I've been married to James longer than I have been married to anyone else. It turns out that it's not that difficult; but I'm still really proud of both of us.