An Open Letter to My Mom Friends with LGBTQ+ Kids

(Seriously, if you're not a mom with a kid who is LGBTQ+, this post isn't for you, so you can go read what a baby I was on vacation, or you can check out my hair dye reviews or return to whatever else you were doing before you got here. I love all of my friends, but this post is special and it has a very specific audience. If you want to read, then by all means... but  please try to respect what this is. If you disagree, that's fine, but I don't need to hear from you; I want to hear solely from the ladies I'm addressing this time. Thanks!)

Dear Friend,

Happy New Year! Hope this entry finds you and your family well. I don't see you a lot these days, but we've been friends for a long time and, thanks to social media, we're able to keep up with each other.

You don't go into too much detail about your kid's path (and why would you; it's private... except not too much these days is truly private), but I know. I might know because I follow you on Snapchat, where you feel a little freer to post things that disappear in 24 hours. I might know because I follow your other kids on Instagram. I might know because my own experiences have given me a highly sensitive gaydar. Regardless, I know, and I've been thinking about you so much over the past few months.

I've considered contacting you privately, but don't know where you are on your journey, of if you're ready to hear from anyone. So I'm posting this here in hopes that you'll read it and know what I want you to understand: You have a friend in me.

I have no idea what kind of support system you have, or if it's actually supportive at all. I hope it is. I don't know what your church teaches or how your day-to-day mom friends feel or what input you're getting from extended family members. I can't imagine. But whatever else, please know that you have at least one person who's on your side and who supports you and who prays for you and your family.

There are a couple of things I want to make clear up front:

1) I do not pity you. I don't feel sorry for you, nor would I speak in hushed tones about your precious child. I do not think you are living "every parent's nightmare." I'm certain every parent's nightmare is to lose their child, either physically or relationally. I see that you and your kid love each other and are involved in each other's life. That means you're winning at the parenting thing, friend. I'm proud of you! Way to go, sweet momma. I hope I will see the same kind of relationships with my kids when they're grown.

2) I won't nature/nurture you to death. Some people indulge in conjecture about "If only x hadn't happened" or "You have that one weird aunt" or "His friend probably influenced him" or "If you'd taken her to this church..." and try to reason "why." That kind of armchair psychoanalysis does nothing to honor where you are now. I'm here for you in the today (and the future). God help us all if we think it's our job to try to explain how most of our kids ended up the way that they did. Your child is the person they are. That's enough. That's good. That's great. It's not a blemish to cover up or explain away. Don't let people make you feel that way. Remember the relationship part? I admire you! You did great! Your kid's doing great.

3) I want to celebrate with you! Social media is full of pictures of kids' weddings and of grandbabies and the happier moments of life. Maybe you don't feel like you can post celebrations like "everyone else" does. Well, please, by all means, give me the chance! Your son and his husband about to have a baby? Send pictures! Your transgender daughter going out on her first date? I wanna see!

Maybe you're not "there," celebration-wise... That's okay. I am always available as an ear, or a shoulder, if you need one.

When you read this, I really really hope you think, "Whatever. That's nice but I have plenty of people on my side!" That would be amazing and awesome. I genuinely hope that's the case. But if it's not? Feel free to message me on Facebook, or email me at laura dot gatannah at hotmail dot com. I'll stand with you. I'm for you, and for your beautiful kid.

Much love,

Laura